My story - dont force kids to come here esp when older !!

[Wishful]

Ok decided to write my story. When I was 10 my dad applied to come to Aus and got rejected he tried when i was 12 again rejected then when i was 17 he got accepted. So my brother mum dad and I boarded a flight on February 17th 1987 all held hands and off we went for an adventure. The only way my dad got me on that plane was by promising me a return ticket in three months if I didn't like it. I was very very happy in my beautiful yorkshire ( leeds ) and had a great life my dad had the grass is greener syndrome. So after 3 months I said thanks its been lovely but I want to go home now he would not give me my passport and made sure that I could not go home after a few months I decided to go to tafe to do my HSC then I went to University and life continued....then I got married in 1995 and in 1998 my daughter was born ad I got severe post natal depression due to the realisation that I was now stuck....I have never settled here and I have tried so so hard but 2 kids and a divorce later I still yearn for my yorkshire where I belong and where my heart is.I am now married to my first ever boyfriend who also is English and from leeds and so one day I hope to return my biggest fear is dying here......But I would not do to my kids what my dad did to me and now my dad and I are estranged because he thinks it is selfish I take the kids to UK for 3-6 months so that they are able to make an informed decision when they are older.....my parents would go home in a heartbeat if they could but they have grandkids here now and so it can get very very complicated so think about all this before you make a decision....I will get home one day im trying to see it as an exptended holiday ....but all our money is spent on trips to the uk and my parents say this is sad and yes it is very sad but its the onyl way I can do it .......:arghh:

[Petals]

I agree with what you say but I think that its still chasing a dream.

 

I never wanted to leave UK either big shock when we were going to leave, I was younger but still felt it being taken away from extended family etc

 

I married a Scot and returned to live in the UK and it was ok but now we live in Australia and we are very happy, you see I had grown away from family and the UK and the things I remembered were not the same.

 

I know that you are going for holidays but holidays are just that and living the life there is completely different to being on holiday the same as it is when people come here.

 

My mum wasted so many years yearning to be back in the UK and in doing that made us the same. What a waste of our time and life.

 

Now I am much older and realise that happiness is every day of your life wherever you are, life is far too short to worry crave for the future. Took my daughter getting a malignant brain tumor at 24 to realise that. She has to live every day of her life now wherever she is as we do not know what her future will be or ours for that matter.

 

Try to be happy ever single day. Your children will come back here to live once they are grown it happens all the time, and I would not be surprised if you did too.

[Wishful]

I agree with what you say but I think that its still chasing a dream.

 

I never wanted to leave UK either big shock when we were going to leave, I was younger but still felt it being taken away from extended family etc

 

I married a Scot and returned to live in the UK and it was ok but now we live in Australia and we are very happy, you see I had grown away from family and the UK and the things I remembered were not the same.

 

I know that you are going for holidays but holidays are just that and living the life there is completely different to being on holiday the same as it is when people come here.

 

My mum wasted so many years yearning to be back in the UK and in doing that made us the same. What a waste of our time and life.

 

Now I am much older and realise that happiness is every day of your life wherever you are, life is far too short to worry crave for the future. Took my daughter getting a malignant brain tumor at 24 to realise that. She has to live every day of her life now wherever she is as we do not know what her future will be or ours for that matter.

 

Try to be happy ever single day. Your children will come back here to live once they are grown it happens all the time, and I would not be surprised if you did too.

 

Thanks petals I have read some of your threads and I Always talk about australia in a positive manner and my kids know I love england but they dont know how bad I want to go back......I know I have to be very careful how I handle it with them....I wish your daughter all the luck in the world thats tough stuff !!!! But I understand what you are saying and I do know I am very lucky.....Thanks for the post xx

[Quoll]

Whilst I agree with Petals that you only have one life to live and you need to make the best of it, that doesnt stop you knowing that you just dont "belong" somewhere. That is true for me too - unfortunately the more that you know you are in the wrong place, the more you come to hate the place you are in and the more trapped you become because of kids, grandkids, spouses or whatever the more you resent the steel hawsers which are trapping you there and that makes living your life to the full an increasingly difficult task even with the best of intentions.

 

I am a different person when I get home - it is where I want to be and, like Wishful, I absolutely dread the thought of dying in Australia (well, I pretty much dread the thought of doing it anywhere!). I havent stopped smiling this last 3 weeks - when you are driving around the countryside and find yourself with an inane grin on your face despite the weather being grey and miserable you know there is something odd happening:biglaugh:

 

I think too that it is the finality of knowing that you wont be going "home" to live ever again which does make it hard. As long as you think you have a choice in life then anything is bearable. Once that choice is taken away from you then it becomes much harder to bear.

