Emigrating with child from previous marriage

[Amber2106]

35 minutes ago, Phoenix16 said:

I also think it’s worth acknowledging that a disenfranchised child is more likely to drink alcohol and smoke, your close family connections may not be his, his closest family connections are his parents and no amount of cousins, aunties and uncles can compensate for this.  I think you are so invested in being with YOUR family you forget this might not feel the same for him xxx

It is his family! His siblings, his parents, his relatives! 

 

[Amber2106]

It’s a shame really that people, strangers even, feel the need to be so judgmental in their replies, not supportive or impartial.

I won’t bother asking or submitting my advice to people in here any longer or responding to those in these forums as actually the only persons opinion that counts are our own to suit our individual circumstances 

 

[LMCAR2612]

Thank you for all the replies and quotes.

After a very difficult few years for my children including the loss of their baby brother and my daughters father only wanting contact with her brother, I feel a fresh start is very much needed. I have a disability which is made worse in colder weather and feel a move to Oz will help us as a family to spend quality and pain free time together. 

My son is an avid rugby player but has had to give this up since my accident as he can no longer get to practice and games and his dad will not take, my daughter has friends in Oz as is looking forward to meeting back up with them.

We have the money so that my son can fly back to the UK and if he does not settle then I would not force him to stay in Oz and if he wanted to return home to his dad then we have had that discussion with him and have even said he can stay with his dad if that's what he wants, but even my son knows moving to Oz is a good thing and he is very much looking forward to having some of his mum back. 

I would never force my children to do anything they didn't want to and we have talked about this a lot and yes to answer your question Phoenix16 if my ex wanted to take our children half way across the world for a better life and this was something that they both wanted then I would not stand in their way. I only want what is best for my children and sometimes that mean scarifying your own happiness.

[Tulip1]

51 minutes ago, Amber2106 said:

My point is that there are more opportunities for healthier lifestyle choices and he can choose to avoid smoking and drinking when he has other things to do socially, and with more focus on family time in our circumstances where I can discourage smoking and drinking as a teenagager. In the uk it’s the Norm to drink smoke through boredom. It’s also environmental factors from living in city smog to fresh open air. 

It’s the norm to drink and smoke as a teenager because they think it’s cool, it has nothing to do with boredom. Oz kids will get just as bored as uk kids and are just as likely to dabble in smoking and drinking as kids in the uk.  I would imagine 99% of parents discourage their teenagers from those things but teenagers are strange things, they are convinced they know better than their parents on most subjects. I cannot see how you discouraging your child not to adopt those habits will be more fruitful in Oz. In the uk and I expect in Oz, every public indoor place is smoke free so your son will not be  subjected to that unless walking about which I assume he will be allowed to do. You may currently live in city smog but the majority of the uk is countryside with no smog problems, just as Oz is.  You say he can avoid those habits when he has things to do socially. If that was true Oz wouldn’t have a higher than the Uk drug and smoking problem. Both countries offer many social things to do, Social media/gaming is probably a teenage favourite in both countries.  As for the more healthier lifestyles, what do you mean? Outdoors? Yes the weather is warmer but many say there are a lot of times you can’t go out as it’s too hot. Skin cancer? Definitely not a healthier lifestyle. I’m not saying Oz is worse, I love Oz but many need to take the rose tinted glasses off and see it for what it is. A first world country with lots of wonderful things about it. Better than the uk? Probably about the same just a bit different. Nothing wrong with saying you want to go but your reasons for going seem way off 

[Tulip1]

4 hours ago, Louella said:

It’s been a while since I checked this post. Thank you for everyone’s replies. I do however feel the need to say that a lot of the replies are very personal and not at all in keeping with the question. If you do not have experience of this post then you have no need to be commenting a reply. You have no idea of people’s back story and in no position to comment otherwise. 

I asked a very brief question relating to a family migrating situation. I did not and do not require anyone’s opinion on why and furthermore question mine and the other ladies morals. If you have so much time on your hands that you enjoy sitting and replying to posts that don’t involve you I suggest you go find a book to read. To worry about how our children will grow up? Please don’t worry yourself, I would be more concerned how your children will grow up with such patronising, self opiniated parents.

