Guest bshootz Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Hi everyone, we have been in w/a only for 6 months , two boys me and oh, and i can safely say that australia is not for me, have been a closed book really and trying to keep a 'stiff uper lip' for my boys sake, as i know my youngest is desperate to go home, my eldest has just told me that he to wants to go home, saying ' that he would rather be with family and friends who loved him than being in wa, how ever nice it is. However my oh doesn't want to come back, he hates the uk and said that the place made him miserable. I work as a nurse and my oh hasnt got a job.....hasnt even looked prooperly for one, which is making things really tense between us, and i am really resenting him, i feel sad all the time and i just dont know what to do for the best. I miss my family and friends really bad and my boys keep asking me when are we going home.....this is a really hard place to be, as i know that if me and the boys go back and my oh stays thay will probably not see him again . becx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sabink Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Ouch worst case scenario, chin up hunny - and do whats right for your boys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest smileykylie Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 you poor thing that is a tough situation to be in. You have to talk to your OH about this and be really clear about how you are feeling. Is there anything that could be done to help you feel you could stay?? If not you have to decide what is best for you and the kids - they don't deserve to be in a situation where everyone is miserable. I wish you all the best - this sounds like a real crossroads in your relationship - i hope you can work it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2tigers Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Sorry to read your dilemma, if your thinking of going home please read this 1st so your aware.... http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-gossip-chat/47091-children-what-happens-if-you-your-partner-decide-go-home.html Take care and I hope your OH sticks with his family xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bebe1375 Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Hi everyone, we have been in w/a only for 6 months , two boys me and oh, and i can safely say that australia is not for me, have been a closed book really and trying to keep a 'stiff uper lip' for my boys sake, as i know my youngest is desperate to go home, my eldest has just told me that he to wants to go home, saying ' that he would rather be with family and friends who loved him than being in wa, how ever nice it is.However my oh doesn't want to come back, he hates the uk and said that the place made him miserable. I work as a nurse and my oh hasnt got a job.....hasnt even looked prooperly for one, which is making things really tense between us, and i am really resenting him, i feel sad all the time and i just dont know what to do for the best. I miss my family and friends really bad and my boys keep asking me when are we going home.....this is a really hard place to be, as i know that if me and the boys go back and my oh stays thay will probably not see him again . becx I read your story in another post you made, it was hard to read. Really tugged at the heart strings. Maybe your husband should be thinking more of you and the kids. I'm sending you best wishes and hope that things work out for you. Bebe x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Hi Bec, So sorry it's not turning out how you expected - have sent you a pm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Newboroughs Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 You poor old thing. Very difficult place to be. I agree with earlier posts. You gotta talk it through with the oh even if its really really hard to do it. If you aren't happy your kids won't be either. Not only have you had to settle into a new place but you have had the responsibility of supporting your family with it sounds like little back up. How can anyone settle in this situation, you gotta (without sounding to corney) be a team. Bless you, i wish you all the best. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest vidal1974 Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 I wish you all the best, perhaps once you return to the UK he may well follow you home? I am also leaving my hubby (Aussie) behind. He has thankfully agreed for me to take our daughter (at this stage) so no legal battles. I can only hope that he misses us so much that he joins us in the UK. Good luck in your future Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest angedoon Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Don't know if this helps, but my homesickness didn't subside for a couple of years after arriving here (been here 11 years). Also do you still have to do two full years here to complete your visa? If so why not stay one more year and then you can come and go as you please? I say this as I have several friends in Perth who moved back to the uk within the first year, and are now all back in Perth after realising that the uk was still the uk that made them want to leave in the first place. Must be a really hard decision, good luck with whatever you decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 I wish you all the best, perhaps once you return to the UK he may well follow you home? If he's unemployed, he may well have to :yes: kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofyhugger Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 I really feel for you Bec, your boys are what is important, and their friends and family are important to them. And between them and you, you know where you want to be. I don't have a wife and kids, but I know I would hate to see them unhappy, and would put that before my own. I hope he can see what he needs to do. Hugs. Matt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Ropey HOFF Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Hi Becx, to me the only really good reason why anyone would want to return from Australia would be because they are missing family and you don't have to answer to anyone over that, it isn't until you are living there that these feelings are well and truly with you and everyone is different, some it doesn't matter as much to, but to others it is all consuming heart-ache. I am not saying others don't have other reasons for coming