going home

[Guest bshootz]

Hi guys, just to give you a quick update, my husband and myself have had a big talk, and i have been to the doctors and he has referred me to councelling, due to mild depression, how ever the doctor thinks i am a strong person and doesnt need anti depressants.

I know that when i first posted i was in a very dark place, my husband has worked hard back in the uk , in an awful environment and he hated it.

Here i have worked hard at two jobs and he has looked after the boys, who he loves dearly, and has taken care of the house.

Dont know where we go from here, but i still feel we need to go home.

Bec x

[Quoll]

So glad that you have been to see the doctor - and that he has teed you up for some counselling sessions. At last you can see some light at the end of the tunnel.

 

You may find that if your DH doesnt want to go home then he may prevent you from taking the kids home with you if he loves them that much. You may well find, like other women here, that you dont have a choice about whether you go home or not.

 

Good luck with it and I hope things get better for you!

[Guest Shootz]

Hi guys,

 

i could sympathise with this guy a little bit, but my sympathy soon runs out when he hasn't worked and hasn't really bothered looking for work since getting there over 6 months ago, especially in a place where jobs are bountiful. The blokes a ponce, a waster, a no hoper and Becx should ditch him and return without him. Him saying he wants to travel makes me think that he will some how end up in Thailand filling his oats, i know i am doing him down, but lets face it wanting to leave your wife and kids, what a first class PLONKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

JIM:arghh:

 

A ponce, waster, no hoper eh?

How about we meet up and you can call me that to my face?

 

Do not judge people until you know the full story.:realmad:

 

Hi all this is Lee , Bec's husband.

I only found this thread this morning and i must say it came as bit of a shock.

 

I do not normally partake in forums as i feel there are to many idiots on them but i feel the need to clear my name and at least put my side across.

 

Thank you to the few who have not decided to judge me.

 

Firstly it would seem that the picture that has been painted of me seems to make me out to be a lazy work shy slob who is living off his wife.

 

I am a house husband at present, looking after the children getting them ready for school, picking them up,cooking the meals, house work shopping, mowing lawns etc.

 

I make sure that my wife has to do nothing at all when not at work.

 

Also i have been looking for work,and would be only to glad to be the main wage earner again as i was when back in the UK.

 

I was a printer back home, and the work i did back home is pretty much non existent here in the metropolitan area of Perth.

 

The only work i can find is low paid compared to what my wife can earn working at the hospital.

 

The only reason we are here is because my wife is a nurse,but we all have permanent visas so i can work over here as well.

 

Also at present we only have one car so there is no way i can travel to Perth from Rockingham,and leave Bec and the boys without a car.

 

I knew Bec was homesick but was never told that she resented me for not having a job here!

 

Back home i worked for long hours at a job i didn't like, but just got on with it for the sake of my family.

 

I would do the same over here if i can find a half decent job.

 

The post my wife made about me sending her and the boys bach home was made by her after an argument we had about staying here.

I said some heat of the moment stuff,as a lot of us do in arguments.

 

It should no way have been posted on here:realmad:

Things like that should stay private.

It made me out to be a selfish uncaring father which could not be further away from the truth.

 

The only thing that i am guilty of is wanting a better life for my family in a nicer place.

 

Our home town Boston is one of the biggest holes in the UK.

This place Rockingham is postcard stuff with stunning beaches,brilliant facilities all built with enjoyment in mind.

 

So the thought of going home is something that makes me very sad.

 

On the other hand i do not want to be here without my family,and it has made me sad that Bec is finding it hard to settle.

 

She misses her mum and dad and friends as do the children.

 

Of course i miss my folks and some very good friends back home, but still feel i am in a much better place here.

 

I also feel that it is a better place to bring the kids up,as i feel the UK has well and truly shot it.

I have spoken to lots of UK people who have moved here and they all missed home at first,and they all say you have to give it at least 2 years to settle,then make a decision.

6 months in my opinion is not long enough to decide weather it is for you or not.

 

We have put every penny we had in to moving here, and would not have much money to go back to the UK with after selling everything we have here.

 

We seem to have more money here with just one job,where as back in the UK we struggled and that's with 2 good wages coming in.

Life seems more fun here and laid back and less expensive.

It is just a shame that Bec is missing her folks so much.

 

At the end of the day we must do what is right and i do not want to be the person who wants to keep them here if they are not happy.

 

Big decisions to be made.

 

Anyway this place is wonderful,and if anyone is thinking of coming here DO IT.

