How to make the decision to stay or go

[Canada2Australia]

2 hours ago, Toots said:

Darwin certainly wouldn't be a place I could live in but many people enjoy life in the tropics.  The main reason @sazm2k12 has posted is she wants to move back home to the UK to be much closer to her family especially now that she has a very young child.  It wouldn't make much difference if she moved to another part of Australia -  not when she is missing he family in the UK so badly.

I understand this. However one's circumstances can change, and perhaps a move back home may no longer become feasible in the short-to-medium term. Should that become the case, I'm suggesting a change in scenery to a place they may enjoy more could help, at least in part, ease the feeling of homesickness until they are able to relocate overseas.

Edited March 2, 2020 by Canada2Australia

[Antipodista]

Hi OP, I was the same as you, never really really “settled” before baby but thought Aus was ok and worth it to be with hubby. After baby number 1, mother in UK with breast cancer (thankfully fully recovered) and father with kidney cancer (sadly passed) the pull home became unbearable and when the time came to get back on the plane to Aus I couldn’t do it. It was awful and led to the breakdown of my relationship but in my experience those nagging feelings are nagging for a reason, don’t ignore them.

If your husband wants to return too I wouldn’t wait. You could always rent your Aus place out? In 4 years who knows what your situation will be...don’t wait. 4 years is a long time to want to be somewhere else.

feel free to PM me of you want.Best of luck xx
 

[starlight7]

Darwin is so different from the rest of Australia though- 90% of us would find it difficult to live there ,even Aussies. Not saying it is nasty ( most definitely not)but it is so very hot and just so very unlike anywhere else. Hats off to you for surviving there so far !

[Paul1Perth]

15 hours ago, starlight7 said:

Darwin is so different from the rest of Australia though- 90% of us would find it difficult to live there ,even Aussies. Not saying it is nasty ( most definitely not)but it is so very hot and just so very unlike anywhere else. Hats off to you for surviving there so far !

Yep. Been up to Darwin loads of times on work trips. June, July nice, rest of the time bearable and that's when work are paying for good hotels, good restaurants. Stay at the Holiday Inn, the one with the 50m outdoor pool.

Couldn't live there.

[sazm2k12]

On 03/03/2020 at 00:40, Antipodista said:

Hi OP, I was the same as you, never really really “settled” before baby but thought Aus was ok and worth it to be with hubby. After baby number 1, mother in UK with breast cancer (thankfully fully recovered) and father with kidney cancer (sadly passed) the pull home became unbearable and when the time came to get back on the plane to Aus I couldn’t do it. It was awful and led to the breakdown of my relationship but in my experience those nagging feelings are nagging for a reason, don’t ignore them.

If your husband wants to return too I wouldn’t wait. You could always rent your Aus place out? In 4 years who knows what your situation will be...don’t wait. 4 years is a long time to want to be somewhere else.

feel free to PM me of you want.Best of luck xx
 

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad Antipodista and that your relationship broke down. I definitely am with you on 4 years being so long! I don’t blame you for not being able to get back on that plane. It’s a shame because Oz is such an amazing place and will always have a piece of my heart but to me family is so much more important xx

[sazm2k12]

Darwin is definitely a place you either love or hate! We have loved it because it is so different and it has been quite kind to us - work is really easy to get up here and we love the tropical holiday feel. I definitely know it’s not a forever place for us though!

[LKC]

On 29/02/2020 at 22:31, sazm2k12 said:

I’m sorry to hear that LKC but glad to hear you have had a good experience overall. Interestingly hubby has spoken about moving to Scotland. We have spoken about that or the South West (we are originally from Manchester area). 

I knew I didn't want to move back to where we'd moved to Aus from (Suffolk - just sort of ended up there after uni), or where ex's family (Kent) or mine (Birmingham) were from. We looked at Bath/Bristol area, Yorkshire, Northumberland, Lancashire areas, and Scotland. Scotland just ticked more boxes, and ex was offered work, so it all fell into place. I still can't believe that I found this place from the other side of the world  Life is good, and we have been made more than welcome here, so I would definitely recommend Scotland. I know that a couple of other members/ex members of PIO have had similar experiences.

