Guest leftfield Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 i can talk about ANYTHING with strangers and i'm good at small talk but i often find i'm not getting any feed back a lot of the time and they're wondering what the **** i'm talking about or think i'm talking drivel at times Just to clarify my wifes family are friendly towards me, I realised I probably made them sound awful when they aren't... But yes I do get the looks of total misunderstanding when I start talking absolute rubbish, which is probably my one and only skill. Whereas back in the UK some people at least would join in with the inane talking of ****e, which can at times be quite amusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I can relate to both the above posts, sometimes you miss just talking crap for the sake of it, having a laugh...I`ve found that pretty non existent where I am and find it hard to connect with anyone in any way as I`m not really into sport or camping... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest funkymonkey Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 That is exactly how I feel. My partner is australian and when we go to her family gatherings I find people trying to avoid eye contact with me and there are always awkard silences when someone has the misfortune to be left on their own to talk to me. It is usually only seconds before they make there excuses to go and talk to somebody else. I now try to avoid these things altogether as it is just embaressing. I was never a social leper in the UK. Unfortunatley I have no interest in AFL fishing or V8's and I am a vegetarian, englishman. Complety below contempt in australian circles. I have been here 3 years 3 months and two days. I don't know a single person in australia apart from wifes family. I have know resigned myself to the fact that I am completely alien to australians (especially the men), and have lately started trying to enjoy the life of an 80 year old spinster. If you don't like it here go home. There is no shame in that. Good luck This is exactly what has happened to me. I have never felt comfortable around my husbands family, they have never asked me how i am settling here? Do i like it here? No questions about anything and to be honest i think they are just not interested and never have been. I have felt the same at family events, few people talk to me and when i say something that isn't about footie or horse racing ,they just walk away leaving me feeling even more of an alien!! I really don't attend family gatherings anymore because i feel uncomfortable and end up feeling depressed and lonely. My mother in law (who i really don't get on with) actually told me that the whole of my husbands family hate me and i am the most hated person in the family...charming...then they still expect me to go to their events, smile sweetly and just take it!! My husband actually recieved a poison pen letter from a "concerned family member" telling him to leave me and take my kids away from me because i have a problem with his family!! I had a successful career back in the UK, a loving family, a great marriage, nice house, great friends etc etc and now this is what my life has become...I was happy, confident and loved life and having fun. Here i am quiet, lack confidence and am almost a recluse. The scary thing is that this way of life was beginning to feel normal, but i know i must find the strength and will to return to the UK (with all its current problems) with my family and try to see if the "old me" is still in there somewhere! Australia is a great place and i think that maybe if your a couple who emigrate together it might be a lot easier to make a go of it, but for me it has been one big slog up a very steep and slippery slope....and i've never reached the top, just keep slipping back down again!! Sorry to sound like a whinger..am not that bad really...or maybe i am..who knows?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bod Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 This is exactly what has happened to me. I have never felt comfortable around my husbands family, they have never asked me how i am settling here? Do i like it here? No questions about anything and to be honest i think they are just not interested and never have been. I have felt the same at family events, few people talk to me and when i say something that isn't about footie or horse racing ,they just walk away leaving me feeling even more of an alien!! I really don't attend family gatherings anymore because i feel uncomfortable and end up feeling depressed and lonely. My mother in law (who i really don't get on with) actually told me that the whole of my husbands family hate me and i am the most hated person in the family...charming...then they still expect me to go to their events, smile sweetly and just take it!! My husband actually recieved a poison pen letter from a "concerned family member" telling him to leave me and take my kids away from me because i have a problem with his family!! I had a successful career back in the UK, a loving family, a great marriage, nice house, great friends etc etc and now this is what my life has become...I was happy, confident and loved life and having fun. Here i am quiet, lack confidence and am almost a recluse. The scary thing is that this way of life was beginning to feel normal, but i know i must find the strength and will to return to the UK (with all its current problems) with my family and try to see if the "old me" is still in there somewhere! Australia is a great place and i think that maybe if your a couple who emigrate together it might be a lot easier to make a go of it, but for me it has been one big slog up a very steep and slippery slope....and i've never reached the top, just