 

I do wonder at what stage you have to say "stuff it, this is my life and I am going to do what I want with it". Then you can weigh up the pros and cons of whatever move and that then reintroduces some semblance of choice in your life. For me the choice is to live in UK without my soul mate or exist in Aus with him - much as I hate it, I make the choice to live with him and that gives me some small degree of freedom.

 

If he werent the issue then I would be home in a shot. I would leave the son and granddaughter who live in Aus - sure, a few pangs but not overwhelming and I would be happy to visit occasionally. I also have a son in UK who is likely to be here for the forseeable future and if he has kids I will be missing out on them growing up anyway unless I visit so swings and roundabouts for me.

 

I hope things will sort themselves out for you, Wishful and that you get to "be" where you want to be. In a few years you may even think that your kids are irrelevant to "your" life decisions because they will be off making their own life choices - heck, you may have one in Alberta and another in the Algarve before they reach 30, who knows which way they will jump.

[Wishful]

Whilst I agree with Petals that you only have one life to live and you need to make the best of it, that doesnt stop you knowing that you just dont "belong" somewhere. That is true for me too - unfortunately the more that you know you are in the wrong place, the more you come to hate the place you are in and the more trapped you become because of kids, grandkids, spouses or whatever the more you resent the steel hawsers which are trapping you there and that makes living your life to the full an increasingly difficult task even with the best of intentions.

 

I am a different person when I get home - it is where I want to be and, like Wishful, I absolutely dread the thought of dying in Australia (well, I pretty much dread the thought of doing it anywhere!). I havent stopped smiling this last 3 weeks - when you are driving around the countryside and find yourself with an inane grin on your face despite the weather being grey and miserable you know there is something odd happening:biglaugh:

 

I think too that it is the finality of knowing that you wont be going "home" to live ever again which does make it hard. As long as you think you have a choice in life then anything is bearable. Once that choice is taken away from you then it becomes much harder to bear.

 

I do wonder at what stage you have to say "stuff it, this is my life and I am going to do what I want with it". Then you can weigh up the pros and cons of whatever move and that then reintroduces some semblance of choice in your life. For me the choice is to live in UK without my soul mate or exist in Aus with him - much as I hate it, I make the choice to live with him and that gives me some small degree of freedom.

 

If he werent the issue then I would be home in a shot. I would leave the son and granddaughter who live in Aus - sure, a few pangs but not overwhelming and I would be happy to visit occasionally. I also have a son in UK who is likely to be here for the forseeable future and if he has kids I will be missing out on them growing up anyway unless I visit so swings and roundabouts for me.

 

I hope things will sort themselves out for you, Wishful and that you get to "be" where you want to be. In a few years you may even think that your kids are irrelevant to "your" life decisions because they will be off making their own life choices - heck, you may have one in Alberta and another in the Algarve before they reach 30, who knows which way they will jump.

 

Thanks quoll that made me smile and also gave me hope...I will be back in the uk one day of that I am 110% certain and it will be before I am 50 I turn 41 this year.....I am a problem solver and up until this I have NEVER had an issue I could not resolve and yeah ...how old is your son/kids when you left.....I too am a different person when I am home " I am simply me warts and all" I just feel so calm when that plane hits the tarmac at manchester the feeling is indescribable as is the feeling when I have to get back on the plane to come back to aus......thanks for the post though really did help !! xx

[Guest t'n'g]

Hi there,

I understand your feelings although I was 30 when I came out. we moved over here in 2002 and stayed for 6 years, the time flew but after a couple of years i dearly missed family and friends even though we made new friends over here.

we have just spent the last year in the UK which was great, it took a few months for the kids to settle in but found a great rural school for them and holidayed alot, the kids did not want to come back to Aus, but unfortunatly as we have not got our citizenship we have had to return.We have been back 3 weeks now and already the kids do not wish to return to the UK - although I desperatly miss family and am unhappy.

I guess what i am trying to say is "yes go for it" and if the kids are young enough they will adapt well if not hey you are only going initially for a holiday that is what we said to our kids.

Regards

[Wishful]

Hi there' date='

I understand your feelings although I was 30 when I came out. we moved over here in 2002 and stayed for 6 years, the time flew but after a couple of years i dearly missed family and friends even though we made new friends over here.

we have just spent the last year in the UK which was great, it took a few months for the kids to settle in but found a great rural school for them and holidayed alot, the kids did not want to come back to Aus, but unfortunatly as we have not got our citizenship we have had to return.We have been back 3 weeks now and already the kids do not wish to return to the UK - although I desperatly miss family and am unhappy.

I guess what i am trying to say is "yes go for it" and if the kids are young enough they will adapt well if not hey you are only going initially for a holiday that is what we said to our kids.