[Home and Happy]

Bonnie Scotland is the prettiest place in UK.  A standard of living and way of life way beyond anything they have away out there.  Scenery and endless miles of pristine unspoilt clean deserted beaches to die for. Highly recommended. 

[Toots]

5 hours ago, Home and Happy said:

Bonnie Scotland is the prettiest place in UK.  A standard of living and way of life way beyond anything they have away out there.  Scenery and endless miles of pristine unspoilt clean deserted beaches to die for. Highly recommended. 

I'm originally from Scotland so I'm inclined to agree with you.   My sister lives right in the middle of Edinburgh and has just returned after spending 3 months with us here in Tasmania.  She is a city person through and through but she thoroughly enjoys her visits to Tassie.  It's not a big place but there is some lovely scenery and pristine waters at unspoilt beaches - no crowds either.

[Tjsmum]

Just a bit of input from my situation (similar to yours)

I have been living here for 10 years now, (married with 2 boys, one has a different dad).
I 1000000% understand how you are feeling! I get homesick at least once a month, it really isn't easy being on the other side of the world so to speak, when you have your own children and you want so badly to have your parents and family members present in your child's everyday life, for me i have come to accept the fact that my family back home will see my children every 2 years (flying home to UK is expensive!) and that when my eldest turns 18 he can choose to stay in Aus or move to the UK, for many years he has told me he wants to move to london and live with nanny when he's older (which my mum is ever so happy about!).

If i were you, i would get citizenship of Aus (like i have, if you don't already have it) as a back up in case things don't work out in the UK, go back home and give yourself a time frame, say if in 5 years of being home in the UK it doesn't work you can always go back to Aus.
You should also take into consideration the Pros and Cons of life in both countries, would being back with family outweigh all the benefits of living in Aus?

I tell myself every time i get homesick, that my boys have a better life here in Aus, and that when my eldest is 18 we will move back home and see how we go, that my family is only a phone call away, the other thing that helps is that my family supports me being here and that it is the better choice for us at current.
I know that when we move home, it will be hard to adapt, Financially and lifestyle wise, but having my heart complete again (being back with family) would be worth it!

 

[Home and Happy]

Moving either direction is going to burn through a serious ton of money, if you come home be committed. Once that moneys gone it’s gone forever in a puff of smoke never to return.

[sazm2k12]

On 24/04/2020 at 10:22, Tjsmum said:

Just a bit of input from my situation (similar to yours)

I have been living here for 10 years now, (married with 2 boys, one has a different dad).
I 1000000% understand how you are feeling! I get homesick at least once a month, it really isn't easy being on the other side of the world so to speak, when you have your own children and you want so badly to have your parents and family members present in your child's everyday life, for me i have come to accept the fact that my family back home will see my children every 2 years (flying home to UK is expensive!) and that when my eldest turns 18 he can choose to stay in Aus or move to the UK, for many years he has told me he wants to move to london and live with nanny when he's older (which my mum is ever so happy about!).

If i were you, i would get citizenship of Aus (like i have, if you don't already have it) as a back up in case things don't work out in the UK, go back home and give yourself a time frame, say if in 5 years of being home in the UK it doesn't work you can always go back to Aus.
You should also take into consideration the Pros and Cons of life in both countries, would being back with family outweigh all the benefits of living in Aus?

I tell myself every time i get homesick, that my boys have a better life here in Aus, and that when my eldest is 18 we will move back home and see how we go, that my family is only a phone call away, the other thing that helps is that my family supports me being here and that it is the better choice for us at current.
I know that when we move home, it will be hard to adapt, Financially and lifestyle wise, but having my heart complete again (being back with family) would be worth it!

 

Thank you Tjsmum. Luckily we have our citizenship so could always come back. We have started to discuss a move in about 12 months but not sure if that is feasible with covid now. The homesickness is still here worse than ever. It’s my little girls birthday on Tuesday and it feels so sad having nobody to celebrate with (we are allowed to have gatherings up here now) and even though I met some nice mums through mums group I don’t have any close friends I would invite over.