Guest funkylad Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 janieco, thanks for your post, good luck to you and your family aswell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Hi lottiep thanks for your post i just had to laugh at the "comparing of how big is your block" its an obsession here lol Where have you returned to in the U.K. it sounds lovely? Iam going back to the Wirral over the next 2 years and it will be perminently, after 35 years here, every body thinks iam mad lol but i cant wait to wake up their every day and just drown in the Britishness of it all, been an empty 35 years to many. Keep enjoying it all xxxx Be prepared for traffic, little roads with cars parked either side .......but travel ....north yorks, devon, cornwall, scotland , northumberland .......france ,spain ...on and on . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Which prophesy in particular.... there's been a few! Sorry Ezzie , this is biblical prophecy ( no iam not some religious nutter) ,but i have read a lot on it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Hi funkylad thanks for generating some interesting posts. As a pom thats been here 35 years since age 10 and still wants to 'go home' i think there are far reaching ramifications for children who have no choice but to tag along for the ride. I dont know your kids ages but i cant stress enough to be mindful of their feelings. My parents came here Oz in 1974, my dad was an engineer and was getting nowhere in the U.K. worked shifts, paid a mortgage never had a holiday etc. He decided enough was enough. As an adult with kids and all that it entails i can see and admire were he was comming from. So off we went just the 4 of us, dad, mum, brother and myself. All other family stayed in the U.K. My mum, brother and myself hated it here. All that was familiar was wiped out. The economy here was in good shape and the money brought over from the U.K. was exchanged at 60p to an oz dollar. He was still somewhat behind but we bought a house and he had a well paying job, but still a mortgage still just getting by. When we would voice that we wanted to go home he would explain that the U.K. was a bad, dangerous place filling with all sorts of undesirebles from around the world and a population of its own only too ready to rip off the system and get free housing, colour t.v's, etc. and never any intention of working again plus breeding at a rate of knots so this situation was the future of the U.K. and we could never return to live, all that we longed for was gone. My mum and i returned for holidays 3 times and we felt the same, we just wanted to go home, it never changed. So fast forward 35 years and were are we at now. My mum still wants to go home at 71 years old, my dad is still terrified of the u,k. at 70 years old. My parents own their home, 2 cars , and have no money in reserve and live on their pensions. My brother is 42 years old with 4 kids a uni degree and renting a home living on government assistance and iam 45years old and have 2 kids and own my own home. So the question is was it a fabulous out come was it worth being isolated cut off from all other family and all experiences of family life that weave the rich tapestry of life? Would this update 35 years down the track be reading the same if we had stayed in the U.K.?? I suspect it would. The poeple we are destined to be no matter were we live will all ways be just that. Some make good others dont. Iam going home next year with my kids and will they be writing on an " ozzies in u.k" site pondering the same questions in another 35 years??????????? If your at peace then to me thats when you know you made the right choice. Good luck to you and your family. I agree with what you say about dragging the children along and it does make us feel displaced however in my opinion its not just here in Aus that we feel displaced its even in the UK. We just as children feel like we do not really belong anywhere. Also having a parent who continually whinges on and on about how good it is in the UK does not help to make children settle either, I had that with my Mum and she returned to live in the UK at two different times and then returned again. She did not take us with her. Anyway she is now 90 and she has stopped moaning about it. She should have stopped a long while ago. When my parents retired they took off to the UK they remembered and were to stay six months, they stayed three weeks and returned to Aus. I am now settled here and feel as though I belong here finally after all the moves we had when I was young and I would never do to my children what was done to me. I never moaned about where we were when they were young, they are very settled and feel Australian as they are and as it should be. Just because we are unhappy we do not have to pass it on its not an inheritance. Our children are individuals and they will make up their own minds where they want to be without assistance for us as it should be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezzie Posted October 17, 2009 Author Share Posted October 17, 2009 oo'er! What does it say then..in a nutshell of course? & how's life in Solihull btw? Sorry Ezzie , this is biblical prophecy ( no iam not some religious nutter) ,but i have read a lot on it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pablo Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 I agree with what you say about dragging the children along and it does make us feel displaced however in my opinion its not just here in Aus that we feel displaced its even in the UK. We just as children feel like we do not really belong anywhere. Also having a parent who continually whinges on and on about how good it is in the UK does not help to make children settle either, I had that with my Mum and she returned to live in the UK at two different times and then returned again. She did not take us with her. Anyway she is now 90 and she has stopped moaning about it. She should have stopped a long while ago. When my parents retired they took off to the UK they remembered and were to stay six months, they stayed three weeks and returned to Aus. I am now settled here and feel as though I belong here finally after all the moves we had when I was young and I would never do to my children what was done to me. I never moaned about where we were when they were young, they are very settled and feel Australian as they are and as it should be. Just because we are unhappy we do not have to pass it on its not an inheritance. Our children are individuals and they will make up their own minds where they want to be without assistance for us as it should be. Superb post! thats all:notworthy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest flipflop Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 I