Is OZ REALLY all that?

[Huntersmummy]

Hello again all.

i thought you might like an update since I started this thread.

We took on board everyone's comments and advice and "drum roll" we've decided to do it!

I know it'll be hard, we'll fight, I'll win but the bottom line for us has always been "if we don't do it and years later regret it..."

Not sure where we're going yet (Perths off the menu now) but wherever we end up, I'm sure it'll be the right choice.

 

As as for the spiders, I've never met a spider who has won a scrap against my wedge shoe

 

I'll be back asking more questions and begging for help I'm sure at some point

but thanks again to everyone Means a lot to us

 

sarah + Wayne xx

[Gbye grey sky]

Hello again all.

i thought you might like an update since I started this thread.

We took on board everyone's comments and advice and "drum roll" we've decided to do it!

I know it'll be hard, we'll fight, I'll win but the bottom line for us has always been "if we don't do it and years later regret it..."

Not sure where we're going yet (Perths off the menu now) but wherever we end up, I'm sure it'll be the right choice.

 

Good on ya. If its an itch that has to be scratched then good luck to you both. People on this forum come at this from every which way but there is absolutely no substitute for personal experience.

[Belinda Au]

Hello again all.

i thought you might like an update since I started this thread.

We took on board everyone's comments and advice and "drum roll" we've decided to do it!

I know it'll be hard, we'll fight, I'll win but the bottom line for us has always been "if we don't do it and years later regret it..."

Not sure where we're going yet (Perths off the menu now) but wherever we end up, I'm sure it'll be the right choice.

 

As as for the spiders, I've never met a spider who has won a scrap against my wedge shoe

 

I'll be back asking more questions and begging for help I'm sure at some point

but thanks again to everyone Means a lot to us

 

sarah + Wayne xx

 

 

Good for you! There's no substitute for giving it a shot. Hope everything works out well for you. :smile:

[MovingtoTasmania]

Nowhere is perfect and I think you'll have a fab time @Huntersmummy. Don't worry about money etc., too much as there will be snakes to catch and BBQ (only the unprotected ones), crocs and alligators to skin for shoes and handbags, furry creatures to make clothes from...you'll be fine :wink:

[legoman]

And dont forget, on those chilly nights just wrap a huntsmans furry leg around your neck to keep warm. :biglaugh:

 

 

Seriously though good decision and one you wont regret whether it works out for you or not. Let the adventure begin.

[Guest]

You know I always sigh when people say they are going because they're afraid they'll regret if they don't......what about regretting if you do?

 

But then I have to think about my own recent post where I said...

 

'Without migrating I do not think we would have achieved the peace and happiness with life that we now have, I have learnt what matters and I have learnt to have gratitude for what I have'

 

So although our journey to Australia and back wasn't something I would want to go through again, I don't regret it and my life is enriched as a result.

 

I will never do anything again that I'm unsure of because I think 'it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do' (which I quoted a lot when we were moving out!) now I live by 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' but I had to go on the journey to learn that.

[HappyHeart]

Oh I don't know LR..you may feel differently in a few years, we only live once and I think life is for taking risks and following your dreams..if you're inner voice is saying 'do it' you have to listen! Who cares if it's the wrong decision...as long as you have your health...you can do anything.

[Belinda Au]

You know I always sigh when people say they are going because they're afraid they'll regret if they don't......what about regretting if you do?

 

But then I have to think about my own recent post where I said...

 

'Without migrating I do not think we would have achieved the peace and happiness with life that we now have, I have learnt what matters and I have learnt to have gratitude for what I have'

 

So although our journey to Australia and back wasn't something I would want to go through again, I don't regret it and my life is enriched as a result.

 

I will never do anything again that I'm unsure of because I think 'it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do' (which I quoted a lot when we were moving out!) now I live by 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' but I had to go on the journey to learn that.

 

Nice perspective, Lady R. Sometimes you need to do things and go places to find out it's actually not for you.

 

Sorry it didn't work out for you but it looks like you're in a better place for the experience regardless.

 

:smile:

[jennyweaver]

Wattsy: please could you recommend a site to check for jobs for the tradies/labourerd working on Commonwealth games structures. I am a nurse and will go with a job in place (please God) but husband-man is an electriian and will likely benefit from this type of work while planning to get his restricted licence.. I think he could do some of this work initially but a heads up to more site names would be much appreciated.

many thanks

[3FatCats]

You know I always sigh when people say they are going because they're afraid they'll regret if they don't......what about regretting if you do?

