Is this unsettled feeling normal??

[Guest Three Lions]

One little story that is kind of related to some of what we've been discussing here: my English aunt who lives here in Aus (has done for 30 years or so) had an old school friend (male) look her up and come and visit her here. He is still in the UK. When I mentioned that we lived in a flat here in Aus he was visibly surprised. Such is the expectation that people have that everyone in Aus can afford a 5 bedroomed place with massive garden and double garage! See what I mean?! These BAMs (Big Aussie Myths as I call them) are everywhere!

[Guest John Locke]

One little story that is kind of related to some of what we've been discussing here: my English aunt who lives here in Aus (has done for 30 years or so) had an old school friend (male) look her up and come and visit her here. He is still in the UK. When I mentioned that we lived in a flat here in Aus he was visibly surprised. Such is the expectation that people have that everyone in Aus can afford a 5 bedroomed place with massive garden and double garage! See what I mean?! These BAMs (Big Aussie Myths as I call them) are everywhere!

 

I`d disagree, and say a few years ago when we came here that was a possibility... because it was one of the reasons for us moving here. Of course, it depends on location, and we do live in a small town, but still a possibilty...it was only after we bought that house prices started to rise...

[Guest John Locke]

I can relate totally to how you feel. If the circumstances presented themselves by which I could go back to the UK, even though I really miss the green, the football, the pubs, the museums, the galleries, the TV, the shops, the newspapers etc etc, I'd STILL be hesitating.

 

This is for two reasons. Firstly, I am susceptible to the media just like everyone else it, and the fact that you are constantly hearing about how bad the UK is (let's face it, you hear it all the bloody time!) would make me question myself severely in taking my family back there. If it was just me on my own though, I'd be gone tomorrow!!!!!

 

Secondly, when you've made a big decision such as moving overseas and regretted it, it makes you reluctant to make another big decision like that again! Do you see what I mean by that?! My wife thinks that's total s*** and thinks that going back is simply reversing the decision you regret so would be a good thing, but I don't think it's as straightforward as that! After all, when any of us 'poms in oz' goes back to the UK, we are not returning to where we were before we left! We are leaving another life behind us, our life in Australia, which whether we like it or not has been our world for a few years or more. How can you be certain that when you get back you won't miss Australia, or at least aspects of it? That is a question that is always in my mind because whilst I don't expect necessarily to miss Australia I equally thought I wouldn't really miss the UK, and now I definitely do!

 

It is very difficult, and moving overseas brings massive complications into ones life. I wish it had never been an issue in mine. I think it is much easier for those people who come on their own to travel/work or come here as a couple both from the UK. When one of you is pommy, and the other one in Aussie, then you have big issues! What happens when the pommy wants to go home? What does the Aussie do?

 

One thing I know: Aussies (generally speaking of course) tend to want to live in Australia. They are not a nation of people that likes to live abroad. They are proud of their country and seem to find it hard to see the good in anywhere else. So if you marry an Aussie, expect to have to live in Australia!!!!!!!!!!!! :wink:

Even though we have made our decision this pretty much sums up how I feel at the moment, I`ve still got my doubts.......but there are those, myself included, whose Aussie partners are all up for the move back...

 

I was talking about this thread to my wife and asked (rather childishly), in all honesty tell me... which is a better place to live. Oz or U.K? And her response was...neither, it`s a state of mind...

[Guest Three Lions]

My fear in going back to England would be 'how will I feel when the novelty has worn off?'

Initially, I would be like a kid in a sweet shop! I'd delight in watching Match Of The Day, make trips to London to go my favourite pubs and museums, get a buzz from being able to choose from such a wide range of newspapers, shop online to my hearts content (it's not the same in Aus) and go for beers with friends I haven't seen properly in yonks. It would of course also be great to see my family and I'm sure it would be a wonderful novelty to be able to see my brother regularly.

 

....okay...writing all that has actually brought tears to a grown man's eyes....I am homesick aren't I?!!!.....

 

BUT...for me to gain all that I'll have dragged my family back to the UK, including my Aussie wife who I guess has as much right to live in Aus as I do to want to live in England!!! AND THEN...when the novelty of all the above has worn off (which naturally in time, though who knows how quickly or slowly, it will) how will I feel?? Will I be glad I went back?? Will I think, ''well, that was fun, but I should've stayed out in Aus''??

 

I don't know. It's a nightmare I reckon!

 

There's something inside me that thinks I'll never actually get back. A bit like when Sam can't get home in Quantum Leap!!!!

 

Marriage/family life is great in so many ways, but suddenly you're a bit trapped when your partner drags you to another part of the world! As I've said before, if it was just me I'd be straight back to the UK tomorrow!

