Is this unsettled feeling normal??

[Guest Susie]

Hi t'n'g

 

So sorry to hear you are having a bad time, I hope you and your daughter feel more settled soon. It must be really hard when you are in a pingpong situation. I don't understand why you had to come back here due to residency requirements. Is your OH Australian?

 

I am finding this site to be a great source of support and everyone is so nice. There is always someone who can answer your questions and others in the same position.

 

S xx

[Guest marriedtoanaussie]

I could not agree with you more sooveroz. We are heading back. UK House is rented out until next Feb and OH will need to find work(Although he is getting many offers through the sympathy vote-OH is an Aussie-

What the children gain here-beaches,outdoor life, they lose so much more. My mums face lighting up everytime they enter a room, my sisters and brothers playing with them-their cousins.....I could go on

How did I think I could spend the rest of my life away from my close family? I dont intend to spend the next 2 yrs "getting over them" either!!!!

OH has been great. He knows I cant stay here long term and he suggested going back sooner rather than later.....

[Guest chris and jayne]

Hello Suzie

 

I say head back, Why wouldnt you, The UK is great! High Crime, High Unemployment, Wet, grey and Mizo everyday!

 

Why would you want to stay in Perth?

 

Jayne my partner was the same as you, We have been in Melbourne for 11 months, Last month her sister came out and saw us and since then the homesickness has gone! I can arrange for the sister in law to visit you and trust me, You will realise just how lucky you are.

 

Try and remember why you came? On those cold nights when you sat in your house in the UK, why did you want to come to OZ? You only ever remember the good things about the UK.

 

It does get easier I promise but you cant sit back and think O WOE TO ME, Get up, Make some new friends, get a new job and stop being a winging POM!

 

If after two years of trying all of the above and your still not happy, then head back! But I promise, Once you have a taste of life down under you cant go back. Nothing will compare.

 

Chris

P.S let me know if you want the sister in law over!

 

P.S.S Good luck!

x

[Guest Susie]

You are right Chris, I am being a whinging Pom and feeling sorry for myself and doing nothing about it. I'm glad to hear that Jayne is feeling better now her sister has gone!!!

 

I do love the weather and the big wide blue skies but the main problem for me is probably my work situation. My parents have offered to help us with the fares if we want to go back for a visit. My brother who lives abroad thought he was homesick until he went back to the UK for a visit. Maybe that's what I need - a reality check. And a kick up the backside to get a life!!

 

Anyway, thank you for your frank advice, I think!!!! Lol.

[Guest chris and jayne]

Anytime you want a kick, Just let me know, I am here for you! lol

 

If you do go back for a visit, DONT go in summer, Go when its winter, Pissing down with rain and all grey. Trust me, You will be on the first plane back!

 

Good luck hun

 

Chris

x

[cartertucker]

Anytime you want a kick, Just let me know, I am here for you! lol

 

If you do go back for a visit, DONT go in summer, Go when its winter, Pissing down with rain and all grey. Trust me, You will be on the first plane back!

 

Good luck hun

 

Chris

x

 

 

Great advice for Susie, Chris....:yes:

 

But dont worry to much about coming in Summer time here in the Uk, as it only lasts for a few days!! :dull:

 

Wishing you all the best Susie, I see you have a little one, take a look at the headlines on the Uk papers online, that should also help reasure you that youve made the right move.

 

Now, im not saying crime isnt in Australia, but here in the Uk, it just seems to be getting way out of control....terrible

 

Good luck ;0)

[Guest nikkichap]

I have found it hard to make friends here. Which is one reason why I am going home. When I first arrived and my boys started to go to their friends for sleepovers, I got chatting with the other mums that I saw at each sleepover. When it approached the school holidays I gave out my mobile number and asked the other mums to ring me so we can get together for chats and coffee's as I didn't know anyone and would like to meet people. In six weeks I didn't have one single call! Now I am leaving and they have found out, suddenly they all want to get together with me for coffee. Too little too late!! I have been so lonely and just a simple coffee and chat could have made all the difference to me feeling so isolated! I tried to get a job, offered to help out in the school when they were looking for people but got looked over for Ozzie mums. It got to the point when I just gave up trying. I never had to work that hard to find friends in the UK!

[Guest nikkichap]

Hello Suzie

 

I say head back, Why wouldnt you, The UK is great! High Crime, High Unemployment, Wet, grey and Mizo everyday!

 

Why would you want to stay in Perth?

 

Jayne my partner was the same as you, We have been in Melbourne for 11 months, Last month her sister came out and saw us and since then the homesickness has gone! I can arrange for the sister in law to visit you and trust me, You will realise just how lucky you are.

