Chortlepuss Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Good advice here. As someone in Oz trying to move back with a 16 year old, I'd support all those advising to keep her there. Being an overseas student for fees purposes is not just costly, it is unaffordable for most (I earn a decent salary but it's beyond my reach). You could easily end up not qualifying as a domestic student anywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neilanddeb Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 Thanks for everyone's help so far. With my sister already in Adelaide and my mum and dad emigrating to Australia later this year lets hope that the family bond will stay strong. Hope we can come to some agreement soon for all our sakes. If anyone who is already in Australia has teenagers perhaps we can set up some email pals for her so she can speak to people of her own age. Thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Thanks for everyone's help so far. With my sister already in Adelaide and my mum and dad emigrating to Australia later this year lets hope that the family bond will stay strong. Hope we can come to some agreement soon for all our sakes. If anyone who is already in Australia has teenagers perhaps we can set up some email pals for her so she can speak to people of her own age.Thanks again. Well, if you're adamant that she has to go and she is already 16 you've nearly left it too late - she needs to start year 11 this week (literally!) otherwise she will need to mark time for the rest of the year (she would be significantly disadvantaged were she to start year 11 part way through!) then do her year 11/12 course with kids quite a bit younger than she is. This really isn't a good time to move kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Can I ask the OP why you could'nt wait say atleast until your daughter is 18?Why do you have to move now?Cause if you could wait 2 more years,it would help your daughter out alot!As for others saying at 16,its too young to make your own decisions,thats BS imho!I left school at 16 with the sole intention of getting a good job,which I did,and saving all my money to leave home and go off travelling from Oz when I turned 18.Im 52 now so back then it was'nt really the norm for women to do that!My parents were horrified,but hey I survived! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geordielass44 Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 We had a similar dilemma - after validating our permanent residence visa last year my daughter decided Australia isn't for her at the moment. We are staying in the UK so she can complete her A levels and start University this year. The fees in Australia even with PR were too expensive for us and she can access all the loans in the UK. We still have over 3 years before our visa expires and i think we will only leave her when she is totally settled and happy at Uni. I am hoping we can get RRV's for her as she will still be in the UK studying when the PR expires but as she said its her visa and she needs to make the choice. It isn't going to be easy leaving her but on balance - for her - it is the best option. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jaqmaria Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I had the same dilemma . Life always works it way out. Apply for her visa and validate for her with a holiday and then you then have 4 years left for her to make the decision. I applied for my daughter when she was 16 and she was adamant she did not want to go. She agreed to validate though. My son was 21 then and did not want the visa at all . I then resigned that I would not go even after validating as my daughter then had a baby aged 19 ( shock) and my son had twins with his partner at the age of 25. So my dream of emigrating shelved but I accepted Then a year later my daughter At the age of 20 then wanted to go for a better life and my granddaughter. We had 1 year left on our visas. I still had the dilemma of leaving behind my son and my twin granddaughters but made the decision to go with my partner. We have been in perth now just over a year and my daughter is making a good life for herself with her partner and they are expecting a son next week. Long drawn out story but in a nut shell no one knows what is round the corner do not worry too much, just apply and see where it goes .. Nothing is set in stone. I never sold my house, my son lives there whilst they are saving and it helps with my mortgage but gives them a low rent. We house sit here which I had never imagined or even thought about but it works while we save and in between sits we stay with my daughter. We plan now to travel We aim to go back to the UK twice a year for a month to see my son his partner and granddaughters which we have already done once at Xmas. We will work and travel in between until we decide whether to settle here or UK or maybe both . Perth is ok but not utopia... no where is. As I once read "No matter where you go there you are" We are not wealthy but make it all work. A great experience and a roller coaster- go for it but respect your daughters decision. All the best in life to you all . life is game and an adventure:). People put too much emphasis on educational certificates take it from me a later bloomer with a masters... The most interesting and intelligent people I know do not have degrees Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manchester lass Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 we are in the same situation too, he is saying he is staying if he is still with his girlfriend and he will live with his dad (he's 17) :-( we are gonna do the same get him to go over and validate his visa and hopefully he will say he wants to stay (fingers crossed) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I had the same dilemma . Life always works it way out. Apply for her visa and validate for her with a holiday and then you then have 4 years left for her to make the decision. I applied for my daughter when she was 16 and she was adamant she did not want to go. She agreed to validate though. My son was 21 then and did not want the visa at all . I then resigned that I would not go even after validating as my daughter then had a baby aged 19 ( shock) and my son had twins with his partner at the age of 25. So my dream of emigrating shelved but I accepted Then a year later my daughter At the age of 20 then wanted to go for a better life and my granddaughter. We had 1 year left on our visas. I still had the dilemma of leaving behind my son and my twin granddaughters but made the decision to go with my partner. We have been in perth now just over a year and my daughter is making a good life for herself with her partner and they are expecting a son next week. Long drawn out story but in a nut shell no one knows what is round the corner do not worry too much, just apply and see where it goes .. Nothing is set in stone. I never sold my house, my son lives there whilst they are saving and it helps with my mortgage but gives them a low rent. We house sit here which I had never imagined or even thought about but it works while we save and in between sits we stay with my daughter. We plan now to travel We aim to go back to the UK twice a year for a month to see my son his partner and granddaughters which we have already done once at Xmas. We will work and travel in between until we decide whether to settle here or UK or maybe both . Perth is ok but not utopia... no where is. As I once read "No matter where you go there you are" We are not wealthy but make it all work. A great experience and a roller coaster- go for it but respect your daughters decision. All the best in life to you all . life is game and an adventure:). People put too much emphasis on educational certificates take it from me a later bloomer with a masters... The most interesting and intelligent people I know do not have degrees I liked all of that until the last sentence. Education isn't everything, but cutting yourself off from educational options is rarely a great idea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlagrif Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 My nephew was 15 when his family moved to Perth, and he loves it now. And like him and you, I have met other people in same situations where their children/teens didn't want to move and love Oz now. If You and your spouse think Oz is best for your family, then do it. Your teens will cry and say many things to make you not to go, but hey, the worst thing that can happen is that they actually don't like it and decide to come back later on.. Or, they may end up really liking Australia and start a new chapter of their lives here. If you don't try you'll never know bestof luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Mthe worst thing that can happen is that they actually don't like it and decide to come back later on. I'm really not trying to bang on, but with kids of this age, actually the worst thing that can happen is that you muck up their educational choices completely and put them back 5 or so years. Say your 16 yr old is set on a career for which a degree is required - like almost any profession. You go to Australia without really thinking about the consequences, and find once you're over there that even with home Australian fees, you can't afford Uni because you can't get a loan. So you look into going back to the UK and then realise that UK unis see you as foreign and want 20K a year or so - which you also can't afford. So because you didn't think about the consequences, going to Uni and doing a degree is a path that is effectively shut off until such time as your child can get a job/rustle up their own cash to pay their way as a mature student. Not ideal, is it? And with a bit of forethought and planning it can be avoided. Normally I'm a big advocate of "the worst thing that can happen is you don't like it and go back", but with teenagers of this age you have to think a bit more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zk2102 Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 We would have moved sooner if not for the sound advice from members on this forum. We stayed in the UK so that our daughter could study for her A Levels. I'm so glad we have because her A Levels will be recognised by all International Universities. It looks like she will be offered a place at the Uni of Queensland to start in 2015. She's viewing the move as a chance to study in a great Uni and is the envy of all her friends who would love the opportunity to study in a country like Oz. TBH most of her friends will be moving to Uni in different cities in the UK anyway, so it really is the best time IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I echo the fact that you really do need to consider whether now is the right time. In the OP response earlier, there was no acknowledgement as to all the comments from members who have seen this situation happen over an over again. You are moving your 16 year old daughter (or she may feel like you are forcing her) at the most volatile point in her life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigmac Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I've been following this thread with great interest & am finding it so useful hearing the advice of those who have experience of this. We have received an invite for 189 visa & have 2 children age 14 & 12 who are in 3rd & 1st year respectively. We live in Scotland & I believe this equates to year 8 & 10, but please feel free to correct me. What we hope to do is make the move in Summer 2016 or at least after the exam timetable in May/June. This would enable my eldest to finish 5 years of high school & hopefully obtain some qualifications in Scotland, although he is not particularly academic & we're also going through a change in school examinations! My youngest then I believe would repeat several months of year 10 & be able to complete years 11 & 12 in Australia. She is very academic & will go on to university. Luckily for us they currently see moving as a great adventure & I sincerely hope this doesn't change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I'm still waiting to hear from the OP why they can't wait until their daughter is 18?Whats the rush? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I've been following this thread with great interest & am finding it so useful hearing the advice of those who have experience of this. We have received an invite for 189 visa & have 2 children age 14 & 12 who are in 3rd & 1st year respectively. We live in Scotland & I believe this equates to year 8 & 10, but please feel free to correct me. What we hope to do is make the move in Summer 2016 or at least after the exam timetable in May/June. This would enable my eldest to finish 5 years of high school & hopefully obtain some qualifications in Scotland, although he is not particularly academic & we're also going through a change in school examinations! My youngest then I believe would repeat several months of year 10 & be able to complete years 11 & 12 in Australia. She is very academic & will go on to university. Luckily for us they currently see moving as a great adventure & I sincerely hope this doesn't change. All depends on the state you are going to and their birth dates as to the year level but 12 yr olds tend to be yr7 give or take and 14 yr olds yr 9 but, as I said that depends on birthdate and state. Ignore anything you know about education where you are now and just go with the flow of an education system in a foreign country. In all states the school leaving age is now 17 so your eldest would be in a ticklish situation especially as he wouldnt have the equivalent of Yr 12 and that makes him very uncompetitive for further training or even jobs per se. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigmac Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 All depends on the state you are going to and their birth dates as to the year level but 12 yr olds tend to be yr7 give or take and 14 yr olds yr 9 but, as I said that depends on birthdate and state. Ignore anything you know about education where you are now and just go with the flow of an education system in a foreign country. In all states the school leaving age is now 17 so your eldest would be in a ticklish situation especially as he wouldnt have the equivalent of Yr 12 and that makes him very uncompetitive for further training or even jobs per se. Thanks Quoll I didn't realise they had to be 17. That does give us something to think about as he wouldn't be 17 until the November. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neilanddeb Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 Well our Australian dream is over. Our 16yr old says that she doesn't want to move Australia, she never wanted to move to Australia and she's definitely not moving to Australia. Never mind that there will be no extended family in the U.K. Nothing is going to change her mind. oh well it was nice while it lasted. Good luck everyone hope your Australian dreams come true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Well our Australian dream is over. Our 16yr old says that she doesn't want to move Australia, she never wanted to move to Australia and she's definitely not moving to Australia. Never mind that there will be no extended family in the U.K. Nothing is going to change her mind. oh well it was nice while it lasted. Good luck everyone hope your Australian dreams come true. Nothing stopping you going. She has her life to live as do you. Not everyone wants to live in Australia and that's ok! Please don't blame her for your decision, that could lead to a lot of resentment in future! It's quite possible for you to arrange to support her through A levels and you can do your own thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Well our Australian dream is over. Our 16yr old says that she doesn't want to move Australia, she never wanted to move to Australia and she's definitely not moving to Australia. Never mind that there will be no extended family in the U.K. Nothing is going to change her mind. oh well it was nice while it lasted. Good luck everyone hope your Australian dreams come true. My son was the same and then when I was filling in the visa forms, I said to him "last chance, yes or no" and he said "well just apply for me", I said "not if you're not serious, it's too expensive" and he said "well of course I'm coming, there's no available chicken coops in Outer Mongolia just yet". Start the process in terms of filling out the forms etc and see if when she sees that you are serious if she changes her mind. If she doesn't then by the time you get your visa, sell your house and generally sort yourselves out, she is going to be so much older and you can work out an action plan with her, moving forward. As Quoll said don't blame her as she has to live her life for her just as you have to live yours for you. Never think that she's held you back, you are holding yourselves back by not wanting to leave her. What would you have done if she had come to Aus and after two years said that she was returning to the UK? Would you follow her back? You need to consider all these points, your dreams might not be hers and vice versa. One day she will go her own way and you have to be happy with what you have at that time x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 ^As above. Or you could go later. The process takes quite a while, after all, and even