[Guest LondonGal]

Great to read your posts. I must say i truly agree with a lot said.

Although i dont hate Australia. Its a fantastic place to live and you would be mad to want to leave wouldn't you??

 

Guess i am quite insane then, cause after ten years of living here i desperately want to go home!!! Haven't been back since '99, so things may have changed a little in the UK.

But i want to start living again. Miss my family so much.

Am quite nervous that it would be a big mistake as we are really comfortable here as a family, although my 2 oldest would love to move to the UK.

My daughter is in year 12 and would love to go to Uni in England.

 

If we are going to do move back it has to be in the next few months, cause i dont want to move back if my daughter has established herself at Uni here - too disruptive. She would start a new course here in March.

So its now or never!

 

Am feeling quite pathetic! Dont want to make a mistake, as i have been quite alarmed when reading some posts on here regarding life in the UK. Cant be that bad can it?

Anyway, this is my first post so thanks for reading.

 

Hi Eliza, I must be insane too!! :wacko:

 

You are in a similar situation to myself, you say you want to start living again. That is very much how I feel after 9 years in Oz.

On the surface Australia is a fantastic place to live and many people have said I am mad for wanting to move back to the UK, but there is still something missing here and I think there always will be for me.

Sometimes I too wish that this emigration lark had never entered my head, but I also know that Australia has been good to me too. It is that unknown again, we have both been away a while and I'm sure things have changed a lot but I still belive that you can have a good life in the UK.

I don't hate Austrlia but it is not my home and after 9 years I want to live somewhere that I have some connection to and some history with. I also want my children to know where they came from and to experiance life other than in Australia.

Whereabouts in Oz are you?

 

LG

[Guest 0405delboy]

Even though we have made our decision this pretty much sums up how I feel at the moment, I`ve still got my doubts.......but there are those, myself included, whose Aussie partners are all up for the move back...

 

I was talking about this thread to my wife and asked (rather childishly), in all honesty tell me... which is a better place to live. Oz or U.K? And her response was...neither, it`s a state of mind...

 

Its true about being 'a state of mind' just like a lot of things but my state of mind tells me that Im kidding myself if I think I can live out my entire life in Australia on the edge of sanity. :goofy:

 

[Guest John Locke]

Its true about being 'a state of mind' just like a lot of things but my state of mind tells me that Im kidding myself if I think I can live out my entire life in Australia on the edge of sanity. :goofy:

 

 

 

Lol,..that`s what I said...

[Guest Three Lions]

Its true about being 'a state of mind' just like a lot of things but my state of mind tells me that Im kidding myself if I think I can live out my entire life in Australia on the edge of sanity. :goofy:

 

 

Ha! :biglaugh:

 

That is an excellent point!

 

What is funny for me is that I actually was less homesick at the beginning of my time here! At least, I wasn't consciously aware of being homesick at the time, although I now wonder if I actually was all along.

 

For me, the homesickness has been in the past year or so, especially since I went back to the UK for Christmas 2007. That was a big turning point for me. I realised what a mess Australia is (graffiti everywhere you look, scrappy looking buildings/shops that desperately need renovation) and that the UK is lovely at Christmas, whereas I hate Australia at Christmas because it just doesn't seem right and never will at that time of year...sun and hot weather etc.

 

Now I find myself missing everything about the place.

[Guest 0405delboy]

Ha! :biglaugh:

 

That is an excellent point!

 

What is funny for me is that I actually was less homesick at the beginning of my time here! At least, I wasn't consciously aware of being homesick at the time, although I now wonder if I actually was all along.

 

For me, the homesickness has been in the past year or so, especially since I went back to the UK for Christmas 2007. That was a big turning point for me. I realised what a mess Australia is (graffiti everywhere you look, scrappy looking buildings/shops that desperately need renovation) and that the UK is lovely at Christmas, whereas I hate Australia at Christmas because it just doesn't seem right and never will at that time of year...sun and hot weather etc.

 

Now I find myself missing everything about the place.

 

Yep! I was homesick when I was a kid. Luckily for me, my Mum never told me it was all for 'a better life', she was honest and just admitted she was escaping from her problems in the UK - otherwise I would have put her in a home by now to see how she likes it! :biglaugh:

 

[Guest funkymonkey]

It's interesting though isn't it how the Aussie in the relationship seems to be that little bit more determined to be in Australia than the Brit in the relationship does to be in the UK!!!