keep slipping back down again!! Sorry to sound like a whinger..am not that bad really...or maybe i am..who knows?? Funky Very sad reading. And the other post's remind me that it was just not me. Lucky for me I did'nt have the hold you have. Will your husband go back with you? does he understand how you feel. JohnX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lottiep Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 It is so nice coming on here and finding out I'm not mad!!! I also used to be outgoing and confident and could have a conversation with anyone.......but in Oz I have totally lost confidence. I now just hang around at social occasions and only speak when spoken to!! Really miss a bit of banter and am soooooo bored with the conversations here.......you should see some of the faces when I try and liven it up, especially the men.....it's like "Lady, pipe down, know your place....us blokes are talking AFL". I really miss the equality back home. So now I keep quiet, smile and know that I will be leaving this place sometime this year....hurrah!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest funkymonkey Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Funky Very sad reading. And the other post's remind me that it was just not me. Lucky for me I did'nt have the hold you have. Will your husband go back with you? does he understand how you feel. JohnX Hi John, It feels very sad too, but yes, my hubbie has agreed to return to the UK, he's not entirely happy about it but realises that we probably won't survive here so he's willing to go back. Its scary starting again though..jobs, house etc and now it will be with 3 children..still, have to look at the long term picture and recognise that the future here would be very bleak!! Thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 0405delboy Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 It is so nice coming on here and finding out I'm not mad!!! I also used to be outgoing and confident and could have a conversation with anyone.......but in Oz I have totally lost confidence. I now just hang around at social occasions and only speak when spoken to!! Really miss a bit of banter and am soooooo bored with the conversations here.......you should see some of the faces when I try and liven it up, especially the men.....it's like "Lady, pipe down, know your place....us blokes are talking AFL". I really miss the equality back home. So now I keep quiet, smile and know that I will be leaving this place sometime this year....hurrah!! Wow! In London, I was always considered the quiet one and yet here, Im classed as a loud mouth. Youre meant to engage with other humans arent ya? Im only after a giggle after all. :biglaugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Funky, how painful to be treated like this, it is a form of mental torture and totally unjust. You say you had a great job and were totally confident in the UK, so at one stage you were strong mentally! Its a bit like "playground bully mentality" they see you rock bottom and continue to chastise! Why not set yourself some targets to achieve in your day. Contact PIO members in Perth, or organise some events yourself like a BYO bottle and plate for a BBQ at home or a local park or even organise a July Christmas (european style), which is always guaranteed to make people smile. Do some volunteering for the aged or your local hospital or hospice( a great way to make friends) anything to show "the family" that you are not going to be trod upon and do have the guts to get up and go. You are surrounded by negativity which is having a disasterous affect on your life and you have it in your power to move away and re establish the "new you". Because I have married outside of "my culture" does not mean that I loose my identity , it should mean you are embracing a new life and able to bring many good and wonderful achievements to your table without fear of recrimination. Watch the "bullies" retreat into their shells in search for a new victim. You have to ask yourself the question would you ever treat a guest from overseas in this manner, and the answer is no, so throw it back at them with a new positive aproach and see what happens. So many best wishes ss xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lottiep Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I feel your pain!! Just after a laugh or a conversation outside of AFL, fishing, recipes etc. Love watching Foxtel (British programmes) and listening to BBC radio on the internet.....lots of interesting topics and people and different views.......not just "She'll be right, mate" or "Hang the b*****d". My husband is Aussie and gets really embarrassed by some of his fellow Aussies......luckily he loves the Uk and is happy to go back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 This is exactly what has happened to me. I have never felt comfortable around my husbands family, they have never asked me how i am settling here? Do i like it here? No questions about anything and to be honest i think they are just not interested and never have been. I have felt the same at family events, few people talk to me and when i say something that isn't about footie or horse racing ,they just walk away leaving me feeling even more of an alien!! I really don't attend family gatherings anymore because i feel uncomfortable and end up feeling depressed and lonely. My mother in law (who i really don't get on with) actually told me that the whole of my husbands family hate me and i am the most hated person in the family...charming...then they still expect me to go to their events, smile sweetly and just take it!! My husband actually recieved a poison pen letter from a "concerned family member" telling him to leave me and take