Katie22 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Hi Everyone, Been looking at comments on this forum over past few years but now I've sort of decided to move back to the UK, I thought I'd join your community for chats! Arrived in Oz 12 years ago now, it was mainly my husband's choice to come though now realize his unhappiness at the time wasn't with the country he was living in but with himself so understandably Oz did not end up being the magic answer. Anyhow 12 years later and we are now separated and what with being single and reached the big 50, I'm seriously starting thinking about going back. I've never been happy here and never had the belief that I want to live here forever so feel I need to do this rather than keep wondering "what if" - worse thing in life is regrets. I don't hate Oz, it just annoys me at times! In a way I feel quite proud of myself that I've stuck it out this long and I've tried and tried to regard it as home but no luck so far. So now both my teenage children say they'd like to go back to live, study, work, see Europe etc so we only have one chance at life so might just as well give it a go. We all have Australian citizenship so a return can always happen. Its strange but I was never excited about moving to Oz, in fact I was terrified and really didn't want to board that plane in Heathrow but now I'm experiencing real excitement about moving to England and building a new life. Maybe that might also have something to do with being single again too! Am thinking though I might consider taking my kids over for a holiday before the big plunge so they can both see how they like it as I know they are both deeply influenced by my beliefs. Biggest problem though is their Dad wants to stay in Oz though not sure why as he's constantly moaned about the place since he arrived 12 years ago but to be honest I don't think he'll be happy anywhere unless he changes his attitude. This is a situation I never dreamed of when we arrived as a family with a 3 and 7 year old. I feel "cruel" taking away his children although one will be nearly 20 and the other 18 if we go next year as we're thinking of but they're adults and it's what they want. Life is never simple! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Hi and welcome to the forum. Are you planning on moving back to the same part of the country that you left 12 years ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Hi Katie, It's good to hear you have joined the forum. Regarding moving to the UK, sounds like a big move for someone who perhaps is fairly settled here. If your children's father are here it would be a hard decision to make in separating the family, as being estranged myself can cause a lot of stress. Completely agree a holiday would be good for you give you a taste of being back home. But keep in mind it is just that, a holiday, and its very different to daily life. Good luck with whatever you decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Hi Katie22,and welcome to PIO!Yes I think a holiday before you move back could be a good option,although I have to admit I did'nt take this road myself.I moved back with my kids without a visit and no I did'nt regret it either.My kids were alot younger though than yours,and as yours are adults,maybe a visit first will be a good opportunity for you all to make up your minds.Ive lived in both countries a long time,and tbh,I don't think either are better than the other,just different,and depending on what you want out of life,will determine where you will hopefully be the happiest.I am returning to Oz soon temporarily to help look after my Mum,but as I visit there anyway regularly I am under no delusions!I think also it helps to live somewhere in the UK that really suits you,and hopefully it will be a nice area?I know if I returned to live in Adelaide in a burb I first started married life in,I would be very miserable so to repeat that experience,I know I would be doomed for failure!Best wishes on your plans,! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Hi Katie, It's good to hear you have joined the forum. Regarding moving to the UK, sounds like a big move for someone who perhaps is fairly settled here. If your children's father are here it would be a hard decision to make in separating the family, as being estranged myself can cause a lot of stress. Completely agree a holiday would be good for you give you a taste of being back home. But keep in mind it is just that, a holiday, and its very different to daily life. Good luck with whatever you decide. Don't let your bias and your experiences ,and where you lived in the UK , try to cloud someone elses judgement Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Hi Katie22,and welcome to PIO!Yes I think a holiday before you move back could be a good option,although I have to admit I did'nt take this road myself.I moved back with my kids without a visit and no I did'nt regret it either.My kids were alot younger though than yours,and as yours are adults,maybe a visit first will be a good opportunity for you all to make up your minds.Ive lived in both countries a long time,and tbh,I don't think either are better than the other,just different,and depending on what you want out of life,will determine where you will hopefully be the happiest.I am returning to Oz soon temporarily to help look after my Mum,but as I visit there anyway regularly I am under no delusions!I think also it helps to live somewhere in the UK that really suits you,and hopefully it will be a nice area?I know if I returned to live in Adelaide in a burb I first started married life in,I would be very miserable so to repeat that experience,I know I would be doomed for failure!Best wishes on your plans,! Balanced post as always melza Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Don't let your bias and your experiences ,and where you lived in the UK , try to cloud someone elses judgement Not at all bunbury, I'm just sounding out that the big factor in the decision has to be separation of the children from their father. If the children realise what being on the other side of the world away from their Father would feel like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Not at all bunbury, I'm just sounding out that the big factor in the decision has to be separation of the children from their father. If the children realise what being on the other side of the world away