Bloody Parents

[LisaIan]

Reminds me of an incident in Sydney not long ago, I was having lunch with a friend in the botanic gardens under a huge tree where loads of peope were sitting. There was a group of kids running around throwing sticks at the ibis (big white bird, long pointy beak) the parents weren't even watching them, it went on for a while until a stick hit me....I waited for a parent to intervene and apologise and discipline their kid but nope, nothing....oblivious! So I suggested to the child that throwing sticks in a crowded area wasn't the best idea and that he shouldn't be harassing the animals anyway, I then asked him if he'd like to apologise for hitting me, credit to him he did say sorry but why should I have to do this? And if I hadn't they would have just carried on. Yep, this gets my goat big time!

[starlight7]

What annoys me most are the rude little brats that run round the supermarket pulling at stuff and bumping into everyone with mothers that ignore it completely. I have 4 kids and if they behaved badly in supermarkets when they were young ( and they sometimes did) it was straight out and off to the car - but I would never have let them pull at things and be rude to other shoppers.

[jason d 82]

that is why ladies and gentlemen...some people should not procreate since their IQs is so low that even basic common sense miss them completely

 

oh about bogan on wheels...experienced it as well once

me and my brother just got back from 7 hours overnight flight, both of us in a bad mood and just want to get home as quickly as possible and rest

while my brother driving, this bogan basically tail gated our car on the left lane...mind you...we're driving at the left lane, as far as i know people usually overtake using the right lane

but no...this particular bogan want to overtake someone from the left lane

 

when my brother finally give way by moving to the right lane...the bogan have the gut wound down the window and shout something that i could not say in this forum

i was prepared to smash his kneecaps with a tire iron at that point if he dared to pull over and making a fuss over it

[pintpot]

Moving on from the OP (well done Blobby, parents taking young kids to playgrounds and then disappearing is an annoyance of mine, had to rescue a 3 or so y.o. girl from the top of the climbing pyramind at the Powerhouse last year in similar circs whilst her mum was in the cafe), at what age do people consider letting their kids out of their sight is OK?

 

I recall from childhood being left in the car outside the pub on a regular basis. I can't remember how old I was but I can remember the cars (sad!) and I was deffo left in the Landcrab a couple of times, so I must have been 5 at the most as I know when my Dad got rid of it. OK, I was with my older brother, who was 4 years older than me and probably told to look out for both of us (he would have been 9)

 

No one would dream of doing that now.......but I also recall walking to school just with my mates right from the start of primary school (so again age 5) about 3/4 of a mile. And from about 6 onwards when I came back from school after getting changed I was expected to b*gger off with my mates and not come back until tea time. Wasn't allowed to stay indoors unless it was raining.

 

When I was a bit older, maybe 8 or 9? (trying to remember, again I have to recall by means of vehicles, in this case pushbikes) I would be out all day on bikes within about a 3 mile radius, just mucking about with my mates. And of course, by the time I was at "big" school at 11, there's no way on earth I'd have been seen being dropped off anywhere by my folks and I was pretty much left to get on with it

 

I don't think my parents kept tabs on where I was at all - so long as I was back at the agreed time, that was it. They'd only know what I'd been doing if it had been something naughty and I'd been caught, or spotted by someone who knew me and grassed up. Otherwise, I'm sure they didn't have a clue

 

All of this was completely the norm at the time - and I'm not THAT old, we are talking late seventies, early eighties here

 

What gives in the 21st century? When did you let your kids off the "always watched" leash? Or when do you think you will?

[CrimsonPetal]

This is a huge bug bear of mine. Well done Blobby.

 

It's usually me that gets stuck with babysitting duties at parks, parties, playdates you name it, because it sometimes appears I'm the only one that thinks small children should not play unattended. There's a staggering amount of poor parenting out there and it's truly sad. The ones who really lose out are the kids.

[Harpodom]

What gives in the 21st century? When did you let your kids off the "always watched" leash? Or when do you think you will?

 

dunno mate but in defence of Australia I will say that kids seem to fare better here in terms of being enjoying a bit more freedom from anxiety stricken parents. I'm always amazed when I go to gatherings where theres kids around. Like at a christening a few weeks back, the reception at a clubrooms next to a footy oval. Lots of kids, some as young as 4, well out of sight of their parents, getting up to all sorts. To some this may appear negligent but I think it's more the norm here to give kids a bit of a longer leash.

 

I'm not sure what the answer is but personally I think we've gone too far in trying to negate risk. I think the best balance lies somewhere between what blobby observed and our own mega vigilant approach.

