Guest Deborah Wakelin Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Hi guys I have never posted on here b4 but feel i need advice!! me hubby and 2 kids came over to OZ nov 2009. Well the first year was tough as dad in the uk was digonosed with termial cancer. He passed away a year later i was still on OZ. I felt very homesick as soon as i arrived but felt we really had to make a go of it as we came from the other side of the world to live the dream!! i since have still not really settled nearly 3 years in.. me and both the kids feel this way they are age 13 & 10. As the stumbling block is hubby he really likes it here and feels the best future for the kids and us is here. I have a fab job and have met a few nice people, BUT my heart is just not here at all i miss everything about home. Me and hubby have had thousands of discussions and he says hes not coming home full stop!! so i back down everytime trying to get on with it, he seems to think that it is cause we dont have our own home.. so i tried to make him happy and decieded to stay a buy my head said YES my heart didnt, as it getting nearer for us to buy i am panicing as i will feel ill never get home. i have not told him this as it causes such bad arguments as we both disagree with each other! i think daily i will pluck up the courage but never seem to get there. The kids are very disapointed where not going home. I feel so isolated here and feel the longing to home daily.. and i am feeling very low at times, just peoples thought please as why should i always back down ???? what if i didnt ?? I knew b4 i came homesickness wud be hard this is more than that... i want my sense of belonging back and my home.. and the kids to fit in well with othere kids, doesnt bother me leaving sunshine behind if your not happy whats the point.. whats life about HAPPINESS but feel i could tip hubby over the edge after this.... promising tio stay then yet again changing my mind!!! all i wanna do is keep everyone happy..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vdM family Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Is there anyway you could afford a trip back to UK so you can see what you are or not missing? It's hard when you're here and you both want different things isn't it. Maybe you need to sit down with your hubby and have an honest and frank discussion about what is best for all of you. Could either of you get jobs back in UK, or a house? Is it family and friends you miss or just the country as a whole? I should imagine you know pretty well after 3 years of being here whether you want to stay, if you can look to the future and think where do I want to be in 3 years time and the answer is at home in England, possibly without your husband then that is probably the decision made. Life is to short to do something you don't want to do. Lay your cards on the table to hubby and see where it goes from there. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie 2 Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Hi guys I have never posted on here b4 but feel i need advice!! me hubby and 2 kids came over to OZ nov 2009. Well the first year was tough as dad in the uk was digonosed with termial cancer. He passed away a year later i was still on OZ. I felt very homesick as soon as i arrived but felt we really had to make a go of it as we came from the other side of the world to live the dream!! i since have still not really settled nearly 3 years in.. me and both the kids feel this way they are age 13 & 10. As the stumbling block is hubby he really likes it here and feels the best future for the kids and us is here. I have a fab job and have met a few nice people, BUT my heart is just not here at all i miss everything about home. Me and hubby have had thousands of discussions and he says hes not coming home full stop!! so i back down everytime trying to get on with it, he seems to think that it is cause we dont have our own home.. so i tried to make him happy and decieded to stay a buy my head said YES my heart didnt, as it getting nearer for us to buy i am panicing as i will feel ill never get home. i have not told him this as it causes such bad arguments as we both disagree with each other! i think daily i will pluck up the courage but never seem to get there. The kids are very disapointed where not going home. I feel so isolated here and feel the longing to home daily.. and i am feeling very low at times, just peoples thought please as why should i always back down ???? what if i didnt ?? I knew b4 i came homesickness wud be hard this is more than that... i want my sense of belonging back and my home.. and the kids to fit in well with othere kids, doesnt bother me leaving sunshine behind if your not happy whats the point.. whats life about HAPPINESS but feel i could tip hubby over the edge after this.... promising tio stay then yet again changing my mind!!! all i wanna do is keep everyone happy..... You know I felt exactly the same as you do before we bought our home. So homesick and unsettled for 5 years! Hopefully, you will feel the same as me when you buy. Try not to think of your past, Australia is your here and now and there is plenty to enjoy. If you are happy the children have a much better chance of being happy too. I didn't get back for a holiday for 16 years and after 46 years my family has grown from 4 sons to + 3 daughter-in-laws + 6 grandchildren and a large extended family. Life is good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ssheppard Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Hi Im very new here and have only been in Perth for 3 months. We came here for my husbands job and had great dreams of a fabulous new life. Sadly like yourself I am very homesick.We have 3 young children and I feel i have deprived