Will we regret leaving so soon?

[hannahp]

Hello all, 

Slightly different situation to some of the posts here, in that my partner and I have only been in Australia for 7 months so not very long at all. We left the UK last February to spend a few months travelling before arriving in Melbourne in July 2018. Before arriving, I had said we should keep an open mind as to whether we would make our home here. I'd heard so many stories of better lifestyles and greater opportunities. My partner is a dual citizen and I came over on a working holiday visa and up until recently, we had been planning to apply for the partner visa. However, deep down we both feel that our home is in the UK and know we want to return eventually, so the idea of spending $7k to stay here an additional year or two doesn't really make sense. As such, we are now considering leaving at the end of June when my visa is up. 

I think I'm just worried that I haven't given it a good enough go? We had originally meant to move to Sydney where I have good friends but my partner has family in Melbourne and ended up finding a permanent job here so we stayed, and I don't think I've ever really felt settled here. Maybe the experience would be completely different if we lived elsewhere and we are giving up too soon? I've not even seen the rest of the country, and I know this is most likely the last opportunity I'll have to live here as once we go home I can't imagine us deciding to make a move like this again. At the moment I like the idea of going back but I know when I was back in London commuting to work on the central line I couldn't wait to leave. 

I'm not really sure what I'm asking, just needed somewhere to get the thoughts out. I can't really talk to my family as I don't want to get their hopes up in case we don't end up coming home in July. Has anyone been in a similar situation and left after a short space of time? Is a year enough to try out living abroad? 

 

[can1983]

Way too soon to feel settled. I've been in Oz for 15 months and think I'm beginning to feel settled (we settle on our first home here in 2 weeks).

In terms of making friends that has usually taken 2-3 years to establish in my opinion

[Gbye grey sky]

1 hour ago, hannahp said:

Hello all, 

Slightly different situation to some of the posts here, in that my partner and I have only been in Australia for 7 months so not very long at all. We left the UK last February to spend a few months travelling before arriving in Melbourne in July 2018. Before arriving, I had said we should keep an open mind as to whether we would make our home here. I'd heard so many stories of better lifestyles and greater opportunities. My partner is a dual citizen and I came over on a working holiday visa and up until recently, we had been planning to apply for the partner visa. However, deep down we both feel that our home is in the UK and know we want to return eventually, so the idea of spending $7k to stay here an additional year or two doesn't really make sense. As such, we are now considering leaving at the end of June when my visa is up. 

I think I'm just worried that I haven't given it a good enough go? We had originally meant to move to Sydney where I have good friends but my partner has family in Melbourne and ended up finding a permanent job here so we stayed, and I don't think I've ever really felt settled here. Maybe the experience would be completely different if we lived elsewhere and we are giving up too soon? I've not even seen the rest of the country, and I know this is most likely the last opportunity I'll have to live here as once we go home I can't imagine us deciding to make a move like this again. At the moment I like the idea of going back but I know when I was back in London commuting to work on the central line I couldn't wait to leave. 

I'm not really sure what I'm asking, just needed somewhere to get the thoughts out. I can't really talk to my family as I don't want to get their hopes up in case we don't end up coming home in July. Has anyone been in a similar situation and left after a short space of time? Is a year enough to try out living abroad? 

 

Firstly you are here on a WHV.  I would suggest that it is hard to feel “settled” on a WHV.

That said if you feel at home in England and you have reached the stage where you want to put down roots then it makes sense to go back.  A partner visa is only worth the time, trouble and expense if you envisage making a life here.

[Marisawright]

2 hours ago, hannahp said:

My partner is a dual citizen and I came over on a working holiday visa and up until recently, we had been planning to apply for the partner visa. However, deep down we both feel that our home is in the UK

If you both feel that way, then I think it's a no-brainer.    It's true that it takes longer to feel really settled, but 7 months is long enough to get a feel for the place.

You might feel differently in Sydney, IF you are both on very good salaries so you could afford to live within striking distance of a beach.  It's more like the stereotypical "Aussie lifestyle".   But it's very expensive - housing (both rental and buy) are about 30% more expensive than Melbourne, so most people live in hot, sticky suburbs a long way from sea breezes. 