 

Try and remember why you came? On those cold nights when you sat in your house in the UK, why did you want to come to OZ? You only ever remember the good things about the UK.

 

It does get easier I promise but you cant sit back and think O WOE TO ME, Get up, Make some new friends, get a new job and stop being a winging POM!

 

If after two years of trying all of the above and your still not happy, then head back! But I promise, Once you have a taste of life down under you cant go back. Nothing will compare.

 

Chris

P.S let me know if you want the sister in law over!

 

P.S.S Good luck!

x

 

 

I actually quite enjoyed that cold nights when you snuggle up on the sofa with a blanket! UK has great seasons! The spring time when the flowers start to grow and the blossom appears on the trees. Summer is always hit and miss in the UK but you do get nice days, going out with the kids without having to travel for hours just to get somewhere you have been before many times. Sitting in a pub garden without getting bitten to s**t and it not getting dark before 9.30pm. Summers here are burning hot where everyone stays indoors to try and keep cool and the evenings get dark at 6.30pm! Autumn- warm days fading, nights drawing in. Leaves on trees changing colour and falling off. Winter- frost, sleet, rain, snow. Wrapping up warm to go out. Sunggling up with the one you love on the sofa!

 

As for crime, yes UK has crime but so does OZ! i have heard of some horrific crimes since being here. And the youth culture is no different to the UK.

 

Australia can be quite bland, finding new things to do is hard. In the Uk there is so much on offer you don't have to travel for hours to do things. Being close to Europe is a bonus as it is easy to arrange weekends away to see other cities and take in some culture!

 

So it's not always wet, grey and miserablein the UK. Even when the weather is grey there are plenty of things to do. When it is wet here, we have nothing to do but stay indoors. And during the rainy season this is very boring.

 

Life isn't perfect in OZ the same way life isn't perfect in the UK.

[i need stimulation]

I have found it hard to make friends here. Which is one reason why I am going home. When I first arrived and my boys started to go to their friends for sleepovers, I got chatting with the other mums that I saw at each sleepover. When it approached the school holidays I gave out my mobile number and asked the other mums to ring me so we can get together for chats and coffee's as I didn't know anyone and would like to meet people. In six weeks I didn't have one single call! Now I am leaving and they have found out, suddenly they all want to get together with me for coffee. Too little too late!! I have been so lonely and just a simple coffee and chat could have made all the difference to me feeling so isolated! I tried to get a job, offered to help out in the school when they were looking for people but got looked over for Ozzie mums. It got to the point when I just gave up trying. I never had to work that hard to find friends in the UK!

 

i know exactly what you mean

i have been given completely contradicting messages about socialising in oz

one that they are very outgoing (that is superficially correct such as the smile and g'day and general politeness)

and two - that you have to work hard to make friends here

the fact is it's a socially insular and cliquey place and the concept of sweating blood to do something normal and natural such as this is farcical in my opinion, and if it's true that you do have to work that hard just to make a friend(sounds a bit pathetic actually), then it completely negates the saying that they are outgoing sociable people

a social life to an aussie seems like isolation to a brit, but then again a lot of people who come here come here for a quieter more private life anyway, so it really comes down to what you prefer

[THE DUNSCOMBE FAMILY]

Hi There, Well we have been here since DEC 08 Ive felt totally unwell since arriving here, had all sorts of tests and stuff done with nothin really showing up, been put on medication for now , not really done nothin to improve the way i feel, think it is severe anixaty which hell knows where its come from as weve planned to come here for the last two years, i know i live in like an inner city area, which i truely dont like, but that was were the job was, we are noW hoping to maybe relocate somewhere else just to see if things change , i do strugglewith having not many friends, i feel totally out of my depth and comfort zone, scared to death that everything will fall flat and we will end up pennieless, but i want us to have a good crack at life here both for us and our children, we have a five year plan but im hoping i will start to feel better soon, some days im not to bad, then others i feel like im going to drop down where i stand and die , its a bloody awful feeling to live with every day, i am or i was a strong person always incontrol of everything i did and done, but this thing has taken over me and i hate it, its even come down to my oh having time off work to look after me ......I feel such a failulor , all i want is the old me back ......SCARED TO DEATH but you have to do what your heart tells you ........Only you can decide that, better to have tried and failed than to never try at all, your not the first and definatly not the last, do it for yourself and whats right for your family....Sending you our best wishes to you and hope all works out for you, it sure is one hell of a bumpy ride to start with... I could of given up 4mths ago wen i ended up in hospital, but i do want it to all work out GOOD LUCK

[Guest lottiep]

I have also found it hard to make friends here.....I swear it wasn't this difficult back home! Some of the conversations are really superficial as well.....they don't actually talk about things that I find interesting and don't seem to have the biggest sense of humour...but maybe that's just me??!! Makes it very isolating though......I know back home that if I introduce a 'newbie' to my friends, they are soooo friendly and ask loads of questions and go out of their way to include them....it doesn't work that way here!

