Reduce the Emigrating Stresses

[Ali B]

My first visit to this site and I'm quite shocked at how many people are saying they're going back to UK having changed their minds. So a couple of observations from someone who has been in Melbourne 12 yrs!

 

1. Oz is the biggest bureaucracy in the world. Filling forms happens ALL the time here so be patient and get used to it. If your application has been lodged, they will get back to you but dont sell up or resign because it'll all take months and months. Thats normal!

2. Emigrating is MEGA stressful. Shutting down a life is sad no matternhow excited you are. Take time to do it gently. Its a kind of grieving.

3. Saying goodbyes is the pits. BUT remember your loved ones arent dead! Theyre at the end of the phone or iPad. Oz has phone deals for UK that cost 10p an hour. You can ring home for HOURS. Or skype. Youre not going to Mars.

4. Settling in takes AGES. Think two years before you begin to feel normal. Oz may be Commonwealth and speak English BUT it is a foreign country. Things take time. Its not England. Ozzies do lots of things really differently, from socialising to celebrating to working to eating. Dont feel ÿou have to abandon your Englishness. Enjoy the new experiences and faces and find people who accept you as you are.

5. BIG ONE. If you want to feel at home settle somewhere that feels like home. My husband is from near Manchester. I grew up near London. We lived all our adult life in Brighton. We are big city, bright lights people. Dull small towns with no night life bore the pants off us.

So we settled in MELBOURNE which is as close to a European city like a massive Brighton/Edinburgh as ever you'll get. It has a vibrant music scene, four clear seasons with frost in winter and dry Mediterranean heat in summer. Never sleeps. 120 different cultures so anything goes.

And the other cities??? Other ppl might want to add to this thread or disagree but...

SYDNEY is hot, sweaty in summer, colder in winter. The city is fast and expensive. The suburbs sprawl. Its like a small London with an American twist. never sleeps. Masses to do. Anything goes.

BRISBANE is subtropical. A modern developing city. Beautiful beach culture north and south. Pretty quiet at night after 10.00. Feels like a cross between Bournemouth holidayland, Blackpool funparks and coastal Spain. A small city trying to get big. Very laid back, some people say too much so and is very surfy.

PERTH never been there but have been told it is beautiful. A growing city but has a very small town feel. Mediterranean climate. The most isolated city in the world. Think Hove or Plymouth rather than Brighton.

ADELAIDE my husband had a job lead here which turned out to be a scam so we stayed two weeks and hated it... Small dull but beautiful city. They take pride in being the city of churches. So social life is hardly vibrant and edgy! Big sprawling suburbs. People either love it or hate it. We found it like Bognor, Milton Keynes or Worthing but bigger.

DARWIN probably the most Australian of the capitals. never been thiere but its a tropical and hot small town. Think say Norwich but sweaty.

CANBERRA a capital that was built to stop Melbourne and Sydney fighting over who was bigger and better. Full of embassies and not a lot else. No beach. Think Guildford or Durham.

 

Outside of the metropolitan areas there are 1000s of miles of flat land with "towns" that are little more than hamlets or villages. Some "cities" have universities but may only have populations of maybe 25,000

if you know ÿou love isolated wild country, then settle upstate where your neighbours will thrill you with small town tales and invite you to BBQs every day. But dont complain about lack of cinemas and salsa clubs and say you want to go home after 8 months.

 

Similarly if you love theatre, salsa dancing, big name bands like Coldplay, food from every country in the world and jazz festivals then settle in Melbourne or Sydney. Get out there, meet people, invite people to your BBQs and give it a go.

 

6. If you love your family to death DONT EMIGRATE.

7. The younger you are, the easier it is to emigrate. We left it till 40. We had a BIG life in Brighton behind us. It took a long time to build the kind of history and find People Like Us.

8. Find a couple of other Brits. They'll point you in the right direction and make you feel better when you need to moan. They'll also tell you where to buy Hula Hoops and Sherbert Fountains!

9. Lastly, remember you emigrated because something/s about UK were intolerable for you. Its easy to forget that when you hit difficult times.

10. Dont forget, wherever you live, LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.

)

[Hassan Haythem]

thanks ali for this post

[fifi69]

Great Post Ali, basicaly sums it up.

