Guest jackie Macdonald Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Why is it that some of us move over here and immediately slot straight in, can't get enough of the place and remain blissfully happy here? whilst others just cannot seem to settle, dislike it pretty much as soon as they get here and decide it definitely isn't the paradise they envisaged. After all we all had the same dream! I envy those who instantly fall in love with Australia. They don't have to go through the trauma and fear that a sudden 'U turn' can involve. They also avoid the feelings of failure/doubt and fear that can accompany those 'giving up and admitting defeat. Maybe it's just that we are all different, or is to do with the life we left behind? Surely most of us have come out here for the same reasons, an easier more relaxed way of life, sunshine and a better future for our kids. I'm baffled as to what influences the difference of feelings amongst us here!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 See my username :biggrin: kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jackie Macdonald Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 See my username :biggrin: kev I have to agree with you there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest17301 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I suppose there are lots of factors Jackie, for example.... what you left behind the state of your relationships with those you left behind ability to see those you left behind-holidays here and there job satisfaction and security lack of job satisfaction and security! The area you settle The state of your marriage/partnership Your kids happiness your state of mind reality not living up to the dream unrealistic expectations? affordability of your dream friends or lack of them? I bet there are hundreds of reasons/factors that make everyones experience different. Don't beat yourself up about it just keep trying to find what you're looking for..move if you can..otherwise don't be afraid to head home if that's what you really want. It's got sod all to do with anyone else what decisions you make in your own life. It's important to be happy. It's not important where you're happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest proud2beaussie Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Your question is a very difficult one to answer,a bit like the "how long is a piece of string" one. I'm sure there are many reasons why some people love Australia and others don't,in fact there are possibly so many reasons that your question can't be answered without pages and pages of writing. But here's my opinion,for what it's worth. I guess a lot of it comes down to expectations and perceptions. I am sure that there are many people who think Australia is going to be an absolute paradise and that everything will fall into place really quickly,you know the sort of thing,the "we have really good qualifications so we won't have any trouble getting a job" and "Australia has massive skill shortages" etc. I also think that some people believe that Australia will be just like the UK with warmer weather,but the reality is that Australia is the same as any other country,it has it's problems and it's not a land of milk and honey by any means. I think that if people come here with an open mind and realistic expectations then there is no reason why people shouldn't want to stay-except for the fact that there are obviously going to be people who just don't like the place,for whatever reason,whether it's the weather,or the people or the food it doesn't really matter-if people don't like the country then I can't see them ever feeling at home here,but there is nothing wrong with people who don't like Australia,I just get upset when people who have come to the decision that Australia isn't their cup of tea start bagging people who like it here,it's down to peoples perceptions of what makes them content and I don't think either side has a right to enforce their views on others. I love Australia,I've lived here for 44 out of my 48 years and I feel at home here,but I can accept that others don't share my views. It's the old "one mans meat is another mans poison" saying ,at least as far as I am concerned anyway. Interesting question-I'm sure you will get some interesting answers as well. Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabroom Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 What about the people that fall somewhere inbetween because I think that's where I am. I don't hate Australia but on the other hand I don't love it either and it was never my dream to come here, I just so happen to be married to an aussie. On the other hand I know I don't want to go back to the UK either as I am not missing that at all. Things are slotting into place for us so we are making the most of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackboots Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 i hate hearing the words defeat and giving up, its simple your "your lifes not my life!" you could go to arizona and be in bliss! i think it sucks that we have to give a reason why we are not happy or why we are ! personally i like it here but i have my off days too, on those days im going back in september blah blah ... then other days im loveing it and wondering is there something wrong with me for not missing my old lifestyle more? theres a balance on days i have it , hugs to all its an emotional rollercoaster from day one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I envy those who instantly fall in love with Australia. They