Aspergers Syndrome

[nigelweepers]

Hi

I have just come to the conclusion that I have Aspergers Syndrome.

It has been suggested that my son has it so I researched it and suddenly, like a light bulb, everything in my life became clear.

I am 42, I have been employed 99% of my working life, and am planning to migrate to Oz on the back of my wife's application.

I have not been to the doctors to have this formally diagnosed yet, however I am tempted as it would ease current pressures.

If I am formally diagnosed, will it have an effect on the visa application?

Please help.

[Guest Bazinga]

Why do you feel you need an official diagnosis? As a 42 yr old who is functioning fairly well in life there wouldnt be any extra support or money coming your way. it is not something you treat with drugs. Find support groups when you arrive but no, don't mention it on your visa app.

[Rupert]

Hi

I have just come to the conclusion that I have Aspergers Syndrome.

It has been suggested that my son has it so I researched it and suddenly, like a light bulb, everything in my life became clear.

I am 42, I have been employed 99% of my working life, and am planning to migrate to Oz on the back of my wife's application.

I have not been to the doctors to have this formally diagnosed yet, however I am tempted as it would ease current pressures.

If I am formally diagnosed, will it have an effect on the visa application?

Please help.

 

Like previous poster said, I don't understand why you are looking to label yourself if you are perfectly functioning and don't need any help?

 

I would be more pre-occupied with wondering whether your son's diagnosed condition willimpact your chances of getting a visa and more importantly, will he get the help he needs when he arrives in Australia. Many people have commented that it is difficult to get extra assistance for conditions such as this and even autism.

[Johndoe]

Be careful. When my son was dx'd ASD I had an awful 3 yrs nearly disppearing up my own @rse wondering why he was as he was, and whether the genetic influence of self was to blame. He was going through a very hard time then, and I was holding myself responsible. Having been raised in care, all the things that I wanted for him, that I hadn't have, now seemed unattainable. I wondered if my abuse was down to my behaviours when I was younger, a time when autism wasn't fully understood and my head just became a constant whirlpool of thoughts as to why I had suffered, and he was now suffering. I even had appointments with Tony Attwood, one of the world's leading specialists in ASD but had the breakdown before obtaining a dx. Recovering from that breakdown, I realised that my quest for a dx was the major cause of it, and did it really matter whether I was, or was not, on the spectrum? I am who I am and sticking a label on me wouldn't alter that, and to be honest, was I only searcing for a label to excuse my bad behavious, anger, and lack of understanding of neurotypical behaviour?

 

A few para's excerpts from a draft of my autobigraphy which may explain how a search for a dx affected me:

 

I had begun to research Jake’s behaviours on the Internet and via the library, and became convinced that he was on the Autistic Spectrum. This was confirmed when he was officially diagnosed in May 2000. Bridget and I had been expecting this, and our opinion was that this changed nothing, he was still the same old darling Jake that he had always been. What did get to me though, was that I felt Jake was being deprived of “peace” just as I had been. Everything that I had missed, and that I wanted for him, I thought he would now be deprived of.

I was becoming more and more introverted at home, although I still appeared to others to be a happy go-lucky person. (Not waving but drowning, as someone once wrote of me) I have always coped via my humour and am known as “being good for a laugh” This hid my constant distress at not knowing where I did fit in the world of “neurotypicall” people. I began to wonder, as I learnt more about Autism and the proven genetic link, whether my problems really did stem from abuse or if it was feasible that I too was on the Autistic Spectrum.

 

I "dropped everything" in my quest to find out "who and why I am".......................I became totally obsessed with obtaining a dx, partially to give me a label that identified, and brought me closer to my son, and partially (I guess) to excuse my anti-social and sometimes narcissistic behaviours .................eventually, I had a total breakdown and am now medicated for life.

3 yrs later after many problems caused by becoming fixated with a dx:

 

Whether my problems are psychological or neurological is not as important to me now, as it was becoming. I would love to know, of course, but it is not now enveloping me as it was. I am learning to accept that this is the way I am and not focus so much on why I am like I am. I am developing strategies to avoid confrontation although I still cannot yet, let go of the anger. I am learning to try to stop the past influencing the present and future in a negative way.

 

I do still wonder whether my behaviours as a child may have caused the abuse and not vice versa. Behaviours that may have been autistic and not understood, but this is not a thing that will help me with my pain so I suppose it is a negative thought, I don’t know? The reasons are irrelevant now. The fact that I still feel pain after all these years has more relevance and I must find a way to deal with the pain as opposed to wasting so much time examining who, and why I am."

