Huntersmummy Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 To answer a question thats been asked before. The reason Oz is on the cards as husband travelled/worked there a few years ago in Berri?? (Where ever that is in Oz) and he sang its praises watching his friends with kids have an awesome life. Now this is fast forward a few years with a wife, 2 small kiddies and a cat in tow. I keep trying to explain life is different, places change etc but again he's adamant it will be fine. And 1 reason that don't need to be gone into, we want to be as far away from a certain family member and the "thing" he's married too. Although don't get me wrong, being away from them is purely a bonus of getting to leave the uk! As for other family, scattered in scotland and essex so rarely get to see them but I talk every other day so thats 1 reason I don't want to go! But he couldn't care less about his family. "Always on the other end of the phone" As for kids....he's said we'll work as a family. If it doesn't work for them, we'll come back. If it doesn't work for me thou and kids do ok, we stay. If i love it and kids love it and he doesn't, he'll make it work. How that works I don't know! Is Oz REALLY all that......Ha.......*sad face* Someone must be on here who's moved and loves it??!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Tilley Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Someone must be on here who's moved and loves it??!! Yes, jasepom, lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xenon4017 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Someone must be on here who's moved and loves it??!! Yes, there are lots. Me, for example. But all in our family were prepared for the changes that lay ahead. And prepared that not everything would be better, but that the net result would be better. One thing that I asked which you never answered is regarding your husbands grand plan of setting up his own business to leave to the kids. Has he ever worked for himself in the UK? What makes him think that he will in Oz? I'm afraid your husband is hankering after a more pleasurable time in his life when he had fewer responsibilities and the sun always shone. Moving to Oz won't give him that. >>he's said we'll work as a family. How that works I don't know!he's said we'll work as a family. If it doesn't work for them, we'll come back. If it doesn't work for me thou and kids do ok, we stay. If i love it and kids love it and he doesn't, he'll make it work. How that works I don't know! - See more at: http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/welcome/213631-oz-really-all-13.html#sthash.8BxRZxHY.dpuf That's OK, neither does he. He's not being realistic, with his wage aspirations and career path. And when reality bites here, you'll discover that it has sharp teeth. That's why you shouldn't go. Not at least before you fix the things that you don't like about your life in the UK. That was pretty blunt wasn't it? Or apply for the visa. You might not get it, or you get stuck in a rut trying to save the cash to make the move. But in my opinion that's worse; to be stuck in a limbo of could go/can't go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 @Huntersmummy There are lots of positive things about Australia, it's a great country, the people are great, weather's great, everything is there that you would want. I mean, it's a first world country, it's not Somalia! But, and it's a HUGE BIG BUT, is it right for you in your circumstances? You don't need to explain why you want to move any further. We all have Norman Bates type relatives that we try to keep securely locked in the understairs cupboard, but unless they are harassing you to the point that it's making life unbearable, I don't think, in my honest experience, that it's enough to make a move successful. I mean, you are talking about picking up your whole life and moving thousands of miles away, to a place you don't know, where you don't know anyone, where you may not find jobs, and where you will be socially isolated. And it's fine for your husband to talk about friends with kids who have an awesome lifestyle, but I bet they didn't just step off the boat so to speak. Which is what you will be doing. I'm just concerned that you will be unhappy and everyone else will be fine and where will that leave you? Also concerned about the fact that if you hate it and the kids do, once you are there, even if your hubby says now that he will come back, he could very well love it so much and be blinkered (as he is now) and say no we're not going back and you are stuck there till your youngest is 18 as even these "legal" agreements that you sign, don't hold up in court. Please think carefully. Can't you move to somewhere else to get away from your toxic relative? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 I know the case of "If it doesn't work..." is going to be a financial nightmare, complete pain and an avenue I want to stay away from BUT... Husband wants to go, husband wants to take the kids, husband thinks we'll survive and have a better life, husband is the adventurer. Me being 27 am quite an old fart. I like routine, a little job on the side, a holiday once a year kinda thing. I know I'm doing a 360 on what I recently put but more heart to heart convo's and me TRYING to be positive about such a massive upheaval but in honesty, I'm broken. Husband has said he'll resent me if I backed out. (Btw, he's not a bad person, he just wants this soooo bad) I want to give my kids a better life, Im trying to be a good parent.