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Long Distant Relationship ??


BooBooBear

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Long Distant Relationship

 

Hello. This is my first post. I have had a good look around the forums, and this seems the best place to post.

 

 

Just wondering if anyone is in, or has been in, a long distance relationship?

 

 

I have been married for 30 years and living in Australia for the past 25 years.

 

 

I absolutely love Australia and my life here, and cannot imagine living anywhere else now.

 

 

But last month my husband informed me that he wants to return to the UK to live for a while.

 

 

Why I have absolutely no idea. He cannot explain either. He says he just “feels” like it.

 

 

I was flabbergasted. It was a complete bolt from the blue. He says he wants to return for one year.

 

 

I love him very much and we have a good marriage. But as much as I love him, I am refusing to go. I do not want to live in the UK again. Not even for one year.

 

 

He is adamant that he is going and he wants me to go to......I won’t be happening.

 

 

I wonder if this is the beginning of the end.

 

But hoping perhaps he can go and do his thing and I can stay here. Communicate by phone, sykpe and email. A long distance romance so to speak.

 

 

So just wondering if anyone has been in a similar long distant relationship situation? And made it work?

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Is there any reason why you couldn't do it for a year? Are you scared that he might decide to stay for longer? My DH absolutely did not want to ever live in UK ever again but he's been here 5 years now and is like a pup with two tails (he's an Aussie).

 

We had the long distance relationship before we got married - 3 years of it, aerogrammes, 3 minute phone calls on birthdays and Christmas and only in each other's company for 6 weeks that whole time. Was it easy? no, did we do it? sure! We've been married 43 years now so of course they can work.

 

At the end of the day though, do you want to spend your dotage cuddled up to the love of your life perhaps in the "wrong" place or alone in a country you love.

 

Good luck, whichever way you jump

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Long Distant Relationship

 

Hello. This is my first post. I have had a good look around the forums, and this seems the best place to post.

 

 

Just wondering if anyone is in, or has been in, a long distance relationship?

 

 

I have been married for 30 years and living in Australia for the past 25 years.

 

 

I absolutely love Australia and my life here, and cannot imagine living anywhere else now.

 

 

But last month my husband informed me that he wants to return to the UK to live for a while.

 

 

Why I have absolutely no idea. He cannot explain either. He says he just “feels” like it.

 

 

I was flabbergasted. It was a complete bolt from the blue. He says he wants to return for one year.

 

 

I love him very much and we have a good marriage. But as much as I love him, I am refusing to go. I do not want to live in the UK again. Not even for one year.

 

 

He is adamant that he is going and he wants me to go to......I won’t be happening.

 

 

I wonder if this is the beginning of the end.

 

But hoping perhaps he can go and do his thing and I can stay here. Communicate by phone, sykpe and email. A long distance romance so to speak.

 

 

So just wondering if anyone has been in a similar long distant relationship situation? And made it work?

 

Why not come back to the UK for the summer and see how you feel after that. You wouldn't be burning any bridges and it would shorten the separation.

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Is there any reason why you couldn't do it for a year?

 

Well the main reason is: the thought of living in the UK again, is too awful to even think about.

 

A six week holiday was all I could manage, before I was itching and foaming at the mouth to get back to Australia.

 

I think I would feel very resentful at being forced to live there against my will. And that would ruin our marriage quicker than being apart I reckon.

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At the end of the day though, do you want to spend your dotage cuddled up to the love of your life perhaps in the "wrong" place or alone in a country you love.

 

To be honest. I would have to choose alone in the country I love.

 

That is how strongly I feel about this situation.

 

But of course, I don't want to throw a happy marriage away over this, hence I was wondering if a long distance marriage could work.

 

Thank you for your advice Quoll.

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Why not come back to the UK for the summer and see how you feel after that. You wouldn't be burning any bridges and it would shorten the separation.

 

A good suggestion overall thank you newjez.

 

But a six week holiday was all I could manage, before I was itching and foaming at the mouth to return to Australia.

 

My husband wants to go and live near family and friends. Like in the same street. I cannot think of anything worse.

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I was married...he went back to uk and I didn't want to go so stayed...after almost a year the strain was too much so I went back to uk to try even though I didn't want to and then 6 months later we decided to come back to Aus...one month later we separated and getting divorced now! I think if you put a country before your other half then are you really committed to that person? I now know I wasn't to my husband and was maybe looking for a way out by doing the long distance thing and didnt realise at the time.my ex has now met an Aussie lady and is staying here despite being certain he hated Aus before lol

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My mum told me that if he was the right man for me I would want to be where he was regardless of where it was and being apart would be too difficult...she's been married over fifty years and she was right he wasn't for me as I was happier here without him than being made to live in UK! Now I've met someone else and if he wanted to live in U.K. I would go...just to be together but we're not as far down the track yet lol

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I think if you put a country before your other half then are you really committed to that person?

 

Yes I am 100% committed to him. I love him deeply. And we have had a very happy faithful marriage for the past 30 years.

 

But overall I dislike the UK, and simply shudder at the thought of living there again.

 

Especially so close to our family and friends; who I find suffocating in their views.

 

So should I go for one year to make him happy....... knowing full well I will be unhappy, miserable and possible resentful. It will be like going to prison for one year.

 

Thank you for your advise xxlornaxx it was interesting to read your experiences in this matter.

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:(

 

The other concern for me is:

 

If he goes for one year and decides to stay permanently.

 

That will break up our marriage.

 

I think he must be having some sort of mid-life crisis.

