tonyman Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Jack , if you are old enough , meet me for a drink and we can have a chat .........your paying though :wink:....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vickyplum Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 No, because you are deluding yourself. Many wives come out to Australia on their husbands visa, I did. Is that wrong too? Build a bridge, find a proper legal solution and work towards it. It will take time. The petulant child in you wants it now but us adults know you can't always have stuff now. @northernbird - I think we, and all the other partners, need to have a chat about how we've robbed Jack of endless opportunities by taking these "free" visas, going to Australia and doing nothing. He must know we didn't make any sacrifices, no compromises, didn't work hard on our relationships, didn't leave our parents/family in the UK, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jack13 Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 No, because you are deluding yourself. Many wives come out to Australia on their husbands visa, I did. Is that wrong too? Build a bridge, find a proper legal solution and work towards it. It will take time. The petulant child in you wants it now but us adults know you can't always have stuff now. Yes its wrong. Why should you? What is just about that? Why should you be here because you married the right person? I personally don't agree with that. And I feel I have every right to that opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jack13 Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 Jack - when someone mentioned on a previous thread about external locus of control, did you take the time to actually read up on it and how you can work to change your mindset? (I can't recall which particular thread it was, there seem to be have so many on these lines that it's starting to feel like groundhog day). It may also be worth reading up on learned helplessness. To call someone a cretin simply because they were able to go to Australia on their partner's visa is really offensive. And to question why others are happy when you're not is extremely immature. As others have already said, you really should consider getting some professional psychological help @northernbird - I think we, and all the other partners, need to have a chat about how we've robbed Jack of endless opportunities by taking these "free" visas, going to Australia and doing nothing. He must know we didn't make any sacrifices, no compromises, didn't work hard on our relationships, didn't leave our parents/family in the UK, etc. You shouldn't have to work hard for your relationship, if Its true lol! Or if you care that much about each other! Are you joking your jjust making me even more angry now, I will have to leave my family behind, am i getting upset NO! How dare you compare your situation. I'm so sorry I didn't meet someone whilst I was over there thats ok I'll spend three years of my life in misery and have my life destroyed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jack13 Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 Jack - when someone mentioned on a previous thread about external locus of control, did you take the time to actually read up on it and how you can work to change your mindset? (I can't recall which particular thread it was, there seem to be have so many on these lines that it's starting to feel like groundhog day). It may also be worth reading up on learned helplessness. To call someone a cretin simply because they were able to go to Australia on their partner's visa is really offensive. And to question why others are happy when you're not is extremely immature. As others have already said, you really should consider getting some professional psychological help How is that offensive when its the truth?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jack13 Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 Jack , if you are old enough , meet me for a drink and we can have a chat .........your paying though :wink:....... I hope your blonde, I like blondes. :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vickyplum Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 You shouldn't have to work hard for your relationship, if Its true lol! Or if you care that much about each other! Are you joking your jjust making me even more angry now, I will have to leave my family behind, am i getting upset NO! How dare you compare your situation. Chill out Jack13. Get back to me when you've been in a serious relationship for more than five minutes and tell me that it's plain sailing every day. Until then, I would suggest you keep your ill informed ideas about other people's relationships, to yourself. Instead of wasting your time on here, looking for attention, winding yourself up, how about doing something constructive with your life? Or is is the buzz of the attention from everyone, all you need? There are a lot of sensible and experienced people on this forum; you'd do well to listen to some of them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jack13 Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 Don't you see how ridiculous all of this is?! How can this be justified?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jack13 Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 Chill out Jack13. Get back to me when you've been in a serious relationship for five minutes and tell me that it's plain sailing every day. Until then, I would suggest you keep your ill informed ideas about other people's relationships, to yourself. Instead of wasting your time on here, looking for attention, winding yourself up, how about doing something constructive with your life? Or is is the buzz of the attention from everyone, all you need? There are a lot of sensible and experienced people on this forum; you'd do well to listen to some of them! We all have relationship problems that's life. But what I'm talking about is why should you bypass the hardship of years of experience and qualifications to get a visa!! Why should you come to Australia and be in my country, in my home whilst I am imprisoned somewhere else through no fault of my own. This is how that makes me feel. Its wrong and you know it. You probably don't even care about Australia, you are probably only there because you have to be. And if you did want it as badly as me then you'd understand. the pain I feel about being separated from the place I love for years on end is probably the same pain you'd feel if you were separated from your partner for years on end. Imagine it. Being alone not knowing what he's doing. Unable to speak. Drifting apart. You would probably only understand how this feels if one of you went to jail or something. Think what that would be like and then you'd realize how this feels for me. At least you have love/ someone who loves you you know how that feels. You have support and everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louisella Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 How is that offensive when its the truth?! There are a number of people on this forum who have been kind enough to offer you advice and support, some of these people are on defacto visas…by your own logic, does this make them cretins as well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Go to the doctor!