my kids away from me because i have a problem with his family!! I had a successful career back in the UK, a loving family, a great marriage, nice house, great friends etc etc and now this is what my life has become...I was happy, confident and loved life and having fun. Here i am quiet, lack confidence and am almost a recluse. The scary thing is that this way of life was beginning to feel normal, but i know i must find the strength and will to return to the UK (with all its current problems) with my family and try to see if the "old me" is still in there somewhere! Australia is a great place and i think that maybe if your a couple who emigrate together it might be a lot easier to make a go of it, but for me it has been one big slog up a very steep and slippery slope....and i've never reached the top, just keep slipping back down again!! Sorry to sound like a whinger..am not that bad really...or maybe i am..who knows?? Oh FM, that is horrible :hug: It's bad enough being the outsider when the outlaws are half decent people but you definitely have it in spades. I do hope your DH will go back with you because that is an abusive situation pure and simple. I hope you dont live TOO close to them. Escape while you can, my dear, because with the best will in the world it doesnt look too hopeful for an about face improvement for you and you dont want to wish your life away! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i need stimulation Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 It is so nice coming on here and finding out I'm not mad!!! I also used to be outgoing and confident and could have a conversation with anyone.......but in Oz I have totally lost confidence. I now just hang around at social occasions and only speak when spoken to!! Really miss a bit of banter and am soooooo bored with the conversations here.......you should see some of the faces when I try and liven it up, especially the men.....it's like "Lady, pipe down, know your place....us blokes are talking AFL". I really miss the equality back home. So now I keep quiet, smile and know that I will be leaving this place sometime this year....hurrah!! kind of relate to this sometimes this is why i miss having female mates that i can can just talk any kind of banter to without all these airs and graces i've been told by my english mate a few times that i can't say this or that or make jokes like that around women here all this conservative crap is really getting up my arse now cos i'm apparently not allowed to be myself, but as far as i'm concerned **** it!, i'll say and do what i like or find people who actually have a personality they're much more open minded these english birds Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jackie Macdonald Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 kind of relate to this sometimesthis is why i miss having female mates that i can can just talk any kind of banter to without all these airs and graces i've been told by my english mate a few times that i can't say this or that or make jokes like that around women here all this conservative crap is really getting up my arse now cos i'm apparently not allowed to be myself, but as far as i'm concerned **** it!, i'll say and do what i like or find people who actually have a personality they're much more open minded these english birds I agree you SHOULD be able to say what you feel... you can only pretend for so long. If you can't be yourself you are not being the person you truly are and somewhere along the line you will lose sight of that person! I met some fantastic English girls today who I had never met before and we all hit if off straight away. For the first time in my 4 months being here I was able to be myself and once again 'laugh out loud'!! I was actually being me again!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest emma270 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 This is exactly what has happened to me. I have never felt comfortable around my husbands family, they have never asked me how i am settling here? Do i like it here? No questions about anything and to be honest i think they are just not interested and never have been. I have felt the same at family events, few people talk to me and when i say something that isn't about footie or horse racing ,they just walk away leaving me feeling even more of an alien!! I really don't attend family gatherings anymore because i feel uncomfortable and end up feeling depressed and lonely. My mother in law (who i really don't get on with) actually told me that the whole of my husbands family hate me and i am the most hated person in the family...charming...then they still expect me to go to their events, smile sweetly and just take it!! My husband actually recieved a poison pen letter from a "concerned family member" telling him to leave me and take my kids away from me because i have a problem with his family!! I had a successful career back in the UK, a loving family, a great marriage, nice house, great friends etc etc and now this is what my life has become...I was happy, confident and loved life and having fun. Here i am quiet, lack confidence and am almost a recluse. The scary thing is that this way of life was beginning to feel normal, but i know i must find the strength and will to return to the UK (with all its current problems) with my family and try to see if the "old me" is still in there somewhere! Australia is a great place and i think that maybe if your a couple who emigrate together it might be a lot easier to make a go of it, but for me it has been one big slog up a very steep and slippery slope....and i've never reached the top, just keep slipping back down again!! Sorry to sound like a whinger..am not that bad really...or maybe i am..who