Cold Feet / Second thoughts

[stockburn]

Hi Everyone,

 

I have posted a couple of times, as I have my visa and all intention is to head to Melbourne end of January, flight is booked, shipping arranged..

 

But as my title suggests I have been having some serious cold feet and a knot in my stomach for months now, I expected to be nervous, goes with the territory but not this bad.

 

Bit of back story, I headed over to Sydney back in 2009 for around 9/10 months living with mates in the hope to get the 457 visa but it never panned out my mother came out of remission which was the final straw so I can back home, since then I applied and got a full visa, but life has changed in the last 7/8 months in that I have met a girl after being single for a looooooooooong time, typical!

 

She was under no illusions as I was honest but again, that gut feeling is now telling me it is more, but I am worried both if I stay changing my plans could be huge strain on a pretty new relationship and if I go I could throw something great down the drain.

 

 

Best mate has also moved back from working overseas which in turn has meant my social life has improved.

 

I still know the reasons I was going in the first place, better quality of life, money, the adventure but just feel totally confused! :arghh:

 

Sorry for the brain dump but just wanted to see if anyone has experienced something similar, has any great advice that could solve all my problems in one go!

 

Cheers

Dave

[Rupert]

Personally, I think putting a relationship before a move to Australia is quite a rational thing to do. People before places. But it is hard to comment here as you don't say much about the relationship: what does she think of you going, what do you plan to do as a couple (end it or try to keep going until...?).

 

Your reasons for moving, "better quality of life and money" are a touch flimsy too as neither are a given, so definitely it is worth thinking more about what you are giving up IMHO.

[Jacaranda]

Yes!Live in the present time!:cute:You really can't predict whats going to happen in the future so.....as simple as this sounds,stop worrying about it because you know what?You could worry till the cows come home,it won't change anything,it'll just make you ill.Ok is there any possibility your new gf could join you temporarily on a WHV?Or other?(Sorry I'm not "up"on the visa front!You could.....postpone your plans I guess for a while,change your flight to a later date ect and see how you go,but.....that might just be prolonging the agony!

So can you pinpoint whats actually worrying you the most?Is it getting a job?Somewhere to live?Being "alone"?The thing is hon you're not going to get an answer until you actually do "something"?You could tell your gf you're going ok?Stay for a few months,keep in contact ect,and just see how you feel then and how things pan out for you?The worse thing though hon is not doing anything,it will actually drive you slowly crazy!:wacko:Good luck and follow that gut feeling!

[Petals]

You have lived here before so I guess you know what its like. Its really where you want to live, how long you have been in the relationship, if the relationship is strong then it should be able to handle most situations. If the relationship cannot handle it then maybe the relationship was not what you thought. As has been said you do not say much about the relationship.

[blobby1000]

I have heard of long distance relationships petals, but I don't think any new relationship could handle 10,000 miles!!

 

i was planning to go travelling in 2005. I met a girl, totally changed all my plans almost instantly, We are now married, with two Kids and two dogs. We moved to Australia together as a family in 2010 and did loads of travelling in the two years we were there.

 

unless you are 44 years old, Australia will always be available, your girl won't be if you leave!

[Rupert]

Ten years ago just after I met my now OH, he went to Australia on a WHV. Returned after four weeks (and I persuaded him to stay on at least another two to see the Great Barrier Reef), because of me. Now married, we have lived in three countries together and next year we will get citizenship after I got the PR visa for both of us. He never regrets putting relationship before travel. Well not AFAIK.

[Guest51810]

I think it depends on the relationship but if you think she's great then I would stay

[JMG79]

It’s Better to try something new, and regret it,

 

Than to regret not trying it at all,

 

If that makes sense,

[Rupert]

It’s Better to try something new, and regret it,

 

Than to regret not trying it at all,

 

If that makes sense,

 

Sounds like a tired old cliche that doesn't make any sense.

[starlight7]

No - I wouldn't come. Stay put. Rethink in 12 months time!

[Paul1Perth]

Your in a tough situation Dave, feel for you mate. Only you can make the call though but if you have the visa and the relationship is going somewhere it's a possibility that the other half would enjoy at least a holiday out here and see how it is out here. If it doesn't work out for you, you can always go back.

[Guest]

I have heard of long distance relationships petals, but I don't think any new relationship could handle 10,000 miles!!

 

I don't know. Some people can cope with it. Hubby and I managed it when we first met and did about 2 years long distance. Wasn't always easy but we are proof it can be done. We've been together 10 years all up now and still going strong

[Guest]

Have you validated your visa? If not consider at least validating it and giving yourself an option for Aus in the coming few years. And then see how things go with your girlfriend back in the UK, perhaps things will get serious and she'll end up heading to Aus with you. Or you'll stay in the UK with her. Or Aus on your own. Or something else completely.

[Quoll]

You can't cuddle a country and if this is the person you want to grow old with then don't screw it up! That said, keep all your options open - validating your visa is a good first step.