[Paul1Perth]

Just shows how times have changed and what was once acceptable is now not so. I remember going to the miners camp in Skegness and Rhyll as kids. Once there we were put in dorms with lots of other kids we didn't know and looked after by an "Aunty and Uncle" for the week. Could have been the biggest pedophiles in the UK as far as my parents knew. All I remember about those times were how good fun they were. My parents must have had a ball too as they didn't hardly see us all week.

 

We had just arrived in Rhyll once and my Dad was still getting the cases off the bus, I had decided to leg it to the pitch and putt course near the bus stop, took an almighty swing at a ball with the pitcher iron, missed the ball and hit another, older kid off our bus right over the eye, blood everywhere. He had to go to hospital to have a few stitches and I got a whack around the legs and a good telling off. Great start to the holiday!!

 

Kept out of the older kids way for a day or two and then he cornered me in the kids disco. My mates disappeared into thin air when they saw him coming. He would have been about 15 me about 10. Thinking I'm going to get my just deserts I stood there and waited for the punch. The guy said "Are you the kid that hit me with the golf club?" Had to own up. Then, to my surprise, he thanked me and said he had been beating the girls off with a stick since he had been there due to him having stitches and a black eye and making up stories about knife fights and how tough he was.

 

To the OP though, it gets to me too when you see kids just destroying things like trees or play equipment or throwing things at animals and parents nowhere to be seen. I would definitely have to say something if I saw this sort of behaviour. Chances are you would get some parent appear and say something like "how dare you speak to my children like that".

[Somgirl]

dunno mate but in defence of Australia I will say that kids seem to fare better here in terms of being enjoying a bit more freedom from anxiety stricken parents. I'm always amazed when I go to gatherings where theres kids around. Like at a christening a few weeks back, the reception at a clubrooms next to a footy oval. Lots of kids, some as young as 4, well out of sight of their parents, getting up to all sorts. To some this may appear negligent but I think it's more the norm here to give kids a bit of a longer leash.

 

I'm not sure what the answer is but personally I think we've gone too far in trying to negate risk. I think the best balance lies somewhere between what blobby observed and our own mega vigilant approach.

 

I hear what you're saying harpo, and I am fed up with the overbearing Pc way of the world sometimes. But, with young children, they are only capable of certain things at certain ages. I always remember someone saying, don't quote me on this, I don't know if in fact its true, that children shouldn't actually be allowed to cross roads by themselves until about the age of 11, as they cannot judge the speed of moving traffic. This is just an example, but illustrates the point that kids should not be left to their own devices at a very early age.

[CrimsonPetal]

I've said it before but I am an unashamed protective parent, possibly overly so. So sue me. I will never regret taking good care of my child.

[Harpodom]

I hear what you're saying harpo, and I am fed up with the overbearing Pc way of the world sometimes. But, with young children, they are only capable of certain things at certain ages. I always remember someone saying, don't quote me on this, I don't know if in fact its true, that children shouldn't actually be allowed to cross roads by themselves until about the age of 11, as they cannot judge the speed of moving traffic. This is just an example, but illustrates the point that kids should not be left to their own devices at a very early age.

 

don't get me wrong, we're very protective but it makes me feel a bit uneasy that we're overdoing it

[Paul1Perth]

It's a tough call and as parents of two boys doesn't get easier. They reach an age where they stop telling you what they're up to as they think it's non of your business. They seem to change really quickly from loving kids wanting a cuddle and telling you everything that troubles them to sulky teens that tell you nothing. Make the most of the cuddle years, they don't come back.

[fleabo]

Jesus Christ - I always put you down as being mid-40s or something like that! :biglaugh:

 

All of this was completely the norm at the time - and I'm not THAT old, we are talking late seventies, early eighties here

 

 

[Harpodom]

It's a tough call and as parents of two boys doesn't get easier. They reach an age where they stop telling you what they're up to as they think it's non of your business. They seem to change really quickly from loving kids wanting a cuddle and telling you everything that troubles them to sulky teens that tell you nothing. Make the most of the cuddle years, they don't come back.

 

you know Paul, that's the nicest post I've seen here in a while

[reen]

 

don't get me wrong, we're very protective but it makes me feel a bit uneasy that we're overdoing it

I have four Aussie born kids, thankfully the youngest is over 21Bad behaviour by kids anywhere should rightfully be called to account - with perthpom I think said"it's all fine and dandy" as long as you sterred clear of a lift home to mum and dad accompanied by amember of the constabularyMy kids knew full well it would go way worse for them should a "nice policeman" front my door to tell me about my darling son/daughter,and they were trusted from early on, to stay close to home. respect people and propertyAnd as the poster said - there comes a time........when you just have had a gutfulGood onya!loosely speaking don't be offended if it perthpom or the other poster - I just read between the lines

