Guest Susie Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 We have been here now for just over 8 months and I am feeling very homesick and unsettled. Everything is just so different and I feel like I will never belong here. I've stopped making any efforts to gain a social life here. I love the weather but that's about it. My OH thinks its far too early to go back and we only bought a house 3 months ago. We are worse off financially than we were in the UK and have spent so much on coming here that our standard of living back home would also be worse than it was. I can only get casual work which does not help. We had estate agents round during the week to value the house and they think we can get back what we paid but do not think that will be the case in six months time due to recession. As the pound is still very low compared to the AUD we should get a good rate at the moment if we move our equity back. My children like it OK but I don't think the schools here are as good as the ones they came from back in Scotland. So I'm starting to think its time to cut our losses and go back home. My OH says he will go back if that's what I want but would rather give it longer. I just miss the familiarity of home and don't see that changing. Am I being selfish? My parents think I'm mad but they don't live here and were only here for a few weeks holiday. They think that its just a homesick phase I will get over. Sorry for droaning on......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 Hi Susie, Where are you in Perth? Have you made any friends? The thing when you move here you do have to make the effort otherwise this is probably what happens, but Australia is not for eveyone ! One thing your husband is right about it probably is far too soon to give up. I have looked at our stay here as a four year trip we need to get our citizenship especially for the kids, if we were not happy after four years then we would go back but fortunately for us we are loving it. In answer to your question I think what you are feeling is very normal and take your time in making a decision what is right for you and your family. Keep in contact and sometimes writing things down does make you feel better. Take care x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest proud2beaussie Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 Hi Susie, First off I think your feelings are perfectly normal,you have to remember that you have come from the other side of the world and you need to understand that not everything about Australia is necessarily going to be perfect. I also think that the previous poster is right in suggesting that you need to try and make some new friends.I also agree that you will probably need more than 6 months to get used to life in Australia and I think you should give it at least a year before you make a decision about whether you think you would be happy to live here in the long term. I think that one of the most telling comments is when you say that you have stopped trying to have a social life here,to be honest that really is not going to help you adjust to life here is it? I am certainly not wanting to be critical of you,far from it,I feel sorry that you are having a rough time and feeling homesick but making new friends and seeing new places is a big part of starting a new life and I think you should try and socialise a bit more. Also don't neglect PIO as a source of companionship and support,there are probably many others here who are feeling the same way as you and are just waiting to be invited to a coffee morning or a shopping trip,so why not post a thread along those lines and see what response you get. I urge you not to give up just yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest yankee Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 Sometimes when we move to a place that is so different from home, we feel utterly lost. It’s the loss of familiar things, your routine as it used to be, seeing things that you know, and being able to pin-point where your place in the community and in your life is. That’s what can make it really hard to live somewhere else. So it’s perfectly normal to feel that way. You’ve probably been through a lot of stress getting there. Form getting visa sorted out, filling out forms, gathering docs to packing up and saying good bye. Now that you are there and have been busy getting everything in order you’ve come to rest a bit. I'm guessing you are simply exhausted. That’s the point where a lot of people feel lonely and just want some type of comfort. However you can’t get that comfort because all the things that comfort you are not there. Those things are usually tied to things being familiar to you. But everything is new, so how can that be comforting? I understand where you are coming from, I really do. Give yourself some time, though! There are so many people on this board that you could meet up with, even if it’s just once a month. You will find comfort again, over there as well. Slowly but surely you will get a new routine back in your life and you will be able to see more positive aspects than just the weather – all you need to do is find something that you enjoy doing. Something that’s just for you, that makes you laugh and lets you relax a bit. Life is so much better when you can smile. Don’t give it up! Best wishes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 EVERYONE suffers from homesickness. If they tell you they dont, dont believe em! It comes and goes no matter how long you live here. For my first six months I missed people like you would never believe! Granted, not to the point I would have gone back, but missed them none the less. Every so often a pang gets me! Now I am missing my brother more than I ever thought that I would! I have been here over 4 years and still get it every now and then! You need to get out there socially. Have you got friends at work that you can socialise with? Thats the thing with the Australians , dont wait for them to come to you as that will not happen. You need to get out there. BE willing to get all the POM jokes! Be willing to laugh at and with yourself and you`ll be right. Even keep in constant contact on here with friends you have made. I do that! I have made some good friends on here and one great one! I am in contact several times a day sometimes by email! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aldo Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 They think that its just a homesick phase I will get over. You may get over it or you may not. I, like a few others here, was in denial for months but when i finally faced the fact that the Aussie move was the worst move i ever made it was like a weight lifted of my shoulders. The social thing is something of a bug bear with me and my take on it is that you should put yourself in situations where you interact with aussies but be yourself. Making friends should not be like a job interview, it should happen naturally and if it takes so much effort then can you really call them "friends"? There are a lot of comments on here that are quite spiteful and infer that "if you cant get on with people in Aus' then you probably don't get on with people anywhere" that total ******** and usually come fro people that heve never "lived" here, unhelpful comments like that should be ignored. Young Caine: You cannot see. Master Po: You think I cannot see? Young Caine: Of all things, to live in darkness must be worst. Master Po: Fear is the only darkness. From Kung Fu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 I tend to think that you "know" whether it is right for you or not quite early on but what seems to happen is that if you dont give it quite enough time then you do tend to pingpong if you head off too early. Balance that though with financial impacts, educational impacts etc and it can be very hard to know just when is the right time and when you have gone beyond the point of no return. Getting yourself into a new country can be very difficult and it is certainly hard work and you may well just be going through the end of the honeymoon homesick phase, it might get better for you if you can give it a bit longer but on the other hand it is only a country, not utopia, and at the moment it seems as if the weather is all it has going for it in your mind so you lose nothing by going back if that is really what you want to do and you can just chalk it up to being one of life's little adventures. Good luck with whatever you decide, you are lucky to have a chap who says he will go back with you!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 You may get over it or you may not. I, like a few others here, was in denial for months but when i finally faced the fact that the Aussie move was the worst move i ever made it was like a weight lifted of my shoulders. The social thing is something of a bug bear with me and my take on it is that you should put yourself in situations where you interact with aussies but be yourself. Making friends should not be like a job interview, it should happen naturally and if it takes so much effort then can you really call them "friends"?There are a lot of comments on here that are quite spiteful and infer that "if you cant get on with people in Aus' then you probably don't get on with people anywhere" that total ******* and usually come fro people that heve never "lived" here, unhelpful comments like that should be ignored. Young Caine: You cannot see. Master Po: You think I cannot see? Young Caine: Of all things, to live in darkness must be worst. Master Po: Fear is the only darkness. From Kung Fu Aldo ,one of the best posts of yours . Not sure about the Kung fu bit tho. My take on it is go with your hart . eddie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bod Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 We have been here now for just over 8 months and I am feeling very homesick and unsettled. Everything is just so different and I feel like I will never belong here. I've stopped making any efforts to gain a social life here. I love the weather but that's about it. My OH thinks its far too early to go back and we only bought a house 3 months ago. We are worse off financially than we were in the UK and have spent so much on coming here that our standard of living back home would also be worse than it was. I can only get casual work which does not help. We had estate agents round during the week to value the house and they think we can get back what we paid but do not think that will be the case in six months time due to recession. As the pound is still very low compared to the AUD we should get a good rate at the moment if we move our equity back. My children like it OK but I don't think the schools here are as good as the ones they came from back in Scotland. So I'm starting to think its time to cut our losses and go back home. My OH says he will go back if that's what I want but would rather give it longer. I just miss the familiarity of home and don't see that changing. Am I being selfish? My parents think I'm mad but they don't live here and were only here for a few weeks holiday. They think that its just a homesick phase I will get over. Sorry for droaning on......... Susie 8 monthes is a long time. I knew after 3 monthes that this just is not right. But I was determined to give it a year, just in the future I would remember what it was about QLD I never liked. On my mates leaving due friday I met a fella who got cold feet after 2 weeks, now he thinking of going back. Great if it works this time round but after 8 monthes he then decides againg wrong move "more money". My advise is stick it out as long a s you can even if you decide to come home but wait till this reccession is over. it's not good hear at the moment so if you have job's stick with it. Like Aldo say's it's a wait off your shoulders when you finally decide to come home. You'll then maybe enjoy the rest of your stay. And then who knows> Good luck John X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aldo Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 Like Aldo say's it's a wait off your shoulders when you finally