All i will say is if anyone is very close to their family, i would think long and hard about moving.

In 6 months time you will be wanting to go home. Women in particular.

Save yourself the hassle and expense.

 

Anyway i just wanted to put my version across before more people who know nothing decide to judge me and hurl insults from the safety of their key pads!!!

Thanks for reading.

Lee.

[Kabroom]

Hi Lee/Bec

 

As they say there are always two sides to every story and it must be very difficult when you are both on opposite ends of the scale.

 

Lee I agree with a lot of what you are saying and I would also feel uncomfortable if my oh posted these things on a forum BUT I realise sometimes it helps for people to put things down in writing, everyone is different.

 

I would consider myself very close to my family but I still uprooted and moved to the other side of the world and surprisinglyI am coping better than I thought I would and having read a lot of the posts on here I thought I would be in the same predicament.

 

I hope you manage to sort things out as a family and the best of luck to you.

[mrsindecision]

Hi Lee/Bec

 

As they say there are always two sides to every story and it must be very difficult when you are both on opposite ends of the scale.

 

Lee I agree with a lot of what you are saying and I would also feel uncomfortable if my oh posted these things on a forum BUT I realise sometimes it helps for people to put things down in writing, everyone is different.

 

I would consider myself very close to my family but I still uprooted and moved to the other side of the world and surprisinglyI am coping better than I thought I would and having read a lot of the posts on here I thought I would be in the same predicament.

 

I hope you manage to sort things out as a family and the best of luck to you.

 

I too must agree that it must have been hard for you Lee to read the posts - but the purpose of the anonymity of these forums is to allow yourself to express feelings that are sometimes hard to express to those closest to you - and your wife obviously needed to do that and feel supported in what is for her and many on here a difficult situation. Sometimes those feelings are transient and sometimes longer lasting - so please dont berate Bec for her posting they were/are her feelings and she is entitled to them.

 

Also please dont worry about being judged - those that do that are not worth worrying about it's what goes on between you that's important. I know my husband would have sounded just like you 6 months after arrival and me just like Bec - we have chugged along and made a life here but ultimately things haven't changed except my husband is now of the same opinion as me and we are going back to the UK. I too have had times where I felt I was losing it and on the verge of a real depression this is not an easy place to be.

 

Good luck to you both and remember to take good care of each other as while you are here - no-one else will.

 

:hug:

[ali]

Perhaps Lee and Bec, now you both know how each of you feels you can build upon that. Relationships Australia are an excellent organisation that you can both go to as a couple - perhaps it's worth considering. I think the tfact that Bec posted after an argument, emphasises just how isolating it can be sometimes in a new country and your usual support networks are absent - it's incredibly lonley and depressing when you find you have no-one to turn to to discuss your worries .... I guess that's when PIO becomes the shoulder you can lean/cry on.

 

I hope you can both work things out to an outcome you're both happy with.

 

Ali

[Guest guest36187]

I think Alis right. Now everything is out in the open, you need to work together. My suggestion would be to step away from PIO and spend your time together talking as a family. Look forward not back.

[Guest guest30038]

First up Lee, thanks for having the balls to enlighten us as to your side of the story.

 

Although you are angered, and rightly so, regarding being judged by those who don't really know you, you must acknowledge that Bec's comment, "my oh hasnt got a job.....hasnt even looked prooperly for one" would be more than likely to get most people judging you. It isn't a statement that one can debate really, or see the other side of the story, it is either a statement of fact or a downright lie, and most would judge it as fact and therefore judge you accordingly.............if a lie, then they would therefore likely judge Bec accordingly. I'm not passing judgement on either of you, just trying to show why others would pass judgement.........A cry for help from a woman who is missing her family, distressed about her situation, and unhappy that her husband "hasnt even looked prooperly for one" would clearly provoke some response that would not meet you approval, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that response was unjustified if the original post was a truth.

 

It's obvious that you both have some very serious decisions to make and sometimes, an outside ear can be very helpful in helping couple reach middle ground..........PIO, I would say, is very good at that............listening and helping.

 

Bec was obviously distressed and likely still is. Having no family nearby to talk to, she "let it all hang out" here on PIO. That may well anger you, or hopefully, it may well give you both a pause to think about why Bec felt the need to do that? If you can both find agreement on that, I'm sure that you will find ironing out your other problems will come a lot easier.