them of growing up with their grandparents.My daughter was involved in lots of after school activities at home with a large circle of friends and misses all of that so much. People keep telling me its early days and to give it time but I know in my heart that I just want to return home. I just miss everything about it. Like you say sunshine and scenery sometimes arent enough to make you happy. My problem is the same that my husband seems to think its best for us to stay given the way the economy is at home,but I just want to be back near my good friends and family and home again.I really feel for you and hope that you manage to come to an agreement. I am considering returning home while my hubby stays on and works for a while,dont know if that will work though.:frown:xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 3-1 majority want to go home. Simple as that (only it never is that simple is it!!) Seriously, I think your husband needs to respect that he is the only one that wants to be in Australia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Its a hard situation, guess someone always gives in. Arguing and you being unhappy will make the children find it hard to settle. As they are children they will do whatever is requested of them. How do I know, my brother and I were those children and my Mum was totally unhappy so we grew up hating where we were, this in turn isolated us a bit from others and it only changed when we grew up and realised it was all mum's dream to return, dad's dream to not return, nothing to do with us really. My mum did return for two years with my brother and came back, then went again when my brother was in his teens and came back. The things she remembered were rosy, the reality was not so rosy. Of course that is not the same for everyone. We move on in life and so does everyone else. Live every day and try to be happy, have a dream of returning but do not waste days wondering. Illness has come to my family and honestly its live every day of life, its important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevieF8 Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 If you are going to seek advice on a private matter on a public forum, do you really think it's wise using your own name as your username? Perhaps use the 'contact us' at the bottom left of the page and request a change from site admin Just an idea..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Hi, You ask why you back down all the time - is it because of the potential consequences of having to return to the UK without hubby? You've also said that the kids are dissappointed that they're not returning home, it's going to be quite difficult for them getting caught up in the conflict of the decision making and they may feel as if they're choosing sides. You didn't mention how old they are, but for me personally, if they're still reasonably youngish I wouldn't keep talking to them about going home (unless they raise it), not including them in the discussions (if they turn to arguments) .. include them in the process once the decisions have been made. If you're finding it hard to make a decision together - get some outside help, Relationships Australia is a great organisation and isn't just about relationship breakups but can help with situations like yours of helping couples communicate. As others have suggested - try a trip back (if you haven't already done so), it usually helps cement the decision one way or another, after that I guess you and hubby have to make decisions about your relationship and your future together and if that is in Aus, in the UK or one in each country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Somgirl Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 If you are going to seek advice on a private matter on a public forum, do you really think it's wise using your own name as your username? Perhaps use the 'contact us' at the bottom left of the page and request a change from site admin Just an idea..... It might not be her real name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevieF8 Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 It might not be her real name. It might not be....but what are the odds? There have been people before who have posted under a username and family members have worked out it's them from the info they have put on here, one from a profile picture I couldn't care less either way, but someone only has to Google that 'user name' and they are directed here...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcorners Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Hi, You ask why you back down all the time - is it because of the potential consequences of having to return to the UK without hubby? You've also said that the kids are dissappointed that they're not returning home, it's going to be quite difficult for them getting caught up in the conflict of the decision making and they may feel as if they're choosing sides. You didn't mention how old they are, but for me personally, if they're still reasonably youngish I wouldn't keep talking to them about going home (unless they raise it), not including them in the discussions (if they turn to arguments) .. include them in the process once the decisions have been made. If you're finding it hard to make a decision together - get some outside help, Relationships Australia is a great organisation and isn't just about relationship breakups but can help with situations like yours of helping couples communicate. As others have suggested - try a trip back (if you haven't already done so), it usually helps cement the decision one way or another, after that I guess you and hubby have to make decisions about your relationship and your future together and if that is in Aus, in the