from their Father would feel like. But the 'children' will be adults with dual citizenship, so can come and go as they like. They'll be at an age where most go off for an adventure, so there's not really any risk (except for Katie being on her own if her children decide they'd rather live in Aus which is what many of us face, and what all our parents had to face when we decided to live o/s). Welcome Katie. I hope you'll be very happy back here. Where are you thinking of living? You're right - life is never simple, but it is an adventure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Hi Everyone, Been looking at comments on this forum over past few years but now I've sort of decided to move back to the UK, I thought I'd join your community for chats! Arrived in Oz 12 years ago now, it was mainly my husband's choice to come though now realize his unhappiness at the time wasn't with the country he was living in but with himself so understandably Oz did not end up being the magic answer. Anyhow 12 years later and we are now separated and what with being single and reached the big 50, I'm seriously starting thinking about going back. I've never been happy here and never had the belief that I want to live here forever so feel I need to do this rather than keep wondering "what if" - worse thing in life is regrets. I don't hate Oz, it just annoys me at times! In a way I feel quite proud of myself that I've stuck it out this long and I've tried and tried to regard it as home but no luck so far. So now both my teenage children say they'd like to go back to live, study, work, see Europe etc so we only have one chance at life so might just as well give it a go. We all have Australian citizenship so a return can always happen. Its strange but I was never excited about moving to Oz, in fact I was terrified and really didn't want to board that plane in Heathrow but now I'm experiencing real excitement about moving to England and building a new life. Maybe that might also have something to do with being single again too! Am thinking though I might consider taking my kids over for a holiday before the big plunge so they can both see how they like it as I know they are both deeply influenced by my beliefs. Biggest problem though is their Dad wants to stay in Oz though not sure why as he's constantly moaned about the place since he arrived 12 years ago but to be honest I don't think he'll be happy anywhere unless he changes his attitude. This is a situation I never dreamed of when we arrived as a family with a 3 and 7 year old. I feel "cruel" taking away his children although one will be nearly 20 and the other 18 if we go next year as we're thinking of but they're adults and it's what they want. Life is never simple! Hi Katie, Welcome to PIO. My story is not dissimilar - we moved to Australia 5 years ago with our then 5 year old, the impetus came from my DH. He saw Australia as the answer to everything and despite trying to keep him grounded, challenging his assumptions and putting alternatives on the tables in the end I got caught up in the excitement too. Even when we went on a reccie and knew it wasn't 'all that' the wheels that had been set in motion couldn't be stopped and we were too afraid of the 'what if's' so we took the plunge. I never hated Australia, although I didn't much like our life there that was more to do with stuff that could have happened had we stayed in the UK, after 4 years we looked at our lives and decided the losses had been greater than the gains - luckily we were all agreed so we decided to head home. We've been back 6 months now and loving it In the inevitable soul-searching along the way my DH came to the realisation that the move to Australia had been about trying to get away from things that were actually part of him. It sounds to me like you are doing absolutely the right thing for you, and your children are free to stay in Australia or come with you - their choice and whether their dad likes it or not that's the truth. I am building up acceptance already that somewhere in his late teens/early 20s my son's Australian passport will burn a hole in his pocket and off he'll go! Just a couple of reality checks for you.... Your kids may hate the UK and head back to Australia after 3 months, are you sure then that the UK is where you want to be? Until they have been resident in the UK or at least EU for 3 years then they would be international students and university fees are steep A holiday might help with the first point but holidays don't really give you a feel for living somewhere and I'd save your money unless you could take a 12 month 'working holiday' - we certainly considered that before moving back but decided the likelihood of us wanting to return was very slim. I was actually more nervous moving back - I think because I was so certain moving to Australia was right that I knew I could be equally delusional about moving back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 A holiday in the winter might not be good but a holiday in the summer might also not be a good idea as you will see 2 different countries, last summer was glorious, this winter is very mild but wet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie22 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 Thanks so much for all your comments. Just spent ages writing a reply on my Ipad and it disappeared into cyber space so this reply might thankfully be more concise! Not sure where to go really as have family all over and I have lived in so many different places - London, Canterbury, Salisbury, Northampton, Shrewsbury ......!. We left from Bournemouth but I'm not sure it would be a good idea to go back there as I might be expecting a different place to what it has become. There's no way I could take my daughter away from her Dad until she's reached 18 as he doesn't want to come too but she is desperate to go to uni in the UK to study French. She's also just started Yr 11 at a pretty good senior college after having a achieved a scholarship and is doing well so not sure it would be good to rock that boat. I did talk to her Principal and he said that there are lots of scholarships to attend uni overseas that he reckons she could be successful for so that's a thought. I really don't want to criticize my ex too much as he can't defend himself but he hasn't been much of a support to me and to be honest I've been a single parent for a lot