 

As others have said, you have nothing to gain via a dx and everything to lose. You are who you are and you must ask yourself if the "why' is really important to you. If it is, then you must be prepared for the likelihood of negative consequences arisng from your quest for a dx as well as the positive consequences.

[Guest Bazinga]

Concentrate on your child. Not you. Sorry to be blunt but you are an adult and more or less ok. Your child will need all the support and help you can give

[flag of convenience]

Very much concur with the post to present as present. As there is no cure anyway it is all about management. You appear to be doing this with strategies in place already so not sure what you would hope to achieve by going to a doctor really.

 

A lot of us and come to all sorts of conclusions through goggle into perceived ailments we may or may not have.I know I increasingly do until I pull myself back into line. Stay away from doctors until necessary......

[Quoll]

I agree - you arent apparently disabled by your condition and as Simon Baron Cohen says you have the capacity to niche pick and find things that are going to suit the way you are - the diagnosis is sort of irrelevant. Your biggest worry is if your son, with a diagnosis, is going to be eligible for a visa - there is a sort of catch 22 whereby if a kid gets a visa they are generally not going to get any additional support in schools etc and if they are eligible for support in schools then they wont get a visa. Early intervention certainly leads to better outcomes so, as the others have said, concentrate on that for the time being.

[Guest Bazinga]

I would also get your son an official diagnosis before you move. Our school have been great at following the recommendations given to us. We are now in the queue to get him assessed here so he can access extra help if needs be.

[Johndoe]

To add: "going to a doctor" will not get you a dx............only a referral. It is a long and complicated process, particularly for an adult who may have (subconsciously), developed strategies to "mask' the autism. eg as a young child I never made eye contact but as I got older, I learned to, because I got a good hiding for being a 'shifty eyed bugger" if I didn't. It requires a multi-disciplinary team to ascertain if you fit the DSM IV criteria.

[nigelweepers]

Guys

Thanks so much for your comments.

I think simply that I am annoyed that I didnt realise this years ago. If I did, then I am sure that I could have learned a different path. I am just struggling now as I am out of work at the same time as the reality dawning! I look back on my life and realise that the Aspergers has lead to every milestone and event. The reasons why I did what I did, why I was like a dog with a bone that should have really let go.

So PRESENTLY, I suppose some part of me wants to get help, but the other half of me knows that a dx will hinder me. Its as if I can now get an explanation and excuse for my 'personality'. I really wish that this term of unemployment had come at a different time in my life. My wife and kids have been looking forward to Australia, and I cant put the dampners on it.

 

My real focus of course, is for my Son. We go back to CAMHS on monday.

[Naomi from Manchester]

For what it's worth, in my experience of working with kids and young people with ASD and Asperger's, I think that services and support in the UK is better than in NSW. (It doesn't follow that this is reason enough not to emigrate, of course).

[Playghirl]

As a teacher I agree with Naomi above, there wil still be support so do come out!

[Guest lilmissp]

Guys

Thanks so much for your comments.

I think simply that I am annoyed that I didnt realise this years ago. If I did, then I am sure that I could have learned a different path. I am just struggling now as I am out of work at the same time as the reality dawning! I look back on my life and realise that the Aspergers has lead to every milestone and event. The reasons why I did what I did, why I was like a dog with a bone that should have really let go.

So PRESENTLY, I suppose some part of me wants to get help, but the other half of me knows that a dx will hinder me. Its as if I can now get an explanation and excuse for my 'personality'. I really wish that this term of unemployment had come at a different time in my life. My wife and kids have been looking forward to Australia, and I cant put the dampners on it.

 

My real focus of course, is for my Son. We go back to CAMHS on monday.

I can understand why you would want a diagnosis even now at your age, it would just give you an answer to all of your past behaviours and feelings but, I think you probably know the answer, you dont need a professional to tell you and when you get to Australia maybe you can think about getting help then if you need it. But I think you will probably feel much better in yourself now that you have realised. There are plenty of books and web sites for help if you need it. But dont get a formal diagnosis until you are in Australia as it will just make getting the visa more complicated.

[Kapri]

I'm a CAMHS therapist and work with lots of kids / teens with Aspergers.

I agree with other posters that you should think carefully about getting a diagnosis.

It helps children to be diagnosed so they can have specialist input and understanding. It can make a huge difference to their development.

But as an adult none of this would be readily available to you, if you are functioning well.

I would recommend that you contact the Autistic society; they will be able to advise you on the best course of action before you seek formal diagnosis. Good luck.

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/

[Guest Guest62757]

I'm going through this with my eldest at the moment who is 5 and I would highly recommend that you get the tests and diagnosis done in the UK as it is very costly here in Australia.

