Quoll Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I have just got back from a brilliant month in UK and know absolutely and utterly that that is where I need to be. Just some random observations: Weather - we had 2 glorious weeks where I didnt even need the brand new cardigan I had bought because I had stupidly left mine here in Aus. It was almost too hot because of the humidity. We had one week where the rain poncho got a good work out and one which was so-so but not cold at all. I actually enjoyed the rain, it was good, clean rain and the ground felt so springy and the grass was so green after it had fallen. Contrast that with the dusty yellowish brown around here - it looks sick. Oh yes and those brilliant long balmy summer evenings - we had dinner outside 4 times and never a fly to be seen! In Aus they would have been crawling into every orifice and you would have been bitten to death by a zillion mozzies! People - I met some wonderful people, I had chats with the people in the check outs at supermarkets, saw youngsters give up their seats for older and pregnant women on the bus, saw many hold open doors for others to follow. I got waved at for courteous driving and did the same in return (and much less tail gating than we see around here!). I had a joke with quite a few casual acquaintances and visited some long time friends and it was as if we have never been apart. Food - OMG who has given the UK a makeover foody-wise???? Pub grub is superb, excellent quality and even better value for money. The supermarkets have things I have never seen here (and probably not likely to) - I was tempted to ask Waitrose if they would come and open a branch in town here, that would shake up the Woolies/Coles banality. I thought on balance that the cost of food was actually less than in Aus at the moment and could find no fault with the quality of the fresh produce. I actually had strawberries from the market where EVERY ONE OF THEM actually tasted like a strawberry instead of the tasteless pap that passes for strawberries here. History - I was very restrained on the history front and refrained from dragging the DH into every cathedral, abbey, castle or stately home we passed (he glazes over, being much more concerned about the future and his carbon footprint!). But we did see enough to keep me going until the next time!!! We were on a bit of an Oliver Cromwell hunt this time and he didnt mind that as we were doing it for our granddaughter who we recently discovered is actually a direct descendant of OC! TV - Colour me gobsmacked! The aged rellies have Virgin tv which has enough channels to keep a UK tv drama junkie in 7th heaven for a month without leaving the living room (but I was restrained nevertheless). Now checking out UKNova to see if I can get to see the rest of the new series of Who Do You Think You Are before the turn of the next millennium! The BBC coverage of the Olympics knocked Channel 7's Aussie Hero approach into a cocked hat for even handedness and not even a skerrick of the "GOLD, GOLD, GOLD for Australia!!!!" Mania that has been the legacy of bl**dy Norman May to the sporting commentators we have over here (Mind you, tonight they were going rather over the top because of a silver medal - double :arghh:) Family - God, I hate leaving them. There is only me and my parents in our little family and each time I have to go I wonder if ..... I also have a small extended family with an aunt and uncle and a couple of cousins - they are all precious. It was also very hard to say goodbye to the DS1 who now lives in UK (and is having an absolute ball, he loves it!!!) OK so there were some negatives - the weather and humidity makes my hair curlier than it usually is and I hate it being kinky all the time. What is it with the parking spaces???? Why the heck cant they make them wide enough so you can open the car doors with ease? That said, though, I adore the Park and Ride facilities and am going to lobby our local government for a Shopmobility scheme like the one they have in Cambridge which is a boon to the tottery elderly (which I will one day be!!!). Oh yes and the showers - I have yet to meet a half decent English shower - one with some pressure and an easily adjusted temperature. They definitely need to do some improvement there!!! I have been here for almost 30 years now and in the beginning I was like most of the bright eyed and bushy tailed young people who are now making the move - it was an adventure, I didnt bat an eyelid at leaving my folks and my home country behind, I even "absolutely loved" Australia for a while (in retrospect I actually "absolutely loved" the adventure of it all). Then I realized that this was "it", this was "forever" - the DH is an Aussie and he wont go home to live (says he would be unhappy so we would be no further ahead :nah:) and the iron bars came down and I see this place now for the shallow and insular environment that it is. The DH is happy growing his tomatoes and reading his books but I want more out of life which Australia cannot even come close to delivering. I cry buckets on the train as I leave the olds, I cried on the plane (several times) because each time I have to leave it feels like I leave part of me behind there (and you can only live so long with only half a heart!!!). The DH has even commented on how different I am when I am at home - I walk around smiling all the time and I share the humour of the country. It's a bloody good place to be and I will keep on working on the DH to get him to see that too! (I will even put up with the kinkier hair!) I guess you dont know what you have got until its gone! Edited to say, I have to nominate Plymouth for the title of Chav-town of the West but even that didnt dampen my enthusiasm! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sykestykes Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Quoll, it breaks my heart reading your posts about home, you practically fizzed with excitement and delight when you were posting from here. I want to come and collect you and keep you at my house! We could hatch a cunning plan to get the DH over here...I'll have to think of something. I'll be back!! Lots of love and hugs.:cute: Sue xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scardycat Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Quoll, am glad you enjoyed your time in the UK, I really sympathise with your predicament, there are some lovely parts of UK and the history is really something to be proud of, unfortunately even that is very slowly being eroded. I know there is a lot I will miss about the UK, many of them the things that you have mentioned. Here's to your next holiday regards Cat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabroom Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Quoll, I feel so sad for you and DH is a lucky man as you must love him very very much. Glad you had a lovely time in the UK. Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ms_Fi Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I don't know how you do it Quoll, I certainly couldn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joetrac Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Quoll you sound like you had a ball. I really feel for you and DH what a predicament...but its people that make you happy not places and Im sure the Uk wouldn,t be any good without your hubby. So you keep working on him and hopefully one day all that nagging will pay off :yes: Untill then enjoy your wonderful Hoildays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I felt I was there with you Quoll ..... perhaps we should do a competition ... A Cunning Plan for Quoll I've so glad you had a wonderful time .... but it must have made it even more difficult for you to come back. Ali Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest taffy 62 Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I dont know how you do it Quoll. How do you carry on when your heart is some where else. Maybe its hubbys turn to do what you do, maybe he should live somewhere when his heart is somewhere else, you have to share right lol. Maybe suggest a 2 year holiday over there then once hes been there a while he wont be bothered about coming back! You are a lovely strong person, Ive only stuck that senario for a few months and the thoughts of my home are constantly in my mind I dont think I could cope if I knew I wouldnt be going back. How do you push the thoughts away to carry on with day to day life?? All the best start saving your dollars for the next one:smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracy123 Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Quoll do you dislike Australia so much because you are stuck there, your trapped? Your choice in some way has been taken away from you, the easy was is to leave your oh but if that was the easy way you would of done that by now. I think you are very hard on Australia and I don't beleive you are fair. That said I can understand your feelings I wish you all the best and I hope your happyness is not to far away All the best Geoffrey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 Quoll do you dislike Australia so much because you are stuck there, your trapped? Your choice in some way has been taken away from you, the easy was is to leave your oh but if that was the easy way you would of done that by now.I think you are very hard on Australia and I don't beleive you are fair. That said I can understand your feelings I wish you all the best and I hope your happyness is not to far away All the best Geoffrey LOL I have had him for 35 years, I am not about to break in a new one!!!! Fair to Australia? Well, I think I have given it a good go - and like many other of my acquaintance who are also long time expats, I believe it is not all it is cracked up to be and there are things about the place which no amount of patriotic hype can gloss over (and you must admit the Aussies have that in spades!). Maybe because it is because I am older and wiser that I see what is missing now rather than being able to go along with the adventure but, yes, who loves a prison??? I dont intend anyone to feel sorry for me, that wasnt my intention at all - just showing how you can change over the years and knowing where you "belong" can be far more complex than coming to a new place for a short time (and I count 10 years as a short time). I have many long term expat acquaintances (30+years) and many of us are stuck here and there are very few who would not want to move home, and go home regularly for their dose of belonging, community and variety which is just lacking here. Some, unlike me, are unable to afford to go home as often as they would like and are doing it really tough in their old age. I am sure it all has to do with where your essential development took place - I find it hard to get enthused over mile after mile of drought ridden barren paddocks but my DH glazes over when confronted with a pile of old rubble which has seen the passage of 1000 years - horses for courses really, we are both bored witless by what the other appreciates. I really do think though that the older you get, the more your priorities change and the more likely you are to want to return to your roots and I dont think that is something that many new migrants actually take into account, they just want the adventure and when that turns into boring banality, which it invariably does, then they start to look at life through different eyes. If they are fortunate they can do something about it but if they are past the point of no return for whatever reason then they are stuck with it. I think Australia is just another place to live your life, nothing magical about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuju Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Quoll, What a fantastic post & full of what i try & say to peeps everytime someone asks me why do i wanna go back. I really dont give a damm what anyone says or if they dont