back to the uk, but to me the pull of family would be the only really good reason, some will disagree, its only my opinion. Can i just ask you a question, did you ever really want to go, or was it your husband who pushed it. Your children will be effected by your personal circumstances and kids minds don't function like adults and if you stayed they would eventually accept living there as they get older. All the best and i hope it all works out for you wherever you end up. jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mark and Sharon Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Hi,we came home in june last year after only spending 6month`s in Brisbane.Sharon and Emily our youngest couldn`t wait to get back 'home' ,i wouldv`e liked to have given it longer and Charlie our eldest really didn`t want to come back.We are now back in the swing of thing`s and have just spent a very very lovely xmas in the snow and it was one of our best ever.We now feel that the whole oz thing is out of our system`s although Charlie has plan`s to go back when he finishes school.You don`t know unless you go and we will never say to ourselves i wish we had given oz a go,we gave it a go and it wasn`t for us.We spent a fortune trying a different lifestyle but we wouldn`t change a thing,you can`t buy happiness and we`re all very happy now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Hi,we came home in june last year after only spending 6month`s in Brisbane.Sharon and Emily our youngest couldn`t wait to get back 'home' ,i wouldv`e liked to have given it longer and Charlie our eldest really didn`t want to come back.We are now back in the swing of thing`s and have just spent a very very lovely xmas in the snow and it was one of our best ever.We now feel that the whole oz thing is out of our system`s although Charlie has plan`s to go back when he finishes school.You don`t know unless you go and we will never say to ourselves i wish we had given oz a go,we gave it a go and it wasn`t for us.We spent a fortune trying a different lifestyle but we wouldn`t change a thing,you can`t buy happiness and we`re all very happy now. A nice honest post Mark & Sharon, no bitterness, you sound like an adventurous couple, and you are so much more enriched now in knowing what is for you. Have a great life guys:notworthy: Susie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Hi Becx, to me the only really good reason why anyone would want to return from Australia would be because they are missing family and you don't have to answer to anyone over that, it isn't until you are living there that these feelings are well and truly with you and everyone is different, some it doesn't matter as much to, but to others it is all consuming heart-ache. I am not saying others don't have other reasons for coming back to the uk, but to me the pull of family would be the only really good reason, some will disagree, its only my opinion. Can i just ask you a question, did you ever really want to go, or was it your husband who pushed it. Your children will be effected by your personal circumstances and kids minds don't function like adults and if you stayed they would eventually accept living there as they get older. All the best and i hope it all works out for you wherever you end up. jim It's more than just missing family, Jim, it is the whole lifestyle thing and feeling of belongingess. You are right though, until you have done it you have no idea of how living in an alien land is going to affect you. It may not even hit you for years because you can quite happily live the adventure for a while but sometimes you get to that "the holiday is over can I go home now" stage when you least expect it. I have several long term expat friends and with one exception they would all go home if they could but we are all pretty much past that point of no return. The one exception fled from a 2 up 2 down in Manchester when she was a teenager which probably colours her life experiences and she likes the heat. We have all been here over 30 years. My closest friend is now on holiday in Italy and waxing lyrical about it and wishing she could have those sort of experiences more often (which she could from UK!) I wish it were as simple as "missing family" - I could cope with that much more easily than having to live every day in a place which just "feels wrong" and it is the little things that compound themselves. If you want to spend your life fishing on a beach then it is probably as good a place as any to end your days but if you want more out of life then it is harder to find here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 You have to do whats right for your family and as a family. That may include compromise for your husband in that he comes back with you or compromise for you guys in that you perhaps move interstate + try somewhere else for a few months. Whatever you do, good luck in your endevaours. Good on ya for giving it a go! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bebe1375 Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 It's more than just missing family, Jim, it is the whole lifestyle thing and feeling of belongingess. You are right though, until you have done it you have no idea of how living in an alien land is going to affect you. It may not even hit you for years because you can quite happily live the adventure for a while but sometimes you get to that "the holiday is over can I go home now" stage when you least expect it. I have several long term expat friends and with one exception they would all go home if they could but we are all pretty much past that point of no return. The one exception fled from a 2 up 2 down in Manchester when she was a teenager which probably colours her life experiences and she likes the heat. We have all been here over 30 years. My closest friend is now on holiday in Italy and waxing lyrical about it and wishing she could have those sort of experiences more often (which she could from UK!) I wish it were as simple as "missing family" - I could cope with that much more easily than having to live every day in a place which just "feels wrong" and it is the little things that compound themselves. If you want to spend your life fishing on a beach then it is probably as good a place as any to end your days but if you want more out of life then it is harder to find here. Amazing post :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Hi everyone, we have been in w/a only for 6 months , two boys me and oh, and i can safely say that australia