 

Aussies and Australia are magnetically attached. I meet so many UK/Aus couples in my job and it seems as though the Aussie basically expected that they would come and live in Australia. They are not tremendously prepared to go and live in the UK, though they expect that us Brits should be perfectly content to live in Aus!!! It's very very much like the Americans; they always live in America, don't they?! Those from England, Scotland, Germany, Italy etc seem much more prepared to live abroad. It's got absolutely nothing to do with America or Australia being 'better' places to live; it's all to do with the fact that Americans and Australians have very strong national pride and they totally assume (without even thinking it through at all) that their country is the best place on Earth. It's the way they are brought-up. At my son's kinder and subsequently school they sing Advance Australia Fair regularly, and there are frequent references made to 'being an Aussie' etc etc etc. This kind of thing simply does not happen in Portsmouth or Norwich or Guildford. There, no reference would be made to 'being British' and singing God Save The Queen before every assembly!!!!

It's a totally different culture in that respect. In a sense, it's a sort of brainwashing because when these little Aussie kids grow up they are indoctrinated with this whole ''isn't it great to be an Aussie'' thing.

 

Then they insist that their British spouse moves to Australia!!!

 

I am married to an Aussie and we live here and have done for four and a half years...After many hours of heated discussions, tears and heartache we have decided to return to the UK. Living here in Australia has changed me as a person, i have less confidence, i feel i have aged incredibly, become lazy, lost my edge and lust for life...or have i just become "laid back"!!!

 

My husband can at times be guilty of the 'aussie aussie aussie, oi, oi, oi" mind set and he is rairly critical of Australia, except Kevin Rudd and the state government of course. We lived in the UK for 5 years together and he loved it and could never understand why us Brits slag ourselves off so much, he said the best place in the world to be was a day in the English summertime in the countryside, he loved it. He does believe that from a young age he was almost brainwashed into believing Australia was the best place in the world....and many of his mates who have never left still believe this.

 

We have two children born here and another on the way and i truly do not want them to be educated and to grow up in a place that is so insular and blinkered about the outside world and needs constantly to tell itself that it is the best. I want them to make their own minds up and to grow up with a balanced view on themselves and where they live, as well as respect for all other countries and the people who live in them.

 

So, i agree completely with what you say, my husband nagged and nagged me until he basically wore me down and got me to agree to come to Gods own to give it a go, never once believing that i might not like it here and want to return to the UK. But here we are nearly five years on and we are going back to a place that everyone including myself does not think is the best place on earth all the time, but the way we are as a nation is what i believe makes us some of the best people on earth and i want my children to grow up there.

 

Sorry to ramble, its just my opinion and sometimes difficult to put into words.

[Guest John Locke]

I am married to an Aussie and we live here and have done for four and a half years...After many hours of heated discussions, tears and heartache we have decided to return to the UK. Living here in Australia has changed me as a person, i have less confidence, i feel i have aged incredibly, become lazy, lost my edge and lust for life...or have i just become "laid back"!!!

.

 

You`ve put into words, perfectly, exactly how I feel...

[Guest 0405delboy]

You`ve put into words, perfectly, exactly how I feel...

 

Same here. My fear now is, that Ive lost my London 'mojo'. The thought of walkings in crowds and people talking to me all the time fill me with dread. Although, I know it'll be like putting on an old pair of slippers. :wacko:

[Guest Swing low sweet chariot]

We've been taught a hard lesson, we came here with honest intentions though we have realised that what we had in the UK was far better than what we now have in Australia. It's a hard pill to swallow, just glad we have enough money to finance the move home.

[Guest Mark and Sharon]

We've been taught a hard lesson, we came here with honest intentions though we have realised that what we had in the UK was far better than what we now have in Australia. It's a hard pill to swallow, just glad we have enough money to finance the move home.

Well said couldn`t agree more,this IS the right place for some not for others,we`re all different ,you live and learn and thats whay we`ve done lived here and learnt it`s not for us.

[i need stimulation]

Yes i agree. We are all manipulated by the media, why are the British press so negative? What do they get out of that?

 

I used to wish that i'd never even thought of emigrating, it certainly does make you wonder about the reliability of your decisions, but guess it is all life experience and has made us better people in the end!

What was a great decision years ago for you and your family, wouldn't necessarily be what you would choose for yourselves right now. You made the best choices then, and your lives have been made richer for that. Why is it a failure if you move from a place you no longer want to live?

The true failure would be living somewhere that makes you unhappy.

Guess it is our fate to be in this position. Always wondering what if...

 

i think i know whats going on here

the british government in high places are part of the freemason/illuminati/new world order movement (like the american), and are manipulating what goes on to gradually get the british to accept a global form of government that britain will be part of (EU), and america included

the alarm bells are there right now

[Guest ElizaBee]

Hi Eliza, I must be insane too!! :wacko:

 

You are in a similar situation to myself, you say you want to start living again. That is very much how I feel after 9 years in Oz.