knows?? OMG!! This sounds like my story too! I have not felt welcomed bymy inlaws who are actually english and been here since '88. We have nothing to do with them now as it got me and my partner both down. I fel i have been depressed since moving here, i have been here in Perth for nearly 5 years and have still not settled. We are looking at moving over to QLD where i hope i will prefer it also we will be able to start again away from his family. They have badmouthed me towards their friends and my partners friends. I was actually born here and moved to the UK when i was 4, moved back here when i was 18 and lived in Darwin, i absolutely loved it and was so happy. I moved back to the UK to have my daughter for 7 years till i moved back here and met my partner. I think perhaps if i hadnt of had the problems ive had since being here things would be different, this is why im hoping a move to QLD wil be good for us. I have lost a lot of my spark and used to be very outgoing. I find if im outgoing people judge me and look down at me here, its so hard trying to fit in. I have never had a problem making friends in my life until coming to PERth. I hope this all makes sense as im just writing as im thinking it lol Where abouts in Oz are you? I am sorry to hear your bad times too. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest emma270 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I could go on into more detail but it would take me all night!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 this is why im hoping a move to QLD wil be good for us. xxx Get yer arses over 'ere............I'll put a smile on yer face :smile: kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i need stimulation Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I agree you SHOULD be able to say what you feel... you can only pretend for so long. If you can't be yourself you are not being the person you truly are and somewhere along the line you will lose sight of that person! I met some fantastic English girls today who I had never met before and we all hit if off straight away. For the first time in my 4 months being here I was able to be myself and once again 'laugh out loud'!! I was actually being me again!! most aussies here are more conservative and uniform in they're character.fact anything louder or more "out there" is classed as trying too hard or maybe something worse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest emma270 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Get yer arses over 'ere............I'll put a smile on yer face :smile: Thanks :smile: We are looking at Caloundra, can you tell me much about this place? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Get yer arses over 'ere............I'll put a smile on yer face :smile: Thanks :smile: We are looking at Caloundra, can you tell me much about this place? It's an hour from us and we visit it regularly. The Sunshine Coast is beginning to rival the Gold Coast for it's beaches, but doesn't have the theme parks that the Gold Coast has. It's growing fast and there are many beaches to choose from with Noosa not far away also. Caloundra, Sunshine Coast, Accommodation, Holidays, Tourist Information Mooloolaba and maroochydore and neighbouring resorts are close too: neighbours | MOOLOOLABA Being a boat fisherman I would love to live there as Mooloolaba is the only port in the SE with a bar free access to the open water, ie, it has a kick in it's harbour wall that allows boats to leave without having to cross over surf. Many boaties drive up there from brizzy to access the excellent offshore fishing reefs. kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest emma270 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 It's an hour from us and we visit it regularly. The Sunshine Coast is beginning to rival the Gold Coast for it's beaches, but doesn't have the theme parks that the Gold Coast has. It's growing fast and there are many beaches to choose from with Noosa not far away also. Caloundra, Sunshine Coast, Accommodation, Holidays, Tourist Information Mooloolaba and maroochydore and neighbouring resorts are close too: neighbours | MOOLOOLABA Being a boat fisherman I would love to live there as Mooloolaba is the only port in the SE with a bar free access to the open water, ie, it has a kick in it's harbour wall that allows boats to leave without having to cross over surf. Many boaties drive up there from brizzy to access the excellent offshore fishing reefs. kev Thanks so much for the advice:wink:. We have thought about Maroochydore but i think its a bit more expensive. It wont be for another year yet, hopefully sooner if we can get our house finished and save enough. IT will be great to move away from Perth! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Three Lions Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I find it totally hilarious the way that Aussies have this reputation for being ''outgoing'' and ''saying what they think'' and ''not beating around the bush''. Let's look at the reality. Aussies are highly conformist - they trust their government and it's propoganda in a way I've only previously witnessed with Americans. I work in an art related industry and their tastes are SO much more conservative and 'behind' than those of the British. They tend to get their backs up quick when someone has a ''different'' idea which is not in tune with the party-line and they think that they are ''not beating around the bush'' when in reality they are just being rude. I think lots of Brits come here and just see/hear whatever they want to and don't even entertain the possibility of the Aussies being anything other than lovely in all respects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aldo Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I