Josh1 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Hi all, I have read the forum for a while and just wanted to run my situation past you to see what you all think I should do. I moved over a few months ago from Scotland with my Australian girlfriend to Melbourne on a temp residence (309 defacto visa), we both got jobs quickly and are living together in a nice apartment. I generally enjoy living here, it's sunny and the lifestyle is a lot better than home although I'm finding it hard to meet mates. I left a good job at home to come over while telling everyone I was gone for good. In the 3/4 months before I left I got close to my ex girlfriend again. We spent a lot of time together and even since I've come over here we message each other a lot. We both say how we would like to get serious and be together etc. I know if I was at home I would 100% be with her. I know that I don't love my girlfriend, I realised that before we moved over although I had already forked out thousands for the visa plus all the relocation expenses, medicals etc. Now I need to make a decision. Do I stay here unhappy in a sunny place or return home where I would be happy in love but in the gloomy UK weather... Cheers, Josh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I think you should be honest to yourself and to the two women involved tbh. Forget about the visa/lifestyle stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I think you probably should never have moved in the first place. Do the decent thing, tell your current girlfriend you are returning to the UK, the relationship is over and let her have a chance of genuine happiness with someone who loves her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest66881 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Tell the woman you live with what's going on i am sure she will be helping you to leave and make the decision for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docboat Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 This is not a dilemma - it is a moral question. The answer is probably quite simple - stay in Australia and leave both women alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Gloomy weather is much more conducive to cuddles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nic1171 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I may be wrong but I think what you really want to know is can you split from current girlfriend and bring over your Scottish girlfriend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Counting Stars Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I don't think you should be living with someone while talking to an ex about getting back with her. I feel sorry for the girl you are living with. Tell her the truth and let her be happy with someone else. If you really wanted to be with the other girl the "gloomy UK" wouldn't be an issue x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Hi all, I have read the forum for a while and just wanted to run my situation past you to see what you all think I should do. I moved over a few months ago from Scotland with my Australian girlfriend to Melbourne on a temp residence (309 defacto visa), we both got jobs quickly and are living together in a nice apartment. I generally enjoy living here, it's sunny and the lifestyle is a lot better than home although I'm finding it hard to meet mates. I left a good job at home to come over while telling everyone I was gone for good. In the 3/4 months before I left I got close to my ex girlfriend again. We spent a lot of time together and even since I've come over here we message each other a lot. We both say how we would like to get serious and be together etc. I know if I was at home I would 100% be with her. I know that I don't love my girlfriend, I realised that before we moved over although I had already forked out thousands for the visa plus all the relocation expenses, medicals etc. Now I need to make a decision. Do I stay here unhappy in a sunny place or return home where I would be happy in love but in the gloomy UK weather... Cheers, Josh Seriously? Maybe I am just grumpy after a busy day at work, but seriously? So you are putting 'gloomy' weather on a par with playing around with a human being? This is not a dilemma, it is merely self indulgence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louisella Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Weather and home conditions aside, you definitely need to be honest with yourself and your girlfriend about the situation as it's not fair on her. Have you tried taking a break from contact with your ex to figure out whether your current relationship is worth another go? I can't help but wonder but whether your feelings for your ex are compounded by struggling to meet friends, not feeling settled where you are etc. (i.e. are you reverting to back to what you know and feel comfortable with). Is there a danger that you will come back home and realise your views of your ex were rose tinted and the reality is it's not actually what you wanted after all. I think a break for a couple of months (as in a complete break and not leaving the poor Scottish girl hanging on) would help you to see things clearer and make your mind up - if the two of you are meant to be together, a couple of months won't make any difference and at least you'll be sure you're making the right decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 You mean the weather could dictate your life? Bizarre. Go where you find fullness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Hi