On the surface Australia is a fantastic place to live and many people have said I am mad for wanting to move back to the UK, but there is still something missing here and I think there always will be for me.

Sometimes I too wish that this emigration lark had never entered my head, but I also know that Australia has been good to me too. It is that unknown again, we have both been away a while and I'm sure things have changed a lot but I still belive that you can have a good life in the UK.

I don't hate Austrlia but it is not my home and after 9 years I want to live somewhere that I have some connection to and some history with. I also want my children to know where they came from and to experiance life other than in Australia.

Whereabouts in Oz are you?

 

LG

Thanks LondonGal.

Feel very much the same on all points. Think how wonderful it would be for the children to have the experience of being near their grandparents and extended family and to complete their education there.

Was actually surprised at their reaction when i mentioned moving over to the UK. They were very excited at the prospect. Of course they dont realise what a massive decision it is this time.

We live on the Mornington Peninsula in Victoria which is lovely and very pretty etc.

Should really be very happy!

I think in my case, that if we had extended family over here it would have been much easier to settle completely.

So completely our fault i think.

Where are you??

[Guest ElizaBee]

i think i know whats going on here

the british government in high places are part of the freemason/illuminati/new world order movement (like the american), and are manipulating what goes on to gradually get the british to accept a global form of government that britain will be part of (EU), and america included

the alarm bells are there right now

Absolutely right!!!

[Shazzi]

OMG, can't believe so many people feel the same way as me - what a relief! Everyone I speak to loves it here so I usually keep it to myself but here is my heartfelt outpourings...

I came her in Sept 08, so have been here 9 months and have never felt settled at all. At home I had a great job, lovely house, we had 2 nice cars and the usual family around us and lived in Edinburgh which is one of the most beautiful cities in the world (why didn't I appreciate it as much back then?) but I craved the nice weather, a more relaxed lifestyle and an adventure for a better quality of life...so what's happened? Yes the weather is nice, as are the beaches and parks but we are financially much worse off - we now have one car between us, I work longer hours than I did in the UK but for less money, our food bill is a lot more expensive, we have to pay for our health service, expensive kindy costs etc etc. You all know what the gripes are...

We have made friends but they are all ex Pats who have been here 2 years + and they all really love it here, I've found most of the Aussies do not want to socialise with you and can be quite dismissive (I have not been asked on a night out or to a BBQ in 8 months by work colleagues, yet I have asked them over to my house etc), so have just resorted to being pals with Brits who live here. I have lost my confidence driving as driving in Brisbane is terrifying, they are just the craziest, most rude and aggressive drivers ever and as much as I thought I would be able to handle not seeing friends and family, I am now becoming depressive about it. I feel guilty my son (nearly 3) has no regular contact with extended family and misses out on parties and family visits etc. - skype is good but just not the same as a real hug from your mum!

I want to go home but promised I would do a year here and like some of you my OH actually likes it here so is in no rush to go back (though he said if it is a choice between me being continually this miserable or returning home, then he will go!) The thing is we sold our house, cars and spent a fortune shipping everything out here and now with the exchange rate and the global economic crisis, if we went back I know we would probably be in a worse situation than before we left, and that would make me miserable too. Yes, it would be lovely to have family and friends around me again and to actually have an odd night out with my hubby (not had one since we arrived here as no babysitters), but we would need to get jobs, and things sound tough over there just now, and we couldn't buy another house until we had them as we would need a mortgage, so we would have to rent. If I could turn the clock back I would, I feel like I am trapped here just now and I hate it - this feels like the longest year in my life.

I feel like I took my old life for granted and didn't appreciate really what I had until now, and now its too late, it would take me ages to get all that "stuff" that I worked so hard for, back again..I really regret it - I have put myself in a real financially crappy situation and I am pissed off with myself for falling for a dream, as that's all it is.

Sorry for being so pessimistic but I think I have cried almost every day for the last week, I can't get the time off work, nor have the money to go back for a holiday just now, and no one is coming out to visit me till maybe early next year so I don't even have that to look fwd too. I know I am doing my hubby's head in as I am becoming a very negative person and I have never been like this; I have lost my spark and to some extent my confidence, I keep trying to give myself a shake to just enjoy it whilst I am here, but if I am truthful to myself I am putting on a front as I know in my heart this is not for me...its hard to admit it but I think we made a mistake emigrating here and even if I do stay here for 2 years, which is what my OH wants to do, I honestly can't see me liking it any better...so am just going to have to grin (or rather grimace) and bear it for now. I just keep hoping, as my friend tells me, that this feeling will go away and I will start to really like it, as she hated her first 12 months or so and now after nearly 2 1/2 years she thinks of this as her home and is totally settled. Lets hope so eh?

Thanks for letting me vent...at least some people hopefully understand how I feel

[Guest Three Lions]

OMG, can't believe so many people feel the same way as me - what a relief! Everyone I speak to loves it here so I usually keep it to myself but here is my heartfelt outpourings...

I came her in Sept 08, so have been here 9 months and have never felt settled at all. At home I had a great job, lovely house, we had 2 nice cars and the usual family around us and lived in Edinburgh which is one of the most beautiful cities in the world (why didn't I appreciate it as much back then?) but I craved the nice weather, a more relaxed lifestyle and an adventure for a better quality of life...so what's happened? Yes the weather is nice, as are the beaches and parks but we are financially much worse off - we now have one car between us, I work longer hours than I did in the UK but for less money, our food bill is a lot more expensive, we have to pay for our health service, expensive kindy costs etc etc. You all know what the gripes are...

We have made friends but they are all ex Pats who have been here 2 years + and they all really love it here, I've found most of the Aussies do not want to socialise with you and can be quite dismissive (I have not been asked on a night out or to a BBQ in 8 months by work colleagues, yet I have asked them over to my house etc), so have just resorted to being pals with Brits who live here. I have lost my confidence driving as driving in Brisbane is terrifying, they are just the craziest, most rude and aggressive drivers ever and as much as I thought I would be able to handle not seeing friends and family, I am now becoming depressive about it. I feel guilty my son (nearly 3) has no regular contact with extended family and misses out on parties and family visits etc. - skype is good but just not the same as a real hug from your mum!

I want to go home but promised I would do a year here and like some of you my OH actually likes it here so is in no rush to go back (though he said if it is a choice between me being continually this miserable or returning home, then he will go!) The thing is we sold our house, cars and spent a fortune shipping everything out here and now with the exchange rate and the global economic crisis, if we went back I know we would probably be in a worse situation than before we left, and that would make me miserable too. Yes, it would be lovely to have family and friends around me again and to actually have an odd night out with my hubby (not had one since we arrived here as no babysitters), but we would need to get jobs, and things sound tough over there just now, and we couldn't buy another house until we had them as we would need a mortgage, so we would have to rent. If I could turn the clock back I would, I feel like I am trapped here just now and I hate it - this feels like the longest year in my life.

I feel like I took my old life for granted and didn't appreciate really what I had until now, and now its too late, it would take me ages to get all that "stuff" that I worked so hard for, back again..I really regret it - I have put myself in a real financially crappy situation and I am pissed off with myself for falling for a dream, as that's all it is.

Sorry for being so pessimistic but I think I have cried almost every day for the last week, I can't get the time off work, nor have the money to go back for a holiday just now, and no one is coming out to visit me till maybe early next year so I don't even have that to look fwd too. I know I am doing my hubby's head in as I am becoming a very negative person and I have never been like this; I have lost my spark and to some extent my confidence, I keep trying to give myself a shake to just enjoy it whilst I am here, but if I am truthful to myself I am putting on a front as I know in my heart this is not for me...its hard to admit it but I think we made a mistake emigrating here and even if I do stay here for 2 years, which is what my OH wants to do, I honestly can't see me liking it any better...so am just going to have to grin (or rather grimace) and bear it for now. I just keep hoping, as my friend tells me, that this feeling will go away and I will start to really like it, as she hated her first 12 months or so and now after nearly 2 1/2 years she thinks of this as her home and is totally settled. Lets hope so eh?

Thanks for letting me vent...at least some people hopefully understand how I feel

 

And so goes the lonely, mournfully sad story of the pom trapped in oz against their will. If you find yourself here and not happy, and you know that your personality and your health (mental and physical) and just your life in general are suffering, it can become really quite awful. The Brits that love it here clearly find it very hard to understand because for them Australia has all that they want. It seems that more sun exposure and more fishing hours per year are enough to make some people overwhelmingly happy. Good for them. Unfortunately, they are often quite dismissive of those who are not happy here. I would actually say that I do not find Aussies particularly dismissive (although they totally presume that you are far happier/better-off in all respects in Aus even if you are neither) it's the Brits that love Australia that are dismissive; offering advice like ''give it a bit longer'' (like what? 25 years??) or ''if you don't like it, you can always leave'', completely forgetting that lots of Brits in Australia are NOT here through choice; they cannot just 'walk away' at the drop of a hat and catch a plane for Heathrow and go ''ah, well, that didn't work, never mind''. It is not as simple as that.

 

I have highlighted a passage in blue where you identify that Brisbane drivers are fairly shocking. I have to say that I have found Melbourne's driving quite awful too, I think it is an Aussie thing. Like it or not, deny it as much as you like, I believe that Aussies are a fairly aggressive and impatient bunch at times and I think especially so when driving.