 

I'm another that shows long distance relationships can stand the test of time - for us it was 3 years on opposite sides of the world with less than 6 weeks in each other's company the whole time, in the days of £1/min phone calls and aerogrammes. We just racked up 40 yrs of marriage earlier this year so it can be done if it's meant to be. So if you have the relationship that's meant to be and you have to be away for a while then it's possible but I suspect we are the exception rather than the rule.

 

Australia is just another first world country, nothing magical and not worth sacrificing a good relationship for IMHO

[Toussaint]

It’s Better to try something new, and regret it,

 

Than to regret not trying it at all,

 

If that makes sense,

I was thinking along those lines when I made the move, but six years on, based on how adversely it has affected my family I bitterly regret it, but it's not that simple to get the genie back in the bottle. Working on it. So unfortunately it has to be filed under vacuous cliche.

[Guest]

Everyone has focused on the relationship but it sounds like there is more to it than that. It sounds like you applied for a visa when maybe life was a bit boring in the UK and having probably had a good time with mates in Australia before thought you'd give it a go again - you probably didn't give it too much thought and you didn't need to - young (ish?) single and up for an adventure so why not?

 

As Rupert said your reasons for going are pretty flimsy - which is perfectly fine if you're not giving much up to go. It seems though that between applying and now life in the UK has looked up so now you need to have good reasons to go and you don't really seem to have any.

 

As others have said do validate your visa - who knows you and your partner (or even a future partner if this one doesn't pan out!) may head off on an adventure to Aus together

[garyupnorth]

You can't cuddle a country and if this is the person you want to grow old with then don't screw it up! That said, keep all your options open - validating your visa is a good first step.

 

I'm another that shows long distance relationships can stand the test of time - for us it was 3 years on opposite sides of the world with less than 6 weeks in each other's company the whole time, in the days of £1/min phone calls and aerogrammes. We just racked up 40 yrs of marriage earlier this year so it can be done if it's meant to be. So if you have the relationship that's meant to be and you have to be away for a while then it's possible but I suspect we are the exception rather than the rule.

 

Australia is just another first world country, nothing magical and not worth sacrificing a good relationship for IMHO

 

Too true. Family, friends and relationships come first, Oz is a lovely place to visit bring your partner on a holiday.

[Melbkitty]

I almost stayed in the UK for a guy I'd been seeing for 6/7 months - I'd made my Aus plans just before we met. I'm pleased I didn't as he turned out to be a complete wally and I love my life in Australia. However if he'd 'been my future' it would have been a much harder decision! I was single for a long time over here and I'll tell you what it's really hard to meet a great partner the older you get, if you've got a good 'un hang onto them

[JMG79]

Sounds like a tired old cliche that doesn't make any sense.

 

Might be old but certainly not tired, as it is still relevant today!

[JMG79]

I was thinking along those lines when I made the move, but six years on, based on how adversely it has affected my family I bitterly regret it, but it's not that simple to get the genie back in the bottle. Working on it. So unfortunately it has to be filed under vacuous cliche.

 

Yeh, but at least you did it!

[JMG79]

Dave,

 

You have got alot of sound advice of people, I met my wife 10 yeas ago and we were on and of, and apart for about 3 years, it has taken me 7 years to persuade her to try and give Oz ago, well she actualy sugested it after me not saying a thing about it for a coule of years, it may be a better life it may not, who knows. As a couple of the other posts say there is no reason you can't give both a go, go there activate your visa (depending on what type of visa you have got) come back see how the relationship pans out, she may change her mind or you may change yours who knows???

[SteveandKirsty]

It sounds like that you have compelling reasons to stay, for now. Perhaps you ought to use your flight to validate your visa and the trip as a recce to make sure it is really what you want to do and where you want to be. 2009/10 is now quite a while ago in many respects, and things change constantly. Maybe take your girlfriend along (if this is possible at this late stage?) and see what she thinks.

 

Then reassess your thoughts and think about going in 2015 or beyond. But do bear in mind that you have been granted a visa that someone else would have dearly loved to have had in all probability.

[Guest falcon1959]

I think we all get cold feet the nearer it comes to departure time, and Christmas is a time for family, so it is probably not the best time to make a final decision. If I was you I would wait until the Christmas festivities are over, and decide then. How does your new girlfriend feel about joining you in oz once you have settled there? Even if she just came out for a month or two to see if she likes it. As for your best friend returning and your social life getting better, who knows if he or she plans to take off again. Just ask yourself one question honestly "in 2-5 years time, if you decide not to go to oz, do you think you will regret not doing it?" If the answer is yes to that question, I think you know what you need to do.

[stockburn]

Thanks everyone for the advice, given me plenty to think about...

 

Either way I have a big decision to make, just typical this didnt happen 8 months ago!

[stockburn]

Oh and the visa is already validated I have been back a couple of times since 2009, both Sydney and Melbourne.. Visa is valid until 2017 so I do have some options I could delay my plans for another year and see if it works out, just doing it so close to the date will affect work, and money but lot more important things than money...

 

Thanks again for everyone’s comments!