all, I have read the forum for a while and just wanted to run my situation past you to see what you all think I should do. I moved over a few months ago from Scotland with my Australian girlfriend to Melbourne on a temp residence (309 defacto visa), we both got jobs quickly and are living together in a nice apartment. I generally enjoy living here, it's sunny and the lifestyle is a lot better than home although I'm finding it hard to meet mates. I left a good job at home to come over while telling everyone I was gone for good. In the 3/4 months before I left I got close to my ex girlfriend again. We spent a lot of time together and even since I've come over here we message each other a lot. We both say how we would like to get serious and be together etc. I know if I was at home I would 100% be with her. I know that I don't love my girlfriend, I realised that before we moved over although I had already forked out thousands for the visa plus all the relocation expenses, medicals etc. Now I need to make a decision. Do I stay here unhappy in a sunny place or return home where I would be happy in love but in the gloomy UK weather... Cheers, Josh And yet, despite knowing 100% that you would be with her, she is your ex. Interesting. The reason that the relationship failed is still there, but you can't see it and it will (probably) fail again. I will tell you what I would tell my own son. Stop being so selfish and get a grip. Neither of these ladies deserve someone like you in their lives and they both deserve to find happiness. Break off with both ladies so that you can actually find something that will make you happy, as happiness comes from within, not from the person you are with, the weather or your job. You aren't content with your life so you aren't happy. Perhaps you need to take a break from messaging your ex in the UK and get out there and meet new people, broaden your social horizons and make the most of what you have right now. You say that you knew that you didn't love your girlfriend - why oh why did you move over? Stuff the money, that's not important. Good grief, if you had made wedding arrangements, paid etc, would you go through with it and have a marriage you didn't want because of the money spent? I hope not. Leave now Josh, and find your own happiness, be it in Australia, UK or somewhere else, but please leave the ladies alone for the time being, so that you can think clearly about what you want and more importantly, who you want to be with (if anyone). I don't want to upset you with the plain speaking and I hope that I haven't but if I was your mum, this is what I would say xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nic1171 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Thats the problem though Tas, he can't break free of current girlfriend and stay in Aus as he's on a defacto visa! Def needs to man up though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Thats the problem though Tas, he can't break free of current girlfriend and stay in Aus as he's on a defacto visa! Def needs to man up though There must have been something there for the two of them to have fulfilled the requirements of the defacto visa in the first place. I suspect that this is a case of cold feet and grassisgreeneritis. I do feel sorry for both the ladies involved, being played for fools by him. The ex needs to consider that if he's messaging her whilst with the current one, nothing to stop him doing the same to her if/when they reconcile. The part I don't understand though is this: Defacto visa requires that you live together for a minimum of twelve months. At no point in these twelve months did he ever think that this wasn't right for him? Also, leading up to the living together, what happened there? I'm assuming they didn't meet on Monday and start to live together on Tuesday. There was some build up surely? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T-bone Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Hi all, I have read the forum for a while and just wanted to run my situation past you to see what you all think I should do. I moved over a few months ago from Scotland with my Australian girlfriend to Melbourne on a temp residence (309 defacto visa), we both got jobs quickly and are living together in a nice apartment. I generally enjoy living here, it's sunny and the lifestyle is a lot better than home although I'm finding it hard to meet mates. I left a good job at home to come over while telling everyone I was gone for good. In the 3/4 months before I left I got close to my ex girlfriend again. We spent a lot of time together and even since I've come over here we message each other a lot. We both say how we would like to get serious and be together etc. I know if I was at home I would 100% be with her. I know that I don't love my girlfriend, I realised that before we moved over although I had already forked out thousands for the visa plus all the relocation expenses, medicals etc. Now I need to make a decision. Do I stay here unhappy in a sunny place or return home where I would be happy in love but in the gloomy UK weather... Cheers, Josh The answer is real simple... ...Ask your current girlfriend if it's OK for your old girlfriend to come out and spend some "special" time with the both of you. No brainer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Remember we don't do speculation, so I've deleted a couple of posts, nothing major, no telling you off but just a little reminder :wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Ok I'd