blobby1000 Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 Hello all, apologies for any spelling errors, this is one of those iPad things and it seems to think it knows that I am going to write before I do. It's like one of those annoying people that finish off all your sentences wrongly. so it's been 10 months back in the UK and in basic summary I must conclude that this immigration thing is a total headf?@k. We are from Cheltenham but we decided we would move back and live in Cornwall. Now you must trust me, we were a fairly well balanced sensible couple before we left for Australia. yes I know most of my posts on here were negative but we were really pretty content in the UK....maybe because we always had this plan to move to Australia...anyway Cornwall was nothing short of disastrous. My job as a community psychiatric nurse was incredibly hard with very little support and we found the village we chose to live in to be extremely dull. Our oldest son was behind in his education. He was 4 terms behind as he had not started school in Australia due to them starting later. He went to a little village school and they didn't teach him anything. They had mixed age classes due to it being a tiny school and, unbeknown to us, they just grouped him with the reception kids. we knocked it on the head after 8 months and returned to our house in Cheltenham which we had rented out. It transpired that our tenants had wrecked it. We moved in and our son seems to be thriving at school and the younger one loves preschool. We have put the house back together with just a few more things to finish to get it sorted. That's all good and we won't be moving again... But after a crazy first couple of weeks of seeing friends, things have returned to normal. I have no issue with this, I see friends occasionally (which is a lot more than never) and every time we leave our house we bump into someone we know (something I really missed in Australia). I have returned to my old job which I loved last time around. This has proved very difficult but I have only been back a few weeks. The job role has changed and lots of staff have left....they have moved on....I moved on but I came back and I have even found myself missing parts of the work in Australia...the way they don't expect you to put work first...I mistook that for a lack of motivation and professionalism, actually it's just about work not being your whole life. I can't help feeling we have done a massive circle and ended up back where we started and it doesn't quite feel the same. We don't really feel like we belong anywhere any more but it will take time. It feels like we made a massive effort and I can't help wondering where it all went wrong! family are getting older, it's good to know we are here to help and grandmas can see the kids grow up. It's good to have really good friends to see whenever we want to, it's good not to need sunscreen to go in the garden. i didn't think I missed Australia at all but then some friends we made out there just announced they had bought a beautiful house In Warrendyte....a place we really loved and visited often, I caught myself thinking what might have been had we been more positive, more friendly, more up for it....I think it would have made a massive difference to have our own house....it was a real bind renting again after all these years and something that really negatively affected us...but buying somewhere, with the huge costs involved, was a gamble we didn't have the balls to take....and that was a big reason we didn't settle. On balance Australia was not the country for us for many reasons but my advice is twofold: 1. Try to be sure Australia is right before you go, I mean, really think about it. 2. Don't rush home. You can come home any time you like but once you are back you are here to stay. Who has the money and emotional strength to ping pong? Not us. Give it your all while you are there! thanks for reading and good luck to you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 That is a really brave and balanced post. I really felt for you while reading and going through the process myself can't help but think "what if that was us in a couple of years". No matter how much you weigh it all up beforehand there is no substitute for going there and giving it a go and you did that. The simple fact is that it just wasn't for you and your home in Cheltenham is the most suitable. Bound to be some regrets but best not to dwell on them but look forward. All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted October 14, 2013 Author Share Posted October 14, 2013 Sound advice. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindor Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 A brave and honest post Blobby. I wish you and your family well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wakeboard1980 Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 I've always said its harder to return home, there are a lot more expectations from others and yourself when returning. Good to see things starting to work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 I completely understand what you're saying. That was me when we came back from Perth. It think it took two years for me to settle properly, to stop comparing everything. It was very like your situation, even down to our youngest having to start school in year 1 because of when her birthday falls and my oh returning to his old workmates. One woman saw him in the corridor one day and commented on how she hadn't seen him for a while and had he been on holiday. We'd been gone for four years! I had old friends who had moved on (understandably) they were working again and their kids had started school while we were away. It was very hard as I hadn't really wanted to leave Perth anyway, so everything was wrong here. It felt like a bit of a grief reaction and my poor husband did have a bit of a hard time from me to start with. :embarrassed: Our children