toxen Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Hello all. I arrived in Sydney in November 2013 and soon after arriving, felt I had made a catastrophic mistake of emigrating and Australia was not the picture I had imagined. I have struggled adapting to the way of life here, don’t feel like I belong, feel incredibly homesick and miss the things I took for granted in the UK EVEN THE COLD WEATHER. My situation is this, Im a single with a 6 yr old daughter and emigrated hoping for a better quality and affordable of lifestyle and a chance to start life again following a marriage break up. Now I realise that this may not be that easy, I moved to Sydney because this is where the job came up first when I was ready to move (on a 457). I cant warm up to Sydney, I have visited Perth which is where I thought I would settle (as most people seem to talk highly of it), but was so disappointed by it after spending 4 days there driving to different suburbs and trying to get a ‘feel of the place’ and meet people. I am due to visit Melbourne next again to get a feel of if I could settle there. Maybe im not getting something right. Part of me thinks I could find a new start of life if I could just settle, stop regretting my move, meet people I can get along with and have a sense of belonging. My problem is I think I should return to the UK but cannot come up with a reason to tell my family and friends there why I am returning so soon and feel very embarrassed about being a failure to such a catastrophic and expensive degree, confusion it’ll cause my daughter. I think I am willing to give Australia a few more months but over the last 2 weeks, I have found myself looking for reasons that people back home can sympathise with for my reason to return ( I really do not want to be seen as a failure as if I didn’t do my homework enough before emigrating). Ive thought of lying that I’ve been made redundant, I fell ill and couldn’t afford the medical bills……………………………..oh dear. I feel my Australian honey moon feeling ended as soon as I landed…….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Could be that you need more time to adjust. You need to find yourself a comfortable place to live if you haven't already done so. Make a group of friends and make efforts to become integrated. If you think of yourself as an outsider that will obviously not help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I don't see it as a failure at all. You tried something, it wasn't for you, and now you want to try something else - sounds sensible to me! If you really do feel you need an "excuse" could you say you got a job offer too good to turn down in the UK? ETA I MUCH prefer Melbourne to Sydney (don't live in either though!) and Perth doesn't appeal to me at all so perhaps you just haven't found the right city/region for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxboz Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 You have been here such a short time. Things don't slot into place straight away. It is a big adjustment for you. It also takes time to make friends. Maybe it is just the suburb where you are living in Sydney? You seem to be rushing around looking for something else when you haven't really given where you are a chance. It's as if you are looking for this place that will just 'feel right' - you might find it but you might not. I really think you should calm down a bit and give yourself time to adjust. Having said that I am sure if you decide to go back you will not be seen as a failure - just someone who went somewhere and it wasn't right for them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silencio Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Sorry to hear that you fell sick and couldn't afford the medical bills. It's hard on a 457 visa with no access to medicare. Also you mentioned the marriage brake up which in my opinion let you not allow to enjoy your life here. Maybe you haven't enough emotional detachment and coming to Australia was more the try to escape? Try to analyse and give yourself more time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I think you know from the start when things aren't right. With regards to feeling a failure I find that funny, how can you be a failure for chasing your dream and making it happen....off your own back, it wasnt handed to you! I say you've already achieved way more than most of your family and friends back home. When you moved did you say "im moving to Australia FOREVER" if not then you have not failed surely? With regards to what people think of you back in england, surely the only people that matter will understand and not think any less of you. It takes leaving the UK to appreciate it and what you had, it will give you a better outlook if/when you return. We did a list of pluses and negatives and it came down to weather for Aus and Family for UK....and when things are written down in front of you in black and white its easy to see. I know how you feel but good luck in whatever you choose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Is it possible that in going to Australia you were running away from something rather than it being a positive choice. Moving so far away as a lone parent sounds really tough to me and it sounds as though the reality kicked in when you arrived. I suspect that many who know you suspected you were just running away and would be back and the only thing keeping you in Oz is your pride; trying to prove them wrong (your ex perhaps). You have to have a positive reason to emigrate and not just a desire to escape where you were or it won't work. Friendships will come in time but they will not happen if you are unsettled. I would suggest you review rationally the positives in Australia for you; if there are none come home. Lying about the reasons for returning would not be my choice as lies have to be maintained and people who know you well may see through them. If friends and family care they will respect you and your reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I think you possibly have had some unrealistic expectations with "better quality and affordable lifestyle". Sydney does not offer an affordable lifestyle and to be honest even quality is all down to the individual and not something that just happens. I