agree with what you say about dragging the children along and it does make us feel displaced however in my opinion its not just here in Aus that we feel displaced its even in the UK. We just as children feel like we do not really belong anywhere. Also having a parent who continually whinges on and on about how good it is in the UK does not help to make children settle either, I had that with my Mum and she returned to live in the UK at two different times and then returned again. She did not take us with her. Anyway she is now 90 and she has stopped moaning about it. She should have stopped a long while ago. When my parents retired they took off to the UK they remembered and were to stay six months, they stayed three weeks and returned to Aus. I am now settled here and feel as though I belong here finally after all the moves we had when I was young and I would never do to my children what was done to me. I never moaned about where we were when they were young, they are very settled and feel Australian as they are and as it should be. Just because we are unhappy we do not have to pass it on its not an inheritance. Our children are individuals and they will make up their own minds where they want to be without assistance for us as it should be. Glad you are happy but you cannot speak or really tell people how to run their own lives, if people are unhappy they must tell their children how they are feeling...truth is what bounds a family together abd surpressing feelings will make a person bitter and unhappy....you must always tell your family the truth even if it hurts them and you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Any psychologist can tell us that what we say and do as parents can have a profound effect on our children and we should be conscious of this at all times. We choose to have children its not forced upon us so we have some responsibility as adults to keep our feelings for adults and not involve and worry children. When parents fight or are upset it does affect children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest flipflop Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Any psychologist can tell us that what we say and do as parents can have a profound effect on our children and we should be conscious of this at all times. We choose to have children its not forced upon us so we have some responsibility as adults to keep our feelings for adults and not involve and worry children. When parents fight or are upset it does affect children. Sod psychologist's be honest with your children and they will grow up to respect you and more importanly will be honest with you, do not ever surpress your true feelings, kids are more intelligent than we realise and can tell when something is being held back, tell them the truth and you and your kids will not ever feel pressure building up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest barab Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Sod psychologist's be honest with your children and they will grow up to respect you and more importanly will be honest with you, do not ever surpress your true feelings, kids are more intelligent than we realise and can tell when something is being held back, tell them the truth and you and your kids will not ever feel pressure building up. Spoken like a true Jedi master. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezzie Posted October 17, 2009 Author Share Posted October 17, 2009 Flipflop...growing curious. Are you looking to come to Oz, have you gone back to the UK ...or are you even an Aussie? You keep popping up but can't work out whether you're happy in the UK or not. Sod psychologist's be honest with your children and they will grow up to respect you and more importanly will be honest with you, do not ever surpress your true feelings, kids are more intelligent than we realise and can tell when something is being held back, tell them the truth and you and your kids will not ever feel pressure building up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pablo Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Flipflop...growing curious. Are you looking to come to Oz, have you gone back to the UK ...or are you even an Aussie? You keep popping up but can't work out whether you're happy in the UK or not. He's just controversial,thats all,you say black,he'l say white:wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Any psychologist can tell us that what we say and do as parents can have a profound effect on our children and we should be conscious of this at all times. We choose to have children its not forced upon us so we have some responsibility as adults to keep our feelings for adults and not involve and worry children. When parents fight or are upset it does affect children. :wubclub: Your a sensible lass Petals, I thoroughly agree with everything you have said on this thread ss x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Sod psychologist's be honest with your children and they will grow up to respect you and more importanly will be honest with you, do not ever surpress your true feelings, kids are more intelligent than we realise and can tell when something is being held back, tell them the truth and you and your kids will not ever feel pressure building up. What a load of psychobabble! Kids need to feel safe. Parents worries/conflicts/insecurities are for the parents alone to share and resolve. Kids cannot resolve or handle the concerns and worries of adults and sometimes, cannot even handle the truth, and they should therefore not be confronted with them. There's enough sh*t heaped on kids via peer and media pressure without parents heaping their sh*t on them as well. Get real! kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezzie Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 Absolutely right...we're driving our kids mad with our bickering over whether to go back or not. We're highly stressed (understatement) but much as our very Aussie kids have said clearly that they do not want to live in the UK, they've also said 'just make a bloody decision'. I think this shows just how it's affected them. I feel like a terrible mum for putting them through this, and then to think of dragging them to another country ....what to do? What a load of psychobabble! Kids need to feel safe. Parents worries/conflicts/insecurities are for the parents alone to share and resolve. Kids cannot resolve or handle the concerns and worries of adults and sometimes, cannot even handle the truth, and they should therefore not be confronted with them. There's enough sh*t heaped on kids via peer and media pressure without parents heaping their sh*t on them as well. Get real! kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 Absolutely right...we're driving our kids mad with our