longer than I've been separated. I feel that I've sacrificed a lot over the years so now it's time to do something I want to, if it doesn't work then that is my problem. If I don't go I know for sure that it's not going to stop my kids doing the same as I have always talked to them about travelling and how life changing it can be. This is one of the pitfalls of emigrating that when your kids become adults you really have no idea where they will want to settle. A working holiday, now that sounds interesting. Just going over with the notion that it may only be for a year or two and if I settle then great, if not back to Adelaide I come! Maybe back to Australia, but not to Adelaide I think! It's strange though I have 2 sisters here in Australia and they both emigrated when they were in their 20's. They've both settled down really well and wouldn't dream of returning but I didn't come here till my late 30's and never have settled - I have been told I'm just too English - what does that mean? Both of them, including my brother in the UK say that I should go back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Nothing to add really except good luck whatever you decide. I think a lot depends on where in the UK you live, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I'd check the scholarship advice you've been given. I may well be wrong, but I think most are offered only for post graduate study and those which are for undergrad seem to be means tested. However, it's worth looking at for MFL as they tend not to be oversubscribed courses so there might be some flexibility.... My eldest is doing German, Spanish and either Russian or Japanese in Sept. Had a quick google, but these might be worth a closer look to give you an idea... http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/admissions/ug/feesandfunding/scholarships/internationalundergraduatescholarship/ http://www.scholars4dev.com/5642/scholarships-in-uk-for-international-students/ http://www.educationuk.org/global/articles/scholarships-financial-support/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie22 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 Thanks caramac! I'll investigate those links. The principal seemed pretty convincing but will need to investigate thoroughly. He said there are a lot of scholarships out there especially for humanities subjects which aren't well advertised so will wait and see. Have you returned to UK and if so how long ago? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 We came back four years ago (where has that time gone!!), but may well go back again sometime... Or not... :wink: There are lots of opportunities for us there, so we'll see.. Good luck with your research - I'd be really interested to hear what you find out. Good luck with it all :smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Just don't forget those pesky international student fees for your daughter to go to Uni in the UK - from £9k upwards to £45k per year. This has hit my OH as in the pursuit of happiness he was going to go back to university but would be considered international! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Good luck with the next step in your life adventure! Your kids may love it in UK or they may not! One of mine came, intending to stay forever and returned to Aus in 7 months, the other came for a "gap year" fully intending to return and hasn't bothered and has no intention of ever returning. For you - treat it like an adventure in a new place and give it a go! Have to say the move back has been the best thing I could possibly have done - for me it's been brilliant - so much to do, see, be part of, explore, enjoy! Have fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 You haven't mentioned it but is work for you an issue? May be tricky finding one location that works for all 3 of your needs. Your eldest may be looking for work as presumably will you and the youngest at a University somewhere else. Do you envisage that all of you would be able to actually live together when you arrive or is that not so important? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 You have to do what you feel is best for you, the children may love the UK for a while and then decide to move back to Aus. Its always difficult and I guess the difficulty maybe them studying in the UK whether they will get funding or not if you do not have the funds to pay for them. Lots to consider and really need to find out exactly what the children want to do. Might be better for them to study here and then return with a career. Young ones are always open to moving here and moving there, its the lot of the young, but whether that is what they really want is another question. All I am saying is that do not close the book, be open to re-reading it. Extended open ended holiday is a good move first. Good luck with what you decide and hope that it happens for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie22 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 Certainly the prospect of international university fees is one of the major drawbacks and that might be one of the deciding factors against moving but if she does change her mind and apply for uni in Oz I know it won't be Adelaide and she'll still apply for a year studying overseas in either England or France. But I know my son will definitely go and maybe sometime this year before us. Emotional dilemmas! I'm a nurse so location wouldn't be too much of an issue but I'm lucky enough to have a good contact that could get me a pretty good job over there and obviously that will limit the location. To be honest after being isolated in Adelaide for so many years, England's distances from one location to another is really not an issue! I wouldn't go over there expecting my kids to live with me, in fact I will encourage them not to as I was independent from the age of 17 so if they want to live elsewhere then I'm fine with that. I know in my heart that wherever I end up they will come and visit their old mum! i don't know, sometimes I think I'm living in a dreamworld but what the heck, why can't life still be an adventure in middle age?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Exactly! Good luck with whatever you decide, sounds like the UK could be an excellent adventure for all three of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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