 

You also mention feeling guilty. Those of us with true feeling for our families back in the UK are bound to feel that way, especially with children involved. You feel bad that your decision is causing them to miss out all the time. Not a pleasant feeling that only serves to make your feelings of displacement and homesickness all the more unbearable.

[Guest pommiesue]

Hi Susie

The unsettled feeling you have about being in Australia is normal I would say. I have lived in Australia for 22 years now and came here all that time ago with two very young children ( one a baby ) and we are all Australian citizens. I am proud to have retained my english accent and I know it has broken the ice on many of my efforts to make friends in Australia.

 

Regarding the education system and schools here in Australia I agree with you that the standards always seemed so much lower than in the UK. It is not meant as an insult to Aussies but that is the reality. However, there are some fabulous opportunities for children in this country.

 

The feeling of homesickness would come in waves at times and would be very difficult to quell. Some strategies that help are gettingonline and looking at UK websites - shops for example, even the weather, and I love my foxtel for UK TV and lots of UK programs. I take pride in being English and a long time ago stoppped trying to hide my english accent and expressions. They seem to be attractive an dendearing to aussies as long as you don't bombard them with some of the english quirky humour. I find Aussies have a very unsophisticated sense of humour and can be bland - sorry aussies!

 

The suggestions to make plans for moving back in a time frame can help enormously. Also having plans to visit freqeuntly as can be afforded is also the way I have found useful. I tend to visit UK every 2 years on average.

 

The worst is that now one of my children is planning to leavein a few months to go to UK and to live between there and North America!

 

I hope you find some nice friends - most of my close friends are fromthe UK! it's just the way it happended but i do have lovely aussiefriends too.

 

Kep well and happy to talk and answer any questions any time.

[Guest jackie Macdonald]

I too feel as you do. If I were you I would cut my losses and do everything I could to get back to the UK...even if your situation is worse for a while, it will get better in time. You can't turn the clock back but you can make the best of a bad situation. feeling as you do, If you leave it any longer it will only get worse, as will your sanity!! I know because I have done it twice! I lived in Sydney with my husband and 3 children for 2 years, 7 years ago, and returned to the UK. After some time we decided to give another go. I honestly can't remember what triggered the very idea of it again. I think all in all we were simply looking for change and had grown bored with things as they were. We eventually came back but resided in Perth this time as my OH was offered a job there. My OH has been here 8 months and I have been here 4 month, and the very feelings we experienced last time have come flooding back, with the result that we are both under incredible strain, we row a lot more, are financially worse off, live in a much smaller house and haven't had a night out since we've been here! What I have learnt through all this is I should have paid attention to my inner feelings and listened to my intuition. Having experienced this twice I now realise that those empty,hollow feelings are never going to go away and the longer I prolong it the worse it gets. I have struggled so much trying to shirk them off but like yourself I am becoming increasingly depressed and it has taken its toll on me and the family. My husbands says he wants 'the old me back' but I don't see it happening here. I am so up and down over the whole thing and I can't get rid of the underlying feelings of failure over it all, although having said that I think it is brave for any of us to go back especially when you think of the emotional and financial upheaval involved. I think the answer is to plan another goal in your lives when you get back and just move on. At least now you know what you don't want!!

 

Good luck whatever you decide!

 

jackie xx

 

OMG, can't believe so many people feel the same way as me - what a relief! Everyone I speak to loves it here so I usually keep it to myself but here is my heartfelt outpourings...

I came her in Sept 08, so have been here 9 months and have never felt settled at all. At home I had a great job, lovely house, we had 2 nice cars and the usual family around us and lived in Edinburgh which is one of the most beautiful cities in the world (why didn't I appreciate it as much back then?) but I craved the nice weather, a more relaxed lifestyle and an adventure for a better quality of life...so what's happened? Yes the weather is nice, as are the beaches and parks but we are financially much worse off - we now have one car between us, I work longer hours than I did in the UK but for less money, our food bill is a lot more expensive, we have to pay for our health service, expensive kindy costs etc etc. You all know what the gripes are...

I

am now becoming depressive about it. I feel guilty my son (nearly 3) has no regular contact with extended family and misses out on parties and family visits etc. - skype is good but just not the same as a real hug from your mum!

I want to go home but promised I would do a year here and like some of you my OH actually likes it here so is in no rush to go back (though he said if it is a choice between me being continually this miserable or returning home, then he will go!) The thing is we sold our house, cars and spent a fortune shipping everything out here and now with the exchange rate and the global economic crisis, if we went back I know we would probably be in a worse situation than before we left, and that would make me miserable too. Yes, it would be lovely to have family and friends around me again and to actually have an odd night out with my hubby (not had one since we arrived here as no babysitters), but we would need to get jobs, and things sound tough over there just now, and we couldn't buy another house until we had them as we would need a mortgage, so we would have to rent. If I could turn the clock back I would, I feel like I am trapped here just now and I hate it - this feels like the longest year in my life.