bickering over whether to go back or not. We're highly stressed (understatement) but much as our very Aussie kids have said clearly that they do not want to live in the UK, they've also said 'just make a bloody decision'. I think this shows just how it's affected them. I feel like a terrible mum for putting them through this, and then to think of dragging them to another country ....what to do? Don't beat yourself up Ezzie. One has to think whether the trauma (to the kids) of moving, would be as bad as the trauma of them experiencing your stress at not moving. Even then, it's no easy choice. I think if the kids are that chuffed with Oz, and if they aren't too young before they can be independent, then hanging on and then making the choice, (for yourself) gives them the chance to make their own choice too. It's a hard ask, but I do know someone who did this and in the time it took for their kids to be independent, their(the parents) fortunes changed, and they eventually fell in love with Oz. I feel for you, I really do.............you're going through what a lot of migrants with kids have to go through, and it's so sad that those settled, really can't help, other than to offer kind words and wish that it all turns out for the best. good luck chook. kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 Be open and honest with your children but there`s only so much that they should be exposed to....It`s been a tough past few years for my wife and myself but to include the children in that, for me, is unthinkable...to express my dislike of living in Oz to my children would worry me that it would have an impact on them and it`s something I`ve never done....I`m Dad, they look up to me, I`m a role model, therefore if I was to moan constantly in front of them it would influence their own feelings and confuse them...what has been difficult is maintaining a facade of happiness but I think I`ve done a pretty good job...what is also difficult is having no family or good friends to confide in, to take the bad vibes away from the house, so to speak....but, things have settled down in the last year or so, my younger guys have simply been told that we are going back to live in the U.K. and I have been able to at last confide in my eldest by telling him that I`ve not really settled here and that mum and dad have decided to go and live in the U.K. and see what life has in store....my children have grown up here, my problems are not theirs, to unload my opinions of Australia on them would be unfair and this whole decision to move back and the reasons that go with it have been tough enough on my wife and myself...I am anxious about how they will settle, and the last thing I want to do is get back and then go on about how great it is to be back to them, they`re smart kids and I`m sure changes in moving back will slowly speak for themselves... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 Good response John and good luck to yer. kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezzie Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 ...been here 24 yrs - think the chance of me falling in love with Oz has well and truly passed! Don't beat yourself up Ezzie. One has to think whether the trauma (to the kids) of moving, would be as bad as the trauma of them experiencing your stress at not moving. Even then, it's no easy choice. I think if the kids are that chuffed with Oz, and if they aren't too young before they can be independent, then hanging on and then making the choice, (for yourself) gives them the chance to make their own choice too. It's a hard ask, but I do know someone who did this and in the time it took for their kids to be independent, their(the parents) fortunes changed, and they eventually fell in love with Oz. I feel for you, I really do.............you're going through what a lot of migrants with kids have to go through, and it's so sad that those settled, really can't help, other than to offer kind words and wish that it all turns out for the best. good luck chook. kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 ...been here 24 yrs - think the chance of me falling in love with Oz has well and truly passed! 'Nuff said :yes: kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest woods99 Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 One thing is for sure, for most people who have lived for longish periods in more than one place, we tend to glorify the good things in the place (s) we are not while glossing over the bad, while reversing the order for the place we are now - the good is taken for granted, the bad things become overwhelming. IMHO, the most important things in life are relationships. Where do you have the best relationships, and what is the country that will be best for the family? The biggest problem with Oz is that it is so far away. But, gee its nice not to need heating in winter, and to see the sun in the coldest months!!!! Then again, we live in SE Queensland. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 oo'er! What does it say then..in a nutshell of course?& how's life in Solihull btw? Solihull is quality, very contented here....for us it has it all .Schools,housing,quality of life , shops etc .Brum is a different matter though.....like all big cities it has its problems.....but you are aware of that. In relation to prophecy , it revolves around the islamic nations, lead by Iran ,and their destruction of Israel......just keep your eye on Iran. Remember when this book was written Islam didnt exist , until at least 500 years later, and the nations in the muslim alliance , were therefore not islamic .......strange Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stacybird123 Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 are you being serious?, you are surely joking right? solihull a quality place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pablo Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 are you being serious?, you are surely joking right? solihull a quality place. :biglaugh: dont start 61 up!lol:wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezzie Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 What'dya mean not Islamic...what were they then? Did Iran exist at this point? I like this...taking my mind off slightly inconsiquential matters like 'have to choose whether to return to Uk or not by tommoroww'!!!!!:arghh: In relation to prophecy , it revolves around the islamic nations, lead by Iran ,and their destruction of Israel......just keep your eye on Iran. Remember when this book was written Islam didnt exist , until at least 500 years later, and the nations in the muslim alliance , were therefore not islamic .......strange Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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