Going back now doesn't mean the door is closed. If you change your mind in the future, you can always apply for a partner visa then.  Processing time is actually quicker if you apply from London.

[justme]

Hi, I just wanted to say that we are in a similar situation ... well similar in that we realised a short amount of time after arriving that we don't see our long-term future over here and, therefore, we don't see the point in spending loads of cash setting ourselves up here temporarily. 

I've read through a lot of posts on here recently (trying to justify the way we feel) and soooooo many people say the whole 'it takes at least 2 years to settle' thing. That is very true I'm sure - I've lived in 3 different cities over the past 20 years, my husband emigrated to the UK from the Mediterranean, so he's made a move abroad previously, and of course it always takes time to settle somewhere new. BUT it doesn't take that long to know that you don't WANT to settle somewhere, that's the big difference for me. For example, lots of people love living in London, but equally somebody could go there for a weekend and decide they could never live there.

I'd write more but my baby just woke up! But if I was you I'd trust your instinct and not worry that you're missing out on something that you haven't found ... not everyone's 'dream lifestyle' is the same ... our discovery too!

[Toots]

1 hour ago, justme said:

Hi, I just wanted to say that we are in a similar situation ... well similar in that we realised a short amount of time after arriving that we don't see our long-term future over here and, therefore, we don't see the point in spending loads of cash setting ourselves up here temporarily. 

I've read through a lot of posts on here recently (trying to justify the way we feel) and soooooo many people say the whole 'it takes at least 2 years to settle' thing. That is very true I'm sure - I've lived in 3 different cities over the past 20 years, my husband emigrated to the UK from the Mediterranean, so he's made a move abroad previously, and of course it always takes time to settle somewhere new. BUT it doesn't take that long to know that you don't WANT to settle somewhere, that's the big difference for me. For example, lots of people love living in London, but equally somebody could go there for a weekend and decide they could never live there.

I'd write more but my baby just woke up! But if I was you I'd trust your instinct and not worry that you're missing out on something that you haven't found ... not everyone's 'dream lifestyle' is the same ... our discovery too!

Just treat it like an adventure.  No need to try and love the place.  I've lived in four other countries besides the UK and didn't feel settled in any of them but I felt settled in Australia almost from the get go.  Loads of people have felt the way you do.  Most of them returned to the UK and never looked back.

[Bumblebee]

I always had the 'it takes 2 years to be settled' in my mind, so when I found myself not happy this made me try harder - we then moved interstate after our first 2 years so I then told myself that was like starting again so would give it another 2 years, then we moved closer the city (we were in Melbourne too) and really I was trying and trying and trying and before I knew it 10 years had gone by!  If 7 months is enough for you and you KNOW you feel that way then go with it is my advice!  Especially if you both feel the same way. If you stay and one of you ends up wanting to go home and the other loves it, well that's a dreadful space to be in.  I'm home now with the kids and honestly loving it. Maybe all you needed was 7 months to then be able to appreciate the UK and it'll feel different in a good way when you come back, commute and all! (or you could move somewhere different here?). Good luck!

[Captain_Tor]

What about taking some time to do some travelling around Australia and seeing how you feel in different places? Australia is vast and every city is different. I've travelled all over Australia over the years and I definitely preferred some places to others. I have to say I preferred Sydney to Melbourne and I loved Brisbane. 

I think if it was me, I would need to do some travelling before making my mind up completely, I agree with others, 7 months is a short amount of time to feel settled, trust your gut instinct but make sure you explore all options to enable you to help you make the right decision. 

[Marisawright]

3 hours ago, Captain_Tor said:

What about taking some time to do some travelling around Australia and seeing how you feel in different places? Australia is vast and every city is different. I've travelled all over Australia over the years and I definitely preferred some places to others. I have to say I preferred Sydney to Melbourne and I loved Brisbane. 

I think if it was me, I would need to do some travelling before making my mind up completely, I agree with others, 7 months is a short amount of time to feel settled, trust your gut instinct but make sure you explore all options to enable you to help you make the right decision. 

