hopeful tears Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I am not asking to be judged concerning my situation, I'm just looking for any information that can help. I am in Australia and in an online relationship with a man from the UK who has a criminal record. His situation is that over 10 years ago he was convicted of sex crimes, went through rehabilitation after a brief time in hospital and has since been in supervised accommodation where he has relative freedom but a curfew. Currently he isn't working and is a drug user which if confirmed will see him go back to hospital permanently. He has been told he is due to be in his own place by the end of this year where he will be unsupervised aside from visits with his case worker. He has told me his social worker said to him he should come over to Australia and see me. We don't want to be in a situation where we meet but can't be together permanently. I don't know for sure that his social worker has said that to him or if it's what he wants me to believe. He is planning on getting work this year, giving up the party type drugs he takes but not stopping smoking weed. I am not currently working, not taking drugs and can get work. We want to be together and from the very basic research I have done it doesn't appear there is a way that can permanently happen. Has anyone out there been in this situation and have they found a way they can be together. I don't know where to start. I'm assuming our situation is hopeless am hoping it isn't. Is it just wishful thinking? Please don't talk to me about the fact that he is unlikely to give up the drugs and reform after so long. I know this has turned into a co-dependent online relationship, and its going to be incredibly challenging. I would prefer him to come to Australia and he is prepared to do what it takes to make that happen. I don't want to be stranded over there if it all goes horribly wrong. I know the odds are against me but I have to ask. We have been talking for over a year and I really don't want to walk away from him any more than he does me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Hi Hopeful, I hope that people who do respond to your request do so as none judgementally as possible. I have a couple of observations/comments - when you say that if it is confirmed he is taking drugs he will be taken back to hospital - does this mean he is on some involuntary order for mental health issues - and the suggestion that he may go back to hospital permanently, suggests that he was receiveing treatment from a forensic unit or special hospital. Did your friend serve or was sentenced to more than 12 months in prison? If he is still on a supervised order, it may be unlikely that he would pass the character test to gain any residency and he may even have difficulty coming as a tourist as he would have to declare his convictions. Does he give you permission to talk to his social worker, if you have some queries regarding what's been said rather than what he hopes will happen, also, the SW may not be aware of any migration/visa requirments and could possibly have said he could visit in order to give him some hope for the future without fully knowing just how difficult it would be. I think you're right to consider the option of being stranded in the UK (i'm not so sure about how easy if would be for you to live their either), especially with neither of you having employment. I think, realistically, there are a lot of obstacles in your path, not least your friends continued substance misuse, I'm not sure how easy it will be (if at all) for you to overcome them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metoo Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Sorry, have I read this correctly? He's an unemployed, drug using, sex offender who lives under a curfew and you have never met. You want to bring him over to Australia, oh and he won't give up the weed. Is this a wind up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelensvaleHoward Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Sorry, have I read this correctly? He's an unemployed, drug using, sex offender who lives under a curfew and you have never met. You want to bring him over to Australia, oh and he won't give up the weed. Is this a wind up? Great reply just what they asked for NOT Why bother Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metoo Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Great reply just what they asked for NOTWhy bother OK Howard, if this is not a wind up, let's suppose the OP is your daughter. Would you be giving her hints and tips on how to integrate this boyfriend into her life for real? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I am pretty sure that with his record, he has no chance of ever being allowed to live in Australia permanently, and may not even be able to visit you. One of my relatives is married to a man with a very minor criminal record - her company wanted to promote her to a job in their Australian branch but she couldn't take the job because her husband couldn't get into the country. So if you want to be together, it sounds like you will need to go back to the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelensvaleHoward Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 OK Howard, if this is not a wind up, let's suppose the OP is your daughter. Would you be giving her hints and tips on how to integrate this boyfriend into her life for real? Sometimes in all honesty if you aint got anything constructive to say don't bother Pat yourself on the back So easy to judge Just let it ride and those who want to offer advice well let them Aint this what this forum is for To much rubbish on this forum its real life not a joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tina0101 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I'm sorry but I agree with Metoo. You have not met this man, and it sounds as if he has a few issues. Is taking him out of the UK and away from his support network of a case and social worker going to help him?? It may get him away from his suppliers but he will have absolutely no support network here, apart from you - are you really willing to take all this on for someone you have not met?? You have said that if his drug use is confirmed, he will go back to hospital - does this mean he is hiding it? Maybe you could go on a holiday to see him, meet his social and case workers with him, get to know him on a personal basis and then go from there? I'm not sure getting him into Australia is going to be a viable option with his history and his dependence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metoo Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Sometimes in all honesty if you aint got anything constructive to say don't bother Pat yourself on the back So easy to judge Just let it ride and those who want to offer advice well let them Aint this what this forum is for To much rubbish on this forum its real life not a joke "10 years ago he was convicted of sex crimes" Not one but multiple victims Indeed Howard, real life, not a joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 If this post is genuine which to honest I am questioning this as I read this then you would not be able to get this man into to country if he had spent more than one year in prison. For convicted crimes such as Murder, Sex offences and drug trafficking definately NO. The financial cost to Australias public services physical, mental and forensic health care systems as well as social work alone would probably preclude him from obtaining a permanent visa. Just remember how fascist Australia is already to people seeking entry with a Squeaky Clean criminal record and perfect health. No Chance and quite rightly so ! I am not asking to be judged concerning my situation, I'm just looking for any information that can help. I am in Australia and in an online relationship with a man from the UK who has a criminal record. His situation is that over 10 years ago he was convicted of sex crimes, went through