 

Will just disagree with you on the Perth front. It aint the small town place that some people would like you to believe it is. Having lived in a few different places in the UK it matches up to most of them although it isnt a London by any means.

 

It has a very lively city centre and also a buzzing metro area. For a meal out or a night on the tiles its as good any major UK city. Yes history and culture may be not as great but it too has a diverse population. Whats great too is if you want to just chill or relax there is so many great places to do that to.

 

The best thing to do before emigrating is really think about it and do as much research as poss. Think about why you want to come. Try and find out about what you are coming too. If you know you cant cope without your family and friends or just sit and whinge if the temp goes above a certain level. Please save your time and your money and stay put.

[irishmecho]

Just a quick thank you to the OP. I've been lurking for a awhile and I emigrate tomorrow and your post made me well up. Thank you for the advice. :-)

[Gaynor]

Thanks Ali,

 

Lovely post and very welcome as we are moving to Melbourne in 2 days with our kids from Brighton, having lived before in London.

[Darius Kedros]

Excellent Ali B.

We too are in our early 40's, and have lived in Brighton with our two boys (Hove actually) for the last 6 years and are about to arrive in Melbourne on 2nd January 2013. We do love our family and so missing them is our biggest worry, but have committed (to each other) to two years in Melbourne minimum to give it a proper go, and with the intention of staying forever. So thank you for this post. It helps.

Happy new year

Darius

PS have found myself saying "i'm not dying, just moving to Australia" to sooooo many peeps.

x

[Jacaranda]

Nice straight forward post!Agree with most except your thoughts on Adelaide.I've lived there for years and had a very vibrant social life,mainly live music/rock fraternity.Yes its compared to a big country town,and some like it that way.I later moved up country which is even better!Liked your post though hon!

[Tazzamaraz]

Love your post, thank you. I live in Hove and am moving to rural NSW (yes, I know) as soon as my 457 is approved and I'm slightly terrified of the culture shock! Unfortunately when you're 44 and don't have enough points you have to go wherever you can get the sponsorship! Luckily I have good friends in Sydney so will be escaping to the big smoke on a regular basis.

[noworriesmate]

Great Post although I agree with Melza re your comments on Adelaide (made me smile though) - i've never heard it compared to Bognor or Milton Keynes LOL. I reckon your view of it may have been tainted by your job experience at the time!

 

NWM

[Guest Bazinga]

Wow. Canberra is not like Guildford or Durham for a start...

[Ali B]

Darius and Gaynor - you're coming to a fab city.I'll be honest it's hard at 40+ but once you settle you suddenly find yourself driving down the freeway with sunglasses on just thinking "this is good" and you find yourself smiling.

we have Oz friends but a lot have travelled and lived abroad and we I have connected to some Europeans too. I'm a French/German teacher and find it ongoing really really hard not having mainland Europe 1hr away with all the history and culture. But the plus side is you live near SE Asia with some amazing places to visit. Our kids have grown in confidence. We lived in Preston Park and i taught at Varndean. Believe me the state schools our kids went to in Melburne's eastern suburbs are like private schools at home. health care is more thorough here too.

 

For everybody - As in any foreign country there are aspects that infuriate you and for me it's a certain kind of redneck closed minded person who is uber-patriotic and disrespectful of just about everyone. You get them everywhere in the world but in Oz they are particularly offensive. But y'know you just keep away from them. Find ppl like you.

we couldve so easily left Oz after the scam in Adelaide, but decided to toughen up and give it a go. Lifes a marathon, not a sprint. So many of the negative threads pack up after 8-9 months. Sorry thats not long enough.

You need at least two years, then maybe go back for a visit and see if things really are better at home. After the initial excitement of being back all the old problems came back again. You realise you emigrated for a reason.

 

Also be proud of what you're doing. You have to be very very brave to emigrate and also a little bit unhinged! You're on a journey and doing really well to get this far. When i said "be gentle on yourself" I meant it. You have to grieve a little bit for the life you would have had in UK. But the new life isnt second best! For me the turning point was when a girlfriend said "remember when we went ..." and i realised i had History here too.

Darius /Gaynor Im happy to answer any Qs about Melbourne if u want to message me here privately. Tazzamaraz - where are you planning to settle?

[Honourary Aussie]

Absolutely brilliant post, well put! Thorough and in a way us Poms can compare!