 

Dunscombe Family...I also used to have panic attacks and anxiety.....it can feel really horrible...very hard to explain to someone who hasn't had it. It is only to be expected...moving to Oz is a huge move and you think and worry all the time, if you are that way inclined. I saw a great Dr and had a low dose of anti depressants that really helped for a little while. Also used to tell myself that what's the worst that can happen? I won't die from it although it feels like you might. I also found eating healthily and avoiding all the good stuff like booze, chocolate, cakes etc really helped. Good luck with it...there are some great books around and info on the internet.

[Guest Susie]

Hi Dunscombe Family

 

I'm sorry you are feeling so unwell and down. If being here makes you feel that bad then its really not worth it. You are not a failure at all, you (like most of us on here) have done one of the bravest things imaginable, ie. giving up your whole life to emigrate to another continent, risking everything. Most people in the UK talk about doing it but don't have the bottle. I'm sure like us, many people in the UK said they admired you for 'going for it'. The last sentence in your post sounded more positive so I really hope it works out for you. If not and you end up back in the UK, then so what its been an adventure. How do the rest of your family feel?

 

We're are just taking a few weeks to think about what we do. I am so up and down with it. Can relate to feeling out of your depth and comfort zone. Good luck. If you were near we could've met up for a coffee.

 

Susie x

[Guest Susie]

Hi Lottie

 

I do think its really hard to make friends here too. I find it sad if there is not much hope of us integrating properly with Australians and always being outsiders. I think I'd rather be back home, where we belong...

 

Now I know how Polish people etc must feel in the UK.

[Guest SO,DIZZY]

Chris is right there are loads of people here in the uk would be over the moon to have the chance to emigrate.. The work situation is dire in the uk and the summers keep getting wetter and wetter and the cost of living here is on the rise,, id rather be skint and in perth than be skint and in rainy old scoland any day.. We are off to melbourne soon "with a bit of luck" and we cant wait to get there.. With modern technalogical wonders like webcams etc.. Family are only a click away

good luck chin up regards dizzy...

[Guest Susie]

Hi Dizzy

 

Good luck with the visa application and I hope it all works out for you. I know what you are saying about the UK but the work situation is not great here either. Also, skype, email etc help us to keep in touch with loved ones at home like you say, but there are other things I miss about the UK. I feel like getting back to Scotland would like getting back to reality and civilisation.

 

I'm not sure of your position, or if you've been here before but I felt like you, before I actually came here and experienced what it was like. With all due respect, once you've actually come and experienced 9 months in Oz, you may feel differently.

 

S x

[Guest nikkichap]

Once I arrived we were so busy sorting out our new life that I didn't get the chance to let my feelings flow to the surface. Once hubby started now job and boys went off to school I really tried to start living my new life. I tried to interact with the Ozzies, tried to find a job but I was snubbed at every corner. I started to feel really down. Some days I didn't want to get out of bed. I have never in my life felt like that. I was so miserable and some times I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want the family to know how unhappy I was. I didn't want my feelings to affect them starting a new life for themselves. I was hoping that after a while a switch would turn on and life would look bright again. After a few months of putting on a brave face I had to face up to the fact that either I went home where I felt safe and comfortable or I went to the doctor and he give me medication to see me through the day. I decided that the medication would only disguise my feelings and I didn't want to live day to day relying on happy pills. I booked my flights home and a cloud lifted. I knew I had made the right decision. If it was making me feel so ill I didn't want to stay. I have enjoyed my final few weeks and done some wonderful things. I will take back those memories with me. I get on the plane tomorrow. UK has never felt so right.

 

Good luck and I hope you start to feel better soon. Don't stay just beacuse you have a five year plan. Your health is worth more. OZ is not the be all and end all. Just do what ever makes you happy. :hug:

[Guest lottiep]

Hi nikkichap,

 

Have a great time back in the UK, excited for you....we will be following in a few months......our green, green land!

[Guest nikkichap]

Hi nikkichap,

 

Have a great time back in the UK, excited for you....we will be following in a few months......our green, green land!

 

Good luck to you to. Hope you soon get back to the land of the living. Will do an update once I get back.