settled straight away, thankfully. What eventually made a difference was making new friends through the girls' school who are probably still the best friends I have (We've moved again since and I'm going down to see them this week and they've organised all sorts of fun things to do while I'm there - 15 of us getting together and I can't wait :smile:). I got a new job which I loved and although my relationships with my old friends had changed, they were still valuable and still are. We've been back to Australia to live again since and are back in the UK again for now - if anything it makes you resilient and adaptable, so look on the bright side! :wink: You're still at the beginning of readjusting to life here and it is hard. You expect to fit straight back in and those around you expect that too. It think it's harder than emigrating in the first place. Be kind to yourselves and give it a bit of time. Nothing has to be forever.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted October 14, 2013 Author Share Posted October 14, 2013 Thanks that's a very kind post. i can't count the number of people at work that have said "it must feel like you have never been away" haha...I know what they mean but it all feels so different this time. It certainly feels like we have been away! its good to hear it takes 2 years, that makes me feel a bit better. The most important thing is that the kids are settled after all our messing around and now we just need to sort our heads out! so you went back again....and came back again! Your not alone there though, I can see how that can happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 It might not take you that long! I hope not. Yes, we went again and back again and we probably haven't finished yet! For us it's been work opportunities (mental health too), so who knows... Maybe just part time though, if there's a next time and not until our youngest finishes school in three years time (she caught up fine, despite 'missing' a year). Good luck with settling down again. It's tough, but hopefully you'll get there quicker than I did. :yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jen85 Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 I can understand the attraction to Aus for Brits but as OP says it isn't for everyone, your not moving to a sunny Britain everything is different! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 I understand and unfortunately once you have done the migration thing, its never the same again. What does come out of it though is that you were unhappy here and probably a bit lonely but if you dwell in that and think that things are bad they will be. If you are optimistic and welcoming of new things and people then it changes things a lot. The other side of the hill is never the same as the one we are on. I wish I could emigrate presently as my aged mum is being most irritating and living away seems a wonderful option for the time being lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcorners Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Shame you didn't get on with Cornwall, whereabouts were you? I personally loved living there and found it very easy to make friends but I can see why some would struggle. God I could murder a pasty right now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Hi Blobby what a lovely honest post, you get some people who will say the move back from brilliant even if it wasn't just to save face. I really hope things settle down for you soon and things work out, who knows, Melbourne may not smell after all :wink: I think a lot of us, myself included think if we return back everything will be exactly the same as we left it, unfortunately this doesn't happen times change and people move on. :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinsmom65 Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Hi Blooby, 10 months already, where did the time go. Thank you for a lovely post. Yep emigration lark is bloody hard. We have been back 3 years in December, and even after 3 years, that little word Australia still comes up from time to time. I too understand how people ping pong. It's amazing how the mind works it's little tricks on us. What seems like horrible at the time, doesn't seem to be too bad when we look back. It does get easier, but every once in a while, you will get a pang for Australia, after all it is a beautiful country. Just not right for everyone. Cheers Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kapri Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Very brave post Blobby. I wish you all the best and hope you settle soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Good to hear from you and glad the kids are now happier at school. I know what you mean about going back, as you know I was a CPN in a crisis team in the UK - it was an awesome team that were all invested in what we did and how we did it. Chatting the other day I said I miss that closeness we had - but my friend said it's so different, lots of new faces, change in structure - she left the team to do something else -like you've said in your post it was a reminder to me that things move on. Sounds as if you're getting sorted though with the house and jobs - Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest 47403 Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Hello all, apologies for any spelling errors, this is one of those iPad things and it seems to think it knows that I am going to write before I do. It's like one of those annoying people that finish off all your sentences wrongly. so it's been 10 months back in the UK and in basic summary I must conclude that this immigration thing is a total headf?