don't have to go through the trauma and fear that a sudden 'U turn' can involve. They also avoid the feelings of failure/doubt and fear that can accompany those 'giving up and admitting defeat. Ok, I`ll answer this for myself. I was an instant "this is for me" person. I do disagree tho with the highlighted statement. We went through all of that. Its natural to go through that trauma after completing such a big step as emigration! I also dont think you avoid the feelings of doubt and fear. This was one of my first thoughts....what if it doesnt work? What if it does fail? Then should we look on it as failure or something different? Maybe it's just that we are all different, or is to do with the life we left behind? Surely most of us have come out here for the same reasons, an easier more relaxed way of life, sunshine and a better future for our kids. We decided that when my OH kids reached 18 we were going to "do something". We had no idea what. We looked at moving somewhere else in the UK and also dipped into moving to USA. The reasons we did this were: - Better lifestyle which we have. - More time together which we have! More than ever in all our marriage!! - An adventure - corny as that sounds we were looking for a couple of years of something that we could just `run with`. An adventure. Sounds romantic and corny eh! It literally was that simple for us and I appreciate that it is easier when like us you have no kids to try adn settle. Just my random thoughts x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keily Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 the way i look at it is ...ive put a huge amount of effort into getting my family over here ....leaving behind friends and family who were devasted and couldnt imagine life without us !! ....so i think i owe it to myself and all others to make the most of the oppurtunity i have been given ....today is good ...tomorrow might be sh*t ....but at least im trying ...and if i ever get to the stage where i simply cant cope then i will be going home ...hopefully it wont come to that but hey who knows whats round the corner ....never thought i would end up here in the first place !!! mrs keily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest boomerangpommie Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 My OH and I were many of these factors all rolled into one. We went out to Australia, where he has a sister, BIL, niece, two sets of aunts and uncles and five grown up cousins and a second cousin. I have a second cousin, who I could not pin down to making an arrangement to meet up with us. My OH quickly got a job, that one of his cousins pulled a few strings to help him get in touch with the right people. My OH has not done any formal training or strict career path, so was happy to get a job in a bank and see what happened from there. I am a teacher and thought I'd have no probs getting a job and so when I wasn't given approval by the NSW Ed Dept, I was devastated. I got some casual work in a private school and a Catholic school but was always worried about not having a permanent and regular job and I earn more than my OH, so the money was needed. I also lost my sense of identity without my job and place in the community. MY OH really just settled - had his job, had enough family to feel 'at home' and basically loved it and was looking forward to a long and happy future. I hated it, I felt lonely, insecure and couldn't see how things weregoing to work out. Also my daughter went through a rough time and I was the only one dealing with all that as well. We basically had very different experiences under the same roof!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jackie Macdonald Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 i personally i like it here but i have my off days too, on those days im going back in september blah blah ... then other days im loveing it and wondering is there something wrong with me for not missing my old lifestyle more? theres a balance on days i have it , hugs to all its an emotional rollercoaster from day one! I heartily agree with you there!! I think we should all be extremely proud of ourselves!! jackie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Deb62 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I have a feeling that how you take to emigrating has more to do with you as a person than with any particular external factors. My easy going australian husband just slots in wherever we are and gets on with life without too much soul searching. He says he has no idea what homesickness feels like ( he has lived in UK for 12 yrs and now another 11). When we went to Oz and I kept comparing life with life in England he thought that what I was doing was daft. He just couldn't understand it. He just takes it as he comes and doesn't seem to need to work out which is 'better'. To him Oz and UK just are. Swings and roundabouts. He's happy either way. I'm just not like that. I weigh everything up, grieve over what I lose both ways. I think the deciding factor may be whether you are a 'glass half empty or a glass half full person'. Can you appreciate what you have or are you always looking to what was and is no longer? I think easy going, happy people emigrate more easily. Those of us prone to introspection and depression have a harder time of it. Just my opinion, Deb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 For me it is a sense of belonging and having a whole raft of things I want to do which are impossible from Australia basically. I just dont get the Australia is a whole new opportunity thing. Life