Kerry Pollard Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Hi, I have a huge problem, that's why i haven't put it on the normal MBTTUK forum, my OH is a member, can anyone give me any advice on- As most of u know from my previous posts, I don't like being here and I want to return to the UK, my OH said I could go back in July with our son and he would return in September but he has now said I have to stay the 2 yrs as he wants PR and I can go back but I can't take our son with me, he has basically lied, filling me with false hope, is their anyway I can return home with our son without his permission without getting arrested for kidnapping, i am devastated, I can't believe he would want me to stay here being miserable and unhappy. I would go home tomoz but I can't leave my baby:( x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 As I understand it Kerry, the answer is 'no,' as you do need his consent to leave Australia with your child. Of course, you could use deception and basically do a runner and hope that he doesn't realise in time, but you have to ask yourself what the implications of this might be both legally and for your relationship with him. He can prevent your child leaving Australia by having their name added to the Airport Watchlist which triggers an alert when attempt to board your flight. Have you thought about mediation on this issue?. Relationships Australia and other family mediation centres tackle these issues all the time. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsmb Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I had a friend with 2 children born here in Oz -she took off with them home to Scotland without telling her hubby -they were seperated Got on flight etc ok but was pulled at Heathrow and interviewed for several hours as her kids had one way tickets to the UK on Australian passports They were allowed to continue thier journet and did get UK passports but it took her some time to get things sorted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sapphire Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 As British Citizens , on a British passport theres not going to be any problems at Heathrow, you will just go straight through. I just cant beleive sometimes how brainwashed people can become here, and how it wrecks families.I have just about managed to hold onto my marraige, because of the stress and problems this place has caused us.We have had more arguments in the 5 years we have been here, than in the whole 14 years we have been together.Luckily theres no kids involved. I find it hard to beleive that anyone can put "living the dream", ahead of thier family, and thier relationship. Its beyond me, it really is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Just go with your child and sod him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conniebygaslight Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 As British Citizens , on a British passport theres not going to be any problems at Heathrow, you will just go straight through.I just cant beleive sometimes how brainwashed people can become here, and how it wrecks families.I have just about managed to hold onto my marraige, because of the stress and problems this place has caused us.We have had more arguments in the 5 years we have been here, than in the whole 14 years we have been together.Luckily theres no kids involved. I find it hard to beleive that anyone can put "living the dream", ahead of thier family, and thier relationship. Its beyond me, it really is. I may be wrong but I'm pretty sure he can stop her taking the child, regardless of the little one having a UK passport..... I agree Saphire, people become so shortsighted don't they.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sapphire Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 I may be wrong but I'm pretty sure he can stop her taking the child, regardless of the little one having a UK passport..... I agree Saphire, people become so shortsighted don't they.. Hi Connie I only know about the Heathrow end,,,,yeah Im not too sure at the Aussie end, if he can stop her or not. They will walk straight through at Heathrow,,its getting out of Aus that she needs to find out where she stands. I dont envy anyone in this situation, I really feel for Kerry x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKW Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 I have no advice but just wanted to add my support. I am so sorry that you are having to got through this. I think there was a sticky post somewhere about a woman who took her kids back to the UK. Will see if I can find it for you. Thinking of you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKW Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Found the sticky post: http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/feedback-announcements/47091-children-what-happens-if-you-your-partner-decide-go-home.html Hope it helps. Always here if you need an ear x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Has he got parents/brothers who would give him the proverbial clip around the ear and tell him to stop being a prat? Failing that, would your mum/dad/big brother get on a plane and come and sort him out for you? I'd still be inclined to check out whether the fact you are on a temporary visa gives you any wriggle room for getting out of the "ordinarily resident" clause - you haven't been here a year IIRC and do you still have your UK home? I know it's clutching at straws but you may have to get a real Rottweiler of a lawyer if he really digs his heels in. I am guessing that some of this may be bravado and emotional blackmail - he's not going to cope with being a single dad - so for you to go out and start getting support from RA, Women's Legal services, Centrelink social workers (not the counter chicks but you can make an appointment to see the SW) might give him a bit of a shock, he expects you to roll over and play nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
landv Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 OMG, Kerry I'm so sorry to hear this, I can't really offer any advice other than what has been said before, and just want to say that please stay strong, stand your ground and seek legal advice. :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Umm I wonder, could you say to him that you will stick it out the 2 years as long as he signs a stat dec saying you can take your child home if you aren't happy here. I know it's sneaky but wondered if its worth a try. I think the main thing for you is trying to get out of there and on a flight. Unless he is loaded its going to cost him a fortune getting you back, just drain the account before you go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerry Pollard Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Thank you all for your help but I think my OH has seen the light as when he came home last night he said he wouldn't stop me taking Charlie and he was so worried that I would be gone when he got home, he's realised finally I can't stay here but he wants to give it longer himself as his career is going really well here and he said he needs to feel he's give it his all. So we're going to treat this as him working away and hopefully he'll come home soon. He said he doesn't want to break the family up over this. I know I'll be leaving him here and it will be hard being away from him but this is something I need to do. So I'm going home when the mother in law goes back at the beginning of April. Thank you for your advice, I'm so glad it didn't get to the stage of legal advice or me just leaving. I don't want this to destroy my marriage. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sapphire Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Great news Kerry, soon be time to escape:) Australias specialist subject is destroying marraiges,,,lol, so glad you 2 have got things sorted . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Great news, I understand how he feels and believe me, after you have left and he has worked here for a while he will have a good look at his priorities, he doesnt sound like a bad guy, you never know, him here in oz you in uk it may even be that you want to return here, its not unheard of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawny Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Thats Great news Kerry. So pleased you as a couple have been able to sort things out x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerry Pollard Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 Great news, I understand how he feels and believe me, after you have left and he has worked here for a whilehe will have a good look at his priorities, he doesnt sound like a bad guy, you never know, him here in oz you in uk it may even be that you want to return here, its not unheard of. He's not a bad guy and I know he'll come back when he's ready, hopefully sooner rather than later. I know some people come back, I'll only come back for a holiday to see my OH, never to live. I've been to the dark side and never want to go back their again. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janey7 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 What are the chances of being forced back here if you go home for a holiday with your kids with the dad approval and decide to stay there? If he has given permission for the holiday it's not really abduction then is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sapphire Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 What are the chances of being forced back here if you go home for a holiday with your kids with the dad approval and decide to stay there? If he has given permission for the holiday it's not really abduction then is it? Thats my logic, but Im not 100% sure on the law on this. I have heard differing stories . At the end of the day, if parents and children are British Citizens, then,surely Aus would have no juristicton. However If either of the parents involved are Australian Citizens or the children were born here,then it might be a whole different story? It would be a very long,complicated ,expensive process for the Father to try to get the children back to Australia, if all parties involved are British Citizens, and if they are with thier Mother in the UK,it is highly unlikely a court would order them to be returned to Australia. I would advise anyone in this situation to email The Legal Aid Centre/Citizens advice back in the UK , and try and get some advice. I havent found anyone in Aus, who is willing to give decent free advice, but someone esle may know of somewhere that will be helpful. I have emailed Legal Aid , from here before and they are really helpful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerry Pollard Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 It must be so hard for families that actually spilt up while here and one of them wants to go home and the other wants to stay and then if like me u have children, I do think people should come prepared, I know it's not a nice thing to think about but nobody knows what their going to feel till they get here and it's not fair on the children. I just don't know if say a document stating if one of the adults wanted to go home who would the children stay with? I'm not sure if it would be taken In to account if it had to go to court, these are the things your not told about when moving here, you would have thought something this delicate would be on the immi website. I'm just so glad it's worked out for me, I know it's not a great situation for me to go back and the hubby stay here but it's something we have to do and hopefully he'll be home before I know it. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janey7 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 The plan was to leave and return home after 5yrs, I made it very clear I did not want our children raised here indefinitely. Now 5yrs are up and he won't leave. I have spent said time at home raising my kids and supporting my partner in his career. If a court case ensues which it most definitely likely he can fund the best of lawyers quite easily, whereas I who have put my career on hold for the family will not. It all smacks of being very unfair and I do not like the feeling of being trapped here for 14yrs until my youngest turns 18. Had I known this before I left home I would not have come, it's just not worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thistle13 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 Really feel for your situation. I guess taking a runner with your son, means you will be going the full hog and divorcing, custody etc. So if thats the path you want, then do whats best and happiest for you and your son. Maybe it will open hubbys eyes. However, be very careful about telling him anything that could give him a clue eg, threatening to take your son and leave etc. Its amazing how devious people can be when we think we know them, turns out we dont and if he's not willing to let you go knowing how miserable you are, sounds like he might just be one of those. Make your decision, investigate your options and make your plans.....all very very quietly, pretending that you are gonna give it one more try - its called a false sense of security (for him). Oh and siphon a wee bit of $$$$ in a makeup bag in an old handbag. Have I done this all before? yep, not the country fleeing plan, but the leaving hubby plan knowing it wouldnt be pretty. My very best of wishes to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I wonder if you called their bluff in circumstances like this if it would actually work. Ie say fine ill leave the children with you and go back alone, I can't see them liking that, how can they keep these great jobs and manage childcare. Kerry, try and get it in writing somewhere, even if its on an email between you both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerry Pollard Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 Thank you. we sorted it out, me and my son are going back on the 5th April and the hubby is staying till at least September then he's deciding what he wants to do, I think the fact I told him our marriage was over and that I have to stay cause I wouldn't be leaving Charlie, made him realise that I can't stay any longer, he said he would have never stopped me going home he was just angry, as I wasn't keeping to our 2 yr deal but he understands now. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Thank you. we sorted it out, me and my son are going back on the 5th April and the hubby is staying till at least September then he's deciding what he wants to do, I think the fact I told him our marriage was over and that I have to stay cause I wouldn't be leaving Charlie, made him realise that I can't stay any longer, he said he would have never stopped me going home he was just angry, as I wasn't keeping to our 2 yr deal but he understands now. Xx Hope all stays calm til April, I reckon he will stay for a while then head back too, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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