( In that case, I'd definitely say - agree to apply on condition your husband goes over first, and gets reliable work before you and the kids move. If he's reluctant to go without you, point out that he might not get work where he starts out. What if you all move to Melbourne then find that all the work is on the Gold Coast? He can pack up the car and relocate in a couple of days if he's on his own, but with the whole family in tow it will be too difficult. It will also reduce the stress of managing on no wage at first - you'll still be earning at home. Of course the real reason for making him go first is that once he gets here, struggles for six months to find a job at half the pay he expected, and realises how much it's going to cost to rent a house for the four of you, there's a good chance he will rethink his dream. In the unlikely event that he falls on his feet, gets a great job and you have to follow him, I know it won't be easy for you to pack up the house and move on your own - but it will be better than all moving together, finding his dream isn't all it's cracked up to be, and having to come home again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 To answer a question thats been asked before. The reason Oz is on the cards as husband travelled/worked there a few years ago in Berri?? (Where ever that is in Oz) and he sang its praises watching his friends with kids have an awesome life. Now this is fast forward a few years with a wife, 2 small kiddies and a cat in tow. I keep trying to explain life is different, places change etc but again he's adamant it will be fine. And 1 reason that don't need to be gone into, we want to be as far away from a certain family member and the "thing" he's married too. Although don't get me wrong, being away from them is purely a bonus of getting to leave the uk! As for other family, scattered in scotland and essex so rarely get to see them but I talk every other day so thats 1 reason I don't want to go! But he couldn't care less about his family. "Always on the other end of the phone" As for kids....he's said we'll work as a family. If it doesn't work for them, we'll come back. If it doesn't work for me thou and kids do ok, we stay. If i love it and kids love it and he doesn't, he'll make it work. How that works I don't know! Is Oz REALLY all that......Ha.......*sad face* Someone must be on here who's moved and loves it??!! There are plenty of us who have moved and loved it and lots of us who think its better for our children, but it does come down to where you go and what you choose to do. My kids have never spent 12 hours a day with strangers since we stepped foot into Aus, but they didnt in the UK either. I choose part time jobs that fitted around school and hubbys hours ,i do the same over here and its worked for our family. The majority of comments so far saying don't move ,give the reason ,you need family close by, but from reading what you have written, they are not close by you and it would be no different speaking on the phone to them daily from Aus , calls are actually quite cheap and Skype even cheaper so that pattern of your lifestyle wouldnt have to change (other than maybe the time of day you dial the number). You will need hubbys support (and he may well need yours) so if you cant agree on things i would seriously sit down and have a good chat together before making such a big move. Lots of luck with your decision. Cal x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I know the case of "If it doesn't work..." is going to be a financial nightmare, complete pain and an avenue I want to stay away from BUT... Husband wants to go, husband wants to take the kids, husband thinks we'll survive and have a better life, husband is the adventurer. Me being 27 am quite an old fart. I like routine, a little job on the side, a holiday once a year kinda thing. I know I'm doing a 360 on what I recently put but more heart to heart convo's and me TRYING to be positive about such a massive upheaval but in honesty, I'm broken. Husband has said he'll resent me if I backed out. (Btw, he's not a bad person, he just wants this soooo bad) I want to give my kids a better life, Im trying to be a good parent. I don't want to take this opportunity away from them because Im settled in my ways. I'm full of doubt. Hopefully things will work out and its not as bad as I think or ppl here have written. Sorry for the winge but today is a down day and constantly fighting with myself to do the right thing even though I risk MY happiness.....as long as my kids and husband are happy. You give that right up when you have kids don't you? If you come with the thought that you are going to be unhappy then there's every chance you will be. You've got to have a positive outlook and give it a go at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 To answer a question thats been asked before. The reason Oz is on the cards as husband travelled/worked there a few years ago in Berri?? (Where ever that is in Oz) and he sang its praises watching his friends with kids have an awesome life. Now this is fast forward a few years with a wife, 2 small kiddies and a cat in tow. I keep trying to explain life is different, places change etc but again he's adamant it will be fine. And 1 reason that don't need to be gone into, we want to be as far away from a certain family member and the "thing" he's married too. Although don't get me wrong, being away from them is purely a bonus of getting to leave the uk! As for other family, scattered in scotland and essex so rarely get to see them but I talk every other day so thats 1 reason I don't want to go! But he couldn't care less about his family. "Always on the other end of the phone" As for kids....he's said we'll work as a family. If it doesn't work for them, we'll come back. If it doesn't work for me thou and kids do ok, we stay. If i love it and kids love it and he doesn't, he'll make it work. How that works I don't know! Is Oz REALLY all that......Ha.......