[Guest carillion]

Hi Susie, my OH and 7 yr old have been in South WA for a year now. It has been the hardest time but we promised we would stay the year. Having made the decision that WA is not the place for us I feel so much happier. I am however not ready to go back yet. I think we landed in the wrong place so we are thinking of trying out Brisbane for a few months until the recession eases back home. You will always miss family and friends but it does get easier and I appreciate how hard it is to make friends. The Australians this end of the state are politely friendly but quite insular and don't really let you in. I also miss decent meat and veg. I miss common courtesy, good manners and customer service. What I viewed as a 'laid back Aussie attitude' on those frequent holidays I now see as lazyness. I am tired of the alcholism and ready drug taking none of which were as in my face in the UK as they are here. I hate having to pay so much to leave WA compared to flight costs over East and once you have done it all here what else is there to do. I feel as if we have retired. Education sucks and you have to fight for all your rights to the Nth degree. So off to Brisbane to see if it fears better. Don't stress about going back, the hard Australian sell becomes difficult to swallow after a while. They have a long way to go in WA to join up with the rest of the world I fear.

[Guest Susie]

Hi Carillion

 

Nice to hear from you, and I admire your bravery in trying another state rather than just throwing in the towel and heading home.

 

I can imagine where you are is even more insular and cut-off from we are in the metro area, although I loved Margaret River when we came down for a break.

 

As for the hard Australian sell we get in the UK, when I tell friends/family we're thinking of coming back they reply things like, "Think of the opportunities there for the kids". WHAT opportunites exactly, I really cannot fathom, other than sunny weather.

 

Good luck in Brisbane.

 

Susie xx

[OO are ya]

Wow sounds like you are torn between countries.

Firstly I am an Aussie who's OH is struggling here.

Myself, OH, 6 & 3 yo just got back from holiday to the UK (first time in 5 1/2 year) and we now want to move back.

 

Currently we live in the same area where I was born so seeing all my friends doing the same thing etc. IMO makes me think there is more to life.

I was the only one who braved the backpacker thing back in the early 1990's.

So glad I did there is so much to see and so little time.

 

We actually talked to someone about this and it helped us a lot.......who said the following to us.

"Life is a journey not a destination" OK that is pretty sound advice in our circumstances.

It blew us both away.

 

My take regarding English winters are....OK the hours are less, go to work in the dark, come home in the dark...see your back yard only on weekends.....a bit of snow etc. but the summer hours are a lot longer. You can get home at 6 and with a 20 minute drive be out in the countryside on a pub walk knowing there is still 2-3 hours daylight left!

 

Swings in roundabouts I think.

Anyone who bases their move purely on weather...IMHO needs to think a bit more about what else there is to offer for their respective circumstances.

I suggest if you are struggling to find an answer talk to someone who is completely unbiased...... who is all ears and just put a different perspective on it.

 

Good luck,

 

OO are ya.

[Guest John Locke]

Wow sounds like you are torn between countries.

Firstly I am an Aussie who's OH is struggling here.

Myself, OH, 6 & 3 yo just got back from holiday to the UK (first time in 5 1/2 year) and we now want to move back.

 

Currently we live in the same area where I was born so seeing all my friends doing the same thing etc. IMO makes me think there is more to life.

I was the only one who braved the backpacker thing back in the early 1990's.

So glad I did there is so much to see and so little time.

 

We actually talked to someone about this and it helped us a lot.......who said the following to us.

"Life is a journey not a destination" OK that is pretty sound advice in our circumstances.

It blew us both away.

 

My take regarding English winters are....OK the hours are less, go to work in the dark, come home in the dark...see your back yard only on weekends.....a bit of snow etc. but the summer hours are a lot longer. You can get home at 6 and with a 20 minute drive be out in the countryside on a pub walk knowing there is still 2-3 hours daylight left!

 

Swings in roundabouts I think.

Anyone who bases their move purely on weather...IMHO needs to think a bit more about what else there is to offer for their respective circumstances.

I suggest if you are struggling to find an answer talk to someone who is completely unbiased...... who is all ears and just put a different perspective on it.

 

Good luck,

 

OO are ya.

 

My wife was also the only one of her friends who travelled, and ended up living with me in London for 10 years!! Hence her full support and excitememt at our impending return. Weather-wise, and imho, I think there`s a bit of an obsession with the sun...

Also, the unbiased opinion is a good point. My family think I`m mad because it`s sunny and there are nice beaches here...people I know here think I`m mad because it`s sunny and...erm...there are nice beaches here but my doctor said, after my unburdening of thoughts, feelings, doubts and fears, "...it`s been seven years...go home!!"

