Hello, thoughts appreciated

[Questions]

Good morning.

I am staying with a friend and after chatting through something with me she alerted me to this site as a place where I might be able to obtain some guidance/thoughts.

I moved to Australia May 2017 with my husband and our son who is 4.5 years old. Prior to this I spent 18 years in England (I am originally from Australia). Whilst living in England we had visited Australia on holidays a few times and really enjoyed the visits. There was a question of 'perhaps we may move here one day' but we didn't act on it.

I loved being in the UK (and thought our life was to be there forever) however a few things happened in the year leading up to our move and so we decided to apply for a partner visa, of which we obtained for my husband (he's English). He is involved in an industry (environmental) where funding came from all over the UK and Europe. In the year leading up to our decision he saw countless colleagues not have their roles (funding) continued due to the BREXIT uncertainty. Lots of colleagues from different departments across different locations were impacted. There was also an issue with pay outwith normal hours cut. Although his pay was cut, he hadn't been advised his role was to be cancelled however it caused quite a lot of concern as to 'who was next' - thus the decision to move here. I guess we thought we would go on 'our terms'.

So my husband found a great job here. He's really enjoying it - he loves the hot weather. He really values his colleagues (they are lovely), finds everyone friendly and says the food is great. He loves being outdoors and goes running/swimming a lot. He is doing a job that was not possible in the place where he worked before (a higher role) so is really enjoying being involved in more strategic planning and the salary is over three times on what he was on in England. He loves it - in a nutshell - he would be here for life. We are saving so much more money and have extra for things we just didn't before we moved. I feel very lucky we landed on our feet.

Here's the kicker. I am just not enjoying it, really really not. After the dust settled I realised that, despite growing up in Australia, this is not where I wish to live. It is a great country with lots of fantastic things going for it but I know it's not for me. I know there is a period of adjustment, I know it's a huge thing to turn life upside down. I had good friends in England but I also have good friends Australia. We both don't have much family so it's not a 'family pull'. I really really struggle in the heat - Dec to now has been so unbearable. Despite using sunscreen always (by the way everyone, check your sunscreen - mineral is better) I'm alarmed at the UV that is around the 14 mark most days. It's ironic how much more we did outdoors in England but not doing too much outdoors here is purely down to me being scared of the sun damage to my son and husband's lily white skin here! I'm not just not wanting to live here because of the sun - there is a lot more going on that I struggle to put into words. I know what is not for me, I just know it. People have been so friendly, the food is fresh and great but the thought of living here forever? I just ...cannot.

This move is about us - as a family unit - I am not a selfish person so I hid my feelings from my husband for about eight months. He is just so happy here. I used to cry every day and constantly berated myself for ever bringing up the idea of moving. I put a lot of effort into the visa, in fact drove the whole process so I feel I am entirely to blame. My husband was angry with me, he's not a person who I've really ever seen angry before. He is frustrated - why did we do this! All I could say is that I didn't know how I would feel being back here until we were actually here. Despite living here before it was different. Before I moved to the UK I hadn't lived outside Australia and I obviously didn't have my husband nor our son before - so things are different this time around. My husband initially said he won't go back - he really detest the dark cold winter (suffers from SAD) but I think he may be now thinking that we may go back.  I don't push it but he does now know that I can't see my life here. I absolutely won't split up my family and he does not want this either. In the words of the famous song I would rather live with him (them) in their world than without him (them) in mine.

I am at an absolute loss. Do I just continue living a life here with my husband and son in the hope that one day I will feel comfortable/happy to stay? There are so many great reasons for us to stay here - not just the massive financial aspect but the fact my husband and son are happy and my husband is doing a higher job that allows him more experience in this industry. Am I being totally ridiculous to throw this away for the 'what if' of moving back. Yes it would be very hard to get back into his industry but the way I see it is that he now has more experience here than he would have had, had we stayed. Opens things up for more jobs. If we go back we will go back with healthy savings - once his wage was cut we were losing money back in England. I had been out of work (looking after my son) however now he is this age I would go back to work. I have huge experience in my field of work and have been keeping a close eye on job sites - I know it wouldn't be an assurance but there are huge amount of jobs for me to to apply for.  My husband is really worried about what BREXIT will do - although he does know that no-one really knows at the moment but he has first hand experience of what had happened to many colleagues before we left.

I guess I really just looking for advice. For those who have been out here for the amount of time I have or longer.  We are in our early 40's and we don't have property anywhere.

I really really don't know what to do.

Thank you for all and every advice.

Edited March 5, 2018 by Questions

[Gbye grey sky]

Whereabouts are you living?

[Marisawright]

You're not alone. I'm British, lived in Australia for a long time and tried to settle back in the UK.  It didn't work, I just wasn't happy - whereas my Australian husband was happy as a pig in mud.  He still hasn't quite forgiven me for dragging him back to Australia.  As for me - so relieved to be back "home", (even though I spent the first thirty-odd years of my life in the UK!!).

If you were just feeling unsettled, I'd say "hang in there".   But the fact you're crying over it suggests it's more deep-seated than that.  You've picked on the heat as the primary problem - is it really?   I can understand because I can't stand the heat either.  It's the main reason I was happy to move to the UK when my oh suggested it.  When we returned to Australia, we went to Melbourne instead - what a relief!   There are still hot days with high UV, but it always cools down overnight, the mornings are always cool and fresh and the UV isn't "extreme" nearly as often.

For that reason, my first reaction was to suggest you consider a move to a cooler area, like Melbourne or Tassie - but if your oh has such a great job, he might not even consider that?  

[ramot]

19 minutes ago, Questions said:

Good morning.

I am staying with a friend and after chatting through something with me she alerted me to this site as a place where I might be able to obtain some guidance/thoughts.

I moved to Australia May 2017 with my husband and our son who is 4.5 years old. Prior to this I spent 18 years in England (I am originally from Australia). Whilst living in England we had visited Australia on holidays a few times and really enjoyed the visits. There was a question of 'perhaps we may move here one day' but we didn't act on it.

I loved being in the UK (and thought our life was to be there forever) however a few things happened in the year leading up to our move and so we decided to apply for a partner visa, of which we obtained for my husband (he's English). He is involved in an industry (environmental) where funding came from all over the UK and Europe. In the year leading up to our decision he saw countless colleagues not have their roles (funding) continued due to the BREXIT uncertainty. Lots of colleagues from different departments across different locations were impacted. There was also an issue with pay outwith normal hours cut. Although his pay was cut, he hadn't been advised his role was to be cancelled however it caused quite a lot of concern as to 'who was next' - thus the decision to move here. I guess we thought we would go on 'our terms'.

So my husband found a great job here. He's really enjoying it - he loves the hot weather. He really values his colleagues (they are lovely), finds everyone friendly and says the food is great. He loves being outdoors and goes running/swimming a lot. He is doing a job that was not possible in the place where he worked before (a higher role) so is really enjoying being involved in more strategic planning and the salary is over three times on what he was on in England. He loves it - in a nutshell - he would be here for life. We are saving so much more money and have extra for things we just didn't before we moved. I feel very lucky we landed on our feet.

Here's the kicker. I am just not enjoying it, really really not. After the dust settled I realised that, despite growing up in Australia, this is not where I wish to live. It is a great country with lots of fantastic things going for it but I know it's not for me. I know there is a period of adjustment, I know it's a huge thing to turn life upside down. I had good friends in England but I also have good friends Australia. We both don't have much family so it's not a 'family pull'. I really really struggle in the heat - Dec to now has been so unbearable. Despite using sunscreen always (by the way everyone, check your sunscreen - mineral is better) I'm alarmed at the UV that is around the 14 mark most days. It's ironic how much more we did outdoors in England but not doing too much outdoors here is purely down to me being scared of the sun damage to my son and husband's lily white skin here! I'm not just not wanting to live here because of the sun - there is a lot more going on that I struggle to put into words. I know what is not for me, I just know it. People have been so friendly, the food is fresh and great but the thought of living here forever? I just ...cannot.

This move is about us - as a family unit - I am not a selfish person so I hid my feelings from my husband for about eight months. He is just so happy here. I used to cry every day and constantly berated myself for ever bringing up the idea of moving. I put a lot of effort into the visa, in fact drove the whole process so I feel I am entirely to blame. My husband was angry with me, he's not a person who I've really ever seen angry before. He is frustrated - why did we do this! All I could say is that I didn't know how I would feel being back here until we were actually here. Despite living here before it was different. Before I moved to the UK I hadn't lived outside Australia and I obviously didn't have my husband nor our son before - so things are different this time around. My husband initially said he won't go back - he really detest the dark cold winter (suffers from SAD) but I think he may be now thinking that we may go back.  I don't push it but he does now know that I can't see my life here. I absolutely won't split up my family and he does not want this either. In the words of the famous song I would rather live with him (them) in their world than without him (them) in mine.

I am at an absolute loss. Do I just continue living a life here with my husband and son in the hope that one day I will feel comfortable/happy to stay? There are so many great reasons for us to stay here - not just the massive financial aspect but the fact my husband and son are happy and my husband is doing a higher job that allows him more experience in this industry. Am I being totally ridiculous to throw this away for the 'what if' of moving back. Yes it would be very hard to get back into his industry but the way I see it is that he now has more experience here than he would have had, had we stayed. Opens things up for more jobs. If we go back we will go back with healthy savings - once his wage was cut we were losing money back in England. I had been out of work (looking after my son) however now he is this age I would go back to work. I have huge experience in my field of work and have been keeping a close eye on job sites - I know it wouldn't be an assurance but there are huge amount of jobs for me to to apply for.  My husband is really worried about what BREXIT will do - although he does know that no-one really knows at the moment but he has first hand experience of what had happened to many colleagues before we left.

I guess I really just looking for advice. For those who have been out here for the amount of time I have or longer.  We are in our early 40's and we don't have property anywhere.

I really really don't know what to do.

Thank you for all and every advice.

I'm afraid I can't help, but just wanted to send a hug. You sound very low, please keep posting here, people will understand and perhaps see your Dr? 

[Maybe]

Hi Questions,

Just to say - I feel for you - as I think I am pretty much in a similar situation - though arrived only recently. I have not quite decided what to do yet, but people on this forum have been very helpful. Though different experiences and different views, knowing other people have experienced these feelings which were unexpected for  me (having like excitedly initiated the visa the move etc) has helped me. I guess there is no easy answer as to what to do about it when and if.... 

[Questions]

3 hours ago, Gbye grey sky said:

Whereabouts are you living?

We are in Queensland.

[Quoll]

No easy answers from me either I’m afraid. I don’t think there ARE easy answers when one “loves it” and wants to stay and the other can’t stand it and is desperate to leave. Chances are you will probably become desensitised to it after a few years. You’ll still hate what you hate but you’ll lose the energy or will to do anything about it.  

Pragmatism to the fore, it looks like at the moment you’re better off where you are but would your DH be prepared to check out jobs in U.K. and maybe start applying for ones that he would kill to get? If he got one or the market looked like it might offer him more then he might be more inclined to move.

Would a compromise on your part be that you give it long enough for him to get citizenship then you can come and go as you like. The danger there might be that you drift past the point of no return and you’re stuck.

Having lived the least worst option (there with him was less worse than here without him - I’m currently in U.K. and loving it but have agreed to return when the time comes) of course you can do it but it will take its toll on your mental health and there are things you can do to protect yourself - when the exogenous depression takes hold and interferes with your everyday life you can talk to your GP about a mental health plan. You don’t need to take medication if you don’t want but there are some good talk therapies around which can help you with survival strategies. Bottom line though, you and your DH need to keep communicating and, if necessary, try relationships counselling to ensure that you are both hearing each other.

Good luck! 

[Questions]

3 hours ago, Marisawright said:

You're not alone. I'm British, lived in Australia for a long time and tried to settle back in the UK.  It didn't work, I just wasn't happy - whereas my Australian husband was happy as a pig in mud.  He still hasn't quite forgiven me for dragging him back to Australia.  As for me - so relieved to be back "home", (even though I spent the first thirty-odd years of my life in the UK!!).

If you were just feeling unsettled, I'd say "hang in there".   But the fact you're crying over it suggests it's more deep-seated than that.  You've picked on the heat as the primary problem - is it really?   I can understand because I can't stand the heat either.  It's the main reason I was happy to move to the UK when my oh suggested it.  When we returned to Australia, we went to Melbourne instead - what a relief!   There are still hot days with high UV, but it always cools down overnight, the mornings are always cool and fresh and the UV isn't "extreme" nearly as often.

For that reason, my first reaction was to suggest you consider a move to a cooler area, like Melbourne or Tassie - but if your oh has such a great job, he might not even consider that?  

Thank you Marisa. I have just spent a few hours reading through many posts and although it's upsetting in some cases of course, it's good to know I'm not alone. As my friend said, there will be people all over the world who feel like this and will feel like this in the future. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I guess that is how I feel about 'home'. It's very hard to explain but very easy to know what it is not. Would your Australian husband quite like to be back in the UK? Is he happy settled in Australia for life now?

I was very very unsettled for the first say six months. Literally obtained a quote for our dog and looked into flights, checked out rentals online. Was on the verge of contacting my husband's ex-boss (without my husband knowing - very very glad I did not do that). This is unlike me. I actually enjoy change but I did not listen to my instincts when I was going through the visa process. Every night I thought 'what am I doing' but I just thought it was nerves at having lived away from Australia for so long. Turns out I should have (and will do in future) listen to myself. Something I'm trying to do now.

Yes, just not heat although I do have a particular issue where I  heat up (in what seems triple time faster than others) and struggle to cool down. It's very strange - almost makes me feel angry when I get like this. Like I'm drowning but in heat - very hard to explain. I've always had this particular issue but I guess almost forgot about it living for so long in England where, aside from the odd hot days during summer it was a perfect temperate. I don't mind warm weather - but I guess on my terms, in a pool or lounging about. Not struggling to get into work clothes and having to stand under aircon and a fan going like the clappers just to be able to apply makeup.  I can appreciate it will get slightly cooler in Queensland over winters.

Whilst we are in Australia, no, my husband would not move.  As mentioned, he really does have a great job with lovely colleagues, more hand in strategic matters and much healthier bank balance. I don't think that, in my case, that would be the answer anyway  -  it would just would cost more $$$, have to go through the whole job search/school process once again and then once the dust settled, I would still not be in the UK.

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply however. I do appreciate that.

[Questions]

3 hours ago, ramot said:

I'm afraid I can't help, but just wanted to send a hug. You sound very low, please keep posting here, people will understand and perhaps see your Dr? 

Thank you Ramot. That actually meant a lot to me and I choked back a little tear. I have been trying to be so strong and plaster the smile (Pollyanna effect I believe it's called) I hadn't actually thought about how low I was/am. I do feel a bit better but still very low. Perhaps I should speak to a doctor.

[Questions]

56 minutes ago, Maybe said:

Hi Questions,

Just to say - I feel for you - as I think I am pretty much in a similar situation - though arrived only recently. I have not quite decided what to do yet, but people on this forum have been very helpful. Though different experiences and different views, knowing other people have experienced these feelings which were unexpected for  me (having like excitedly initiated the visa the move etc) has helped me. I guess there is no easy answer as to what to do about it when and if.... 

Hello Maybe

I just read through some posts and noted yours. I do think our stories are similar. It is very hard to put into words but when you know, you just know. I wholeheartedly agree - these feelings, although I did have doubt, were very unexpected for me also. I also had 'visa' / moving on an adventure feelings. But then, when the dust settled, I should have just taken a holiday.

I do think it might be better, in both our cases, to give it a little more time. Take some advice from the others on here and try new things - perhaps once a week if possible. Set a time-frame to make a decision (at least six months away) and then fully discuss all options. I think we both need proper time. How does your husband feel? I'm sorry you're going through this also.

[Questions]

32 minutes ago, Quoll said:

No easy answers from me either I’m afraid. I don’t think there ARE easy answers when one “loves it” and wants to stay and the other can’t stand it and is desperate to leave. Chances are you will probably become desensitised to it after a few years. You’ll still hate what you hate but you’ll lose the energy or will to do anything about it.  

Pragmatism to the fore, it looks like at the moment you’re better off where you are but would your DH be prepared to check out jobs in U.K. and maybe start applying for ones that he would kill to get? If he got one or the market looked like it might offer him more then he might be more inclined to move.

Would a compromise on your part be that you give it long enough for him to get citizenship then you can come and go as you like. The danger there might be that you drift past the point of no return and you’re stuck.

Having lived the least worst option (there with him was less worse than here without him - I’m currently in U.K. and loving it but have agreed to return when the time comes) of course you can do it but it will take its toll on your mental health and there are things you can do to protect yourself - when the exogenous depression takes hold and interferes with your everyday life you can talk to your GP about a mental health plan. You don’t need to take medication if you don’t want but there are some good talk therapies around which can help you with survival strategies. Bottom line though, you and your DH need to keep communicating and, if necessary, try relationships counselling to ensure that you are both hearing each other.

Good luck! 

Hello Quoll

Thank you for your sage advice. You are absolutely correct there - there are no easy answers. Wish there was a Dummies self help manual on 'How to have one's other half agree to go back to a country you call home when they do not wish to in four easy steps' tee hee. At least I can joke, I guess. I actually feel I am a little bit desensitised already. Perhaps I have accepted that I am here and have to start "living" here properly per se. However it could also be that I am feeling so low I am already lacking a bit of fight. I sometimes wander around the malls (as great at they are here) wondering if this is a dream, is this real. No I do not take any sort of drug (unless you believe fibre 'gummies' to be one!). I dream of being back some nights and it is a horrible feeling waking up knowing I'm not. I am hugely grateful for this opportunity but I do feel it is hacking away at my mental health as I just can't seem to find how to be truly happy here.

My husband is not the type to apply for roles unless he had agreed to return. It would only be if we had decided to go back, we're not at that stage yet. He has calmed down a bit and agreed to discuss it - at first he raged "he was not moving anywhere" and would not discuss it.  We both said what we would want - polar opposites however we have agreed to decide either way in 18 months. I feel this is too long but I will absolutely do this as I will always take his feelings and thoughts into consideration. We are a team after all, not a dictatorship. It would also mean more time in the role for him - more experience - which I can only see as a good thing. Plus we will hopefully know more about BREXIT then.

I really don't think I could last four years here, I believe that is time-frame for obtaining a citizenship? I have researched a resident returning visa (apologies if that is the incorrect term) in the event we ever decided to move here again (can't imagine it happening but you never ever know!). Our son has dual. Already being here for eight months has felt like eight years.

Although I do not look down on anyone taking any sort of medication (of course not) it is not for me. I do not wish to suppress feelings, but 'feel' them. If I felt like I could absolutely not cope and it was bridge jumping territory I would relax my feelings as such. I'm not at that stage and nor do I ever wish to be. I unfortunately suffered from PND so I do know the darkest depths of despair. I thank God I am not feeling that now.

It has just come to me, I know how to be happy here. If my husband agreed we could go back, say mid next year I would live and love each day to the fullest, knowing we were going back to where I felt at home. However, it's the whole unknown - what will he do/decide that I guess is taking a big toll on me. I absolutely do see it from his point of view. I just wish I could feel as happy as he does here - and I have tried - but I can't.

Edited March 5, 2018 by Questions

[Marisawright]

25 minutes ago, Questions said:

Yes, just not heat although I do have a particular issue where I  heat up (in what seems triple time faster than others) and struggle to cool down. It's very strange - almost makes me feel angry when I get like this. Like I'm drowning but in heat - very hard to explain.

You don't need to explain it to me, I'm exactly the same.  If you're like me, then the problem is that your core heats up, and then can't cool down.  My doctor says I have great genes for an Eskimo!     When the weather cools, or you get into air conditioning, or have a cold shower, you may think you've cooled down because your skin feels cooler - but your core is still hot.  It means your "baseline" is higher than most people, and when you go out in the heat again, it doesn't take much to boil over.

What you need to do is reset that baseline at least once a day.  The most pleasant way, of course, is in a cool swimming pool.  A cold bath works too.  Total immersion works best but even a shallow bath is better than nothing.  Whichever, you need to stay there until the water no longer feels cool - that means your body temperature has equalised.  I used to find I could put up with hot weather for hours afterwards.

I can imagine taking enough time might be difficult if you have a little one.  Another option is to have a footbath in iced water.  Just make sure it's deep, so your ankles are fully covered (your wrists and ankles can lose heat faster than anywhere else in the body).  

I know addressing the heat sounds trivial but I know how awful it makes you feel.  Every little thing you can do to feel better is worth it.

I'm not so sure about talking to your doctor, but I do think you should talk to a counsellor.  When you talk to friends, or even to people on these forums, you'll get a sympathetic ear - but you'll also get people offering opinions on what you should do.  I think it would be a great help to pour out your concerns to someone who will listen without offering advice, and who will help you analyse and understand exactly how you're feeling.

[Gbye grey sky]

50 minutes ago, Questions said:

We are in Queensland.

This is probably no consolation but (and I am in SE Queensland btw) this has been my 3rd summer here and has been by far and away the wettest and most humid of the 3.  In fact the two previous summers we barely used the aircon at all and I wondered what all the fuss was about.

Reading your other posts though it seems that it is not just the climate that is the issue for you.  Reading your posts, and others, makes me so glad that we don’t suffer a conflict of interests because, if I was your husband, I know I would be bitterly disappointed too as I cannot imagine myself living back in the UK again.

[Maybe]

Hi Questions,

Well, my husband is understanding, but confused - wondering why on earth I was so eager to do this - hence my earlier posts - feeling stupid etc... as it seems such a stupid, reckless thing to do. However, in fact I DID research it properly - I guess you can't quite prepare and control your emotions. I think you're right giving it more time while putting a time frame on it may be the best way forward - I for one is a little wary of acting on my emotions right now. I hope it goes well and in the right way eventually for both of us. Please keep in touch if you want.

[Gbye grey sky]

6 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

You don't need to explain it to me, I'm exactly the same.  If you're like me, then the problem is that your core heats up, and then can't cool down.  My doctor says I have great genes for an Eskimo!     When the weather cools, or you get into air conditioning, or have a cold shower, you may think you've cooled down because your skin feels cooler - but your core is still hot.  It means your "baseline" is higher than most people, and when you go out in the heat again, it doesn't take much to boil over.

What you need to do is reset that baseline at least once a day.  The most pleasant way, of course, is in a cool swimming pool.  A cold bath works too.  Total immersion works best but even a shallow bath is better than nothing.  Whichever, you need to stay there until the water no longer feels cool - that means your body temperature has equalised.  I used to find I could put up with hot weather for hours afterwards.

That is interesting Marissa.  I actually had the exact opposite in the UK and used a bath which I would get in and keep adding hot water until it was so hot I didn’t want to move about or else go use the sauna at the gym for 15-20 minutes.  I also have poor circulation in hands and feet which were almost permanently cold for much of the year in England.  Once my core was warm I could stand the cold for hours.  No amount of clothing or extra heating in the house worked for me as well as these so I can imagine the opposite being effective.

[Skani]

1 hour ago, Gbye grey sky said:

  I actually had the exact opposite in the UK and used a bath which I would get in and keep adding hot water until it was so hot I didn’t want to move about or else go use the sauna at the gym for 15-20 minutes.  I also have poor circulation in hands and feet which were almost permanently cold for much of the year in England.  

I assume you were tested for an underactive thyroid?  

[Gbye grey sky]

19 minutes ago, Skani said:

I assume you were tested for an underactive thyroid?  

No.  Just googled the major symptoms of this and I have none of the others.

[Quoll]

To the OP, I assume you have UK citizenship because, if you don’t, you have a limited time before you would need to apply for a new visa.

It’s much easier to cope as long as you don’t feel trapped but when the illusion of freedom is destroyed then it gets hard. 

Humour (usually black?) is often the way to go. 

[Questions]

2 minutes ago, Quoll said:

To the OP, I assume you have UK citizenship because, if you don’t, you have a limited time before you would need to apply for a new visa.

It’s much easier to cope as long as you don’t feel trapped but when the illusion of freedom is destroyed then it gets hard. 