*sad face* Someone must be on here who's moved and loves it??!! There are plenty of us HM. Most that post on here have done pretty well and settled in perfectly fine. I think me and the wife more than most as we both loved going to Spain, Portugal, Greece, loved sunshine, hot weather and beaches. That's what we used to go away for every year when we in the UK and we thought we may as well live somewhere we could have the lifestyle on a daily basis, rather than save up from one year to the next, waiting for our next "fix". Our eldest was 2 when we came and our youngest born here. The eldest is working FIFO, so on really good money and loves travelling. He gets plenty of time off work being week on week off, and has the cash so is making the most of it whilst he's young. We were a bit worried that he had a bit of a downer on Perth or Aus but last Christmas he had been on his mates boat all day, over at Rottnest and I went to pick him up. He put our mind at rest a bit, as he said "don't worry, we all know how good we have it here", meaning him and his friends. We had some friends who went on a cruise recently to Hawaii. They loved it and said it was one of the best holidays they ever had, but said when they returned that they don't get "down" when they come back as they know they are coming back to a place with good weather and beaches close by. They are ex pats too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Fuller Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Just looking for advice from folks who have a reluctant partner... Long story short, husband worked in OZ few years ago and said to me about emigrating.....mmmmm.....ok Fast forward 3 years, 2 kids later and 1 marriage, we just put in our application for the visa. I have my doubts that we wont be able to survive on his wages alone (i dont have a "proper job" as such, im a sales assistant) Husband is a carpenter. Were going to perth hopefully. I see OZ as stupidly expensive from what ive read online about day to day living. Im terrified our 30 grand savings wont go far and he'll work longer just to keep us afloat until we can put both kids into kindergarden. Has anyone moved and done ok on one wage? I think my husbands looking through rose tinted glasses. Hi. I moved out with my hubby in December, It would be very unfair to say I was reluctant, however I had a good life and it was more driven by my hubby who didn't have a great work/life balance...he too is a carpenter. I started getting cold feet before we came if I am entirely honest, however we agreed to at least give it a try....we could go home if it didn't work out. Hubby got a job almost straight away and settled in well. I'd say the cost of living is simular to the UK all in all (we lived in the Southeast of England)...our wages are slightly lower, rent is cheaper here, Petrol Cheaper, Food simular, clothes dearer (In my personal opinion)...but it irons out. For me and my sons (one of whom has since returned to England) its been much harder, and for various reasons we have decided to go home. This is much to my husbands disappointment and its been a very trying time with lots of tears on my part. We sold our house and the cashburn to leave the UK and since we came has been quite a shock. We will now end up in a smaller house, with a bigger mortgage for a longer period of time back in the UK. I don't want to put you off, but its important to consider what happens when it sadly doesn't work out. I personally think its harder if your friends and family are a big part of your life, to be honest you may not realise how important they are until they are not around. Good luck whatever you chose to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie22 Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I just think you need to be honest with your husband how you feel. Remember that you deserve just as much happiness as your kids and your husband. Of course becoming a mum means you put your family first but it doesn't mean that you are not heard and not listened to either. An unhappy mum is not what your kids will want or need. My situation was little similar. I'd already been to Australia three times before we migrated, and one of those was a year working holiday. I loved the place but knew that it was a holiday destination for me and nothing more. I went along with it as likewise thought it would give my kids a better life. Has it? For one maybe but certainly not the other. Obviously in hindsight I realized that I was very vulnerable and insecure at that time and when you're feeling like that you just let things happen around you as that's a far easier situation than facing confrontation. Keep strong and listen to your heart! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kapri Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 We moved here a year ago and are all settled and loving it. I had lots of concerns before I came, most of them were needless or silly, in hindsight. IMO, Most people who don't settle, don't settle for the following reasons: 1. They were very close to family and had a friend who had been their best friend since the year dot, 2. Work didn't go according to plan. Either licences were too hard to get, jobs not available or having to work away from home. I also think that, generally speaking, men settle more easily than women. I deliberated for years and thought of a thousand reasons not to come but I'm so glad I did. Ultimately, you will never know unless you try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huntersmummy Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 I cant believe how nice everyone is! I know I seem to go round in circles, do I, dont I... Ive told husband that on the conditions of: A: an agreement in written in order to bring kids back if it doesnt work after a fair amount of time, ie a year. B: he goes over first for 6 weeks to sort everything out before I drag the kids out. C: I agree to give it a shot and go in full hearted instead of being a moany old fart. I feel better knowing that I can take the kids over to somewhere with all their toys/fimiliarities. I wish I could hug everyone! Again your advice has been invaluable. I guess ill know if I give it a shot.....reminds me of the time I tried beansprouts for the first time. Turned out ok! Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Britpop Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I agree that Men seem to settle easier than women. I think, as I have heard it say, it's more of Man's country. I'm not even sure why! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Give him 3 months to sort things out but otherwise that looks like a plan! Belt and braces! Don't quit your job (and see if he can get a career break as well) and rent out your house. If it all works for you, you can sell it when you're sure. Treat it like an adventure and you should be ok! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 Ive told husband that on the conditions of: A: an agreement in written in order to bring kids back if it doesnt work after a fair amount of time, ie a year. B: he goes over first for 6 weeks to sort everything out before I drag the kids out. C: I agree to give it a shot and go in full hearted instead of being a moany old fart. I'm afraid this doesn't make me feel any better. I can visualise it now - hubby will fly over and spend the time finding a place for you all to rent, buy a car etc. When the 6 weeks is up and he still hasn't found a job, he'll say, "but I've been so busy getting ready for you, I haven't had time!" Which might well be true, but the point is that he hasn't had time to discover that the wage he's expecting doesn't exist, or to work out whether you've chosen the right city to live in. How will you feel if you bring the kids over, and six months later he still hasn't found regular work, you've spent all your savings and now you have no money for the air fares to go home? Your written agreement won't help you much if you can't find the $6,000 or so you'll need for the air fares. These threads offer cautionary tales: http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-chat-dilemmas/214231-did-you-really-do-your-homework-before-moving-oz.html http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/jobs-careers/196969-any-tradies-needing-help-getting-their-licence.html http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/western-australia/195758-carpenter-living-baldavis-desperately-need-work.html I'd say your agreement should be that you wait until he's found work, THEN you give notice, pack up your belongings, arrange to rent out the house (don't sell till you're sure!!) and move. In the meantime, show willing by being active - start to declutter now (throw out, donate or sell stuff you really don't need). Get all those odd jobs done around the house so it's ready to rent out. Spend some time researching the different cities and states to show you're interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xenon4017 Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 I agree, six weeks isn't enough. It'll take 3 months before he's got all his ducks in line. Then you'll need 6 weeks to organise your move. Having said that, this is all dependent on him getting a visa. You've probably got plenty of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I agree that Men seem to settle easier than women. I think, as I have heard it say, it's more of Man's country. I'm not even sure why! Do you think because, in general, women are closer and depend more on family and friends? My wife left home to move into nurses quarters when she was 16. She was independant and moved away from home, parents and friends. She made new ones fast enough in the nurses residence. She had also lived and did most of her schooling in Canada, so she knew there were other lifestyles than the UK. She never had a problem with the move and if truth be told was more of a driving force than me. I always wanted to do it but was too laid back to get the paperwork moving until my wife pointed out I was doing a lot of talking but not much action. I don't think Aus is more or less of a Man's country than the UK. She has fitted in really well, workwise and socially and has taken to the lifestyle as much as me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kapri Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Do you think because, in general, women are closer and depend more on family and friends? My wife left home to move into nurses quarters when she was 16. She was independant and moved away from home, parents and friends. She made new ones fast enough in the nurses residence. She had also lived and did most of her schooling in Canada, so she knew there were other lifestyles than the UK. She never had a problem with the move and if truth be told was more of a driving force than me. I always wanted to do it but was too laid back to get the paperwork moving until my wife pointed out I was doing a lot of talking but not much action. I don't think Aus is more or less of a Man's country than the UK. She has fitted in really well, workwise and socially and has taken to the lifestyle as much as me. I agree 100% Your wife sounds like me! Yes ,I meant that women generally tend to miss family and friends more. The women I know who are homesick yearn for mum, sister, best friend. Their husbands generally are more pragmatic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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