 

To the ladies that have posted their same predicament, I understand how much of a life changing decision this must be for you and I doubt very much you have made it in haste. I wish you all the best with mediation/court. X

 

 

 

Well the thing with open forums is people can put what they want to.  I doesn’t matter what you did or didn't ask for or whether you didn’t want opinions, sometimes that’s just what you get. Posts tend to go off course, that’s how it is. Better not to post if this doesn’t suit you. 

[Louella]

36 minutes ago, Tulip1 said:

Well the thing with open forums is people can put what they want to.  I doesn’t matter what you did or didn't ask for or whether you didn’t want opinions, sometimes that’s just what you get. Posts tend to go off course, that’s how it is. Better not to post if this doesn’t suit you. 

People like you amuse me. Keyboard warrior comes to mind. It’s Saturday hun, take a break from your laptop and go get some fresh air. 

 

[Toots]

5 hours ago, Louella said:

People like you amuse me. Keyboard warrior comes to mind. It’s Saturday hun, take a break from your laptop and go get some fresh air. 

 

................  but what posters have stated is true.  Australian teenagers are no different to UK teenagers.  There will be the ones who look after their health and be into sport big time and others who smoke, drink and take drugs.  I brought up two boy here.  Both were into sport but one smoked for a couple of years in his teens and drank booze.  The other didn't smoke but drank.  Neither were into drugs but they had friends who were in a right mess from drug taking.  A couple of them were in psychiatric units  - mental health issues from drug taking.  I think that scared my two to never touch drugs.  Please don't go thinking things are so very different here.  Crystal methamphetamine or ice is the drug of choice here because it is cheap and seems to be readily available.  

We are not trying to put you off as such.  We are just being realistic and letting you know what we have seen here with our own eyes.  Australia isn't perfect that's for sure.  

[Toots]

9 hours ago, VERYSTORMY said:

This makes me laugh.

I am a smoker. Smoking is far more common than anywhere else I have lived in the world other than China.

Australia has one of the biggest drinking cultures in the world. It is only outstripped by Eastern Europe and Russia. This is a place where cock ups at work are measured in cartons - a pack of beer. Where I have worked in offices that have a beer fridge for Friday afternoons company supplied beer. 

I don't know anybody who smokes though I see younger ones still have the filthy habit.   I hope it's a lot better in Scotland these days.  Last time I was back 4 years ago I couldn't get over the number of folk with a fag hanging out of their mouth.  European smokers are pretty far up the list of smokers - well ahead of Australia. 

Edited March 9, 2019 by Toots

[rammygirl]

7 hours ago, LMCAR2612 said:

Thank you for all the replies and quotes.

After a very difficult few years for my children including the loss of their baby brother and my daughters father only wanting contact with her brother, I feel a fresh start is very much needed. I have a disability which is made worse in colder weather and feel a move to Oz will help us as a family to spend quality and pain free time together. 

My son is an avid rugby player but has had to give this up since my accident as he can no longer get to practice and games and his dad will not take, my daughter has friends in Oz as is looking forward to meeting back up with them.

We have the money so that my son can fly back to the UK and if he does not settle then I would not force him to stay in Oz and if he wanted to return home to his dad then we have had that discussion with him and have even said he can stay with his dad if that's what he wants, but even my son knows moving to Oz is a good thing and he is very much looking forward to having some of his mum back. 

I would never force my children to do anything they didn't want to and we have talked about this a lot and yes to answer your question Phoenix16 if my ex wanted to take our children half way across the world for a better life and this was something that they both wanted then I would not stand in their way. I only want what is best for my children and sometimes that mean scarifying your own happiness.

Just to pick up on something here.  Are you an Australian citizen ?  If not and you need a visa then your disability COULD be a showstopper anyway. It will of course depend on any associated current and future costs to treat/alleviate the condition or even if it will prejudice access to resources.  Again not wanting to be negative but want to be sure this hasn’t been overlooked. 

As with many of these situations no one but the poster knows all the facts, why would they put everything out on an open forum after all.

I do not think most people on here judge, they just want to be sure you have considered all the consequences and issues to help you make a more informed decision. I do not think it should be personal but it often comes across that way. 

People who have been posting here for years have seen so many people fail through not doing their homework or realising the pitfalls in their plan that many others have also fallen into and just want to pass that knowledge on. 

Good luck to all in this position, it isn’t an easy thing to do. 

