Jump to content

ups and downs!


nursesam

Recommended Posts

So having a few ups and downs...

 

We decided to move to Oz last April. At the time everyone was well, not a lot was happening really and my husband and I have no kids yet and are only renting so thought let's do this while we can...

 

So got started on the applications and submitted our EOI end of November and application at the beginning of December. Got a bit excited about it all and we've booked flights to go in August.

 

After, we found out...

 

My dad has skin cancer (should be nothing to worry about and moles will just be removed but still quite scary)

 

My best friend (since I was 5!) is getting married in March 2015 - we will only have been in Australia for 7 months and she wants us to come back for it and she wants me to be a bridesmaid. We really want to as well but realistically I don't think we can afford to so soon and I can't guarantee we'll get the time off work - we haven't even got jobs yet it's stupid to think we'll get over two weeks off! It probably would have been different if we'd been there over a year.

Out of all my friends and family she has taken the news of us leaving the worst and this was before she got engaged! So far I've told her we'll try to come back but do I tell her that we probably can't or just keep giving her false hope?!

 

On top of that, there is a possibility my 87 year old grandad had prostate cancer... he's waiting more tests to confirm it but I know he'll give up if it is that. He's getting more and more frail and although we have a big family who will support my granny I'd feel awful leaving my mum, she'll be devastated.

 

And more recently my dad, as well as his skin problems, now had been getting the feeling of a lump in his throat/oesophagus so he's been to the doctors and had blood tests and is waiting for a camera test to have a look. Cant help but think the worst...

 

We should have our visas granted in the next few weeks everything is nearly done - we've done medicals got a case officer so not long to wait. And up until we actually submitted our application everyone was well and no one was getting married. Now suddenly when we've nearly reached our dream it all goes wrong.

We still want to go so badly but I don't know what to do. I guess we have to wait for everyone's test results but it's horrible feeling so excited one minute then devasted the next!

 

Hmmm!

Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated :-) and if none can be offered, thank you for reading.

 

Sam xx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, you have a year to enter once visa is granted, assuming it's not granted till March this year, you could always change your flights to after the wedding next year? That'll solve one problem, and give you a few more months with your family. Is there any real reason to go in August other than on a whim?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with Londongal76!Ok so your bestie is getting married 2015,and you are worried about some of your family members which is understandable.When you emigrate,things like "life"will still be going on.Good and bad stuff ok?So your bestie gets married....maybe without you?Abit further down the line,she may announce she is having a baby,so you'll be missing that too!One day god forbid your Mum & Dad will pass away,and so life goes on.You cannot be in two places at the same time,and (1)You either cancel your own plans to fit in with everyone elses,or (2)you go ahead and emigrate and you will learn (not easy I admit)to miss certain things going on with your family and friends.Atm myself.......I am returning to Oz to live for a while because my 82yr Mum needs some help.Not thrilled about this mind you (Returning to Oz,not looking after my Mum lol)but I am lucky to be able to take unpaid leave to do this without burning all my bridges.When I first returned to the UK,I did'nt really worry too much about my folks in Oz tbh!But....as time went on,and Mum got older,neices and nephews got married ect,I have to admit sometimes I really have felt very sad.So whats more important to you?People or places?In time of course you will be able to take longer holidays back to the UK if thats what you want to do.I have found it hard myself going back to Oz for annual holidays because booking and getting there is no issue,but the hassle I get from family,always on my case about "When am I going to return home"I really feel its not a holiday.As nice as it is to see folks,I don't need the nagging!lol When you emigrate hon you have to come to some form of acceptance that there is not alot you can do when stuff happens back in the UK,otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy.

Edited by Jacaranda
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You will always be missing something whether it's sooner or later. I didn't meet my niece until she was about 6 months old, missed her christening etc and we only lived in Northern Ireland and them in England but we had a life over there and kids in school etc and just didn't get chance to get back.

 

I knew when I married someone in the Army there would be times we would miss things because we weren't living on the doorstep and it's the same when you emigrate you have to make some sacrifices and your friends and family need to understand you won't be able to just drop everything and come over xx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So having a few ups and downs...