 

He has always said he loves Australia and his life here.

 

Now he drops this sudden bombshell based on nothing more than a "feeling".

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Of course a long distance marriage can work for a year or so. How do you think army and navy wives manage?

 

I would be letting him go back on his own. Use the argument that you want to wait and see how he settles in. Who knows, he may decide it's not all it's cracked up to be, and he'll come running back before the year is up!

 

Time enough to make the hard decision if he's still there in a year's time and doesn't want to come back. Wait and see.

Edited by Marisawright
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I thought they saw each other in-between. My friends husband comes home on leave every four months.

 

It depends on what's going on, a tour of duty can last much longer in the navy.

 

Like I said, don't present it as "no I'm not going". Present it as letting him try it out first.

 

I'm going to send you a private message.

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When we were courting my wife lived in Australia, I lived in Cornwall. We maintained a relationship like this for two years. We only spent 6 weeks, (3 in Cornwall, 3 in Australia,) actually together before we got married and I moved out here. That was 15 years ago.

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When we were courting my wife lived in Australia, I lived in Cornwall. We maintained a relationship like this for two years. We only spent 6 weeks, (3 in Cornwall, 3 in Australia,) actually together before we got married and I moved out here. That was 15 years ago.

 

Thank you

Sounds like you did good.

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Is he trying to put some space between you both? You say You are comitted to him but is he the same? I would go with what is best financially logically etc and if he wants to go back for a bit let him go n maybe get it out his system but yeah it might end the marriage but if that's the case it would probqbly have ended anyway over some other reason..if your marriage is strong then being apart is doable but won't be very enjoyable. I didn't really realise I wanted to end the marriage till we were in different countries and I was happier alone n hardly thought of him lol unfortunately he felt the opposite

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To be honest. I would have to choose alone in the country I love.

 

That is how strongly I feel about this situation.

 

But of course, I don't want to throw a happy marriage away over this, hence I was wondering if a long distance marriage could work.

 

Thank you for your advice Quoll.

 

It would not be a marriage in the normal sense, but then not a lot of normality these days anyhow! just go with how you feel and see how things develop/progress. A colleague and friends of ours have a distance marriage but only here in Australia, see each other for a weekend every month, he is much happier at work in the other states/territories then he was when in Brisbane area with work problems going home with him every night. It works for them as he is happy at work and she is happy that he is happy and that they have better times when together. However we have had similar situations within the company which has led to marriage break-ups.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

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Is he trying to put some space between you both?

 

If he wanted to do that he could save himself $5,000 and just move to the other side of Sydney. Or up to Queensland.

 

When he made his announcement he fully expected me to joyfully agree to go. He knows I love it here. But thought I would enjoy a year or ten in the UK again.

 

I suppose my own faulty there. I have never really discussed the UK with him. Never expressed any homesickness. So I guess he presumes my feelings about the place are neutral.

 

I have thrown a spanner in the works by saying I don't want to go.

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So now he knows you don't want to go is he happy to stay? If he's not then you should just agree on a time frame for him to go back and try it and then review at end of that time and decide if you can continue to live apart or you may decide being together is more important than where you live...being apart isn't as big a deal nowadays with so much instant communication but for me it ended my marriage...which Is what I was subconsciously trying to manufacture anyway by using countries to seperate us N give me space I needed

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When he made his announcement he fully expected me to joyfully agree to go. I suppose my own faulty there. I have never really discussed the UK with him...So I guess he presumes my feelings about the place are neutral.

 

 

If he's been reasonably happy in Australia but quietly hankering for "home" all this time, he may have taken it for granted that you felt the same.

 

I've had discussions with people on these forums who simply refuse to believe I have no affection for the country where I was born and grew up. They tell me it's "only natural" and "everyone" feels an affinity for their "homeland". Some people just have trouble accepting that how they feel isn't how everyone else feels, and your husband may be like that.

 

Did you pretend to enjoy your UK holidays or were you telling him how you couldn't wait to go home each time? He may have been so wrapped up in enjoying his holidays, he never noticed how much you disliked it and just imagined you were revelling in it too.

 

If it's been a shock to him, it will take him quite some time to think about it and adjust to the new situation. He's probably been looking forward to this idea for years and you've just dashed all his hopes.

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Did you pretend to enjoy your UK holidays or were you telling him how you couldn't wait to go home each time?

 

Well I didn't whinge, whine, mumble or groan. It is not in my nature to do that. And also I didn't want to ruin his holiday.

 

But I do remember taking off in the plane and commenting something along the lines of :

 

I thought those six weeks would never end. How miserable everyone seemed. Nothing has changed. Thank f*ck we are leaving. I cannot wait to get home to Oz.

 

And then I would have changed the subject.

 

So maybe he thought I was sarcastically joking or something.

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I've had discussions with people on these forums who simply refuse to believe I have no affection for the country where I was born and grew up.

 

Despite being born and raised there. I have no real affection for England.

 

I fell in love with Australia the first moment I came here, and my love affair has not abated since. Just grown stronger each passing year.

 

Well I suppose if I was pushed, I would say that England has decent fish and chips. And some of the country pub gardens are nice. But that is hardly a reason for staying in a country overall.

 

Especially as nearby, I can get nice fish & chips in Palm Beach. And The Newport Arms has the most fabulous views from their beer garden. So it is not like I am pining for anything.

 

I talked to my husband about this. He says he is not homesick either. He just feels like living back there for a while.

 

So bizarre. It can only be a mid-life crisis

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