feel if you had come here expecting nothing more than "a change" you might not be as disappointed as you are now. Better lifestyle is usually something only people that have not moved here wax lyrical about. Do you think that you could now adjust your thinking to see this as an adventure and a change? Being realistic may mean less chance of being disillusioned. It is early days for you though, maybe you could set yourself a goal of another three months or six months or whatever you think, so you know you gave it a fair crack. But life is too short to be unhappy, so put a limit on it. You are incredibly brave for giving it a try. You would be braver still for saying it's not for me and I'm going back ... and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 You would be braver still for saying it's not for me and I'm going back Agreed 100% Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 You share what a lot of people feel, the embarrassment of returning early, this is why so many are stuck and unhappy in oz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 You're only on a temporary visa so moving on is going to require you getting another sponsor, will that be possible? I wouldn't give two hoots about what people back home might think - you've tried it and it didn't match the hype, cut your losses and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 You share what a lot of people feel, the embarrassment of returning early, this is why so many are stuck and unhappy in oz again agree 100% Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest66881 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Wherever you lay your hat mate, wherever you lay your hat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toxen Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 Thank you all for your responses. Ive decided to give it a year and decide from there. I know my expectations may have been a little ambitious, I will continue to try and be objective each day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 again agree 100% Especially after a big leaving party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
partychick Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I think everyone feels like that at some point. But 6 months might still be too soon to return if you havent given it time. Its like a new job. You'll always think on the first few days 'oh i cant do this' ( well i have anyway lol) being in a new country is no different. My parents moved there from the uk and my mum hated it and wanted to return. Only they couldnt afford it, so obviously had to stay and adjust. And they did. And 25 years later they are still there and love it and would never move back to the uk. If its the family your missing id suggest making friends and getting involved in something. Ive known of peoplewho have returned to the uk after thinking aus wasnt for them and realised it was a mistake going back and regretted it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Thank you all for your responses. Ive decided to give it a year and decide from there. I know my expectations may have been a little ambitious, I will continue to try and be objective each day. from personal experience once you remove that 'forever' feeling from this move you learn to enjoy it one day at a time as you no longer know how long it is for and in turn the time passes. I was feeling really down after 8 months here and then decided with my wife that we would review at the 1 year mark, and these last 4 months have flown. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 If its the family your missing id suggest making friends I see what you are trying to say here...sort of...but making new friends is no substitute for family. Not being negative its just a fact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beach pig Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 YOU ARE NOT A failure. you tried and under the circumstances you have achieved a lot more than the could of,should of,would of's.And those who knock you back home ask them have you tried it?good on ya girl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 YOU ARE NOT A failure. you tried and under the circumstances you have achieved a lot more than the could of,should of,would of's.And those who knock you back home ask them have you tried it?good on ya girl ^^precisely! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest66881 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Failure is not trying or having a go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toxen Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 This forum is amazing. Thank you all for your encouragement andobjective responses. I feel I am getting the strength to face the next 12 months and have decided to start looking at my migration as a trial/ adventure and will start telling my family and friends so and hopefully it won't feel as embarrassing to return I 12 months if that is what I decide then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
partychick Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Yes i know that but then at least she would have some company and be able to socialise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Personally i'd look at giving it 1 year from when you arrived, not necessarily 1 year from now as that is still a long time frame. Giving it until nov this year is only 5 months..a smaller chunk to deal with. IMO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellybingobingo Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Ya not a faliure at all , and I'm sure your family wouldn't think that , mine carnt wait for me to fail haha they want me back home , very selfish though that . But it I can relate to how your feeling a bit , although feel happier here in a new state , do feel more at home . Are you sure it's not a missing family your feeling , that's the biggy for me . At least you've travelled to another state and willing to try , some would have give up straight away . I'm sticking around because my hubby thinks it will work out fine now . But I can relate to you . You will make the right choice , don't worry . :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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