[NowPerth]

Might you consider counselling for yourself? It may help a great deal to talk to someone in detail about it. All the events in your life that you now realise were linked to your condition, the outcomes, the what ifs. The biggest benefit may be to stop all of the details wirring around in your head all of the time.

 

You can also look for some of the benefits (I know it can seem hard). Some of the things that can be problems can also be benefits in some situations, and some careers are perfect for certain characteristics.

 

Finding out all about the condition will help you and your son. Talk to him about it. Why he sometimes feels how he feels, behaves as he behaves. Understanding is a huge benefit. Having strategies in place to cope with certain situations helps enormously. Just realising that you need to plan more for outings, holidays, trips to the dentist, exams, will help your son. If he thinks in advance about how he will feel, and how that will make him behave, then he can have a plan and feel more in control. Learning by practicing to do and say the things that come naturally to most of his peers will really help. But for that to happen, you need to talk to him. You have the opportunity to use your past experience and 'inside knowledge' for the benefit of your son and he will apreciate it. He won't tell you that, and he might not even realise until he is older, but he will in the end.

 

Best of luck. It's not going to be easy, but it could be very rewarding.

[Skani]

I'm going through this with my eldest at the moment who is 5 and I would highly recommend that you get the tests and diagnosis done in the UK as it is very costly here in Australia.

 

As with so much else in Australia it will depend on where he settles. My 6 year old grandson was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 3 or 4 and it didn't cost a cent.

[Johndoe]

I'm going through this with my eldest at the moment who is 5 and I would highly recommend that you get the tests and diagnosis done in the UK as it is very costly here in Australia.

 

It costs nothing in Qld if you are a resident. All you need is a referral from the GP to a Child Development Unit (Public Health)

[Guest Guest62757]

Well, from my experience in NSW & VIC you get more funding once you have the diagnosis, but before you get that you have to spend a fortune. So far I'm spending $145 fortnightly on speech, $500 speech assessment, $400 cognitive testing, $290 per appointment at the developmental paed. This is all with a referral from my GP and health plans etc. I now have to see an occupational therapist to work on his fine motor skills and I'm on a waiting list to get him tested for auditory processing disorder.

 

My paed has filled in the carers allowance forms and even though her part qualified my part didn't. I was honest and said he can't dress or eat by himself etc but that only earned him 26 points and you need 85 points to qualify. They are also going to separate the language part from ASD funding.

 

My paed is of the belief of treating the problems rather than labeling.

 

My husband's sister child is fully autistic in NSW and again she has to pay for private school fees at the special school and for speech.

 

Edited to add my son is an Australian citizen and I'm here on a spousal visa so there isn't any limits on our medicare.

[Johndoe]

Every one of the disciplines you mentioned are performed by a multi-disciplinary team based at the Child Development Unit and are totally free of charge, here in Qld.

 

My son also went to a private school specialising in Special Needs and the cost was only $800 a term. That said, most public schools in my area, have special needs classes, one of which, served him very well untill he reached high school age.

 

I also receive Carer Allowance which is a national payment so I am puzzled as to why you don't, as my child is fairly "high functioning" (on his good days) and is now working. He also has a health care card which allows concessions from many medical costs

[Skani]

It obviously is a lottery, depending on your state.

 

The 6 year old in my family is in Tasmania and was referred from his (state school) kindergarten for assessment within the Paediatric Department of the state Health Department. He's had speech and occupational therapy provided free by the Health Department. (His OT was for gross motor skills as his fine motor skills are well above average.) He has a part time Teacher's aide at school, also provided free. However, I doubt that this will be needed once he's finished this year (Grade 1) as his development has been enormous.

[Guest Guest62757]

Well I'm obviously the unlucky one!

 

My original post still stands in the UK the NHS is one system and covers all areas with the same treatment unlike the different states here...just food for thought.

[Skani]

Well I'm obviously the unlucky one!

 

My original post still stands in the UK the NHS is one system and covers all areas with the same treatment unlike the different states here...just food for thought.

 

I agree. Treatment should be fair and equal no matter where in Australia one lives.

[nigelweepers]

Well I went to see my Doctor, we had a discussion and I said it was simply something I wanted to 'share' with her. We decided a diagnosis probably was not beneficial at my age but help was still out there so she is going to do some digging.

This is probably why I was playing chess tournaments at 7, do the Rubiks cube in 30 seconds at 11, was on the 'Kilroy' show at 17 as someond addicted to phones, etc etc.

I just wish I had seen this earlier and was more aware, I could have avoided many of the 'events' in my life. Maybe taken different paths.

Back to my son, we are going to continue to go through the processes here beforehand.

Nige

[Lambethlad]

On a lighter note, have you considered that you might just be an ordinary, everyday, nutter?