Guest Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Everyone seems to think the baby is more hers than his. Is that right ? Its okay for her to forcefully keep it in UK but not ok to be forcefully kept in Australia. A difficult situation, but the baby is both of theirs. Yes you are right Parley it is both of theirs. However baring in mind what the OP has said about her situation i think it's unlikley the father is going to be much support. He in all likely hood is doing some serious back pedaling and ducking and diving to make sure his wife doesn't find out. Yes i know we've only had one side of the story. if i'm wrong and have judge the father unfairly i appolgise. Honestly though i don't think i am. The truth is if everythng is as the OP says she could find herself in an even more desperate situation if she stays put. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) So you would leave the man you are in love with ? Given how the siuation appears to be yes i would rather than risk losing more than a man that from what it seems is not a gentleman at all. if he'll cheat on his wife he'll cheat on you too. However i think i'm considerably older than the OP and have more life knowledge than i suspect she does. It's a terrible situation to find herself in and my heart really does go out to her. Edited September 7, 2015 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 She said they are in a loving relationship so she needs to judge whether that will continue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Given how the siuation appears to be yes i would rather than risk losing more than a man that from what it seems is not a gentleman at all. if he'll cheat on his wife he'll cheat on you too. They both have their eyes open. He may be cheating on his wife but she is also having an affair with a married man. So I don't think you should just judge him badly. It takes 2 to tango. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Thanks for your replies Sammy and Jacaranda. It is as I feared. Im not sure whether he has any intention of legally separating with his wife due to children and businesses together. Its a really **** situation for me, we have been in a loving relationship and for the most part we are a legitimate couple. But given that we would have to be legitimately together for a year to go for the de facto then I don't think it would happen. I haven't told my family yet. They are aware of my complicated relationship so it would only worry them :-( Is it too late for an abortion? What's the point of risking the rest of your life? Doesn't sound like he's too keen on leaving his wife and family and you should have been more careful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Yes i guess you do make valid point. I can just see the girl here getting hurt. Yes i may have judged him unfairly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Everyone seems to think the baby is more hers than his. Is that right ? Its okay for her to forcefully keep it in UK but not ok to be forcefully kept in Australia. A difficult situation, but the baby is both of theirs. No One ever said the child was more hers than his, we are discussing the very harsh and difficult family court rules in Aus. How would you like to be stuck in an O/S country knowing you can never go home unless you leave your child behind ? If she goes home to the UK she can have her child and then discuss how the (2) of them are going to make things work with "what is in the childs best interest at the forefront of the decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Wouldn't that just put him in the same situation if he went to the UK ? Just sounds like the advice is do it to him in case he does it to you ? Just all seems a tad manipulative to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blossom Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 She said they are in a loving relationship so she needs to judge whether that will continue. Even if they want it to continue they may have no choice if there is not a visa option, which is more likely than there being on. Personally, I'd rather be fair to myself and have my baby somewhere I knew I'd have no problem staying with it than risk having to live on the other side of the world just to be fair to some bloke who won't even leave his wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blossom Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Wouldn't that just put him in the same situation if he went to the UK ? Just sounds like the advice is do it to him in case he does it to you ? Just all seems a tad manipulative to me. It's putting yourself first. That isn't manipulative. Manipulative would be forcing him to leave his wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Everyone seems to think the baby is more hers than his. Is that right ? Its okay for her to forcefully keep it in UK but not ok to be forcefully kept in Australia. A difficult situation, but the baby is both of theirs. A similar thought did cross my mind and I often think women taking their children to Australia away from a loving father are being selfish. I think children are better off with two parents in the same place. But the hard reality is, there is a very real prospect that this child simply is not going to have two parents in one place. The mother has no realistic chance of getting a permanent visa. She is not in a loving relationship, she is a bit on the side for a man who does not appear to have any intention of changing that. So on that basis, yes I would take the biological advantage and run, I would run with the baby rather than lose it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 So the Hague convention doesn't apply if she runs away before the birth ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 So the Hague convention doesn't apply if she runs away before the birth ? Exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Wouldn't that just put him in the same situation if he went to the UK ? Just sounds like the advice is do it to him in case he does it to you ? Just all seems a tad manipulative to me. I dont agree as according to the op he wants to leave his family anyway, where as the op really needs the support of her family when she gives birth. So he could go over there if she is that important to him, but as others have said he now seems to be running backwards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 What about her degree ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Has anyone actually answered the specific questions she asked in her original post ? She wanted to know about visa implications and stuff like that and whether she would get deported for being pregnant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 What about her degree ? What about it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) Has anyone actually answered the specific questions she asked in her original post ?She wanted to know about visa implications and stuff like that and whether she would get deported for being pregnant. Yes her question has been answered. I did and so have a few others. Her visa situation is highly precarious and she has a very real risk of becoming illegal and yes being deported if found. That is why most have advised her to leave now when she cantake the baby (unborn) with her. She won't be deported for being pregnant per se but her visa is conditional upon her studies which she presumably will not be able to continue during the later stages and once baby is born. Edited September 7, 2015 by Bungo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Okay I didn't know it was illegal to have a baby while on a student visa. I'll take your word on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Okay I didn't know it was illegal to have a baby while on a student visa.I'll take your word on it. I haven't said that. It is illegal to be on a student visa and not continue studies. She he also has to look ahead as unless she she going to study until child is 18 she will find herself visa less at the end of the course anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 What about her degree ? She could transfer credits to a UK Uni if she was unable to return to Aus to finish it. She's unlikely to be able to finish it with a newborn in tow anyway, at least for a while, and if she isn't actually attending lectures then her visa will no longer be valid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blossom Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 You must attend at least 80% of the classes to keep your student visa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 You must attend at least 80% of the classes to keep your student visa. Clearly that would never be do able with a new born on your own. Not to mention the time she'd need to take of for the birth etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Tilley Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Thank goodness the OP has posted her predicament and there have been some great, honest replies. Whatever she decides to do she will be doing with her eyes open and fully aware of the advantages and pitfalls of the options open to her. Laura, I feel for you and understand that you are going through a lot at the moment, and what should be a celebration of pregnancy is tinged with many uncertainties and doubts for the future. However, often in life we are faced with an unexpected event that throws all of our plans, ideals and reasoning out of the window and we have to pick them up only to find they are in a different order! This can be defined as a Significant Emotional Experience, and everything we valued and believed in has suddenly changed and different things we'd never previously considered now take priority. Be realistic about your boyfriend. Do you have a future together? If he is in business with his wife and she divorces him for adultery he will lose a hell of a lot financially. Is he prepared to take that risk to be with you? Does he actually want to leave her? Does she know about you? If she doesn't know about you what do you think her (and his) reaction would be if she found out about your affair? And then found out you were pregnant? She may kick him out, and then when he realises what he is about to lose he could go crawling back to his wife and kids he already has begging for forgiveness. How important is your degree for your future? Does being pregnant now shift that importance to low on your list, or does being pregnant cause you concern about your studies? Consider your views on a termination? I know of some women who resent their children because having them has impacted on their studies/career and they regretted having a child at that time of their life. I'm not suggesting you will be like that - but it does happen. Visa issues aside for now, how would you afford to live and provide for a baby in Australia as a single parent? You won't be able to receive any concessions. As others have said, if you have the baby in Australia then you would not be able to leave with the baby and go to ANY country without the consent of the father due to the law of the Hague Convention, but that law does not apply to unborn children. There is NO guarantee that having a baby in a country will automatically give a mother (or father) the right to remain. The support group I run is seeing evidence of that on a regular basis and we are dealing with women who are facing deportation from countries but without their children. The legal costs to fight these cases are running into the $50,000 mark at least and there are still no guarantees people will win. Family Law and Immigration Law do not work side by side and are in conflict with one another. Both parents do have a right to their child's life, but situations like yours highlight the difficulties that this brings, especially when visas come in to the equation. The safest situation for you is to have the baby in the UK so that the UK is it's country of habitual residence. That way, you do not risk losing your child and you can travel to Australia to take the baby for holidays to see it's father and the father can travel to the UK to see the baby. Time will then tell on how your relationship with this man develops. You really need to think with your head and not your heart on this one. If he loves you like you say and he is prepared to leave his wife then he can still do those things when you are in the UK and that will show his commitment to you and the baby, but I'm afraid that many men who have affairs are not prepared to leave the safety and security of a marriage, lifestyle and business. If this has already been going on for a year he should have made his mind up by now about what he wants, and if he's still with his wife after a year of being with you then then... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 You must attend at least 80% of the classes to keep your student visa. The guys I was at Uni with would all have been kicked out.:laugh: I thought most "classes" these days were on-line anyway. The campus's look pretty quite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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