agree with me but you really dont know what your missing & just how the good & advanced the uk is untill you aint lived there for a while. You are so brave & strong 30 years geeez what a life sentence if your heart aint with you. I have tried for 2 years now to put my heart into Oz & it just aint happening, i fully understand how you feel & i myself would still go home in a heartbeat (if only i had the money to do so) i will get there one day come hell or high water. All the best stuju x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracy123 Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 LOL I have had him for 35 years, I am not about to break in a new one!!!! Fair to Australia? Well, I think I have given it a good go - and like many other of my acquaintance who are also long time expats, I believe it is not all it is cracked up to be and there are things about the place which no amount of patriotic hype can gloss over (and you must admit the Aussies have that in spades!). Maybe because it is because I am older and wiser that I see what is missing now rather than being able to go along with the adventure but, yes, who loves a prison??? I dont intend anyone to feel sorry for me, that wasnt my intention at all - just showing how you can change over the years and knowing where you "belong" can be far more complex than coming to a new place for a short time (and I count 10 years as a short time). I have many long term expat acquaintances (30+years) and many of us are stuck here and there are very few who would not want to move home, and go home regularly for their dose of belonging, community and variety which is just lacking here. Some, unlike me, are unable to afford to go home as often as they would like and are doing it really tough in their old age. I am sure it all has to do with where your essential development took place - I find it hard to get enthused over mile after mile of drought ridden barren paddocks but my DH glazes over when confronted with a pile of old rubble which has seen the passage of 1000 years - horses for courses really, we are both bored witless by what the other appreciates. I really do think though that the older you get, the more your priorities change and the more likely you are to want to return to your roots and I dont think that is something that many new migrants actually take into account, they just want the adventure and when that turns into boring banality, which it invariably does, then they start to look at life through different eyes. If they are fortunate they can do something about it but if they are past the point of no return for whatever reason then they are stuck with it. I think Australia is just another place to live your life, nothing magical about it. thanks for taking the post the way it was intended and not as a personal attack on you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabroom Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Quoll, I think you are right when you say that people do change and the mind is a funny thing in the way it works. Ask me when I was 30 if I wanted to live in Australia and the answer was definitely not!!! 10 years later and now and am approaching 40 (midlife crisis lol) and what am I doing. We can't predict how we are going to feel in our lives as we have different phases all of the time, you unfortunately are not in the right place but many people are still happy over in Australia. Only time will tell for us newbies. Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LojaChica Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 I agree with Wendy.....................I was the same! 10 years ago I would have said Australia? No way! Happy where I am thanks however as I got older I realised that I wanted to spend some time in Australia with my Bro and his Family who have been here 20 years.........................That said, I am enjoying and making the best of it BUT I know now that I will NOT be here forever....................good for the moment but not forever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest moonraker1961 Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Glad you had a safe trip back to Oz Quoll.Very interesting reading your couple of posts too!I have been doing some heavy duty thinking of late re our future and I feel 80% sure I am going to stay in the UK.My family in Oz will be devastated as since I left Oz,all they have been on about it "When are you coming home"Next time they say that I am going to reply "I already am".I did cultural studies in Oz and you know what?It made me think deeply about who I am.I was embracing bits of other cultures and ignoring my own.I am english living in my homeland and that means alot to me.No matter where you live its never going to be perfect.I need more than a hot sun and beach to stay happy and having travelled alot since being in the UK has made me realise how rich it has made our lives.My twin lives in S.A (as do all my family)and the most they ever do is go to the local shopping mall for coffee?How boring?I have seen enough of Oz,I don't need to see anymore.Keep posting pet we love them lol xxxxx (I did see the Hemp shop at Womad,such talented people in this country hey?xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodfan Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 :sad: Dear Quoll, and anyone else with some advice please!!! have read a lot of your posts and agree with you on the OZ v U.K. front. I will try and cut my story short,basically have already pingponged, went back to U.K. for six months with my husband and son, who did not want to go home, but did because i was sooo homesick after 2.5yrs living here.Just before we went back and after having booked flights home I thought I was beginning to settle as I was no longer so depressed, had stopped crying so much and started to enjoy OZ more. Anyway we returned home then I started to see things through my husbands eyes, after having caught up with everyone and agreed(had to go back