 

We decided to move to Oz last April. At the time everyone was well, not a lot was happening really and my husband and I have no kids yet and are only renting so thought let's do this while we can...

 

So got started on the applications and submitted our EOI end of November and application at the beginning of December. Got a bit excited about it all and we've booked flights to go in August.

 

After, we found out...

 

My dad has skin cancer (should be nothing to worry about and moles will just be removed but still quite scary)

 

My best friend (since I was 5!) is getting married in March 2015 - we will only have been in Australia for 7 months and she wants us to come back for it and she wants me to be a bridesmaid. We really want to as well but realistically I don't think we can afford to so soon and I can't guarantee we'll get the time off work - we haven't even got jobs yet it's stupid to think we'll get over two weeks off! It probably would have been different if we'd been there over a year.

Out of all my friends and family she has taken the news of us leaving the worst and this was before she got engaged! So far I've told her we'll try to come back but do I tell her that we probably can't or just keep giving her false hope?!

 

On top of that, there is a possibility my 87 year old grandad had prostate cancer... he's waiting more tests to confirm it but I know he'll give up if it is that. He's getting more and more frail and although we have a big family who will support my granny I'd feel awful leaving my mum, she'll be devastated.

 

And more recently my dad, as well as his skin problems, now had been getting the feeling of a lump in his throat/oesophagus so he's been to the doctors and had blood tests and is waiting for a camera test to have a look. Cant help but think the worst...

 

We should have our visas granted in the next few weeks everything is nearly done - we've done medicals got a case officer so not long to wait. And up until we actually submitted our application everyone was well and no one was getting married. Now suddenly when we've nearly reached our dream it all goes wrong.

We still want to go so badly but I don't know what to do. I guess we have to wait for everyone's test results but it's horrible feeling so excited one minute then devasted the next!

 

Hmmm!

Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated :-) and if none can be offered, thank you for reading.

 

Sam xx

You obviously haven't thought through emigrating that well. I'd be having a serious think about the reality and whether or not you should continue...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with all of the above and also, now that you are nearly all organised and ready to go - perhaps this is last minute jitters - which is perfectly natural before any big life event! Go easy on yourself :-)

 

So having a few ups and downs...

 

We decided to move to Oz last April. At the time everyone was well, not a lot was happening really and my husband and I have no kids yet and are only renting so thought let's do this while we can...

 

So got started on the applications and submitted our EOI end of November and application at the beginning of December. Got a bit excited about it all and we've booked flights to go in August.

 

After, we found out...

 

My dad has skin cancer (should be nothing to worry about and moles will just be removed but still quite scary)

 

My best friend (since I was 5!) is getting married in March 2015 - we will only have been in Australia for 7 months and she wants us to come back for it and she wants me to be a bridesmaid. We really want to as well but realistically I don't think we can afford to so soon and I can't guarantee we'll get the time off work - we haven't even got jobs yet it's stupid to think we'll get over two weeks off! It probably would have been different if we'd been there over a year.

Out of all my friends and family she has taken the news of us leaving the worst and this was before she got engaged! So far I've told her we'll try to come back but do I tell her that we probably can't or just keep giving her false hope?!

 

On top of that, there is a possibility my 87 year old grandad had prostate cancer... he's waiting more tests to confirm it but I know he'll give up if it is that. He's getting more and more frail and although we have a big family who will support my granny I'd feel awful leaving my mum, she'll be devastated.

 

And more recently my dad, as well as his skin problems, now had been getting the feeling of a lump in his throat/oesophagus so he's been to the doctors and had blood tests and is waiting for a camera test to have a look. Cant help but think the worst...

 

We should have our visas granted in the next few weeks everything is nearly done - we've done medicals got a case officer so not long to wait. And up until we actually submitted our application everyone was well and no one was getting married. Now suddenly when we've nearly reached our dream it all goes wrong.

We still want to go so badly but I don't know what to do. I guess we have to wait for everyone's test results but it's horrible feeling so excited one minute then devasted the next!

 

Hmmm!

Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated :-) and if none can be offered, thank you for reading.