Regards[/quote']

 

Thank you I have to wait until the kids are 16 to go for good anyway or apply for a relocation order which I probably would not get ( their father is aus) but would love to know more about your kids and how olld they were when you went back etc.... thanks

[Guest joeycola]

Wishful, I have all these feelings too but I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I am here for good. My daughter is only 16 months old so I have a long time to wait, I don't have the energy (or the funds) to attempt a relocation order so my life and my future belongs here in Aus.

 

Having said that, I'm trying to do everything I can to make my life better. I'm moving away from this ghastly little mining town I live in and I am heading for beautiful Port Stephens. I know that I will be leaving a few good friends but I need to move for my own sanity. I believe my future will be much brighter away from this place.

 

I suppose as hard as it is, try to look at the positives in your life and hopefully that gut-wrenching, soul-destroying yearning for home might subside ever so slightly.

 

Good luck.:hug:

[ali]

Joecola, it sounds like you have a very positive attitude. Good luck with your move, your friends will be your friends no matter where you are ..... I wish you all the best in finding the bright future you see for yourself.... from your post you're certainly someone who can make that happen.

[Quoll]

Great to hear that you are moving Joey! Port Stephens is a lovely place and hopefully will herald the new beginning you deserve! Good on you!!!!

[Cazz]

Hi, I watched a programeon tv a while ago about the ten pound poms. There was a lady on it that had moved over when she was about 10. It was mums idea to go, but once there mum wanted to come home & dad wouldn't let them! Cutting a long story short, she ended up marrying an aussie chap & had a family of her own but still yearned to come home. Eventually when her kids had grown up & had families of their own, she persuaded her hubby to move over here to uk. They lived in a beautiful picturesque village & she was happy to be back, but only for a short time! After just a couple of years she realised that Oz was home now & not the uk & moved back again realising that for all those years, is was just probably the resentment of going (or being made to stay)in the first place that had eaten away at her for all those years. I thought it was really sad, what a waste of her life, spending it being soooo unhappy. Hope you are all soon happy with your lives whatever you want to do. After all as they say, We're only here once, not on a trial run. X

[Guest treesea]

Hi Wishful,

Keep your chin up. It's never too late to come home. I was 45 when we came back and it took us a good two years to find our feet. But I've never felt I made the wrong choice, even in the early days when we were really poor. I have spent the last few years travelling up and down Britain to show my children the places I went to when we were young and to see the rellies, some of whom have gone from having no children to becoming grandmas in the interim. There's not a day gone by when I haven't thought "home at last, thank God".

 

I used to visit the UK when we were away every few years, but eventually I stopped, because leaving each time was too painful and at the time I wasn't ready to decide whether or not to come back permanently.

 

I realise that both my children are Australian, and fully expect that just as my land has pulled me back, so might theirs in the future. But let's face it, our children, once grown, can end up anywhere. In the long term, what's important is to live where you feel you belong.

[Wishful]

Hi Wishful,

Keep your chin up. It's never too late to come home. I was 45 when we came back and it took us a good two years to find our feet. But I've never felt I made the wrong choice, even in the early days when we were really poor. I have spent the last few years travelling up and down Britain to show my children the places I went to when we were young and to see the rellies, some of whom have gone from having no children to becoming grandmas in the interim. There's not a day gone by when I haven't thought "home at last, thank God".

 

I used to visit the UK when we were away every few years, but eventually I stopped, because leaving each time was too painful and at the time I wasn't ready to decide whether or not to come back permanently.

 

I realise that both my children are Australian, and fully expect that just as my land has pulled me back, so might theirs in the future. But let's face it, our children, once grown, can end up anywhere. In the long term, what's important is to live where you feel you belong.

 

Thanks theresa I could go for relocation order but it would be too stressful for everyone and I have been given a 10% chance of success as the kids have more family here than Uk.....so will have to wait until they are older prob another 5 years and then try ....who knows I only know I need to get home as soon as I can and I know totally what you mean I am not going back until 2012 and then we are going back with kids for 3 months.....thanks though I know I wont regret it , I dont have rose colo:no:ured galsses on I dont hate australia its just not where I belong end of !!!! x

[Wishful]

theresa how old where you when you moved to Aus x

[Petals]

My husband on a trip back to UK alone sat next to a lady from Western Australia in her eighties and she had lived in Australia for fifty years, all her children and grandchildren were here but she was going home to a small village to die in the UK.

[Quoll]

My husband on a trip back to UK alone sat next to a lady from Western Australia in her eighties and she had lived in Australia for fifty years, all her children and grandchildren were here but she was going home to a small village to die in the UK.

 

That could be me in another 20 years!

[Petals]

So true:notworthy: