bensdad Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 Been here in Perth for 6 years this November and now citizens so Visa issues are not a problem. I must admit I've never really settled here but learned to get on and life was good, had a few bouts of home sickness but always got through it and generally life here has been good. However late last year I had a near death experience and had a lengthy stay in hospital and this has changed my outlook on life. Whilst I do appreciate what we have got here I now have the wish to go back home to the UK. I feel that my career has now stopped after going back 10 years already and I'm finding now that I want to spend more time with my grandchildren and my mother who is now nearly 80. Problem is the wife loves it here and has no desire to return to the UK which leaves me in a dilemma, I've discussed this with my wife and said that in an ideal world I'd love to go back to the UK initially for 5 years so my grandchildren get to know me and if I came back to Aus being teenagers they would know who grandad is and I could also spend some time with my mum. However as my wife has no emotional ties to the UK (not mother to my children) and her parents come over for 4 months every year she cannot see why I want to go back and has suggested a holiday to get it out of my system. Just dont know what to do as I'm so unhappy here now and spend every day wishing I was back in the uk! Heads Gone just don't know what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest241083 Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 ........I would go back for the holiday ........enjoy your family .......and then do some serious research into jobs,homes and the area you would settle ........pros and cons... ........needs and wants .......then you and your wife have an idea of realistic choices ........I wish you both luck in your future plans. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 I tend to agree with Tink. Take the holiday, go check out your options there, see how you feel and when you get back to Perth have a heart to heart with your wife and see where it leaves you both. If you are in agreement, wonderful, if not then you perhaps have some soul searching to do in terms of what, if anything has to be the thing that gives. Or if you could compromise with an extended trip back each year perhaps? If one person is very happy and no desire to return to live, its perhaps a hard sell to them. Hope you are able to work things out. All the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 I agree about going back for the holiday first - you've had a major life event with the illness and it changes perspective. Can your children (and therefore grandchildren) come out to see you too. I'm always reminded of something Quoll says in these situations (and about her own) that her decision to remain in Aus, was being with her husband (no matter where that was), was the preferred option to being somewhere without him. In these situations, there has to be some compromise. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 While it is nice to be near grand children in reality they aren't going to be with you every day. You might only see them rarely anyway even if you do move back. Your direct family like current wife should be the priority. If you prioritise grand kids that aren''t hers over her then trouble will be ahead I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 I'm sorry to hear this @bensdad as you always seemed to love your move. I totally agree about illness making you question your life, I've found myself doing this quite a lot these last few years. Hubby has always wanted to go back and I didn't. However a few months back I could have easily just jumped on a plane out of here, it wasn't Australia, I love it here, I just felt I needed to escape.. escape from what I don't know.. somehow I felt if I went back to the UK life would be like it use to be, I'd be young and healthy again and be off out partying with the girls. In reality I know life wouldn't have been like that. My health would still be rubbish, my friends will have moved on and I'd end up back in the same rut wishing for a life in the sun. It is hard when your partners want different things, I found moving to a different area helped my hubby settle more. He loves it where we are now. Is it something your wife would consider? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 8 minutes ago, Parley said: While it is nice to be near grand children in reality they aren't going to be with you every day. You might only see them rarely anyway even if you do move back. Your direct family like current wife should be the priority. If you prioritise grand kids that aren''t hers over her then trouble will be ahead I think. It is the same with our own children as well. Sometimes we make a decision based on our children but they aren't going to be around either, they also move away and get on with their life. Many years ago families use to be very close often living in the same house or street this has all changed now and people/families are spread across the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 I tend to agree with the others (surprising, no?) take holidays if your OH won't go. The grandkids will get to know you just as well with concentrated time as they do with occasional visits - although it's hard to get a hug on Skype. I do agree with PQ - there's always a tendency to want to escape when the going gets tough (I would be quite happy to return to Australia this week and that's a surprise!) so search for the compromise situation and work out where your priorities lie. Good luck with the dilemma! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bensdad Posted September 18, 2017 Author Share Posted September 18, 2017 Thank you for your kind words. What's upsetting is my wife is my priority and I would not be without her under any circumstances and the fact that she doesn't want to go back makes it hard. We have spoken and she has said she will be happy to move elsewhere in Aus but just not back to the UK. I'm thinking a trip back see how it goes and take it from there. Leaving my wife is not an option and never will be no matter what. Unfortunately she is stuck with me lol. Lots to think about. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 55 minutes ago, Quoll said: I tend to agree with the others (surprising, no?) take holidays if your OH won't go. The grandkids will get to know you just as well with concentrated time as they do with occasional visits - although it's hard to get a hug on Skype. I do agree with PQ - there's always a tendency to want to escape when the going gets tough (I would be quite happy to return to Australia this week and that's a surprise!) so search for the compromise situation and work out where your priorities lie. Good luck with the dilemma! Wow @Quoll I never ever thought I'd hear/read you say that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 47 minutes ago, The Pom Queen said: Wow @Quoll I never ever thought I'd hear/read you say that. Nope, and I don't really mean it but there are days when you just need to escape when the going gets tough! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 2 hours ago, Quoll said: Nope, and I don't really mean it but there are days when you just need to escape when the going gets tough! I understand completely. @bensdad can I ask if you have found friends over here? Sometimes it really helps to have support, although we have our other halves it can sometimes help to talk to a stranger. A few weeks back I hit rock bottom, the worst I've ever felt in my life and I've been through lots. I didn't think I'd ever talk again let alone go on the internet. I chatted with someone who I class as a sister who advised me to get back on here posting, I didn't think I could do it, stupid isn't it that you don't even feel you can log online. However, she has experience of idiots like me and although I love her to bits her hard love does come in handy. @Bobj and his beautiful wife came to visit and I got back on here and I'm slowly feeling so much better. I get a great feeling in helping others and having the banter with some of you and it gave me back some purpose in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 I will second TPQ As some of you know, I lost my daughter a few years ago to suicide. Made a harder blow because I had last my kid brother to the same thing. One of the things that helped me a huge amount was the forum. Getting back in and helping people through the visa process. There was a time I hated the Internet as I had discovered my daughters death by logging into Facebook one morning on getting up before work and seeing RIP. My family hadn't been able to get hold of me overnight oz time. I swore I was never going on line again. But, I took a peep and there were messages piling in my inbox and well, it was almost like a second family. Crap, sorry for rambling, just one of those days when I remember her. 4 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 31 minutes ago, VERYSTORMY said: I will second TPQ As some of you know, I lost my daughter a few years ago to suicide. Made a harder blow because I had last my kid brother to the same thing. One of the things that helped me a huge amount was the forum. Getting back in and helping people through the visa process. There was a time I hated the Internet as I had discovered my daughters death by logging into Facebook one morning on getting up before work and seeing RIP. My family hadn't been able to get hold of me overnight oz time. I swore I was never going on line again. But, I took a peep and there were messages piling in my inbox and well, it was almost like a second family. Crap, sorry for rambling, just one of those days when I remember her. Huge hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 3 hours ago, VERYSTORMY said: I will second TPQ As some of you know, I lost my daughter a few years ago to suicide. Made a harder blow because I had last my kid brother to the same thing. One of the things that helped me a huge amount was the forum. Getting back in and helping people through the visa process. There was a time I hated the Internet as I had discovered my daughters death by logging into Facebook one morning on getting up before work and seeing RIP. My family hadn't been able to get hold of me overnight oz time. I swore I was never going on line again. But, I took a peep and there were messages piling in my inbox and well, it was almost like a second family. Crap, sorry for rambling, just one of those days when I remember her. Gee, what you guys have been through makes me feel like a whiney princess so I shall shut up and get on with it - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, aint that what they say. Hugs to you and to TPQ! Both stalwart to the core!!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrishay Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 Hi I'm actually moving over to Aus because I want to be near my daughter and grandchildren I want to be part of their lives. I know in my heart I'd rather stay in UK, I'm widowed and have been for 30 years my husband died when the girls were only 1 and 5 so as they live the other side of the world I'm moving over there. I can understand how your feeling the holiday a long one is probably the best one to go with and then you will have to make that hard decision. I don't have anyone else to worry about but my daughter and grand kids and I know for me it's where I want to be. I will miss England very much but they will make up for it. You really have a tough time ahead but definitely go for that holiday it will help with that decision.Sent from my iPad using PomsinOz 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home and Happy Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 UK is truly a great place to live. I am sure you will feel so happy to come back home again. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grizzly111 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 (edited) Tink's advice is really solid. Go for a holiday and check out a few places. Go for long enough so that you don't feel like it's just a holiday but that you are actually living there. I never gave returning to England a second thought until I returned to the UK for a holiday (a promise to the other half to show the country of my birth) and couldn't believe how much I had missed it. A lot of people were going on to me about the large numbers of 'migrants' in the UK now etc etc. I'm sure there are, if you plan to live in certain parts London or areas of the country. But it's always been like that I've been told. I'm honestly not sure how much of an issue they are (perhaps someone could enlighten me). The weather in the UK isn't the greatest either, but at least the sun won't kill you! Anyway, it's what you make of it and what your goals in life are. Look at it from top to bottom. In Australia it's likely your earning capacity will be higher. But will you be satisfied? What about your saving capacity? Do you enjoy things that you'd be better off doing in the UK vs Australia. Do you see yourself living out your years in Australia? Now for a slightly financial slant on things that may help you or others decide on what the right path is: Often on this forum I find people come to Australia to work in the mines for example (ie for money) from the UK and from all over the world. However some simply aren't happy. In terms of money, I would set a financial target, reach it then use the cash to set yourself up back in the UK (or country of choice). That way it makes sense to stay on in Australia for a finite period - to use Australia as leverage as it were - even if you don't particularly like it until your goal is reached. Good luck! Edited October 11, 2017 by grizzly111 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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