 

Good luck to you both, and Lee...........there's idiots, as you say on all forums, but there's also some wonderful folk who will listen and try to help. I've spilled my guts here before and been met with derision, but the ones who matter are those who, even if they do judge (rightly or wrongly) will still try to help a fellow human being in a considerate manner.

 

kev

 

PS I know what a grind it is for you too Lee............I'm on home duties also.

[legoman]

Hi guys,

 

i could sympathise with this guy a little bit, but my sympathy soon runs out when he hasn't worked and hasn't really bothered looking for work since getting there over 6 months ago, especially in a place where jobs are bountiful. The blokes a ponce, a waster, a no hoper and Becx should ditch him and return without him. Him saying he wants to travel makes me think that he will some how end up in Thailand filling his oats, i know i am doing him down, but lets face it wanting to leave your wife and kids, what a first class PLONKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

JIM:arghh:

 

 

 

 

I gotta be honest here Jim after reading some of your posts. You have;nt yet experienced the move to Oz, the exhilaration the ups and downs, the real frets and worries. its easy to sit in a comfort zone in your living room in the uk dreaming of the fluffy bits of oz, believe me when you arrive and reality kicks in its a shock to the most prepared of people moving to Oz. those who have done the move know where i coming from and would never make judgment on others. Do the move, make the report but dont judge others til you have done it. no disrespect intended but i have seen the good and bad, people split up op, some even lost babies due to stress. However hard you may think it will be. it will be harder :notworthy:

[Guest guest36187]

This thread has certainly stirred up some emotions here and there. I think we should all respect the OP and her family and allow them to work things out without making any more judgements on here.

[Guest bebe1375]

Your wife didn't say you were a work shy slob. By the sounds of it you've settled right into ozzie life. But becs is finding it a bit harder. We'd all love decent jobs with wonderful pay, sometimes its just not that simple. You both did a wonderful thing trying out a new life, hoping it'd be better for the whole family. I hope things work out for the whole family. Don't be to distressed at Becs coming on here, sometimes we just need to reach out in difficult times. And I hope that you finding the posts hasn't put becs off from speaking on pio when she feels the need. At the end of the day we are anon people who don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Good luck with your new life.

 

Bebe :hug:

 

PS. My husband has just hollered at me will you come off that computer.. I said no.. He said.. and do some housework... I said no I'm relaxing.. I'm pregnant... He said .. I wish I was pregnant and relaxing lololol It goes on in every home!

Oopps I forgot...As he scubs the kitchen floor lol

[Guest Guest31881]

Hi Lee and Beck,

 

i hope that one good thing comes out of this, and that is that you will now know how each other feels. Its hard sometimes to explain to your partner exactly how you feel. i hope you two will be able to work through this and come out the other side in a stronger relationship. You both sound like caring people who want the best for each other.

[Guest The Ropey HOFF]

Hi Lee,

 

you admit that the picture painted of you was that of a waster, i didn't paint the picture and i was sticking up for a lady who appeared in distress. The comments about you were awful, but my comments about you were based on what was written, i don't regret saying them and would do the same again, whether it was one sided or not. As for your theats, don't make me laugh, i'm a 6 foot 3 inch hairy ars-d Yorkshire screw. I would have apologised to you, but my remarks were based on what had been said about you and it painted not a nice picture.

 

jim.

[Guest The Ropey HOFF]

I gotta be honest here Jim after reading some of your posts. You have;nt yet experienced the move to Oz, the exhilaration the ups and downs, the real frets and worries. its easy to sit in a comfort zone in your living room in the uk dreaming of the fluffy bits of oz, believe me when you arrive and reality kicks in its a shock to the most prepared of people moving to Oz. those who have done the move know where i coming from and would never make judgment on others. Do the move, make the report but dont judge others til you have done it. no disrespect intended but i have seen the good and bad, people split up op, some even lost babies due to stress. However hard you may think it will be. it will be harder :notworthy:

 

Hi legoman,

 

i understand what you are saying, but i said it because we were told that hubby hadn't bothered to look for work and had told his wife to go home and he would go travelling, leaving his kids. If this isn't true, then he has to ask why it was printed, but i replied to one persons comments whether they are accurate is not the point, i say it how i see it. Also both me and my wife have always worked and never relied on anyone, life isn't easy either here in the uk, or in oz.

 

jim

[Guest guest36187]

This thread has been closed now. The parties concerned need to deal with this issue in private rather than the continued debate on the open forum. The OP has been PM`d in regard to this.