UK or one in each country. She said the kids are 13 and 10, I think old enough to be involved in the decision making process. Soon enough they'll pretty much have to make a decision to stay or not for the sake of the kids educations, and that decision will have to stick until they leave school. I think telling her that buying a house would make her feel settled is like telling rowing parents to have a child, the 'it'll make you stronger' argument. It could easily end up trapping them here or causing more arguments. To the OP, you have to be honest with your husband. Don't make promises that you can't keep as ultimately you will let the other person down, which can be far more soul-destroying for that person than being totally honest in the first place. Why does he think that Australia is better for the kids if they're obviously not happy here? He is probably in slight denial about the situation. You need to ask him what he thinks the kids think about Australia, and gauge what he says. If all your discussions end in a flaming row, try writing him a letter, that way you can put forward all the points that you want to. It tends to hit home much more if someone has to read and digest information on paper. You need to tell him about how you're panicking at the thought of being trapped here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I think a lot of how your feeling could be down to the loss of your parent, when we lose our parents it almost always makes us think of times gone by and all the fond memories. I think that the advice to go back for a visit is a really sensible one, sometimes we think our old life is back there waiting for us but in truth people have moved on and memories are just that. Good luck, I have to say its the thing that scares me the most, my OH and son saying they want to go back to the UK. I dont even refer to it as home, as this is my home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 She said the kids are 13 and 10, I think old enough to be involved in the decision making process. Soon enough they'll pretty much have to make a decision to stay or not for the sake of the kids educations, and that decision will have to stick until they leave school. I think telling her that buying a house would make her feel settled is like telling rowing parents to have a child, the 'it'll make you stronger' argument. It could easily end up trapping them here or causing more arguments. To the OP, you have to be honest with your husband. Don't make promises that you can't keep as ultimately you will let the other person down, which can be far more soul-destroying for that person than being totally honest in the first place. Why does he think that Australia is better for the kids if they're obviously not happy here? He is probably in slight denial about the situation. You need to ask him what he thinks the kids think about Australia, and gauge what he says. If all your discussions end in a flaming row, try writing him a letter, that way you can put forward all the points that you want to. It tends to hit home much more if someone has to read and digest information on paper. You need to tell him about how you're panicking at the thought of being trapped here. Sorry I didn't see the ages of the children. Your response regarding the house seemed to be directed at me, however, I believe the OP said it was her husband who said this ... I never mentioned the housing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cal2 Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 will the children be allowed to return to the UK without their father's consent, I know there's been alot of discussion on here about that, but I dont know the answer, I really think a 3 week return would help you decide, good advice about not using your real name if that's what it is I hope it all works out for you Cal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcorners Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Sorry I didn't see the ages of the children. Your response regarding the house seemed to be directed at me, however, I believe the OP said it was her husband who said this ... I never mentioned the housing. No it wasn't directed to you, that's why I put a gap between the paragraphs, sorry if you thought it was directed at you. Someone else had mentioned the house purchase it in addition to the husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truchazul Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 Hi I lived in Oz as a child with parents who had been posted thro air force what I can remember of it had always stayed with me until one day I asked OH if they fancied going we went through the system took 3 years visa granted and off we went the minute we landed OH never gave OZ a chance in my opinion anyone who emigrates should give it at least 2 years no matter how hard it gets then if still feeling the same come back for an extended holiday which will give you enough time to evaluate whether you want to stay in Oz or go back to UK. I have for 22 years wanted to come back to OZ my children never wanted to come back and still wish they stayed, after 5 years back in the UK my OH and I seperated and that was all down to coming back, I have now been given a life line and a 457 sponsorship to go back my children are very pleased for me and are hoping if the opportunity comes they will see for them selves if they can come over to stay and live as PR, I know very well how hard it is and people only seem to get homesick for friends and family but if other members of the family got a chance to see the life style available then it could be possible to persuade them to move too which could make live in OZ be the place you went there for in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.