find it totally hilarious the way that Aussies have this reputation for being ''outgoing'' and ''saying what they think'' and ''not beating around the bush''. Let's look at the reality. Aussies are highly conformist - they trust their government and it's propoganda in a way I've only previously witnessed with Americans. I work in an art related industry and their tastes are SO much more conservative and 'behind' than those of the British. They tend to get their backs up quick when someone has a ''different'' idea which is not in tune with the party-line and they think that they are ''not beating around the bush'' when in reality they are just being rude. I think lots of Brits come here and just see/hear whatever they want to and don't even entertain the possibility of the Aussies being anything other than lovely in all respects. I aggree. I remember sitting in smoko sheds with Aussies whinging about safety matters and working conditions and how they where going to bring it all up at the next site safety meetings and then at the meetings the safety officer would ask "any safety issues?" there would be silence!! pathetic.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I find it totally hilarious the way that Aussies have this reputation for being ''outgoing'' and ''saying what they think'' and ''not beating around the bush''. Let's look at the reality. Aussies are highly conformist - they trust their government and it's propoganda in a way I've only previously witnessed with Americans. I work in an art related industry and their tastes are SO much more conservative and 'behind' than those of the British. They tend to get their backs up quick when someone has a ''different'' idea which is not in tune with the party-line and they think that they are ''not beating around the bush'' when in reality they are just being rude. I think lots of Brits come here and just see/hear whatever they want to and don't even entertain the possibility of the Aussies being anything other than lovely in all respects. Three Lions, I seriously want to understand something, so please dont jump down my throat, because I do read your posts with Leonard Cohen in the background lol but I would love to ask you several questions. I believe you are married to an Australian? What does your wife feel at your inane unhappiness in her country? Is she as miserable as you? You say you are in an art related occupation...Doesnt this bitterness and dislike towards Australians destroy your creative juices? You sure come across as totally dried up! The above highlighted statement is rather a broad generalisation. I and other european friends of mine have been made especially welcome in Australia, and yes as a nation goes for me they are a generous, laid back and a friendly bunch and to be honest whilst I take on board your frustrations I think you are painting a rather unfair picture. Sure there are people I dont particularly care for but that goes for any country. Yes I find that Australians are extremely loyal to their own country and why shouldnt they be, but they are not a bunch of illiterates they know and have the right to choose the government of their choice. It takes times like the Tsunami in Thailand where the British government did as little as possible for their people, but the Australian Embassy was right there for its people and both my son and I commented "it must be wonderful to be an Australian". This is how I conceive Australia, if I dont like it at my age I have the choice to look for somewhere else. Its not Australia's problem the problem lies deep within yourself! ss x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aldo Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 British government did as little as possible for their people, but the Australian Embassy was right there for its people siamsusie you and SO Dizzy are my favourite females on the forum at the moment ( you say what you feel) but i must piont out that we ( the going / gone back to UK) love the Uk as a place, not the government) This is the what a lot of people on here fail to understand. :wubclub: Cal, you will always be my number 1 female and fiona you too will always be number 1 too ok i;ve had a beer .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Hi Aldo, I really didnt mean to offend anyone, and yes I take on board what you are saying vis a vis "The Government... I realise that Australia/Spain, France is not for everyone, I really appreciate the highs and lows what people are going through Aldo. It takes much courage to go to the other side of the world, and no one deserves to be criticised, they need all the help they can get at both ends. I love the UK for all its foibles, I owe the the Uk a lot in my life. Aldo what does upset me is not someone slamming Australia because each to ther own, but out and out attacks on Australian people as a nation. There are a wide variety of nations that visit this forum and each and everyone will have their story and expectations but to come in expressing such out and out bitterness is negative and destructive. Apologies for any upset ss xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Magnetic6 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 siamsusie you and SO Dizzy are my favourite females on the forum at the moment ( you say what you feel) but i must piont out that we ( the going / gone back to UK) love the Uk as a place, not the government) This is the what a lot of people on here fail to understand.:wubclub: Cal, you will always be my number 1 female and fiona you too will always be number 1 too ok i;ve had a beer .. You tart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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