 

But then I have to think about my own recent post where I said...

 

'Without migrating I do not think we would have achieved the peace and happiness with life that we now have, I have learnt what matters and I have learnt to have gratitude for what I have'

 

So although our journey to Australia and back wasn't something I would want to go through again, I don't regret it and my life is enriched as a result.

 

I will never do anything again that I'm unsure of because I think 'it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do' (which I quoted a lot when we were moving out!) now I live by 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' but I had to go on the journey to learn that.

 

That is exactly how I feel now. Maybe I'm growing up? :huh:

[3FatCats]

Hello again all.

i thought you might like an update since I started this thread.

We took on board everyone's comments and advice and "drum roll" we've decided to do it!

I know it'll be hard, we'll fight, I'll win but the bottom line for us has always been "if we don't do it and years later regret it..."

Not sure where we're going yet (Perths off the menu now) but wherever we end up, I'm sure it'll be the right choice.

 

As as for the spiders, I've never met a spider who has won a scrap against my wedge shoe

 

I'll be back asking more questions and begging for help I'm sure at some point

but thanks again to everyone Means a lot to us

 

sarah + Wayne xx

 

Good luck! Maintain a happy outlook, enjoy it, don't complain too much if things get tough, and you'll be fine. :cool:

[Marisawright]

We took on board everyone's comments and advice and "drum roll" we've decided to do it!

I know it'll be hard, we'll fight, I'll win but the bottom line for us has always been "if we don't do it and years later regret it..."

 

 

Hello again all.

We took on board everyone's comments and advice and "drum roll" we've decided to do it!

I know it'll be hard, we'll fight, I'll win but the bottom line for us has always been "if we don't do it and years later regret it..."

 

 

My first reaction to this, like Lady Rainicorn, is "it's all very well to say you'll regret it if you don't - but what if you regret it when you do?"

 

Are you truly prepared to spend ALL your savings to embark on this adventure (because you will)? Does your husband understand that he'll be earning about half what he expects?

 

The main thing that worries me is that you have another dream - the cattery. There is another thread on these forums by a couple who also dreamed of living in Cornwall, but decided to go for the "adventure" of Australia instead. When times were tough in Oz, they thought, "there's always Cornwall" and headed back there. Turns out Cornwall didn't live up to the dream either. So now they're out of pocket tens of thousands of dollars in relocation costs and wishing they'd stuck it out in Oz. In hindsight, they feel they should have tried Cornwall first, because that would've been cheaper, then they would've been able to commit to Australia.

 

If you're really excited and want to go for it, I wish you the best of luck. But do, please, do your research on the cost of living, the cost of moving etc, so you go in with your eyes open.

[Huntersmummy]

I know the case of "If it doesn't work..." is going to be a financial nightmare, complete pain and an avenue I want to stay away from BUT...

 

Husband wants to go, husband wants to take the kids, husband thinks we'll survive and have a better life, husband is the adventurer.

Me being 27 am quite an old fart. I like routine, a little job on the side, a holiday once a year kinda thing.

 

I know I'm doing a 360 on what I recently put but more heart to heart convo's and me TRYING to be positive about such a massive upheaval but in honesty, I'm broken. Husband has said he'll resent me if I backed out. (Btw, he's not a bad person, he just wants this soooo bad)

 

I want to give my kids a better life, Im trying to be a good parent. I don't want to take this opportunity away from them because Im settled in my ways.

 

I'm full of doubt. Hopefully things will work out and its not as bad as I think or ppl here have written. Sorry for the winge but today is a down day and constantly fighting with myself to do the right thing even though I risk MY happiness.....as long as my kids and husband are happy. You give that right up when you have kids don't you?

[HappyHeart]

I know the case of "If it doesn't work..." is going to be a financial nightmare, complete pain and an avenue I want to stay away from BUT...

 

Husband wants to go, husband wants to take the kids, husband thinks we'll survive and have a better life, husband is the adventurer.

Me being 27 am quite an old fart. I like routine, a little job on the side, a holiday once a year kinda thing.

 

I know I'm doing a 360 on what I recently put but more heart to heart convo's and me TRYING to be positive about such a massive upheaval but in honesty, I'm broken. Husband has said he'll resent me if I backed out. (Btw, he's not a bad person, he just wants this soooo bad)

 

I want to give my kids a better life, Im trying to be a good parent. I don't want to take this opportunity away from them because Im settled in my ways.