I feel like I took my old life for granted and didn't appreciate really what I had until now, and now its too late, it would take me ages to get all that "stuff" that I worked so hard for, back again..I really regret it - I have put myself in a real financially crappy situation and I am pissed off with myself for falling for a dream, as that's all it is.

Sorry for being so pessimistic but I think I have cried almost every day for the last week, I can't get the time off work, nor have the money to go back for a holiday just now, and no one is coming out to visit me till maybe early next year so I don't even have that to look fwd too. I know I am doing my hubby's head in as I am becoming a very negative person and I have never been like this; I have lost my spark and to some extent my confidence, I keep trying to give myself a shake to just enjoy it whilst I am here, but if I am truthful to myself I am putting on a front as I know in my heart this is not for me...its hard to admit it but I think we made a mistake emigrating here and even if I do stay here for 2 years, which is what my OH wants to do, I honestly can't see me liking it any better...so am just going to have to grin (or rather grimace) and bear it for now. I just keep hoping, as my friend tells me, that this feeling will go away and I will start to really like it, as she hated her first 12 months or so and now after nearly 2 1/2 years she thinks of this as her home and is totally settled. Lets hope so eh?

Thanks for letting me vent...at least some people hopefully understand how I feel

[Guest John Locke]

OMG, can't believe so many people feel the same way as me - what a relief! Everyone I speak to loves it here so I usually keep it to myself but here is my heartfelt outpourings...

I came her in Sept 08, so have been here 9 months and have never felt settled at all. At home I had a great job, lovely house, we had 2 nice cars and the usual family around us and lived in Edinburgh which is one of the most beautiful cities in the world (why didn't I appreciate it as much back then?) but I craved the nice weather, a more relaxed lifestyle and an adventure for a better quality of life...so what's happened? Yes the weather is nice, as are the beaches and parks but we are financially much worse off - we now have one car between us, I work longer hours than I did in the UK but for less money, our food bill is a lot more expensive, we have to pay for our health service, expensive kindy costs etc etc. You all know what the gripes are...

We have made friends but they are all ex Pats who have been here 2 years + and they all really love it here, I've found most of the Aussies do not want to socialise with you and can be quite dismissive (I have not been asked on a night out or to a BBQ in 8 months by work colleagues, yet I have asked them over to my house etc), so have just resorted to being pals with Brits who live here. I have lost my confidence driving as driving in Brisbane is terrifying, they are just the craziest, most rude and aggressive drivers ever and as much as I thought I would be able to handle not seeing friends and family, I am now becoming depressive about it. I feel guilty my son (nearly 3) has no regular contact with extended family and misses out on parties and family visits etc. - skype is good but just not the same as a real hug from your mum!

I want to go home but promised I would do a year here and like some of you my OH actually likes it here so is in no rush to go back (though he said if it is a choice between me being continually this miserable or returning home, then he will go!) The thing is we sold our house, cars and spent a fortune shipping everything out here and now with the exchange rate and the global economic crisis, if we went back I know we would probably be in a worse situation than before we left, and that would make me miserable too. Yes, it would be lovely to have family and friends around me again and to actually have an odd night out with my hubby (not had one since we arrived here as no babysitters), but we would need to get jobs, and things sound tough over there just now, and we couldn't buy another house until we had them as we would need a mortgage, so we would have to rent. If I could turn the clock back I would, I feel like I am trapped here just now and I hate it - this feels like the longest year in my life.

I feel like I took my old life for granted and didn't appreciate really what I had until now, and now its too late, it would take me ages to get all that "stuff" that I worked so hard for, back again..I really regret it - I have put myself in a real financially crappy situation and I am pissed off with myself for falling for a dream, as that's all it is.

Sorry for being so pessimistic but I think I have cried almost every day for the last week, I can't get the time off work, nor have the money to go back for a holiday just now, and no one is coming out to visit me till maybe early next year so I don't even have that to look fwd too. I know I am doing my hubby's head in as I am becoming a very negative person and I have never been like this; I have lost my spark and to some extent my confidence, I keep trying to give myself a shake to just enjoy it whilst I am here, but if I am truthful to myself I am putting on a front as I know in my heart this is not for me...its hard to admit it but I think we made a mistake emigrating here and even if I do stay here for 2 years, which is what my OH wants to do, I honestly can't see me liking it any better...so am just going to have to grin (or rather grimace) and bear it for now. I just keep hoping, as my friend tells me, that this feeling will go away and I will start to really like it, as she hated her first 12 months or so and now after nearly 2 1/2 years she thinks of this as her home and is totally settled. Lets hope so eh?