You are absolutely right that all the cities are different. My niece adored Sydney when on her WHV.  She would've liked to apply for PR but didn't have the skills.   A few years later, she had the chance to transfer to Perth for a project at work - she jumped at the chance, but she hated Perth and couldn't wait to get back to London.  Before heading back, she had a month in Brisbane to finalise the project and didn't care for it either.  But interestingly, she had visited both those cities on her WHV and liked them.  Actually living in them was a different kettle of fish.

And that's the flaw in the suggestion to travel around Australia and see how you feel.   You need to stay n each place more than a week or two, to know what it's like to live there.  That is realistic for a singleton or a young, childless couple who can pick up work here and there. Many families couldn't afford to take several months off work to travel around, with no income coming in.   And since just getting to Australia in the first place costs most families at least 30K, it's sometimes the case that if they spend money travelling and then decide not to stay, they can't afford to go home.   

 

 

Edited February 6, 2019 by Marisawright

[Captain_Tor]

9 hours ago, Marisawright said:

You are absolutely right that all the cities are different. My niece adored Sydney when on her WHV.  She would've liked to apply for PR but didn't have the skills.   A few years later, she had the chance to transfer to Perth for a project at work - she jumped at the chance, but she hated Perth and couldn't wait to get back to London.  Before heading back, she had a month in Brisbane to finalise the project and didn't care for it either.  But interestingly, she had visited both those cities on her WHV and liked them.  Actually living in them was a different kettle of fish.

And that's the flaw in the suggestion to travel around Australia and see how you feel.   You need to stay n each place more than a week or two, to know what it's like to live there.  That is realistic for a singleton or a young, childless couple who can pick up work here and there. Many families couldn't afford to take several months off work to travel around, with no income coming in.   And since just getting to Australia in the first place costs most families at least 30K, it's sometimes the case that if they spend money travelling and then decide not to stay, they can't afford to go home.   

 

 

I agree, travelling on a WHV and permanently residing in a city or different country for that matter, are two very different things and I think most people who look to emigrate or have emigrated will have considered this. I also agree it's more realistic for a single person or childless couple to spend some time travelling than it is a family. 

However, I do think sometimes people go to one area of Australia and think that is the representation of the whole of Australia, so if they hate it they assume they will dislike all parts of Australia, which might not be the case.  The only way of knowing if you can settle in Australia is trial and error, much like if you moved from north of UK to South or otherwise (even though that's a minuscule move in comparison to moving cities in Australia), it's new, different, unfamiliar, not like home as you know it so will always take a period of adjustment and the amount of time it takes to settle is individual to each person, some might never settle. I suppose it's just about doing as much research as you can and matching up the places which can offer the things that you're looking for. 

All I know is, I found different parts of Australia to give me better feelings than others, there was some areas I know I would struggle to settle in and some that felt more familiar. So you can get a feel for a place even if you only experience it for a short time, as for knowing whether you can settle there or not - it's apparent from reading people's experiences on here that you can only really decide by giving it a go.  

[tom1993]

I know what you mean, I lived in oz on a working holiday visa for 9 months and enjoyed it but never felt settled but I think that’s due to just being on a temp visa.

Fast forward now I live in London and we will be applying for a partner visa later this year with my aus partner.

You sure you want to come back to the horrible central line commute in summer? I can’t wait to get away from it honestly haha.

[VERYSTORMY]

29 minutes ago, tom1993 said:

I know what you mean, I lived in oz on a working holiday visa for 9 months and enjoyed it but never felt settled but I think that’s due to just being on a temp visa.

Fast forward now I live in London and we will be applying for a partner visa later this year with my aus partner.

You sure you want to come back to the horrible central line commute in summer? I can’t wait to get away from it honestly haha.

If you are daft enough to live in London......

[tom1993]

If you are daft enough to live in London......

I came down here from Manchester to further my career..which has worked actually.

Didn’t mean to meet an Aussie and move in with her ! Wouldn’t plan on staying much longer if I hadn’t met her.