mrsindecision Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 We're now in the final countdown to returning and I have been hit by the biggest wave of cold feet - mainly I think because I have got used to the simple life I have now (boring really) and am scared at hitting reality. The mind is a bit of a bugger because if I knew I couldnt return I would be miserable - now we are returning I am scared of all the negative things people are saying abou the Uk. In 3 years I have got used to the blandness and fear I am becoming blander I guess. Even more reason to return. My head is clear it's the right decision I see my vibrant teenage sons also giving in to the culture and striving to maintain their interests and vibrancy between themselves as they have no-one else to share it properly with ( music, politics, humour). I am also afraid of getting caught up in people's lives again - weird that isn't it as that's what I loved about my life before I came - my close relationships with my family and friends now I am thinking it's all too much drama as no-one is really interested in your life here and its ups and downs - so you get used to holding it all in ( or letting it out on PIO!!!!). Someone please hit me with a wet fish and tell me to get over myself!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jomark Posted May 19, 2010 Share Posted May 19, 2010 i just wanted to ask in what ways are we 10/20 years behind uk/europe.weve been here 4 years and were lucky to settle quickly,met a lot of people who struggled but most stayed and settled.we never left the uk because we hated it,it just seemed like a good idea to come here.good luck to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Caitmelbourne Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I stupidly said on facebook that I had been offered sponsorship to stay in Melbourne & was undecided, I received an array of messages from people saying they were jealous, I'd be crazy not to accept, the UK is crap etc. However, the majority of these people are young with no ties & I thought 'well why arn't you doing it then!!' I'm pretty sure I will return to London in the coming weeks & I dread people telling me they think I'm bonkers for doing so. I have to live with my choice every day, not other people. That will teach me for spouting my indecision on the internet :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 i just wanted to ask in what ways are we 10/20 years behind uk/europe. I'd like to see that quantified also? I've even seen it stated that Oz is 30yrs behind. In what way? In some ways the Oz "dress sense" seems "dated" and internet is way behind, but unless I am missing something, I find little else to gripe about. From what I experienced during my last visit to the UK, some things, like public transport, (particularly the trains) I found to be almost archaic compared to Oz.........but I suppose this is a matter for another thread. kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SophieKin Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I stupidly said on facebook that I had been offered sponsorship to stay in Melbourne & was undecided, I received an array of messages from people saying they were jealous, I'd be crazy not to accept, the UK is crap etc. However, the majority of these people are young with no ties & I thought 'well why arn't you doing it then!!' I'm pretty sure I will return to London in the coming weeks & I dread people telling me they think I'm bonkers for doing so. I have to live with my choice every day, not other people. That will teach me for spouting my indecision on the internet :wink: I find it so irritating when people think you are crazy for returning. I have tried to share my feelings with my family(in UK and here) about wanting to return and all they say is the UK is rubbish and wish we could be in Oz, like I am ungrateful. They are not taking me seriously and I think it is the reaction of people that makes me feel even worse! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Caitmelbourne Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Exactly! To be fair, I have had pangs of jealousy in the past when I hear of people jet-setting & getting these amazing opportunities abroad. It's just an idea & the day-day reality of living/working on the other side of the world is not for everyone. You are the one waking up to your life every day, I know it's hard dealing with the comments though & the things people say do make you question your own judgement! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lifeinmono Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I've never wanted to return to the UK since arriving, however, reading peoples threads has probably changed the way I reply. I used to say that perhaps they needed longer, whereas now my answer is life's too short to be unahappy. I can't be truly empathic because I've never had thoughts of returning, i've missed people but I haven't truly missed living in the UK and therefore not felt that i've been homesick in anyway. I've always thought the ''give it more time'' thing is really silly. It makes sense when someone is homesick in their first week in Australia to ''give it more time'' but after that it's absurd ''advice''. It comes from the idea that Australia REALLY IS WONDERFUL and given a little more time YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND AND SEE THE LIGHT!!! No. The reality (which some godzoners find impossible to grasp) is that Australia is NOT perfect and has just as many disadvantages as advantages - same as most other countries. It doesn't suit everyone and just because Person A loves it doesn't mean Person B has to as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conniebygaslight Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 I've always thought the ''give it more time'' thing is really silly. It makes sense when someone is homesick in their first week in Australia to ''give it more time'' but after that it's absurd ''advice''. It comes from the idea that Australia REALLY IS WONDERFUL and given a little more time YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND AND SEE THE LIGHT!!! No. The reality (which some godzoners find impossible to grasp) is that Australia is NOT perfect and has just as many disadvantages as advantages - same as most other countries. It doesn't suit everyone and just because Person A loves it doesn't mean Person B has to as well. Absolutely right- why is it that if people love it here then that is totally accepted by the people who don't but not the other way around. Yet in the UK it's completely vice versa. I'm fully expecting a barrage of abuse from people in the UK because the 'sun shines here' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I've always thought the ''give it more time'' thing is really silly. It makes sense when someone is homesick in their first week in Australia to ''give it more time'' but after that it's absurd ''advice''. It comes from the idea that Australia REALLY IS WONDERFUL and given a little more time YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND AND SEE THE LIGHT!!! No. The reality (which some godzoners find impossible to grasp) is that Australia is NOT perfect and has just as many disadvantages as advantages - same as most other countries. It doesn't suit everyone and just because Person A loves it doesn't mean Person B has to as well. Ah! But that isn't the case for most is it?............and I really don't believe that most offering the "more time" advice really do so because they think Oz is wonderful.........I certainly don't. I offer that advice (as I believe many do) based purely on how long I knew that it took me to truly settle. In my time here on PIO, I have read avidly and it appears to me that most returnees don't return because they are totally dissilusioned with Oz, but mainly because they don't have that elusive sense of "belonging" or because they miss familiarity of family and friends. In these cases, it would be fair advice (in my opinion) to say, "give it a little more time" as you can't expect anyone to feel like they "belong" or not to miss old friends, after just a few months. There is also the trauma of new work, new home, new school etc and to not advise someone to "give it more time" when they had hardly given it time to recover from that trauma would be to fail them IMHO. They have hardly had a chance to recover their blighted senses after only 3 to 6 months, but OTOH, if they didn't feel settled after 12 months, I think it would be fair not to give the advice that seems to predominate here of 2 to 3 yrs. With regards to the "belonging"........No country (or it's people) is/are without their failings and I think that elusive "belonging" that people talk about is when you can actually accept and live with those failings. It's the acceptance of the failings of either country and not the yearning for the good that should be an indicator of where one belongs. Newcomers to Oz may find the failings "grating" but not totally unacceptable once they are "settled". This could be when the "belonging" feeling sets in. The fact that some return to the UK even though they may have some of it's failings as a reason for leaving, could illustrate that they have finally accepted the UK's failings (but not Oz's) and thereby recognise their sense of "belonging" in/to the UK. kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest proud2beaussie Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Absolutely right- why is it that if people love it here then that is totally accepted by the people who don't but not the other way around. I think that is a bit of a generalisation actually,there are plenty of people like myself who adore Australia but who also recognise the fact that not everyone agrees,I have said many times that whilst I love Australia and would never wish to live anywhere else for an extended period of time I completly understand that there are others who will never be happy here,and I have never wished anyone returning to the UK ill fortune. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aldo Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 godzoners It's funny because it's true :biglaugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sykestykes Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I've always thought the ''give it more time'' thing is really silly. It makes sense when someone is homesick in their first week in Australia to ''give it more time'' but after that it's absurd ''advice''. It comes from the idea that Australia REALLY IS WONDERFUL and given a little more time YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND AND SEE THE LIGHT!!! No. The reality (which some godzoners find impossible to grasp) is that Australia is NOT perfect and has just as many disadvantages as advantages - same as most other countries. It doesn't suit everyone and just because Person A loves it doesn't mean Person B has to as well. I can only speak from my own perspective, so I'll try to give some idea of how it has been for me. I agree that what is one man's meat is another man's poison but you really do have to give yourself time to adjust to what has been a huge, life-changing event. Soon after we arrived, I found myself hit by the most crippling homesickness - well, people sickness. I was alone during the day, the kids had started school and the OH was contracted to start work after only 9 days in the country. Our shipping had not arrived,so I would sit on a camping chair in our empty rental house with no furniture or familiar things around me and cry my little heart out. When my husband came home from work he would find me like that most days. It broke his heart because we couldn't afford to go back. Sometimes I would go out for a walk just to see another person, and my eyes would be welling up with tears because I knew no one would talk to me, other than to say "Hi" in passing - because they didn't know me. We simply could not afford to return, so I had to get on with it. But 15 months later I am settled and happy here, I know people to talk to and how to find places in the car, I no longer get lost and feel stupid because everything is so unfamiliar. Of course I still miss people but it is not the gut-wrenching awfulness that engulfed me in the early days. In short, I'm happy again. What I'm trying to say is that, because we all live in the "now", when we are homesick we think we will always feel like that. That's why we have to allow a reasonable length of time before we can differentiate between being temporarily homesick and permanently homesick - and once you've made that decision with clarity, you know it's the right one. Sue x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Caitmelbourne Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 That's really good advice Sue & well done for getting yourself out of a dark place! I agree that we do live in the 'now'. My personal concern is that these feelings of homesickness & anxiety will deepen into something more crippling. I'm not sure that is a risk many are willing to take. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sykestykes Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 That's really good advice Sue & well done for getting yourself out of a dark place! I agree that we do live in the 'now'. My personal concern is that these feelings of homesickness & anxiety will deepen into something more crippling. I'm not sure that is a risk many are willing to take. Thanks Kitty. :wubclub: I'd be the first to say if you are still deeply unhappy after the initial shock of making such a huge move, that you need to get back to a place where you feel like "you" again. I'd probably have been back like a shot in those early days but we had no choice but to stick it out and live through it, so I sympathise completely with anyone who suffers for any length of time. People know themselves better than anyone else, and owe nobody any justifications for why they felt it wasn't for them. The people who look at returners and say "Are you mad?" are probably the ones who will never/have never give it a go themselves and so are not in any position to comment. Very best wishes to you for your future, I know you're going through the mill at the moment :hug: Sue x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conniebygaslight Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 I think that is a bit of a generalisation actually,there are plenty of people like myself who adore Australia but who also recognise the fact that not everyone agrees,I have said many times that whilst I love Australia and would never wish to live anywhere else for an extended period of time I completly understand that there are others who will never be happy here,and I have never wished anyone returning to the UK ill fortune. I should hope you haven't wished anyone any ill fortune lol! In my experience as we are telling people we are returning we are trying to do so without causing offence about their country (or adopted one)- so we go down the route of just saying-things aren't working and missing friends etc (although this is true it is actually only a small part) We avoid saying what we really feel because we are sure what we feel it would offend-telling people we just don't fit in here then causes allsorts of questions about what we don't like and that opens up a real can of worms. They on the other hand have no qualms about telling us we are mad, stupid and the UK has gone to the dogs, its dreadful and we haven't even tried to fit in etc :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest proud2beaussie Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 They on the other hand have no qualms about telling us we are mad, stupid and the UK has gone to the dogs, its dreadful and we haven't even tried to fit in etc Well IMO if you get that kind of response then you should simply say that all of those things may well be true but that you would rather be there than here,and if they have any sense they will accept that . Personally I wish everyone who came to Australia loved it as much as I do but the reality is that is not going to happen and it is better for people who can't settle here to return to a place where they are happy than to stay here and end up bitter and resenting Australia and Australians. I wish you the best for the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Isnt it interesting how people respond - I can honestly say that I was never homesick in the real sense of the word - just got right on in and lived here but that didnt make the "belongingness" any better. I think I was in the head set of "gee isnt it great to be in Australia and even though my head says this is home my heart says it isnt". It isnt until the choice to live here or not has been taken away from me has the rot set in and a lot of the little things which irritated now bug the hell out of me. For the first 10 years it was an adventure, then it was tedium and now it is jail. I have always kept my mouth shut about really preferring to be in UK in my old age until recently but now I have been quite outspoken about it and have been amazed at the number of long term expats like myself who just sigh and say "I'd go back tomorrow if I could (citing finances, grandkids, recalcitrant husbands etc as rationale for not going)" and, even more surprising, a number of Aussies who have said that THEY would love to live in England (often chasing their kids who have emigrated back or the history or the culture) but cannot get visas. One lady at a party recently was almost in tears because she was so desperate to live in UK where her sons were but she had no way in and, boy, was she jealous of me! Of course there have been the few "what on earth for" queries but not the majority for the most part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plazze Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 Being here one year now and am homsick everday . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conniebygaslight Posted May 23, 2010 Author Share Posted May 23, 2010 Being here one year now and am homsick everday . That's awful- how do you cope with that- where are you and what's your story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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