decide to come home. You'll then maybe enjoy the rest of your stay. Its true, as soon as you accept that Australia isn't where your future lies and decide that you're heading home you begin to enjoy the place more. You stop trying so hard and go with the flow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest prettyinpink Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 Hiys Susie, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so rough, no matter how much you research and plan, nothing can prepare you for the rollercoaster that is emigrating! I do agree with other posters that believe 8 months may still be too early to make the decision. Did you allow yourselves, as a family, a settling in time? A period where things were likely to be very hard, money would be tight and you would still be in essence 'setting up shop'. We have been here 7 months and are still paying 'setting up' costs, just one off things but which pull on the purse strings nevertheless. The recession will no doubt have an impact on finances the country over, but it will not last a lifetime. Sometimes we must weather these storms to emerge stronger and more resilient for the s##t that the world throws at us. The friendships thing is also something that will take time. But what Nigel says is very true. You have to try, people will not come to you. We are setting up regular meets for anyone in Perth, and we're hoping the next one will be in a month or 2. Perhaps you could come to that, and you will find that you're not on your own with those feelings that you have. I know, I have had my fair share of them. But if you chat with others on here, you will find there are people who will support you and help you, you only have to ask! Good luck with everything, and if you do make a decision, I hope it's the one that will bring you peace and happiness. Janette x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 Well unless we're both weird I'd say it's normal. We've been here 5 months and the homesickness started to kick in about a month ago. I have absolutely no intention of going back - like you we're financially worse off here and spent all our savings getting here & have no real reason to I know deep down I'm homesick for a home I never had (in my mind life was a non-stop whirlwind of play dates, girls nights out and romantic evenings for two) I totally understand feeling like you no longer want to 'make an effort' socially, I feel like that too sometimes. It's hard to explain but maybe it's because I want someone making an effort for me, calling me up, travelling to my part of town, pleased to see me (ok now I sound needy and just a little deranged ) Sometimes even PIO feels too much effort! If you are the kind of person who needs friends (& not everyone does) you do have to force yourself out of it otherwise it is a vicious circle. The last time I went down that route was after having my son & I ended up with post-natel depression. I vote for a girls night out - where about's in Perth are you? Jules x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Susie Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 Thanks so much for all your kind replies, we went out for the afternoon and I didn't expect to come back to so many supportive replies. There are too many to reply to them all personally. We live north of the the river. I have made some acquaintances over the months, and I know its my own fault but I never really made the effort to maintain any friendships. I don't know why - own worst enemy really. I am not an antisocial person and generally have had no trouble in the past with making friends. We nearly came to the meet at King's Park last Sunday and I wish now I'd made the effort. Workwise, I can only get casual work at the moment. People I meet at work are really nice but as I am only there temporarily, I don't think I am based anywhere long enough to build up proper friendships. I also resent that I gave up a really good permanent job to come here, I took the security of it for granted when I think back. I miss the close friendships I'd built up in my previous job as well as my family and other friends. I used to post on here sometimes before we came out to Oz but now, until today, I mostly just read other people's posts. I guess I am worried I end up trapped and unable to go home. Yes, I am being a bit dramatic. Thanks for the Kung Fu quote, Aldo! And Jules, a girls night out may be just what I need - let me know if you want to go ahead with it. Susie x :notworthy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joetrac Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 Hi Susie you sound just like I did when I was in OZ. I didn't HATE it but it just never felt right..I think 8 months is a great try and if you packed up and went home nobody would blame you. We stayed the 2 years but I knew from day one I wouldn't be there forever...I asked myself this question...morbide I know but it worked for me....If my other half died would I want to stay in Oz on my own... the big flashing NO in my head was the wake up call for me and since moving back to scotland I have never been happier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chris_mac Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 Not sure about the Kung fu bit tho. Kung fu bit was the best bit! Stick with it Susie.. Best wishes Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Susie Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Joetrac, I don't think you sound morbid at all, I am worse. I was imagining being in a car crash with OH and panicked about what would happen to my kids, stuck here alone!! Also, I've thought if I get a serious illness I would be straight back home to let the good old NHS look after me. Although I have heard that hospitals here are fantastic but I think its about feeling secure with what you know and are familiar with. I would go home tomorrow but my only concern is that we regret it. Also, I can't keep mucking my kids about schoolwise. My son is 5 so not so bad for him but my daughter is 16 so would probably be