like to know this?If the scottish ex is so brill,why did'nt you stay together and save yourself the grief?Or did you go for the aussie for the visa only????I think if I were you,and if possible (financially)I would try and spend some time alone,with no contact with either for a while until you work out what you want.Are you 100% sure the scottish ex won't dump you if and when you get back together?No one can be 100% sure.Good luck with whatever you decide.Do you know 100% that your current gf has NO idea of you messaging your ex?Sooner or later women's intuition will kick in,and it'll end in tears and you'll have some explaining to do.Your ex is an ex for a reason right?Think on a deeper level what ended the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Hi all, I have read the forum for a while and just wanted to run my situation past you to see what you all think I should do. I moved over a few months ago from Scotland with my Australian girlfriend to Melbourne on a temp residence (309 defacto visa), we both got jobs quickly and are living together in a nice apartment. I generally enjoy living here, it's sunny and the lifestyle is a lot better than home although I'm finding it hard to meet mates. I left a good job at home to come over while telling everyone I was gone for good. In the 3/4 months before I left I got close to my ex girlfriend again. We spent a lot of time together and even since I've come over here we message each other a lot. We both say how we would like to get serious and be together etc. I know if I was at home I would 100% be with her. p.s...just noticed you were from scotland, no wonder its nice to see the sun. I know that I don't love my girlfriend, I realised that before we moved over although I had already forked out thousands for the visa plus all the relocation expenses, medicals etc. Now I need to make a decision. Do I stay here unhappy in a sunny place or return home where I would be happy in love but in the gloomy UK weather... Cheers, Josh dont understand as a young bloke you could be unhappy in the uk, remember girlfriends come and go and most probably you will only last the average of about 3 to 6 months, stay in oz if you are happy. p.s just noticed you are from scotland....no wonder you were fed up of the weather. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 the other girl in scotland is probably already eyeing up the talent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M1cha3la Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Have you asked yourself why your ex is your ex? And answered it honestly. Yes some couples do break up and then get back together, but often it is easy to look back on past relationships with rose tinted glasses. If you are struggling to build new friendships ect, then past relationships that are familiar may seem extra appealing to you now. I think you need to forget the country issue and ask yourself which girl you truly want to be with. There must be something there for your current girlfriend though, you moved around the world to be with her? But if you don't love her then you need to be honest and leave, even if that means returning to the "gloomy UK weather". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krystaltips Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Hi all, I have read the forum for a while and just wanted to run my situation past you to see what you all think I should do. I moved over a few months ago from Scotland with my Australian girlfriend to Melbourne on a temp residence (309 defacto visa), we both got jobs quickly and are living together in a nice apartment. I generally enjoy living here, it's sunny and the lifestyle is a lot better than home although I'm finding it hard to meet mates. I left a good job at home to come over while telling everyone I was gone for good. In the 3/4 months before I left I got close to my ex girlfriend again. We spent a lot of time together and even since I've come over here we message each other a lot. We both say how we would like to get serious and be together etc. I know if I was at home I would 100% be with her. I know that I don't love my girlfriend, I realised that before we moved over although I had already forked out thousands for the visa plus all the relocation expenses, medicals etc. Now I need to make a decision. Do I stay here unhappy in a sunny place or return home where I would be happy in love but in the gloomy UK weather... Cheers, Josh My advice in a nutshell?...Grow a pair, do the right thing and think before you jump. This could potentially be one of those life changing moments that you can't ever undo so you need to make the right decision, for the right reason. Either way, you state you don't love your current girlfriend so surely the only options are a) leave & find a way to continue living in Oz and move forward or b) go back to Scotland and pick up where you left off. Each will have consequences (good & bad). Honesty is always the best policy...and that includes for yourself. Good Luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 If the Scottish ex was "the one" you would have stayed together/not left the country with another woman. There is no question you should leave your current partner, you are treating her very badly by having an "emotional affair" with your ex and are not in love so it can't be much fun for you either. Live in the country that offers you the best all-round lifestyle. Weather is just one factor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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