Paul1Perth Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Well our Australian dream is over. Our 16yr old says that she doesn't want to move Australia, she never wanted to move to Australia and she's definitely not moving to Australia. Never mind that there will be no extended family in the U.K. Nothing is going to change her mind. oh well it was nice while it lasted. Good luck everyone hope your Australian dreams come true. You're going to let your 16 year old make decisions for your whole family? Nothing to stop you going if it's really a dream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neilanddeb Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 Hi all sorry I haven't replied to any of your posts, but just recovering from the biggest kick in the teeth ever. My daughter is still insisting that she's not leaving, not even when her grandparents emigrate( July 2014) to be near my sister who lives in Adelaide. We are going ahead with the visa process and hope everything falls into place. I know it will be a miracle but I've heard that they do happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Life would be much easier if we could just convince the Spanish to speak English. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neilanddeb Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 Hi. We've been there and done that. All settled in the south of Spain new build villa, kids in school, lots of friends made we were just grasping the language, good jobs when BANG the recession hit. Spain crumbled over night along with our short lived life style. Came back to the UK and had to start again from scratch. That was six years ago Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Hi all sorry I haven't replied to any of your posts, but just recovering from the biggest kick in the teeth ever. My daughter is still insisting that she's not leaving, not even when her grandparents emigrate( July 2014) to be near my sister who lives in Adelaide. We are going ahead with the visa process and hope everything falls into place. I know it will be a miracle but I've heard that they do happen. I would get visas for everyone and go on holiday to validate, surely she won't turn down a holiday? Maybe don't explain the importance of it.. :wink:. Then I really think you need to postpone the move for two years until she is 18, because to move her at 16 is making her life hard and could be screwing up her education. It also makes her a legal adult and just a little bit more mature by the time you move. At that point maybe she would have gone away to university anyway and you would have to start letting go. I wouldn't find it a miracle if she changes her mind down the line, I have read hundreds of stories of teenagers that didn't want to move, but then changed their mind when it was too late because they didn't get on the parents visa when they could. So you never know, but if she doesn't ever change her mind, don't blame her. It is not a kick in the teeth, she just doesn't want the sane as you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 I migrated with a 10 year old and a 13 year old in 2007. My 13 year old missed the first two weeks of school term and really struggled with the move. I wouldn't have wanted to move with older kids - many people do. Now 7 years on when we head back the eldest will want to stay here due to established friendships, career prospects etc whilst the youngest will come back. He really wants to move back but much as I want to return I wouldn't be coming back now if he wanted to stay. As it is my timing has meant he'll have to have a gap year for uni, but no biggie. Is there absolutely no way she can lodge with someone else whilst completing her education? As others have said you could validate and wait two years which is not much in the scheme of things but makes everything so much easier for all. I'd be coming to a deal where she can stay. Forcing her to move even if you could do would result in misery for all IMHO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaggieMay24 Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Hopefully you can successfully get through the visa approval process and she comes along to at least validate the visa to give her the ability live in Australia even if she isn't keen to do it right away. What are her reservations? If it's social due to friends all being in the UK, that's an easier hurdle than if she's committed to attending a certain university program towards a certain career path which may be jeopardized if she moved to Australia. I'm a firm believer in 'where there's a will, there's a way' for many things. So even if she doesn't want to migrate immediately, hopefully you can find a solution that'll work for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckleface Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 I'm sorry but we would never have let one of our children make life changing decisions for our family. My OH and I always talked to our kids about our moves (and there were many) but as parents we were the ones who made the decisions. Our last move with the kids was to Canberra. Our daughter was around the same age as your daughter and she was vehemently opposed to the move. We were destroying her life etc etc etc. Fast forward a few years and she has since said moving to Canberra was the best thing that ever happened to her and that she plans to stay here even if the rest of us move away. The difference this time is that she is an adult with her own home, income etc and has the experience and maturity to make those decisions for herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Hi all sorry I haven't replied to any of your posts, but just recovering from the biggest kick in the teeth ever. My daughter is still insisting that she's not leaving, not even when her grandparents emigrate( July 2014) to be near my sister who lives in Adelaide. We are going ahead with the visa process and hope everything falls into place. I know it will be a miracle but I've heard that they do happen. Go ahead and get all of you your visas. Including hers. Activate them all with a reccie/holiday. Then you at least have a few years wiggle room to move over and for your daughter to decide if she wants to try or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Just because someone is an adult doesn't mean they know what is best for them either.A 16 year old does actually have rights and may be legally allowed to refuse to go. I think at 16 they still are treated as minors in the eyes of the law, so should stay at home unless there are social issues involved. I can understand they might not want to go initially but may change their mind once they see you making plan especially if you get them involved on where you'll be living etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Hi. We've been there and done that. All settled in the south of Spain new build villa, kids in school, lots of friends made we were just grasping the language, good jobs when BANG the recession hit. Spain crumbled over night along with our short lived life style. Came back to the UK and had to start again from scratch. That was six years ago No guarantees the same couldn't happen in Australia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 It is not beyond the realms of possibility that they would force her to move, and then end up hating the place. It would be ironic if the 16 yo then changed her mind, and was again forced to make the return against her will. I'm sure it must have happened to someone. I'm sorry but we would never have let one of our children make life changing decisions for our family. My OH and I always talked to our kids about our moves (and there were many) but as parents we were the ones who made the decisions. Our last move with the kids was to Canberra. Our daughter was around the same age as your daughter and she was vehemently opposed to the move. We were destroying her life etc etc etc. Fast forward a few years and she has since said moving to Canberra was the best thing that ever happened to her and that she plans to stay here even if the rest of us move away. The difference this time is that she is an adult with her own home, income etc and has the experience and maturity to make those decisions for herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 How long does it take these days? Go ahead and get all of you your visas. Including hers. Activate them all with a reccie/holiday. Then you at least have a few years wiggle room to move over and for your daughter to decide if she wants to try or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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