 

Sam xx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for your replies,

 

We chose August for various reasons.... money, cost of flights, time to organise etc. But not for anything specific so yeah I guess we can always rebook our flights if it comes to it.

 

Melza- thank you for your insight, I always knew that eventually things will happen in the UK while we're away, that's life after all, just wasn't quite expecting it just before we go. I agree that this worry probably is all last minute jitters especially as it's all so close now.

I know I have to find ways to deal with this, you're right that there will be a lot we'll miss. I'm going to have a long chat with my friend and hope she can be understanding that it might not be possible to go to her wedding but we'll do our best.

As for my family, hopefully they'll be fine or hopefully it's nothing too serious, time will tell.

 

Thank you all :-)

Feeling betting now... back up again on this rollercoaster ride!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi nursesam. I am one of the pro Oz camp on this forum. When we first moved 5 years ago I gave little thought to the people we left behind..lots of them...we have been lucky to have several lots of visitors...about 3 years in we went back for a visit. I think since then the reality of what we are missing out on...what our son is missing out on..in terms of family contact....gets more difficult to accept.

As we approach our citizenship snd 5 year anniversary tomorrow...my overriding emotion is....I kind of wish we hadn't done it. Just because now we are torn. Too much to lose to go back...seen and had too much of the life here. If we'd never had it we wouldn't have missed it.

I think sometimes....especially when you have many people in your life. Stay put. Then you'll never be torn.

Edited by HappyHeart
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi nursesam. I am one of the pro Oz camp on this forum. When we first moved 5 years ago I gave little thought to the people we left behind..lots of them...we have been lucky to have several lots ofopportunity! ...about 3 years in we went back for a visit. I think since then the reality of what we are missing out on...what our son is missing out on..in terms of family contact....gets more difficult to accept.

As we approach our citizenship snd 5 year anniversary tomorrow...my overriding emotion is....I kind of wish we hadn't done it. Just because now we are torn. Too much to lose to go back...seen and had too much of the life here. If we'd never had it we wouldn't have missed it.

I think sometimes....especially when you have many people in your life. Stay put. Then you'll never be torn.

 

I completely understand what you're saying, my husband and I often say - why can't we just be content with what we have and stay put. We have friends who were born in our small town and have no desire what so ever to leave. Life would be much easier if we felt that way.

I think once you've had the idea the Australia bug sets in it's hard if not impossible to just ignore it. We'll never be content until we've tried it and if we don't go we'll always regret it! after all were lucky to have the opportunity. On the other hand if we go like your situation and miss people and events then I guess that will always be a regret too!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Selfish and self sufficient - the hallmarks of a successful migrant. Sorry that selfish has the negative connotations that it does - but you have to be able to put on the blinkers and, to an extent, say "bugger everyone else" otherwise you will get embroiled in everyone else's woes/jubilations and not do what you want to do. You also have to be prepared (and this is the self sufficiency part) that once you have gone, the holes that you leave in other people's lives will heal over and the scar tissue that forms may not be to your liking and your relationships will never be the same again. If it's adventure that you crave, you don't have to move to a foreign country on the other side of the world to find it. One first world country is much like any other, no magical Utopias out there.

 

Good luck and hope you get what you want out of your life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sam, I work in GI and we get a lot of patients coming in with a feeling of a lump in their throat. A lot of the time there is nothing there, but acid reflux can cause that feeling. The stomach acid causes some of the muscles in the throat to constrict making it feel like there is a lump. Another trigger is stress, and given that your dad has had a CA diagnosis, he probably is a bit stressed. I know your a nurse Sam, but GI is my speciality. And I know that it's whole different ball game thinking as a nurse when it's your loved one.

 

Can't help with the rest of your dilemmas other than to say, life happens. You can postpone your plans until later, but who knows what will crop up later. Will you postpone again. Your friend might have her 1st baby. If your still here, she'll want you to be god parent. Will you postpone again.

 

Debs

Edited by travelchic
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Sam,

Im really sorry to hear about what you're going through & hope everything works out.