is the opportunity, not the country you live it in. There is nothing magical about Australia although of course the UK media would like to paint it as utopia. To come here you have to give up a whole load of other stuff and for some people giving up those opportunities is fine, for others of us, it isnt fine at all. I love a bit of adventure and for a while Australia was an adventure, I didnt mind being here at all. I travelled widely, made friends, had a job, enjoyed the sunshine etc but that sense of belonging - of walking out the door and really knowing that this place made you who you are, that the people around you share a common heritage have a similar sense of humour and generally belong to the community that you belong to - that has never happened to me here in Australia. In some ways I have always felt isolated here. I didnt mind that so much because the alternative of living in the in laws' pocket - lovely people though they are - would have skewed our little family's dynamics and I think that had the potential to be more destructive. It hasnt been easy bringing up two kids with a husband who certainly wasnt able to spend more time with his family - building a career in Australia has been very demanding of his and my time. For a while I felt like a single mother and doing it tough without a support network - you cant ask the same of transitory friends as you can of family and long standing friends. Financially we would have been much better off to have taken a different route and done something different in UK rather than coming here. Our lives would have had more adventure (probably) and there would have been the chance for more variety of experience than we have had here. Unfortunately my DH doesnt feel the same about adventuring as I do - he is happy to potter in his garden and read his books. He doesnt care if he cant go away for a weekend and see some delicious scenery or drive for an hour to experience something totally different from his everyday existence. He would happily immerse himself in a bush block miles away from anywhere and never venture out into the wider world ever again:swoon: Perhaps it is the English in me that makes me more adventurous than him - the need to see and do different things, to be with people in a community etc. He's the Aussie and as far as he is concerned he is home and that is all there is to it and although he knows that his home is not my home he isnt prepared to put himself on the line and live in my home because he fears that he would feel as alien as I do. I'd go home for the better lifestyle! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I think you're right Jackie in that we're all different. I don't really know why we settled quickly, I can think that starting work quickly and having a 'normal life' routine rather than a holiday one helped, but I don't know. Perhaps the key for us is that we didn't think too much about it all once we got here, we just got on with it. I think that everyone who decides to migrate or go back to the UK is seizing lifes oppertunities, being brave and bold in doing what they want to do. There isn't a right way or a wrong way ... if it doesn't feel good then it's probably not. We're terrible at comparing ourselves to others ..... do what you want to do, you don't have to justify decisions or validate to others why you feel like you do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Why did I stay?….easier to plod than face the upheaval I suppose, although it wasn’t too bad for the first couple of years…Why Go..? Well, Quoll has already worded it perfectly for me….belonging, lifestyle……plus, found that beneath the benefit of a larger home, space, sunshine…there`s just something lacking and it`s all rather dull and a bit too insular and it offers me very little personally. I think seven years is more than enough time to know it’s not working. Looking forward to my children experiencing a bit more diversity, being among their aunts and uncles, grandparents and cousins (all of whom will be doing some serious babysitting!). My wife’s feelings are that our life here has run its course, she’s achieved what she wanted and, ironically, being Australian, has always thought of England as our home and is ready to go back to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 John, as long as you are prepared for crap weather with a low oppressive skyline, over congested roads, over congested streets, litter,chavs,violence, dodgy mps,little houses,expensive gas,electric and petrol ............then you may appreciate the positive.....pubs,people that gossip with you in shops,banter,our humour,the best tv in the world,family,fantastic scenery,a million things to do,greenery not just green , i mean GREEN, washing your car without feeling guilty, a bus or train every 15 mins, newspapers full of interesting stuff(most of it bulls.it,but you know what i mean). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 John, as long as you are prepared for crap weather with a low oppressive skyline, over congested roads, over congested streets, litter,chavs,violence, dodgy mps,little houses,expensive gas,electric and petrol ............then you may appreciate the positive.....pubs,people that gossip with you in shops,banter,our humour,the best tv in the world,family,fantastic scenery,a million things to do,greenery not just green , i mean GREEN, washing your car without feeling guilty, a bus or train every 15 mins, newspapers full of interesting stuff(most of it bulls.it,but you know what i mean). Well, I did spend the first thirty years of my life there so I think I`m more than a little aware of what the U.K has to offer...both good and bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 Why do I stay? I stay in Australia to take care of my son and so that my son can see his father every other week end . Why would I go home? I would go home to be with my own family and friends. Sounds so simple really lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Perth Princess Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 I'm staying for the kids- it has been such a huge upheaval for them moving here, it would be too traumatic to move them back again at this stage. Also, I do still love Australia but it doesn't stop me from being depressed about living here. If I could turn the clock back I wouldn't do it again. If it aint broke, don't fix it- that's what I have finally learned:no: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 I can be happy anywhere I guess that is because I have lived so many different places, had all my adventures when I was young, before I was married and for five years after I was married so do not think I have missed a thing. One thing I always say to young people is you are older a lot longer than you are young so grab it and go for it. I know now that I did it the right way round. No good waiting till older just not the same. I liked living in England, Africa, New Zealand and here all of them are so very different. I often see posts about Aus being behind the times but that is what makes it different, same when we went to live in Africa so different from the UK but we embraced it enjoyed our time there. The only thing I will say though its hard fitting in when you move all the time. I went to Boarding School at 11 so never missed my family got used to being self sufficient. Very easy for me. I could up sticks move tomorrow to a new place and make the most of it just like that. I do not think the other side of the hill is greener than the one I am on though, just a different side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 I was rethinking this and I am staying as i do love my life here and it has given me more than I had in the UK. It has given me quality time with my husband which due to work in UK we didnt have It has given us a house we could never afford It has given us a debt free life It has given me a new lifestyle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest diane1 Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 has anyone out there moved to aus then back to the UK and then back again to Oz help feeling unhappy here again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jackie Macdonald Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 has anyone out there moved to aus then back to the UK and then back again to Oz help feeling unhappy here again Hi diane1 Yes I have lived in Oz, moved back to the Uk then back to Oz and yes I feel as confused and unhappy as you do. I can't really remember exactly why we chose to return to Oz but I think we were missing the weather, beauty and easy way of life. Once we were here though I felt it wasn't what I wanted at all and I desperately wanted to return to the UK again, only this time the unhappiness was far worse. I don't know what we will all do now and feel very depressed and emotionally exhausted. I am currently visiting the UK to see how I feel and at the moment am unfortunately loving every minute of it. It is such a horrible situation to be in and I don't know what the answer is. How long have you been back in Oz? and whereabouts are you? How do the family feel about it and what so you think has made you feel this way? I think you need to go with you gut feelings as I am trying to do. If your unhappiness doesn't subside or you know in your heart you don't belong there then you should maybe do as I have and take a trip back to see how you feel if that is possible. I hope you can eventually find happiness there or be strong enough to return and not look back. good luck to you. Feel free to pm anytime. jackie xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mindblower Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Do ALL those people who post wonderful posts really have them ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest marriedtoanaussie Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Why are we leaving and returning to UK (in 5 days time)? Easy...my OH could live anywhere but I have concluded that a bigger house, more sunshine,beaches,parks etc are not enough to keep me from the people in my life..my world. Our life was full and pretty good back in the UK-I just had Australia constantly pulling at me. Will our kids be better off? I dont believe that they would. IMO It was simple- when my husband asked me the question (soon after we arrived). "Are you happy to be here in 10 yrs time?" My answer was "NO" This was a strong gut feeling. The only way I can describe it is like a relationship ending. There are some things about it that you love and will miss but deep down you know its not right for you and you must end it. So we talked and talked and decided to return before our lives get too complicated and its too difficult to leave. And I will be smiling as we touch down at Heathrow next Tuesday.My family cant believe their luck. I used to envy people with no family or hated their family as I thought they were so free. Now, I feel sorry for them and I realise how lucky I am to have family that love us and our children so unconditionally. Sorry to go on-its been an emotional ride! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.