@k. We are from Cheltenham but we decided we would move back and live in Cornwall. Now you must trust me, we were a fairly well balanced sensible couple before we left for Australia. yes I know most of my posts on here were negative but we were really pretty content in the UK....maybe because we always had this plan to move to Australia...anyway Cornwall was nothing short of disastrous. My job as a community psychiatric nurse was incredibly hard with very little support and we found the village we chose to live in to be extremely dull. Our oldest son was behind in his education. He was 4 terms behind as he had not started school in Australia due to them starting later. He went to a little village school and they didn't teach him anything. They had mixed age classes due to it being a tiny school and, unbeknown to us, they just grouped him with the reception kids. we knocked it on the head after 8 months and returned to our house in Cheltenham which we had rented out. It transpired that our tenants had wrecked it. We moved in and our son seems to be thriving at school and the younger one loves preschool. We have put the house back together with just a few more things to finish to get it sorted. That's all good and we won't be moving again... But after a crazy first couple of weeks of seeing friends, things have returned to normal. I have no issue with this, I see friends occasionally (which is a lot more than never) and every time we leave our house we bump into someone we know (something I really missed in Australia). I have returned to my old job which I loved last time around. This has proved very difficult but I have only been back a few weeks. The job role has changed and lots of staff have left....they have moved on....I moved on but I came back and I have even found myself missing parts of the work in Australia...the way they don't expect you to put work first...I mistook that for a lack of motivation and professionalism, actually it's just about work not being your whole life. I can't help feeling we have done a massive circle and ended up back where we started and it doesn't quite feel the same. We don't really feel like we belong anywhere any more but it will take time. It feels like we made a massive effort and I can't help wondering where it all went wrong! family are getting older, it's good to know we are here to help and grandmas can see the kids grow up. It's good to have really good friends to see whenever we want to, it's good not to need sunscreen to go in the garden. i didn't think I missed Australia at all but then some friends we made out there just announced they had bought a beautiful house In Warrendyte....a place we really loved and visited often, I caught myself thinking what might have been had we been more positive, more friendly, more up for it....I think it would have made a massive difference to have our own house....it was a real bind renting again after all these years and something that really negatively affected us...but buying somewhere, with the huge costs involved, was a gamble we didn't have the balls to take....and that was a big reason we didn't settle. On balance Australia was not the country for us for many reasons but my advice is twofold: 1. Try to be sure Australia is right before you go, I mean, really think about it. 2. Don't rush home. You can come home any time you like but once you are back you are here to stay. Who has the money and emotional strength to ping pong? Not us. Give it your all while you are there! thanks for reading and good luck to you all. Great post Blobby, you have always gave balanced and perceptive views of your time in Oz and never indulged in any of the 'it's just rubbish' 'i miss tesco' 'it's so expensive' rubbish so fair play to you and all the very best for the future and hope you settle. Plenty to think about for those thinking of emigrating anywhere (not just Oz) and those thinking of returning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Ahh - but if you don't go you always wonder. Damned if you do damned if you don't. I guess the only way is to never have thought about it in the first place. I understand and unfortunately once you have done the migration thing, its never the same again. What does come out of it though is that you were unhappy here and probably a bit lonely but if you dwell in that and think that things are bad they will be. If you are optimistic and welcoming of new things and people then it changes things a lot. The other side of the hill is never the same as the one we are on. I wish I could emigrate presently as my aged mum is being most irritating and living away seems a wonderful option for the time being lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LojaChica Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Blobby..............I used to read all your posts............so good to hear an update from you.............thanks for posting the update and I hope things continue to improve for you...........it's a hard thing to go through Caramac............my Norwich Buddy............good to see you still posting too............glad all is well with you I'm not missing too much from Australia at the moment but I'm only 4 months in so time will tell although I have to say............I'm cold going into Autumn when my head thinks I should be in Spring/Summer lol Best wishes to you both Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peccavi Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Hello to Blobby. I was thinking that what might help you would be to go back a good while and start reading your PIO posts from that period. It would give you your mindset as a resident in Australia, and provide a balance to your current feelings. It is a very valuable resource which may help you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bryng67 Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Hi Blobby what a lovely honest post, you get some people who will say the move back from brilliant even if it wasn't just to save face. That also could be the same for people who move here and try to save face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penelope Pitstop Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Shame you didn't get on with