[ali]

13 hours ago, Louella said:

It’s been a while since I checked this post. Thank you for everyone’s replies. I do however feel the need to say that a lot of the replies are very personal and not at all in keeping with the question. If you do not have experience of this post then you have no need to be commenting a reply. You have no idea of people’s back story and in no position to comment otherwise. 

I asked a very brief question relating to a family migrating situation. I did not and do not require anyone’s opinion on why and furthermore question mine and the other ladies morals. If you have so much time on your hands that you enjoy sitting and replying to posts that don’t involve you I suggest you go find a book to read. To worry about how our children will grow up? Please don’t worry yourself, I would be more concerned how your children will grow up with such patronising, self opiniated parents.

 

To the ladies that have posted their same predicament, I understand how much of a life changing decision this must be for you and I doubt very much you have made it in haste. I wish you all the best with mediation/court. X

 

 

 

I don't think people are being judgemental - you did ask 'any advice' and people responded with the what is required to go to court, what you have to prove in order to be able to get permission to remove a child.   Considering the other parent - is also something you may need to prove in court - the question about what would you do if the shoe was on the other foot - is really a question to consider how your ex will fight you in court if they want them to stay.  People are sharing their insight of similar cases.

You may find your response and your own  judgement of others means people are less likely to now offer advice on other aspects of migrating.  I wish you good luck in your potential migration journey - i'm off to find a good book now.

[Phoenix16]

Reading back through this thread and reflecting on it I am going to say that it was never my intention to come across as judgemental and I apologise if I did.  I completely accept that I do not know people’s full stories and of course why would they spill it all out on an open forum... separating children from parents brings out the emotions in most of us as most of us are parents and can’t imagine it happening to us... I think most posters were simply trying to emphasise the perspective of the parent facing the removal of their children to the other side of the world, but we don’t know the dynamics of individual relationships and I can see how it was perhaps perceived as judgemental.  All I would say is that I do remember reading heart breaking posts on here from a particular poster who faced that very situation and it was hard to read his posts at times, if you get the chance I would recommend you search for crackerjack.  They haven’t posted on here for a number of years but many of us were here then to read his journey and how heart breaking it was for him, obviously some complicated dynamics in his situation but it did emphasise how these profound decisions do affect the other parent xxx

[benj1980]

Sounds like @Louella just wanted people to agree with her and tell her the tricks of moving a child away from their father. I'm sorry you haven't had the result you were looking for. You are right your question was a bit vague maybe and on an open forum it came across quite blase. (I don't know how to do the accent on the e, anyone know please let me know!) It is not a decision to take lightly and being a father myself I'd fight tooth and nail to keep my children in the same country so I could continue loving them and watching them grow. Luckily I'm still happily with the mother of my children in Australia. Yes no one knows your reasons, which are personal and it's of course your decision to make. However going on the offensive after reading some comments by regular contributors of this forum isn't really the right thing to do, don't you think? Especially on a topic that will morally have such a divided opinion? Maybe you should explain why your child will be better off in Oz and get the practice in! 

[LMCAR2612]

14 hours ago, rammygirl said:

Just to pick up on something here.  Are you an Australian citizen ?  If not and you need a visa then your disability COULD be a showstopper anyway. It will of course depend on any associated current and future costs to treat/alleviate the condition or even if it will prejudice access to resources.  Again not wanting to be negative but want to be sure this hasn’t been overlooked. 

As with many of these situations no one but the poster knows all the facts, why would they put everything out on an open forum after all.

I do not think most people on here judge, they just want to be sure you have considered all the consequences and issues to help you make a more informed decision. I do not think it should be personal but it often comes across that way. 

People who have been posting here for years have seen so many people fail through not doing their homework or realising the pitfalls in their plan that many others have also fallen into and just want to pass that knowledge on. 

Good luck to all in this position, it isn’t an easy thing to do. 

Hi rammygirl, Ive had my disability looked into and it has no bearing or financial strain on Australian health care, nor will it take away limited resources from any Australian citizen, I've also been advised that if my condition which is CRPS (complex regional pain syndrome) does not pass the medical which is a low percentage, then I could be referred for a health waiver as we have the funds to be self sufficient regarding healthcare and lessen the financial strain on Oz healthcare.

Still keeping my fingers crossed as you never know, but we've researched a lot...…..