better finishing school here now. I realise now we did not research this enough to begin with. If I could go back to all we left - permanent jobs, house, savings I would in a minute. But we would go back to looking for jobs, far less equity than we had. It's so difficult to know what to do for the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kdal Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 I realise now we did not research this enough to begin with. .. Hi Susie I wouldnt be blaming yourself thinking you never did enough research, no matter how much research we do how would we know for sure how we felt about someone, something, some place until we lived the experience. Hope you feel better about things real soon, and that girls night out sounds just what you need !! GOOD LUCK and I hope everything works out for you and your family :wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sooveroz Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Joetrac, I don't think you sound morbid at all, I am worse. I was imagining being in a car crash with OH and panicked about what would happen to my kids, stuck here alone!! Also, I've thought if I get a serious illness I would be straight back home to let the good old NHS look after me. Although I have heard that hospitals here are fantastic but I think its about feeling secure with what you know and are familiar with. I would go home tomorrow but my only concern is that we regret it. Also, I can't keep mucking my kids about schoolwise. My son is 5 so not so bad for him but my daughter is 16 so would probably be better finishing school here now. I realise now we did not research this enough to begin with. If I could go back to all we left - permanent jobs, house, savings I would in a minute. But we would go back to looking for jobs, far less equity than we had. It's so difficult to know what to do for the best. Hi susie - i can relate to what you are saying in this thread. the only difference in my situation is that i didnt get homesick until about 12 - 14 months (been here two years now) - it was all great to begin with and i could see us all living here indefinately. there is loads i like about the place and we have a very good day to day life. but the bigger more important stuff is missing. we had friends over for a visit and it was the best two weeks i've had - just sitting talking and feeling relaxed, not having to think before speaking, being myself warts and all and so on - i'm sure many will know that feeling. we are heading back next early 2010 once my contract is up. like you, i know that if anything serious happened we'd be straight back to uk. also, if i won the lottery, i wouldnt stay here - would get a great house back home then maybe visit australia. now that the decision is made, i am enjoying life again but also really excited about going back. i think if you have good friends/family here it would help. i know if we stayed we would make good friends over time but to be honest, i cant wait 10 years or whatever to have that kind of relationship that i have with my "old" friends. we researched til we were blue in the face before we came and on the practical side everything has worked out great (jobs, house schools, money etc) and we knew we would miss everyone etc. however, one thing i have learned is that NOTHING can prepare you for how you will react to it once you are here living it. having a pool/boat/sunshine etc etc means jack sh*t if you have no-one to share it with. sometimes i find myself walking along the street and i think "WTF am i doing here?? why did i leave all the people i loved and who loved me?? what were we thinking??" then I think about taking the kids away from their friends, school etc here in perth that they love and i get confused again. so much for doing it for the kids - come out to give them a good life then take them away again:unsure: at then end of the day no-one can know what is right for you and your family - and most of the time we dont even know what's right for ourselves with this bloody immigration lark!! but if you really in your heart cannot imagine really settling here, then dont stay. and dont worry about what people will say - people i have told back home have been delighted that we are going back and are already planning the parties and weekends away. anyone that does not sound like my homecoming is the best news they've heard is off the xmas card list!! but joking aside, this emigration shows you who your real friends are. i would sum up oz as great for a holiday/temporary stay but not to live. good luck in whatever you decide and keep us posted. you are not alone:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Hi Susie, Just in my opinion, I would let your daughter see High school out. As for regrets regarding going back, I guess no one can predict how they`ll feel until they actually do it (getting over the fear of regret is the hard part). I don`t know if this will help in anyway, but this is the way I`ve come to view our own situation.... We gave up good jobs, shipped some stuff, packed two suitcases and left for Oz to start from scratch, stayed with some relatives and had a bit of money to keep us afloat while we found our feet. Niether of us really knew what life would have in store, we just did it...and through good and bad we`ve survived and got through. Now in reverse....U.K bound.... Give up jobs, ship some stuff and leave for England to start from scratch, stay with relatives and have a bit of money to keep us afloat while we find our feet, neither of us know what will be in store but hopefully we`ll survive and get through... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Hi Susie,Just in my opinion, I would let your daughter see High school out. . I'm not totally sure that I agree with John on this point for a couple of reasons. One is that if she wants to go on to university then with Aus year 12 cert she will be behind the 8 ball and need to do further study to get A level equivalents or some sort of conversion assessment and even then because she hasnt been in the country for the 3 years prior to beginning uni she would be up for (very expensive) international student fees. She may well be disadvantaged by not having taken her GCSEs though but I am sure there is a way around that. Also, going back to UK, I would expect employers would be after the GCSE results and may be confused by the less well defined Year 12 results (more subjects than A levels but fewer than GCSEs). If you are going to hang on for education purposes then it is better to hang on until after uni because honours degrees travel quite well - the Australian ones are 4 years honours rather than the 3 years in UK. I think moving older kids is very tricky in either direction unfortunately! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leanda Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Susie We have been here 2 years and we still get the odd bout of home sickness but they have become less and less. We have really struggled to make friends as we are both in out 30's and have no kids so it's difficult to meet new people but even so we still enjoy it here now. Hang in there, I'm sure it will get better Leanda xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 I'm not totally sure that I agree with John on this point for a couple of reasons. One is that if she wants to go on to university then with Aus year 12 cert she will be behind the 8 ball and need to do further study to get A level equivalents or some sort of conversion assessment and even then because she hasnt been in the country for the 3 years prior to beginning uni she would be up for (very expensive) international student fees. She may well be disadvantaged by not having taken her GCSEs though but I am sure there is a way around that. Also, going back to UK, I would expect employers would be after the GCSE results and may be confused by the less well defined Year 12 results (more subjects than A levels but fewer than GCSEs). If you are going to hang on for education purposes then it is better to hang on until after uni because honours degrees travel quite well - the Australian ones are 4 years honours rather than the 3 years in UK. I think moving older kids is very tricky in either direction unfortunately! No, Quoll, you`re absolutely right on a practical level. My comment was purely an emotional one, without thinking the implications through, just based on emotions and upheavel at that age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Susie Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Hi sooveroz - it's good to know its not just me who feels like this, also I agree that having a pool is not the big dream come true I thought it would be. Its like no big deal and in the UK you can take kids to the public pool. My kids do enjoy it but sometimes we have to talk them into getting changed and using it!!! Good luck with your plans in 2010. Thanks John Locke and Quoll for your inputs on my daughter's education. That is a very interesting point about being charged international uni fees if we are out of the UK for any length of time. The thought of having to stay here til she finishes high school then a uni degree fills me with dread at this present time. It would have made sense for her to finish her education in the UK before coming here but age-wise my OH would then have been too old by then. Both of my children have struggled with the cultural change in coming here but they seem fairly happy at the moment and have friends. Good luck with your plans John and you keep enjoying those UK holidays, Quoll. Thanks for your kind words Leanda. Susie xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Susie Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 I'm back again!! I guess we could wait a year or two but I think financially this may be a good time to go. We had a few estate agents round last week and they all said we can probably get back what we paid for this house in January for the next couple of months but they were less optimistic that this will be the case down the line due to the first home owner grant finishing and further recession. I know contemplating selling a house after 3 months is a ridiculous position to be in!! We were hasty in buying it as we hated renting. Also, UK house prices are lower at the moment as well as the AUD being strong against the £. This whole experience has cost us a fortune as I'm sure you all can identify with! As to getting jobs back home, that is another matter. :unsure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest t'n'g Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Hi there susie, i do sympathise with you although with me it has taken alot longer. We moved over here in 2002 and the next six years were a blur of finding work, renting then building our own house having a baby etc... also having visits from my parents each year helped although when then went back it was awful and i was depressed for about a month after, but you get back into the swing of things and it all gets a bit easier. Last year though oh was offered a job back in UK and both of us decided it would be a good idea for a number of reasons to go back. Anyhow we had to return back to oz due to residency requirements and we have been here almost 4 weeks and I have to say i feel far worse this time round than i did in 2002, i really am missing everyone dreadfully and feel quite detached from my surroundings. dont get me wrong i am generally quite optimistic and cheerful and i have great friends over here but i cant get that empty feeling to go away!!! My children initially did not want to go to the UK then they did not want to leave the UK and now they do not want to leave Oz!!!!But my daughter is 11 and has not coped very well with moving so we really need to get on with our life and decide soon. so as you can see from all the posts you are definatly not alone and if we all help each other out things might become a little easier. I can only say to you good luck with whatever you decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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