is not for me, have been a closed book really and trying to keep a 'stiff uper lip' for my boys sake, as i know my youngest is desperate to go home, my eldest has just told me that he to wants to go home, saying ' that he would rather be with family and friends who loved him than being in wa, how ever nice it is.However my oh doesn't want to come back, he hates the uk and said that the place made him miserable. I work as a nurse and my oh hasnt got a job.....hasnt even looked prooperly for one, which is making things really tense between us, and i am really resenting him, i feel sad all the time and i just dont know what to do for the best. I miss my family and friends really bad and my boys keep asking me when are we going home.....this is a really hard place to be, as i know that if me and the boys go back and my oh stays thay will probably not see him again . becx I have had that situation too Bec and know how you feel. Mabe you should pack your job in here and also kick back and enjoy the sun in OZ,Get your OH a job and get your OH to move away from his family and friends and see how that works for your OH. Put the shoe on the other foot then life in the UK may look better to the OH. Just a thought but maybe unrealistic I know lol Hang in there as Im sure you know that you cant just up and go back home with your child unless your OH agrees. Be strong and try make friends and get out and about to meet new people as life can be lonely here and you have to make more of an effort in another country to make friends. My heart goes out to you and I do feel for you I really do. Take Care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bshootz Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Thanks guye for all your replies and have red them over, yes he has given permission for me to take the boys home, he has said for us to go back so he can go travelling. He has laid the big guilt trip on me and told me how boring i am with no sense of adventure and how disapointed he is in me and he wishes i was stronger. We have a very volitile relationship anyway and for me to tell nim how i feel has taken a lot of guts i have put it off several times as i am quite afraid of him and his temper, However my husband is the kind of man thatcan charm the birds out of the tree....so he keeps promising the things i want him to do over and over but it is not happening, i think if our relationship were strong and i respected him things would be different but they arent and i dont and unfortunatally things arnt great. I want to enjoy the place, but i feel as if im drowning , worring about when the next shift is going to be, and trying to cheer the boys up etc. I dont hate the place and have made friends, but they are new friendships and you dont go telling them about yourself early on. I'm sure things will work out, i know what to do its justdoing it. Becx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woofyhugger Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 That would have taken some courage Bec, I am glad you have made a decision for you and your boys. I can't believe the guilt trip he laid on you, that's terrible. Good look to him travelling if he is unemployed. He won't get too far. Still, you will be able to follow your heart and make you and your kids happy. Things will work out Bec, they always do. Matt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Thanks guye for all your replies and have red them over, yes he has given permission for me to take the boys home, he has said for us to go back so he can go travelling.He has laid the big guilt trip on me and told me how boring i am with no sense of adventure and how disapointed he is in me and he wishes i was stronger. We have a very volitile relationship anyway and for me to tell nim how i feel has taken a lot of guts i have put it off several times as i am quite afraid of him and his temper, However my husband is the kind of man thatcan charm the birds out of the tree....so he keeps promising the things i want him to do over and over but it is not happening, i think if our relationship were strong and i respected him things would be different but they arent and i dont and unfortunatally things arnt great. I want to enjoy the place, but i feel as if im drowning , worring about when the next shift is going to be, and trying to cheer the boys up etc. I dont hate the place and have made friends, but they are new friendships and you dont go telling them about yourself early on. I'm sure things will work out, i know what to do its justdoing it. Becx Im so sorry but at least you now know where you stand with your OH now. If I was you I would be getting on the next plane HOME TO THE UK WITH YOUR CHILDREN to be with your loving family and friends while he still says you can , get it in writing from him too to state he will let you take the children back home to the uk. You and your boys will need your own family while your OH does his travelling and single life thing. Dont look back just look forward and appreciate the people who are there for you back home. Yes things will work out for you and yes just do it. Life here in Australia when your marriage breaks up is bloody hard and until you have been through it on your own no one can tell you what you go through and your children go through,its a lonely old road no matter how many friends you make in Australia. Be strong and take care of yourself and your children and get on that plane HOME.....to be with people who love and want to be there for you. My thoughts are with you and your children xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aldo Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 duplicate?? please delete Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aldo Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Now I know its a sad situation for the OP and we're all on her side but lets not start being all righteous and judgemental, insinuations of "bully" are poor show, the husband may feel just as confused and upset as the OP. As the old native American proverb goes "Don’t judge any man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Very best wishes Bec Love Susie xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Never thought that Id say this but Im with Aldo. We are only getting one side of the story here and to make insinuations about what the husband wants/should do isnt fair. Support not judgement! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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