in winter)weather was crap, expensive as we could no longer afford to buy a decent home having used a lot of our savings going back. So in my wisdom! said O.K. lets go back to OZ son decided he wanted to come back anyway as has a girlfriend here and has started uni, now after being back 3 months those homesick feelings are back!! admit not half as bad as before,but I still dont feel like I will settle here..what to do? would be a divorce if I say i want to go home again!! have thought about going back on my own, but love my husband and son and how could I manage? not young either 48yrs now so how would i do it..but do not want to feel like this forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 :sad:Dear Quoll, and anyone else with some advice please!!! have read a lot of your posts and agree with you on the OZ v U.K. front. I will try and cut my story short,basically have already pingponged, went back to U.K. for six months with my husband and son, who did not want to go home, but did because i was sooo homesick after 2.5yrs living here.Just before we went back and after having booked flights home I thought I was beginning to settle as I was no longer so depressed, had stopped crying so much and started to enjoy OZ more. Anyway we returned home then I started to see things through my husbands eyes, after having caught up with everyone and agreed(had to go back in winter)weather was crap, expensive as we could no longer afford to buy a decent home having used a lot of our savings going back. So in my wisdom! said O.K. lets go back to OZ son decided he wanted to come back anyway as has a girlfriend here and has started uni, now after being back 3 months those homesick feelings are back!! admit not half as bad as before,but I still dont feel like I will settle here..what to do? would be a divorce if I say i want to go home again!! have thought about going back on my own, but love my husband and son and how could I manage? not young either 48yrs now so how would i do it..but do not want to feel like this forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please help! LOL, no words of wisdom from me - I am the poster child for how not to do it!!!! I think things are often really hard for first generation migrants and it is amazing how many of them have the feeling that they HAVE to stay here rather than they WANT to be here. I think women in particular put their "others" ahead of themselves and compromise to a greater degree and what it all comes down to is making a decision and then making the best of it. Doesnt stop you wanting to be elsewhere or planning to top up your sanity by visits to that other place where you do belong and meanwhile live in limbo. Unfortunately, the older you get the more difficult it is to make those decisions which were a piece of cake when you were younger - nasty words like pension and superannuation and mortgage and health care all raise their ugly heads and you slide past that point of no return before you know it. It's the realization of knowing that this is "it", "forever" and that you are probably going to die here which makes it very hard to handle. (((Hugs))) to you and hope that you can work out something which works for you and yours! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracy123 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I think you need to start a new thread as some people may of read the thread and now choose to ignore it or others may not like Quoll (no disrespect Quoll) so choose not to read the thread (as I'm sure happens with my threads and many others) Sorry I hope you don't take this post the wrong way Geoffrey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodfan Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 :sad: Hi,Quoll and thankyou for your reply, I realise time is running out for the chance to go back, just do not want to make another decision for it to be the wrong one again! "you made your bed so lie in it" is that still true in this day and age I wander, sooo hard to except though. Maybe I should put up my own thread incase someone has been through the same senario, havent come across that many people who have gone home come back and now want to head home again!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest moonraker1961 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I sympathise with folk like yourself and Quoll.I am in the same boat to a degree,although my problem is I can't decide where I want to be,rather than its my husband digging his heels !!!I guess at the end of the day though love is the most important thing is'nt it?If you have a happy marriage and are still inlove,thats the most important thing.Its so so hard though and I do totally understand.I wish you well xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandramcd Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Quoll, thanks for this thread, I love to read what you have to say as it's always so balanced and sensible! I feel like I'm struggling with the whole move to Oz. My DH was asked to apply for a job which was great for his ego and looks good on the cv. I was heavily pregnant and asked him to leave it, but he went for it, got an interview and was offered the job. I cried. We discussed it for days before he accepted it on the basis that he wouldn't make Prof here for another 10 years so great for the experience and, importantly, the bank balance! Neither of us had particularly been looking for a move and it is all happening very fast. At the moment I can only think of it in terms of 5 years max then come home, after that our oldest may not come back with us as he would be nearing uni etc. It's great to hear all the good stuff about being somewhere new and different, but I definately want to hear the things that perhaps aren't so great aswell. Forewarned is forearmed and it always helps to be prepared! Sorry for waffling! Sandra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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