 

We have looked into moving to Australia several times over the last 10 years & each time we were beginning the process some family/ life event happened where we took the decision to leave things & stay where we were. In hindsite we realise that this was a mistake, although this is obviously personal to us & others would be glad they made the decision to stay.

We are now in the process of applying for our visa, although we are now in our 40s, my nursing career has moved from A&E to health visiting which I'm sure will make me less employable as I've been out of the hospital setting for 13yrs. We have 2 teenage children who I'm also sure will find the move a lot more difficult than they would have as toddlers.

The big difference is, looking at your timeline you are about to be granted your visa & that gives you a 5 yr opening to go.

 

You are stuck between a rock & a hard place as they say, but follow your heart & gut instinct as opposed to what you perceive others ( & perhaps yourself) think you should do. Sometimes in this life we need to be selfish if that's what will truly make us happy.

 

Good luck with your decision as only you can decide what is right for you.

 

Bigmac x

Edited by bigmac
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Guest26012

I agree with quoll in that you have to be a tad selfish, for want of a better word, to be a successful migrant. There will always be stuff in the uk that creates a pull to be there. That pull, for me, has got weaker over the years. For some, it never goes away.i wouldn't go back now despite hols back there. Everyone is different! Would you really regret not coming? Good luck with everything!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Sam,

 

I really feel for you with all that you have on your plate. My grandad is 86 and currently awaiting test results for prostate cancer and I am hoping to emigrate in 2015. My nana is also very very poorly. Add to that my parents who I have to admit, have led really unhealthy lives by choice are very sick an I doubt they will have the same long lives my grandparents have had. My sister has isolated herself from extended family and I know that along the line all these people will need me.

 

I do have children though, and where we grew up most the people we knew gained very little in life and had few opportunities. Not only do I want to provide my children with the opportunities that are hopefully available in Australia I want to teach them that they can have the adventure of travel if they wish. I know you dont currently have children but every time you delay your move your life is on hold and that is potentially time where you could be contemplating children.

 

I am sure, if your friend really understands how much this means to you then she will understand. I am sure the promise of a honeymoon in Australia may do the trick to bring her round. Perhaps your wedding present to her could be airline tickets or a substantial contribution to the cost.

 

My best friend lives 2 hours away yet we havent seen each other in nearly 3 years. However, when she needs me like this week when she felt low she knew I was on the other end of the phone in minutes to offer her genuine and honest advice as I know her inside out.

 

I hope you manage to get through this and arent left feeling down about the move. Everything happens for a reason is my favourite motto and whatever will be will be.

 

x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am afraid it is a rollercoaster ride, and I am not sure it gets any easier. I am married to an Australian and lived in the UK 2000 - 2003; Australia 2003 - 2008, then back to the UK for five years, and then we moved back out here on 1 Jan 2014. Not sure which is better for us, ask me in 12 months...If you want to go, go now while you don't have kids, kids add a whole new dimension into the mix!! Good luck, and hope all the results bring good news. x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That is really honest of you.....thank you for sharing it. This is one of the things that puts me off emmigrating....I have seen that "torn" thing and seen how people can't leave oz but at the same time feel this tremendous pull to the uk even though they don't actually want to go there. It must be really unsettling.

Hi nursesam. I am one of the pro Oz camp on this forum. When we first moved 5 years ago I gave little thought to the people we left behind..lots of them...we have been lucky to have several lots of visitors...about 3 years in we went back for a visit. I think since then the reality of what we are missing out on...what our son is missing out on..in terms of family contact....gets more difficult to accept.

As we approach our citizenship snd 5 year anniversary tomorrow...my overriding emotion is....I kind of wish we hadn't done it. Just because now we are torn. Too much to lose to go back...seen and had too much of the life here. If we'd never had it we wouldn't have missed it.

I think sometimes....especially when you have many people in your life. Stay put. Then you'll never be torn.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Am trying to quote nikeys post but my phone is doing weird stuff...