Melbourne's our second home after London (partner's Aussie) We are planning a move to Melbs, just have to make the date!

Thank you for a post well worth reading.

Good Luck to those making the move very soon.

=)

[Darius Kedros]

Thanks for the encouragement Ali. We've got a house sit in Coburg for 3 weeks when we arrive, and we're looking to find a place of our own in or around Brunswick / Coburg before the boys start school at the start of the school year in Feb. Where abouts do you live?

[NicF]

Love this post. Disagree about Adelaide a bit, but only a little bit. One of the reasons I love it so much is precisely because it's not a big city, but there are things going off if you look for them. Compared to somewhere like London or Manchester though it probably does seem a bit dull.

[dufont]

Great post Ali, I remember the feeling the first time we said 'do you remember when......', we now have memories from our life in Australia and it felt fantastic

[Freckleface]

Great post Ali B. I can't say I agree with all of your city/town assessments but apart from that your post was very commonsensical.

[Candygirl]

Hi Ali B, Thanks. Great post and agree with most of what you say.

[Ali B]

Thanks for the encouragement Ali. We've got a house sit in Coburg for 3 weeks when we arrive, and we're looking to find a place of our own in or around Brunswick / Coburg before the boys start school at the start of the school year in Feb. Where abouts do you live?

OMG you'll love Coburg )) do you know people here? Its on a direct tram line to the city. I love Brunswick even more - its funky and hip with amazing eateries and bistros. Both are expensive suburbs to rent and buy. Tiny terraced houses like London Rd area of Bton. No front garden. Sydney Street runs north-south through the centre of Coburg and has cool pubs and music venues. Very Kemp Town.

I'm so excited for you!

 

How old are your kids?

Subscribe to: http://www.weekendnotes.com/melbourne/

as it has week after week of things to do in and around Melb. Also every week the "Age" (the local newspaper) has a pullout on Fridays called "eg" which is the entertainment guide for the weekend. It has the major listings but if you want alternative gigs then you'll find news sheets in bistros like cafés in the North Laines. You MUST go with the kids to a place called Soul Mamas on the beach in StKilda where they do fantastic veggie food dead cheap like Food For Friends.

 

re: school, term 1 starts Thu 31 Jan and warn the boys that Jan is hot and Feb gets hotter. Can get to 42+C so, no, Melb isnt cold! Its a vile sweaty way to start the year! Most schools open for enrolment enquiries here around 15th Jan and an Assistant Principal (Dep Head) will give you a tour and enrol you. You have to have to give a ph/copy of your boys' visas and bring their recent reports. In Victoria your nearest state school MUST offer you a place unless they are massively oversubscribed (which does sometimes happen) in which case you go on a waiting list. The nearest state school is quite simply measured on a map with a ruler from door to door!! So pick where you live carefully. Id check schools out asap during those three weeks , visit as many as you can, ask about reputation in local shops and with parents in playgrounds. Theyll give you the honest truth.

 

UK has Reception where kids here go to 4-yr old Kindy to learn ABC and basic numbers as pre-schoolers; UK Yr1 = Oz Prep(aration); UK Yr2= Oz Grade 1; all the way up to UK Yr13 = Oz Yr 12. Honestly most of the work is pretty much the same as in UK but Maths takes topics in different order, so our Georgia always struggled with Fractions as she missed itin both systems! our girls came over in Nov 1999 having just started UK Autumn Term Yr 3 & 5. They went into the end of Oz Yr 2 & 4 for one month before the Oz end of school year. As i teach in Secondary i can advise you but probably not through this thread!

 

we live in Mitcham. Its on the Eastern Freeway (M1) 20 mins from the beach to the south, 15 mins to the vineyards to the north, 20 mins to the mountains in the east and 17 mins to the CBD (Central Business District). Its the Middle suburbs and very "family" orientated but we settled here because its got everything for bringing up kids. Houses are cheaper to rent/buy and you get a slab of land too and pools if you want. If it was us on our own as a couple we'd live Brunswick/ Fitzroy.

 

When do you land in Melb?

 

[Darius Kedros]

Nice one Ali, all very informative si thank you.

We've done a lot of homework and have narrowed it down to two schools that have been highly recommended so should be ok fingers crossed.

We land on 2nd Jan!

[happycat]

Thanks for this, we move in 10 days so will look back on this when times are hard