Cornwall, whereabouts were you? I personally loved living there and found it very easy to make friends but I can see why some would struggle. God I could murder a pasty right now! Whereabouts in Aus are you? Come to South Australia, you can get cornish pasties everywhere (lots of tin miners came over to mine the copper mines in Burra and Moonta). There's even a Cornish festival in Moonta, called Kernewek Lowender http://www.kernewek.org/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcorners Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Whereabouts in Aus are you? Come to South Australia, you can get cornish pasties everywhere (lots of tin miners came over to mine the copper mines in Burra and Moonta). There's even a Cornish festival in Moonta, called Kernewek Lowender http://www.kernewek.org/ Yes I've heard a lot of the Cornish went to South Australia. I can't help think that they might have done something awful to pasties here though like put peas in them or use minced beef! Please correct me if I'm wrong! I'm in Kalgoorlie, another mining town where bakers do sell 'pasties' but they bear no resemblance to the real thing, they just have ground up mush inside. I make my own in winter, got a good recipe going, only problem is I can't get clotted cream here which makes the best pasties. Butter has to suffice. But next time that Cornish Festival comes around I think I'll be back in the real Cornwall, can't wait! There used to be a saying that at the bottom of every hole in the world you would find a Cornishman. Now it's not so much Cornishman but you'll probably find someone who graduated from the Camborne School of Mines, I should know, there are at least 4 of us in the mine where I work and 2 or 3 where my OH works. I think I could make a killing if I opened a real pasty shop here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylors4 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Cornish pasty, can't beat it. Last time we went to Cornwall I asked my mum if she wanted anything, all she wanted was a real Cornish pasty, so we bought a fresh out of the oven., put it in the back of the car and I can tell you, for the 7 hour trip back home towing a caravan it was murder smelling that all the way home! The next day I took it round to her and we all sat there watching her eat it drooling ...... So no you can't beat the real thing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buttercup Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Yo, Blobby! I wondered how things were going with you? Your story mirrors ours in so many ways, apart from the fact we've been back a bit longer. I too have gone back to my old job but a lot has changed (the NHS want your blood these days) and after OZ, it feels like I work at 100mph most days. I do miss my aussie workplace quite a bit, very relaxed and a a good team BUT I just missed people too much. Having said that, when you've done the whole emigration thing, when you get back- it's never quite the same, and how can it be after going through all that? I'll be totally honest, me and my partner do miss bits of it and we have friends who are still there but they are thinking of coming back. Everyone said to me to go bk for a holiday then see how you feel... I wish there was a way you could have the best bits from both countries but I guess we can't have it all. In some ways I wish I had never gone to Australia on holiday then I would of never been in this situation!!!! Lol. All part of life's rich tapestry I suppose.....On a positive note though- 2 nice holidays booked for next year to very diverse places which might have been more difficult and expensive to organise in Australia? It's that old cliché I suppose- you always look back with fondness at the good bits, but you have to remember the reasons that made you unhappy and want to return... Good luck and all the best to you and yours. Keep us posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmab1995 Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Hi all , It has been great to read all these posts for me ....At the moment we live in darwin been here 2 mths but we moved to aus 7 yrs ago and were in perth (nor) .... I loved it and even said no i wouldnt go back then 2 yrs ago our lives were turned upside down when i was told i had cancer :sad: 2012 was all treatment and hospitals for me n hubby, my mum n dad came over to help as my husband works away ... I have been told iam in remission but they dont say all clear for another 3 yrs ...... I know now isnt the time to make such changes but all of this last yr all ive wanted to do is go home back to the uk .... what we have gone through just makes you sit and what didnt really help was that the friends i thought i had made over here all just disappered when i told them about the cancer some of there reasons ... i couldnt cope if you didnt make it !!! we just wanted to leave you alone with your family !!! My kids were sick so couldnt come over ......sick for 11 mths i dont think so !!!! Well as you can imagine my mind changed on these people all that we had built has gone yes i still have my gorgeous hubby and my 3 kids but i have realised like alot of you i feel so guilty that my kids have grown up without there family around them ... although they did get some time with them they were 11,8 and 5 when we moved ..... i have now told my hubby i want to go back i am just not happy here anymore i just dont feel like i belong but our oldest is now 18 and says he doesnt want to go back .... I feel awful saying this but i would go back without him ... Well enough of me going on :embarrassed: .... i must say i do agree with you buttercup the best bits of both places would be great ......... Also i have had people in the uk saying o no you dont want to come backhere its awful to which god bless her my mums reply is "if its that bad here why are we all still here " lol go mum .....xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.