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 We all have relationship problems that's life. But what I'm talking about is why should you bypass the hardship of years of experience and qualifications to get a visa!! Why should you come to Australia and be in my country, in my home whilst I am imprisoned somewhere else through no fault of my own. This is how that makes me feel. Its wrong and you know it. You probably don't even care about Australia, you are probably only there because you have to be. And if you did want it as badly as me then you'd understand. the pain I feel about being separated from the place I love for years on end is probably the same pain you'd feel if you were separated from your partner for years on end. Imagine it. Being alone not knowing what he's doing. Unable to speak. Drifting apart. You would probably only understand how this feels if one of you went to jail or something. Think what that would be like and then you'd realize how this feels for me. At least you have love/ someone who loves you you know how that feels. You have support and everything. Enough is enough....if your taking the piss good effort, however I FEAR you might not be? If this is how you feel...I hand on heart think you need to speak to your GP about some professional advice. If you feel your life is to be destroyed by not getting to oz, seek professional support jack. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I hope your blonde, I like blondes. :wink: I hope your old enough so I can talk some sense into you .......im serious if you want to talk then ask ....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vickyplum Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 We all have relationship problems that's life. you told me earlier that if I had to work at my relationship, then it wasn't genuine. So that's a quick change of mind from you isn't it? You probably don't even care about Australia, you are probably only there because you have to be. I'm not as passionate about it as you seem to be, but I am going because I care about my partner, it's time for him to return home, and a side effect is that I get to experience life in another country. Drifitng apart. You would probably only understand how this feels if one of you went to jail or something. Think what that would be like and then you'd realize how this feels for me. I'm not sure whether to be amused or horrified by this comparison, but I'll go with amused. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack91 Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Your ability to have a normal conversation with total strangers is minimal, perhaps this is why you're finding it so damn hard to find a bloke who's will to roll over and beg. Not everything will be given to you on a plate, ESPECIALLY if you're dead set on getting married and going over there. Don't you think they'll smell a rat when you've submitted for a visa straight after marriage? Listen to everyone, everyone bar yourself has talked sense. You've chopped and changed your mind at least 3 times in this thread alone, you're mind set if all wrong and if you're going to get anywhere in life, buck you ideas up. PM me if you need a chat, or even some sense talked into you. I won't be rude, neither should you be. Peace out! P.S. - Stick to the hair dressing idea. It'll work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 a strange cat that refuses online help.............I`m here if you need to talk via pm .........NOT on the open forum as we are wasting our time ........thats obvious ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Do you know what I was talking to my family today and they cans ee why I am so unhappy. They agree how unfair this all is. Back onto these defacto people, I met one girl in Perth. My age 22. She did nothing. Nothing. No job. Her partner had a job she was only in Australia because of him and she got her visa for doing nothing. So why the hell should I be lectured on working hard when cretin like that come in and do nothing. I dont agree with the defacto visas at all, why should someone come in just to keep their relationship together and be with their partner, why shouldn't they have to spend years gaining qualifications and experience to gain their visa, if they were that desperate to be with their partner they would do so. Why shouldn't they experience years and years away from their partner like I have to spend years and years away from Australia. They cant move forward with their lives together then, as I cant here. I can't have a partner and be happy and move on with my life so why should they. I will find a way and I'm not promising it will be a way people will like. But believe you me I will end up staying somehow. These people are making a joke out of me and my life. Jack, my husband is coming to Australia on a spouse visa. A bit of background for you before you decide that he has done nothing and will do nothing and hasn't done the hard yards. We have raised seven children, 3 of whom still live at home. We have children older than you and we also have grand-children. I can only assume you've never been in a long term relationship if you think we've spent the last xx amount of years in some kind of blissful honeymoon state, where we have been gazing in to each other's eyes over candlelit dinners, with soft music playing in the background. WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP. Life hasn't been like that. Let me have a think here! One son with ADHD and Tourettes. One son with SLD and on the austistic spectrum. One son with Aspergers Syndrome. One daughter who woke up one day with half her face frozen at 9 months old and the doctors thought she'd had a stroke. That was a stressful 3 weeks of living in hospital (and I was six months pregnant too). One son who took an overdose because a teacher at school was bullying him badly and the