Thanks for letting me vent...at least some people hopefully understand how I feel

 

The comment I highlighted was, is, one of the many factors that has kept me here for so long. Fear and doubt. Funny because I didn`t feel like that when selling up and leaving for Oz, but it seems so much harder to go back and I wonder why that is because either way both are journeys into the unknown...for me personally it`s a sense of all my wife and I built (our first flat, then a house, then our move to Oz) sort of crashing down and having to be rebuilt from scratch..Like you say, renting, looking for work to be able to get a mortgage...wouldn`t it be lovely to snap your fingers and have everything there waiting for you, house, job, I took those things for granted to...but rebuild we must, for the sake of happiness, for belonging. This place has dulled me, I`ve lost my spark too and like Jackie said about her husband wanting the 'old Jackie' back, I have heard this from my own wife now for too long, wants the old me back...so time to get our lives back on track, bite the bullet and hope for the best, get back home and start living again...

[Guest leftfield]

I am married to an Aussie and we live here and have done for four and a half years...After many hours of heated discussions, tears and heartache we have decided to return to the UK. Living here in Australia has changed me as a person, i have less confidence, i feel i have aged incredibly, become lazy, lost my edge and lust for life...or have i just become "laid back"!!! .

 

That is exactly how I feel.

 

 

My partner is australian and when we go to her family gatherings I find people trying to avoid eye contact with me and there are always awkard silences when someone has the misfortune to be left on their own to talk to me. It is usually only seconds before they make there excuses to go and talk to somebody else.

I now try to avoid these things altogether as it is just embaressing. I was never a social leper in the UK. Unfortunatley I have no interest in AFL fishing or V8's and I am a vegetarian, englishman. Complety below contempt in australian circles.

 

 

I have been here 3 years 3 months and two days. I don't know a single person in australia apart from wifes family.

 

I have know resigned myself to the fact that I am completely alien to australians (especially the men), and have lately started trying to enjoy the life of an 80 year old spinster.

 

If you don't like it here go home. There is no shame in that.

 

Good luck

[Quoll]

That is exactly how I feel.

 

 

My partner is australian and when we go to her family gatherings I find people trying to avoid eye contact with me and there are always awkard silences when someone has the misfortune to be left on their own to talk to me. It is usually only seconds before they make there excuses to go and talk to somebody else.

I now try to avoid these things altogether as it is just embaressing. I was never a social leper in the UK. Unfortunatley I have no interest in AFL fishing or V8's and I am a vegetarian, englishman. Complety below contempt in australian circles.

 

 

I have been here 3 years 3 months and two days. I don't know a single person in australia apart from wifes family.

 

I have know resigned myself to the fact that I am completely alien to australians (especially the men), and have lately started trying to enjoy the life of an 80 year old spinster.

 

If you don't like it here go home. There is no shame in that.

 

Good luck

 

Not easy is it?

 

It is slightly easier if you are a decent distance from the inlaws and that way it is you two against the world.

 

It's sad when we know to the day just how long we have been here 30 years 2 months and 7 days for me!

 

If you can go home then I reckon it's the right thing to do.

[i need stimulation]

That is exactly how I feel.

 

 

My partner is australian and when we go to her family gatherings I find people trying to avoid eye contact with me and there are always awkard silences when someone has the misfortune to be left on their own to talk to me. It is usually only seconds before they make there excuses to go and talk to somebody else.

I now try to avoid these things altogether as it is just embaressing. I was never a social leper in the UK. Unfortunatley I have no interest in AFL fishing or V8's and I am a vegetarian, englishman. Complety below contempt in australian circles.

 

 

I have been here 3 years 3 months and two days. I don't know a single person in australia apart from wifes family.

 

I have know resigned myself to the fact that I am completely alien to australians (especially the men), and have lately started trying to enjoy the life of an 80 year old spinster.

 

If you don't like it here go home. There is no shame in that.

 

Good luck

 

it's got nothing to do with snobbery but i know what you mean

one thing i've noticed is that aussies where i am tend to talk about very generic things, kind of "narrow" is the word i can think of

also a lack of sharpness and imagination

i actually think aussies feel more awkward with people they don't know too well and that is something to do with the awkward silences

i can talk about ANYTHING with strangers and i'm good at small talk but i often find i'm not getting any feed back a lot of the time and they're wondering what the **** i'm talking about or think i'm talking drivel at times

the social cliqueness and insularity is obviously the reason for this

there is defenitely a more conservative and conventional feel about the socialising here thats for sure