 

I'm full of doubt. Hopefully things will work out and its not as bad as I think or ppl here have written. Sorry for the winge but today is a down day and constantly fighting with myself to do the right thing even though I risk MY happiness.....as long as my kids and husband are happy. You give that right up when you have kids don't you?

 

 

No honey...you don't. Mummy has to be happy too. I'm sorry but despite what i said earlier...hubby will resent you if you back out?? Back out now girl...

[HappyHeart]

You both gotta want it...so badly...or it will not work...one person cannot pressure another to do ANYTHING. A recipe for disaster..theres compromise and then theres compromise...emigrating is hard enough when both are on the same page...if youre on different pages from the outset then...well...I dont see that working tbh...serious chats need to be had. is your happiness and your needs not as important??

[legoman]

I know the case of "If it doesn't work..." is going to be a financial nightmare, complete pain and an avenue I want to stay away from BUT...

 

Husband wants to go, husband wants to take the kids, husband thinks we'll survive and have a better life, husband is the adventurer.

Me being 27 am quite an old fart. I like routine, a little job on the side, a holiday once a year kinda thing.

 

I know I'm doing a 360 on what I recently put but more heart to heart convo's and me TRYING to be positive about such a massive upheaval but in honesty, I'm broken. Husband has said he'll resent me if I backed out. (Btw, he's not a bad person, he just wants this soooo bad)

 

I want to give my kids a better life, Im trying to be a good parent. I don't want to take this opportunity away from them because Im settled in my ways.

 

I'm full of doubt. Hopefully things will work out and its not as bad as I think or ppl here have written. Sorry for the winge but today is a down day and constantly fighting with myself to do the right thing even though I risk MY happiness.....as long as my kids and husband are happy. You give that right up when you have kids don't you?

 

 

 

Trust me when I say its quite normal for us all to worry about the what ifs it goes wrong things, rather than what if I like it scenario. I have had 2 spells in Oz and can say I worried about giving a stable life here in the UK be mortgage free at 50 etc,then enjoyed timebut had to return and I worried about returning. I am due back to Perth for good after selling my house and still worry about all the wrong things that could go wrong when in fact I spent near 3 years there and did well. This time i want no ties to the UK such as property, and family and friends all moved on when I returned so going back feels fine though my youngest son is staying here to join the services. I;m 53 and could fall flat on my face but life is short,and all I can say is if you put 40% effort into something you will get 40% back, so at your young age see it as an adventure, look into all that Australia has and enjoy the ride, grab the positives, it doesnt have to be forever and slotting back into your old life back in the UK is really more easier than we think. You never know..you may love it there, although I do have to say, lovely or not bit naughty saying 'he will resent you if you backout'. embrace it glean all the info you can. I remember playing darts one night everyone there laughing joking etc and I thinking do i want to give all this up?. no-one plays darts anymore and no-one goes out much at all nowadays, but UK never as bad as some make out..

[Huntersmummy]

Thanks everyone.

I don't want to come across all jeremy kyle guest but I feel like my marriage is riding on this. Hence the pressure!

I want to be positive and less old farty but its so damn hard! If kids weren't involved, then no way would I go.

 

Theres positive and negatives on both sides to wanting to leave but right at this very moment, negatives outweigh the positives.

 

Cue another heart to heart...and 3 bottles of wine!

[legoman]

Having a big difference of opinion could cause issues, one wants to definately give it go other doesnt want to go means there is no easy options to either.

 

If you are so dead set against going then really it would be a struggle the closer the day to departing gets let alone arriving. Just my opinion but really it does need to be a decision agreed by both parties. It shouldnt be that your marriage is riding on this at all. not sure on your history but assume you have been to Oz, have you friends family etc?.

not an easy one to sort out and I assume hubby knows or can see how you feel about the matter.

[vickyplum]

I might be missing something here, but why go to Australia if you don't want to / or have no interest in going? Also, moving to another country is by no way a guarantee of a better life for your children. I don't have kids but I'd imagine moving anywhere with children, and not just a partner, would be more difficult.

 

And while you don't need to be a millionaire to have a good life, you need a good income to stay afloat and enjoy simple things that come along - particularly with two little ones who will want to go on trips, need stuff for school etc etc...

 

If your husband is saying "we go or split up" or you feel that your marriage is riding on you agreeing to move, then the problem might be deeper than wanting to live in another country! I wouldn't usually say this but you did post your dilemma for our comment. But I hope you have another chat and get a better understanding of what you are both looking for

[Britpop]

If Mum's not happy, the kids won't be. What makes you think Aus can offer them a better life. Being committed to providing it is the only thing that can regardless of country. What can Hubby do out here he can't do at home for that matter with commitment? Your savings show your making a better future for your kids in terms of being able to provide for them.