after you have your visa you have a year to validate and 5 years to move......in that period your daughter becomes an adult She might change her mind, but even if she doesn't, well.....she'll be an adult, she can make her own mind up. Doesn't stop you going ahead with your life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 16 year olds are fickle creatures. She may well change her mind in the next couple of years so don't change your long term plans to suit her unless there's no alternative. I completely agree with others on here saying that it's a bad age to move, but if you can hold off for a couple of years there's no reason why you can't make the move then if you want to, with or without her. We came back from Sydney when ours were 15, 13 and 11 because our older two were so unhappy and their education was suffering. Rightly or wrongly we decided that their future depended on them getting the best from their schooling, so put our wishes on the back burner until they're old enough to make their own decisions. It has been the right decision for them and they're all doing well. We may well return to Aus in a couple of years and two of them want to come with us, but we'll probably be leaving the eldest in the UK at least temporarily. I couldn't have done that when she was 16, but she's nearly 20 now and has her own life to live. We're lucky in that we're Aus citizens, so can come and go, but would you be able to look at it again in a couple of years when she's through her education and mature enough to make a more informed decision? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Seems maybe the OP wasnt that keen to move if they have fallen at the first hurdle. Probably for the best, rather than spending all that money and the upheaval of moving just to end up back in the UK, cos it got a bit tough once here. As someone who was in the same situation with a 16 year old, who def did not want to come (see past posts re sulking and door slamming) I think there has been some great advice given. I do agree that it is the hardest time for a child to move, if not because of education then because of all the great friends and social life that he/she will be leaving, which if anything like our case, was far more important to them than what mum and dad wanted. We give ours a choice, she could stay behind with family or come with us try it for a year to see how she feels. She is still with us and mainly happy but if she decides to go back at least its as a much stronger person with a few more life skills under her belt. I still don't understand why not just all validate the visa and take it from there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiooooona Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Would you really leave her behind and go to Australia? For us the move was to be together as a family and even without our cat we don't feel complete. Why don't you come out on a holiday? Take a look at the lifestyle, maybe have a tour of a school? I moved when I was 14 and didn't want to come but never said anything and was miserable for the first few years but now I just love Australia. How long do you see your self living in Australia for? If it's long term- understand that her entire life would be abandoned for a country that she would technically only have to spend 2 years in until she's old enough to go back- and that's what I would do if I was her- I was saving my money for a plane ticket home for the first year. You can only show her the good Australia has to offer- qualifications, jobs for teenagers are easy enough to get if you hand out enough resumes. I didn't like australia until about our 3rd year, by which time if it doesn't grow on her she will have left. Her friends would have moved on and she would be considered an international uni student in the UK- possibly limiting course choices. Have you started the visa application yet? It takes a while and then there's the packing, getting flights and temporary accommodation, getting settled and starting school- the hardest part is saying goodbye. It will be a hard slog if she really doesn't want to go. I'm sorry this post seems so negative but you really won't be able to change her mind in an instant, if she doesn't want to go I doubt you'd ever leave her behind so explain why you want to make the move, she will make new friends but ultimately if she doesn't want to go she wont stay long. I would say though that 16 is totally the wrong age to move! Half way through GCSE's if I remember? If you were in Victoria though she'd be the right age to start VCE and would get world wide qualifications at the end of 2 years, but what would she do about the UK qualifications she already has if school isn't the right thing for her and decided to move back without a high school certificate and only a hand full of GCSE's? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I moved countries at 15 to the third country and it is hard, however I turned out ok I think. Made me independent and not reliant on others which was a good thing. Of course we do not think so, also made me not get married until I was 27 which at the time was old to get married but in hindsight the best age. Made me enjoy my young life. As long as people are open to new friends they are found. My mum on the other hand is the original whining pom and still at 94 would return in a heart beat but she would not like it she forgets you see, we all forget why we left in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I'm still waiting to hear from the OP why they can't wait until their daughter is 18?Whats the rush? Probably want to be out here as quick as they can before something else crops up and another reason comes along for them not to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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