rehabilitation after a brief time in hospital and has since been in supervised accommodation where he has relative freedom but a curfew. Currently he isn't working and is a drug user which if confirmed will see him go back to hospital permanently. He has been told he is due to be in his own place by the end of this year where he will be unsupervised aside from visits with his case worker. He has told me his social worker said to him he should come over to Australia and see me. We don't want to be in a situation where we meet but can't be together permanently. I don't know for sure that his social worker has said that to him or if it's what he wants me to believe. He is planning on getting work this year, giving up the party type drugs he takes but not stopping smoking weed. I am not currently working, not taking drugs and can get work. We want to be together and from the very basic research I have done it doesn't appear there is a way that can permanently happen. Has anyone out there been in this situation and have they found a way they can be together. I don't know where to start. I'm assuming our situation is hopeless am hoping it isn't. Is it just wishful thinking? Please don't talk to me about the fact that he is unlikely to give up the drugs and reform after so long. I know this has turned into a co-dependent online relationship, and its going to be incredibly challenging. I would prefer him to come to Australia and he is prepared to do what it takes to make that happen. I don't want to be stranded over there if it all goes horribly wrong. I know the odds are against me but I have to ask. We have been talking for over a year and I really don't want to walk away from him any more than he does me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NickyNook Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I agree with Marisa. I think he has zero chance of being given any kind of visa to enter Australia. Here are the facts from DIAC on Character Requirements. http://www.immi.gov.au/About/Pages/media/fact-sheets/fact-sheet-79.aspx Do you think he will pass them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelensvaleHoward Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 "10 years ago he was convicted of sex crimes" Not one but multiple victims Indeed Howard, real life, not a joke The OP was asking for none judgemental replies Who are we to judge Unfortunately it'll never happen on this forum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 OK Howard, if this is not a wind up, let's suppose the OP is your daughter. Would you be giving her hints and tips on how to integrate this boyfriend into her life for real? The OP did ask not to be judged for her situation, their post has not broken any rules - it should be treated as genuine unless proven not to be (just like any other poster). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelensvaleHoward Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I agree with Marisa. I think he has zero chance of being given any kind of visa to enter Australia. Here are the facts from DIAC on Character Requirements. http://www.immi.gov.au/About/Pages/media/fact-sheets/fact-sheet-79.aspx Do you think he will pass them? I prolly agree he won't Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 If it were me?I'd end the relationship asap.Sorry,I know its not what you'd like to hear,but I'd rather be alone than be with someone with that past history and present drug taking.Apologies,that's just how I feel.Best of luck,and take care OP! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 The OP was asking for none judgemental replies Who are we to judge Unfortunately it'll never happen on this forum We're humans,and its human nature to judge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelensvaleHoward Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Pathetic simple as!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metoo Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 We're humans,and its human nature to judge. Jacaranda, that was not my post, (about us not judging) it was Howard's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelensvaleHoward Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Jacaranda, that was not my post, (about us not judging) it was Howard's All the quoting is mixed up I didn't say that neither lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metoo Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 All the quoting is mixed up I didn't say that neither lol yes you did, post No.12 Anyway, where there is a sex offender there is a victim, that is why we should be concerned. OP if you are reading this, please think hard before you act on this one. Do not put yourself in danger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest66881 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Best bit of advice i can offer is NEVER HAVE ANOTHER THING EVER TO DO WITH THIS BLOKE, he as no chance of getting in this country and rightly so. Sorry you have fallen for such a 'person', but life throws these cards at people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I have tidied the quotes up so hopefully it won't be too confusing. To the OP, I have been in a terrible relationship nothing like yours mine was DV, at the time I defended him to the hilt, told everyone including myself that I deserved the beatings. If I had posted on here and had the replies you have had I would have probably logged off and never logged on again. At the time I only wanted to listen to people who told me what I wanted to hear. I ignored all my friends and family, I ended up isolating myself because I didn't want to question my own feelings. In the end I gained enough strength to escape, it was very hard but now looking back I can't believe I didn't listen to the advice people were giving. I know the feelings you have for this person will be very real, however, like others have rightly said the chances of him getting in to Australia are going to be slim. I don't even know if you would be able to join him in the UK so please consider what you will do if this is the case before you get in to deep. We do have another member on here who has been in exactly the same situation as you, she doesn't come on a lot so I'm unsure if she will read this thread. I know she tried to make it work but when they had children she found out too late that he hadn't changed. She is a wonderful very strong woman so I hope she does get in touch, but then again she may tell you things you don't want to hear. I really hope things work out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucharmily Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Hi. Reading your post I think you already know the answer deep down. I can't see that your friend would ever be allowed to live here. And I'd be really careful. I really doubt his social worker told him to come to Australia to see you and I think you think the same. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FTA Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Your options are very limited if you chose to be together. Enough replies have confirmed that there is no chance of him being allowed into Australia. You should be researching the following steps instead: Moving to the UK Getting married. Getting UK residency. I don't know what you mean by stranded over there. If it all goes horribly wrong, you just hop on the next plane back to Oz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I haven't read anything other then the OP's opening post.....................I don't have to. You clealry admit that it's a co-dpendent relationship and as such, you are both in need of psychiatric help. Co-dependency brings nothing but grief and it certainly is stronger than, and eventually a killer of, love IMHO. You know deep down that should you continue in the co-dpendent vein, you will both be scarred, mentally, and likely irreparably. Bin him and move on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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