Send hubby first and see if he can make the life for you. I think his expectations are wildly unrealistic.

While we're not married and no kids I'm leaving OH here to come home. If he can really make a life here then I'd consider coming back but the 'promise' of Aus I don't see as being an easy reality and I can't give up my already pretty good set up at home to start over for something I don't believe exists right now. He said the same, he'd resent me if I kept him at home so we've tried it but I'd resent him for keeping me here beyond the time we've spent. It goes both ways. You have as much right to your life as he does.

Just let him see how it goes, in the long run it'll be no time at all and if he wants it thT much and is prepared to put in the effort to provide for you all it's just a case of he coming to get everything sorted to make The transition easier? At the very least come for a long holiday. X

[MovingtoTasmania]

@Huntersmummy I am so sorry to read that you feel as if your marriage is riding on this move to Aus when it comes across so obviously that you are in two minds. It's almost as if (and I read between the lines here so may be wrong) that you talk to hubby, he allays your fears, you feel more positive. When the pep talk feel-good factor has worn off, you start to realise that you don't really want to go and so start to feel as if you're being pressured in to it as he does so much.

 

For him to say he would resent you if you don't go, says to me that he's quite selfish. He's clearly only thinking of his own needs here and tbh, I'm not sure how your children will be better off living in a country where you have no support network, you may well have to work to help support the family meaning that they will be in a strange country, with strangers looking after them, you may well get depressed due to feeling pressured about moving and all the pressures that a move like this will naturally put on you and finally, having to start again from scratch almost and rebuild up your finances. Sorry, could you just tell me which bit will be better for your children?

 

I myself swing between "are we mad" to "I can't wait" but my situation is different. Other than my children, grandchildren and siblings in law, I have no other close family near to me and many of my close family are in Australia (although I do have family in the South of England and also dotted around the world). I would never dream of saying to my husband if you don't let us move then I'll resent you and in fact, for the last 10 years, he's been saying "let's go back" and I've been the one putting it off but now I can't due to elderly relatives and wanting to really really spend time with them before anything happens.

 

I think you need to be honest with your husband, not allow him to give you a pep talk to boost you up but actually tell him that you are only going because you are feeling pressured in to it and that you don't want to go. Explain to him how low you feel just thinking about and if he still says that he will resent you for it, then I think you need to take a hard look at each other's expectations of the relationship and what you both want from life. I'm sorry, this may well sound a little harsh but I don't know what else to say.

 

Consider too that if you bring your children to Aus and don't settle, unless your husband agrees, you will not be able to take them back to the UK and may find yourself stuck in Australia for the foreseeable future. Please consider this carefully.

[Gbye grey sky]

Like everyone else here I cannot conceive of emigrating to Australia unless we were both fully onboard with it. From previous postings it also sounds as if either your husband has crazy expectations around his earnings power or else he is bigging it up in order to quash your concerns.

 

It could be that you move there, love it, and never look back but given what you have said about yourself this seems unlikely to me. I really feel for you and agree with some other posters that, at the very least, he should go on ahead and land that dream job that will demonstrate that you will all be at least financially better off.

 

You could easily end up trapped in Oz and unhappy because he won't allow the kids to return. I don't know whether you can draw up a legally binding agreement in advance which will permit you to return to the UK with the children if it is not working out.

[Quoll]

I know the case of "If it doesn't work..." is going to be a financial nightmare, complete pain and an avenue I want to stay away from BUT...

 

Husband wants to go, husband wants to take the kids, husband thinks we'll survive and have a better life, husband is the adventurer.

Me being 27 am quite an old fart. I like routine, a little job on the side, a holiday once a year kinda thing.

 

I know I'm doing a 360 on what I recently put but more heart to heart convo's and me TRYING to be positive about such a massive upheaval but in honesty, I'm broken. Husband has said he'll resent me if I backed out. (Btw, he's not a bad person, he just wants this soooo bad)

 

I want to give my kids a better life, Im trying to be a good parent. I don't want to take this opportunity away from them because Im settled in my ways.

 

I'm full of doubt. Hopefully things will work out and its not as bad as I think or ppl here have written. Sorry for the winge but today is a down day and constantly fighting with myself to do the right thing even though I risk MY happiness.....as long as my kids and husband are happy. You give that right up when you have kids don't you?