school wouldn't listen - that nearly killed my husband, he was on his knees emotionally. One daughter who is on the waiting list for an operation on her eye and although we are happy to pay for it, there's apparently only one paediatric consultant who does private operations and that's only once a month so there's a wait for that - oh yeah, did I mention she could lose her sight in one eye? Then there was the time my husband was in hospital with meningitis; he nearly died. Oh yes and the e-coli. I joke with him that he's never ill and then when he is, I almost lose him to something! I nearly forgot that there was that time when my son got married and then decided after two weeks that he wanted to get a divorce. Oh and all these things are just things that have happened over the past 10 years and I'm not including some of the more serious stuff here either - this is just a brief overview! I think, and I hope you will agree, that we've done the hard yards. If he only wanted a visa, it would've been easier for him to get a skilled migrant visa, then have all that comes with marriage, family, building a life together brings. You think that a de-facto visa is the easy option? Well, you find a partner, male or female, have a bunch of kids, settle down, have all that thrown at you, continue to work full time and then tell me it's easy. You show your immaturity by saying people are making a joke out of you and your life. NO THEY AREN'T. You are not being sensible when you rail against life like this and say ridiculous things like a de-facto visa is easy and people do nothing to deserve one. ETA: I hope you aren't going to suggest that my husband and I don't love each other because we've had to work at our relationship! In real life, relationships are hard work at times, especially when you have children and commitments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vickyplum Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Props to you Mrs MtT. You and Mr MtT deserve some sort of royal honours, never mind a visa! All you have to deal with in your life, and you still find the time to come on here, offering wisdom, recipes and general kindness (and occasion smut of course!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louisella Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Props to you Mrs MtT. You and Mr MtT deserve some sort of royal honours, never mind a visa! All you have to deal with in your life, and you still find the time to come on here, offering wisdom, recipes and general kindness (and occasion smut of course!) I think it's the smut which keeps her going @vickyplum :wink: :wubclub: :laugh: (she is a little trooper on all fronts though) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Props to you Mrs MtT. You and Mr MtT deserve some sort of royal honours, never mind a visa! All you have to deal with in your life, and you still find the time to come on here, offering wisdom, recipes and general kindness (and occasion smut of course!) I think it's the smut which keeps her going @vickyplum :wink: :wubclub: :laugh:(she is a little trooper on all fronts though) Hey you cheeky pair, less of the smut!! It's CLEAN filth :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louisella Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Hey you cheeky pair, less of the smut!! It's CLEAN filth :wink: dammit - I always get them muddled up :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 dammit - I always get them muddled up :laugh: Don't worry, when we get together, I will teach you the difference between ladylike filth and smut :yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Jack, I am sorry mate, but with your current attitude I can see you having major issues with your personal life in the future - regardless of which country that future is in. The spouse of a main applicant is usually not just some one freeloading on the visa, but was probably the reason the main applicant has got to become eligible. If it hadn't been for my wife supporting us financially while I went to uni and running our home while I was away, then I could never have gained the qualifications and experience to get me the visa. If you can't see how a marriage is a partnership of equals - regardles of what each does or earns, then I worry that you are never going to have a happy one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 You shouldn't have to work hard for your relationship, if Its true lol! Or if you care that much about each other! Are you joking your jjust making me even more angry now, I will have to leave my family behind, am i getting upset NO! How dare you compare your situation. I'm so sorry I didn't meet someone whilst I was over there thats ok I'll spend three years of my life in misery and have my life destroyed. I didn't meet my husband in Aus. We met in the UK. You never know Jack, while you are stuck in horrible, miserable, dull, dreary, dark, depressing and hated England for three years you may meet the Aussie of your dreams. As for Australia owing you or you feeling partner visa people are not deserving of a visa, a big fat raspberry to that. I'm not going to post about it as I've already replied on that subject a few times now. Its old, done. Stop thinking they are getting something you are not and therefore it is wrong. Meet an Aussie, stand the test of time and everything a relastionship can bring and perhaps you yourself might be in a position to apply. Otherwise quit whining. You have not met a person who will provide you that route yet, so its all sour grapes really isn't it. You are jealous, angry others have what you want. But to be able to get the visa you have to have the relationship first. That is no ones fault. Perhaps blame all the Aussies who are turning you down or who are not interested in you rather than the partners of Aussies. FWIW I never married my husband for access to his home country. I married him because he made me happy, him. Not his home country. Where we live is secondary to our being happy together as a couple. You seem to think Aus will make you happy. If you put a country before a person, you will never find happiness with someone I feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 :mask: Just a note to this thread. I've tidied it up a bit as I discovered a few insults and sweary words in amongst the non sweary non insulting stuff. All good now though I think/hope. Will double check to make sure. One more thing, and Jack, this is for you, lets not call people on partner visas cretins anymore please. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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