[Guest marriedtoanaussie]

I cant believe people leave their families for sun (harsh dangerous sun)

My OH who was obviously raised in Queensland has never understood the British obsession with the sun. Even on two week holidays to Spain/France our kids were covered from head to toe in UV suits and we always stayed out of it from 12 to 3. Its far worse here..its constant...walking to school, getting the shopping..its hard to avoid. We cant understand families who take their kids to the beach in the middle of the day.But they do...Apartfrom being dangerous is really speeds up the ageing process.

The climate was not the reason for our emigration, if anything it put us off...our reasoning was for a better quality of life/work life balance etc,(neither of which has happened)....show the children their daddy's heritage (?) more sport for the children(questionable), and the rather stupid thinking that emails,skype,carefully timed telephone calls would be enough to continue a relationship with the childrens nanny,grandad,cousins,aunties and uncles....hence we will be back for the Ashes which hubby is pleased about!

[OO are ya]

Going to the beach in Adelaide during summer...particularly with youngs kids is between 7:30am and 10am...it get's too hot after that and you have to slap a second layer of sunscreen....mixed with sand is not pleasant.

 

Also a 20 C day in UK is warmer than 20 C here. I remember barely hitting 30 C in Blighty and feeling hot!

As I said just came back from UK 17 C and I was wearing shorts feeling quite warm.

20 C is my minimum here for shorts and even then it is pushing it.

 

John Locke did your wife feel a bit different settling in after coming back to Oz after all those years? I certainly did.

I had a bit of a sense of looking from the outside in ...... as I missed all the footy/cricket seasons...girlfriend/boyfriend trysts etc.

I had different life experiences to my friends and family.

I would be interested in you/wife's thoughts as we have similar circumstances.

 

 

 

OO are ya.

[Guest jackie Macdonald]

Hiya, I felt I must reply to you..I've only been in Perth 3 months so far and your feelings mirror mine. My situation is slightly different to yours as I previously lived in Sydney for 2 years back in 2002 and went back to the UK after 2 years (we had no choice at this stage as we couldn't get residency then!) I remember really looking forward to living back in the UK and settled quite well once we'd got back (we had rented our house out so just moved back in). However, at some stage afterwards, almost overnight we decided we wanted to go back. Now whether this was because we hadn't previously got residency or because we truly believed our life was better there is anyone's guess!!

 

Anyway, as we are both in our 40's , we had to act fast., I did a hairdressing course (reluctantly!!) as they are always needed here and it was the only viable option at the time. I completed the year and a half long course and passed, only to discover they had changed the criteria and I had to have worked for 2 years as a hairdresser AFTER obtaining my NVQ2. At that stage I was ready to give up completely. However, luck/fate whatever you want to call it, stepped in and we heard that they were recruiting police officers (my husband was at the time a police officer in the met) so my husband applied, not holding out much hope at that stage but low and behold he was accepted!!

It all happened so fast and seemed the right thing to do, so we went along with all our plans and we considered ourselves lucky to get back, but at the same time were apprehensive about whether we were actually doing the right thing or not. My eldest son was now 15 and was doing extremely well at his school, even taking his GCSE's a year early. My 2 other children I wasn't so worried about as they are only 8 and would have time to adjust should we decide to return to the UK.

 

Anyway, my point is that I have only been here a short while, so I should really give it some time but I feel a great sense of loss and feel I just don't belong here. It is reassuring to know that others feel the same way and that I am not going mad. I can swing daily as regards whether to stay or go. It drives me and my husband (bless him) mad!! It is comforting to know that a lot of 'us poms' feel the same. even though everyone back home says 'you're mad, why do you want to come home' they haven't lived here and only hear how wonderful life here is. You really do have to live it to have an opinion I think, which is why this forum is so usefull! I have spent today riding my bike and relaxing in a beautiful deserted beach area, but amongst the beauty and gentle waves, it actually didn't make me feel any more connected as I still miss everything back home. even the grey weather!

 

The way I feel at the moment, my advice to anyone wanting to go down this road is 'dont' ...... they will never be satisfied in either country and when they are residing in australia they will want to be home and vise versa!!

I am going back to visit my mum and sisters (I lost my dad last year) in July and can't wait, but I am worried about the impact this will have on me once I touch down back home!! I suppose all I can say is that I think we have to stick it out a while and see how it goes. The biggest bug bear is the bloody expense of it all. I've done it all before, and I'm still nun the wiser!!

 

All the best and my thought's really are with you!!

 

Jackie xxx