Humour (usually black?) is often the way to go. 

Hi. Yes I have a British passport.

Actually from a practical point of view. If we were say two to three years away what impact, if any, would this have on NHS, schooling, benefits (if necessary) or even financially (banking/mortgage?).

[Quoll]

Just now, Questions said:

Hi. Yes I have a British passport.

Actually from a practical point of view. If we were say two to three years away what impact, if any, would this have on NHS, schooling, benefits (if necessary) or even financially (banking/mortgage?).

As long as you became resident and set yourself up you should be ok for NHS and schooling and opening a bank account if you don’t already have one. Benefits I have no idea and mortgage I think can be a bit tricky until you’ve got your credit rating established but iirc there are some expat mortgage options, I’ve not needed them.

[Questions]

Thank you. We still have bank accounts open. Annoyingly we have a stellar financial history in the UK. I had hoped it could be transferred here, no such luck. We do have one now here of course.

Edited March 5, 2018 by Questions

[bristolman]

To the OP I was in a similar situation in that I grew up in Australia and have spent the majority of my life there and for the first 1/3rd of my life couldn' imagine living anywhere else but after a period in England I kind of realised that Australia really wasn't my home. 

We lived 12 years in Queensland and had our 2 children there but cant imagine living there again, I grew to really dislike the climate and the parochial insular nature of the country. I grew to really dislike the country I previously loved. I don't hate Australia by any means but don't like the direction it is heading. 

It's a really difficult situation unless you both want exactly the same thing. My wife very reluctantly stayed in Australia because it was where I wanted to be but jumped at the chance of returning home and as a family we couldn' be happier. 

All the best. 

[bristolman]

8 minutes ago, Questions said:

Hi. Yes I have a British passport.

Actually from a practical point of view. If we were say two to three years away what impact, if any, would this have on NHS, schooling, benefits (if necessary) or even financially (banking/mortgage?).

We were away 12 years and it made no difference once we became residents. 

[Antipodista]

Hi @Questions

I am in the same position as you but the other way around (being under pressure to move back to Aus as we had an agreement that we would only be in the UK for two years) and am suffering major panic attacks as a result. I am so so happy in the UK and I didn’t realize how unhappy I was (in Oz) until I was happy here (in UK). Which my husband cannot understand at all - neither can I sometimes! I think I shoved down the unhappiness because everyone says Oz is a much better life but it wasn’t for me - it was harder. 

I just wanted to offer a hug and say you aren’t alone. You will get some brilliant advice and support from some of the forum members on here. Please feel free to PM me anytime as I know exactly what you are going through.

 

[LKC]

48 minutes ago, Antipodista said:

Hi @Questions

I am in the same position as you but the other way around (being under pressure to move back to Aus as we had an agreement that we would only be in the UK for two years) and am suffering major panic attacks as a result. I am so so happy in the UK and I didn’t realize how unhappy I was (in Oz) until I was happy here (in UK). Which my husband cannot understand at all - neither can I sometimes! I think I shoved down the unhappiness because everyone says Oz is a much better life but it wasn’t for me - it was harder. 

I just wanted to offer a hug and say you aren’t alone. You will get some brilliant advice and support from some of the forum members on here. Please feel free to PM me anytime as I know exactly what you are going through.

 

I'm the same.  I didn't realise how unhappy I was in Australia, until I wasn't there any more.  I was living a kind of half-life, putting on a smile and keeping things going, when inside I was quietly dying.  It actually caused some massive anxiety problems for me, particularly over the last two years we were there, with me having full blown panic attacks and depressive episodes.  I am feeling much better now though, and am slowly putting the pieces back together.  It's been hard.

Do you think you will be able to stay in the UK, or is there too much pressure?

 @Questions do you think your husband would be open to setting a deadline by which, if things haven't improved with some effort to try to settle on your part (joining clubs/groups etc with your child for example), he would start to think about moving back?  It is pretty easy to set things up again here if you've been away.  The only thing we had trouble with was proof of address in the first few weeks, because we had no bills etc and the bank we chose wouldn't accept our tenancy agreement.  Once we both had driving licenses at the correct address, it was easy.