 

Don't do it! Not unless you are 110% certain that it's what YOU want. And no, you don't sacrifice your happiness for your husband - as a team you work on some sort of compromise - heck, move to Cornwall or the Highlands of Scotland if you crave adventure! As one who did sacrifice her happiness for a husband I look back with horror at the person it made me (exhausted, 8 stone heavier, quite depressed and really not in a good place to be a parent or grandparent). I went with the least worst option because it was pragmatic to do so (so in your case that would be a better paying job in hand!) and for about 15 yrs that was ok but it wore thin for the last 10 yrs

 

You will not give your kids a better life by moving to isolation from extended family and long time friends on the other side of the world and to a financial situation where you will most likely have to work full time to get by. This is not an opportunity you will be taking away from them - it's just another first world country with nothing inherently magically advantageous.

 

i really do fear for you - "he wants to take the kids, he thinks you will survive, he thinks you will have a 'better life' (what will that 'better life' look like for you?)" what about you? Are you up for selfishness (taking kids away from family and friends), self sufficiency (believe me, there is no support like that from those who love you), isolation (many of us found making real friendships in a foreign country to be far from easy), coping on the smell of an oily rag, forgoing holidays to see your folks, adventure and possible entrapment because even if you don't like it, once you are in Aus the courts will NOT give leave to remove from jurisdiction if you want to leave and your OH doesn't. If you're ok with all that then by all means do it but, whatever you do, don't sell your home, don't chuck in your job (take a career break) and burn as few bridges as possible. Blackmail - emotional or otherwise sucks!

 

This may be something best discussed with a marriage guidance counsellor! Good luck, I don't envy you!

[MovingtoTasmania]

Don't do it! Not unless you are 110% certain that it's what YOU want. And no, you don't sacrifice your happiness for your husband - as a team you work on some sort of compromise - heck, move to Cornwall or the Highlands of Scotland if you crave adventure! As one who did sacrifice her happiness for a husband I look back with horror at the person it made me (exhausted, 8 stone heavier, quite depressed and really not in a good place to be a parent or grandparent). I went with the least worst option because it was pragmatic to do so (so in your case that would be a better paying job in hand!) and for about 15 yrs that was ok but it wore thin for the last 10 yrs

 

You will not give your kids a better life by moving to isolation from extended family and long time friends on the other side of the world and to a financial situation where you will most likely have to work full time to get by. This is not an opportunity you will be taking away from them - it's just another first world country with nothing inherently magically advantageous.

 

i really do fear for you - "he wants to take the kids, he thinks you will survive, he thinks you will have a 'better life' (what will that 'better life' look like for you?)" what about you? Are you up for selfishness (taking kids away from family and friends), self sufficiency (believe me, there is no support like that from those who love you), isolation (many of us found making real friendships in a foreign country to be far from easy), coping on the smell of an oily rag, forgoing holidays to see your folks, adventure and possible entrapment because even if you don't like it, once you are in Aus the courts will NOT give leave to remove from jurisdiction if you want to leave and your OH doesn't. If you're ok with all that then by all means do it but, whatever you do, don't sell your home, don't chuck in your job (take a career break) and burn as few bridges as possible. Blackmail - emotional or otherwise sucks!

 

This may be something best discussed with a marriage guidance counsellor! Good luck, I don't envy you!

 

Sound advice there from Quoll for you.

 

I would ask your husband to be specific and tell you exactly what will be better and how exactly it would be better. If he can't be specific but can only say better for the children, well there you go. How is it better from the children? No family or grandparents nearby? Is that better? To be with strangers for 12 hours a day, five days a week whilst you both work? Is that better? I'm not convinced by any of this and I really hope you don't find yourself in Australia, stuck, because he won't allow you to bring the children back to the UK.

[ekf]

I agree with previous posters, if your husband is convinced it will be 'a better life' then he should go ahead and establish himself and get everything set up for you and the kids to come over. Having recently moved back to Australia (I'm Australian but lived in London for many years), I can only reiterate how tough it has been, my husband still hasn't got stable employment, etc. we have all our family here to support us and it's still been tough. We have discussed what to do in another 6-12 months if he still hasn't got a job and if it is a move to another country then he would go first and get set up rather than us unsettle the kids and haemorrhage all the cash that you go through each time you move. I won't even tell you how much of our savings we have lost since we moved here in September as it's very depressing. I wouldn't move again without having jobs to go to.