I wouldnt call it unsettling really more like...being resigned to the fact that neither place can fulfill all our needs and a sense of sadness about that. Knowing that you would miss here if there and vice versa. Once youve established yourself here theres a lot to lose...maybe better to stay put for some. Advice I would never have given a few years ago. Id have said come and you can go back if you want to but in reality..you just can't. Not that simple. Not much in life is!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi all,

 

sorry I've taken such a long time to reply to you all, had a long stretch of shifts at work and haven't been able to get on PIO. I really appreciate all your messages and advice.

 

Debs - I reckon you were right about my dad - he seems to be a bit better now and he's been taking gaviscon every so often which seems to be helping. I think he is over-anxious too which is understandable but now the gaviscon seems to be helping a bit, he has relaxed and his mind is at ease.

 

Starlight 7 - Is it not normal to get doubts though? Even if I wasn't close to my friends and family, this is still home and it is hard to make changes sometimes, especially one as big as this. It's in human nature to get doubts and worries after all. Yes I'm worried about all of this at the moment however I still feel that I have been given an opportunity of a lifetime - none of my friends and very few members of my family even make the skilled occupation list so I am so lucky!

 

After a long chat with my mum about all of these family illnesses and about my best friend's wedding, she has really encouraged us to carry on with the move - For the reasons I have already said - it's an opportunity of a lifetime. My mum is obviously sad that we're leaving but she's already started planning her holiday and knows how lucky we are to do this and gives us her full support. As for my best friend, I love her to bits but she just cannot understand why we want to go. I think I'm just going to have to be brave and put up with the negativity from her and the pressure she's putting on me to make it to her wedding. There's not a lot else I can do really apart from do our best to come back and if not I'll have to order a pretty damn good wedding present!!!

 

So... after all that, we're now on an up again! Visas were granted today (woohoo!!) and after the wise words of mum and all you PIO folk, I feel much more supported and just have to find ways to cope with the downs (bottle of wine and a bar of chocolate seems to be the current favourite remedy!).

 

Thank you all again for your advice and comments, you have all definitely helped me through this :)

 

Sam xxx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for your replies,

 

We chose August for various reasons.... money, cost of flights, time to organise etc. But not for anything specific so yeah I guess we can always rebook our flights if it comes to it.

 

Melza- thank you for your insight, I always knew that eventually things will happen in the UK while we're away, that's life after all, just wasn't quite expecting it just before we go. I agree that this worry probably is all last minute jitters especially as it's all so close now.

I know I have to find ways to deal with this, you're right that there will be a lot we'll miss. I'm going to have a long chat with my friend and hope she can be understanding that it might not be possible to go to her wedding but we'll do our best.

As for my family, hopefully they'll be fine or hopefully it's nothing too serious, time will tell.

 

Thank you all :-)

Feeling betting now... back up again on this rollercoaster ride!!

 

And here is a major mistake being made. If you really believe that (highlighted in red) then you must not ever emigrate. Do not come here or, for that matter, ever leave your home hearth. That thinking is a root cause of all the evils you will experience on the sometimes painful path of emigration.

 

So what is a better/different attitude? What about this: there is not a lot you will miss, but rather there will be a lot of new things that you will experience. Some wonderful, some confronting. Your life will be enriched, you will have greater experiences, you will be broader in your mind and attitudes, you will become more adaptable, resilient, well ... experienced. And that will be true whether you come to stay for ever, or make it through 2 years.

 

I agree with an earlier post though - do not come until you have really thought it through.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And here is a major mistake being made. If you really believe that (highlighted in red) then you must not ever emigrate. Do not come here or, for that matter, ever leave your home hearth. That thinking is a root cause of all the evils you will experience on the sometimes painful path of emigration.

 

So what is a better/different attitude? What about this: there is not a lot you will miss, but rather there will be a lot of new things that you will experience. Some wonderful, some confronting. Your life will be enriched, you will have greater experiences, you will be broader in your mind and attitudes, you will become more adaptable, resilient, well ... experienced. And that will be true whether you come to stay for ever, or make it through 2 years.

 

I agree with an earlier post though - do not come until you have really thought it through.

 

Not something i cba debating for any length of time Doc,but just going on posts from people on here who have been in aus for years,and they openly say they still miss things about the UK,yet they're still "overall" happier in aus,i dont think migrating is as black and white as that,just saying like

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...