[Guest truebeliver]

i am a self confessed protective mother my children are 9 and 6 and i like to allways have an eye on my kids whilst they feel they have freedom......im protective without bieng overbearing, the way i see it soon especially my 9 yr old boy is like someone else said "not going to want to be seen with me" so i cherish bieng able to be there for them while i can cos they grow up all to quickly in my opinion

 

pintpot....my best friend had a very similair upbringing to yourself.....she was alowed to play out as far as she liked at a very young age 5/6 and she was allowed to ride the bus to school half an hour journey at the age of 5 aswell sometimes her older brother was there and sometimes he wasnt....... the thought of putting my 6 yr old girl on a bus by herself just makes me cringe....no way is a 5/6 yr old able to deal with that

 

she dosent talk to her mam now they fell out when she fell pregnant at 16 shes 27 now.....when you ask her what she thinks of the whole situation she thinks her mam didnt give a sh*t, her mam has never made an effort to make up after the row even though my friend would have been willing to make things up as with two small kids she misses her mam at the end of the day a parent is a parent and no matter whos in the wrong a parent should allways make the effort

 

anyhow id rather be seen as a protective mother as kids do translate that to love and care (in the end) which inevitably is the whole reason why we do it for because we love and care for them

 

cheers dawn x

[Somgirl]

don't get me wrong, we're very protective but it makes me feel a bit uneasy that we're overdoing it

 

Yep, I know what you mean!

[Surf N Turf]

I'm pretty conscious of not doing the helicopter thing. Like Pintpot I spent huge amounts of time in my UK childhood off playing well out of sight of adults. Lots good comes from that and kids today might well miss out. We learned to use initiative and imagination to create our own fun, negotiate with each other, and to solve problems. Kids tend to be such passive recipients of fun these days. It's all planned out for them and tightly observed.

 

My daughter is only 5 but I try create these circumstances in small ways when we're out. Like not rushing in to solve all her problems and letting her play out of sight if she's with friends. I also try not to tame her ways too much - manners are important to me but I don't want a mini-adult on my hands. That may well make me one of those 'neglectful' parents but I'm doing it out of a conscious decision to allow her to develop important traits and skills.

[pintpot]

pintpot....my best friend had a very similair upbringing to yourself...

 

Don't get me wrong, I don't think I was neglected nor is this a hard luck story....It was the norm then and I loved it

 

Perhaps my folks gave me a slightly too long leash, but I was always an independent (my choice - my mum would say "bl**dy minded" ;-) ) so-and-so and pretty strong-willed about doing my own thing. Also spent a lot of time with my brother (older by 4 years) and next door neighbour (older by 3) so I figure my parents knew I had some older heads around me

 

When I think back to when I was a kid and the times I enjoyed the most and, I think, learnt the most, it was off in the woods climbing trees, making dens and traps, down by the river making rope swings over it, mucking about in the "pits" (old clunch pits where we'd slide down the slopes on bin bags after rain), stuff like that. Very little of it was organised or where adults were present (in fact I'm sure any adults would have stopped much of it), it was just mucking about. We learnt how to make things, how to work as a team, how groups work (politics, dealmaking, call it what you will) and were active. Pretty sure I was well under 11 for all of that

 

I can understand the desire to be protective - but you have to let go sometime, so when do you think you'll be OK with letting the kids play out of your sight? It's got to happen sometime. 5 too young? For sure. But 12 or 13 has to be too old

[Guest truebeliver]

totally understand what your saying pintpot.........you had a happy childhood and my friend didnt.....there were other factors as to why my friend felt her mam didnt care.......allways on the drink ect, ect.................i suppose itll be soon for my boy he hasnt asked for any freedom yet, like going to the shop on his own n stuff.........but when he does i will let him as i dont want to sufficate him even though i will be sh*tting a brick ...........i reckon about 10 for things like the shop and crossing the road (with practice first) and further out of sight 11/12 after all he will be in big school by then and it would affect him socially if i was to tag along lol

[pintpot]

he hasnt asked for any freedom yet, like going to the shop on his own n stuff.........

 

lol

 

Slight change of tack, my brother did admit to feeling *slightly* guilty when he asked his then 7 year old stepdaughter to nip down the road to the shop and get him a couple of beers. He does live in Romania, mind. You couldn't do that in Australia, nanny state blah blah

:wink:

[Somgirl]

Don't get me wrong, I don't think I was neglected nor is this a hard luck story....It was the norm then and I loved it

 

Perhaps my folks gave me a slightly too long leash, but I was always an independent (my choice - my mum would say "bl**dy minded" ;-) ) so-and-so and pretty strong-willed about doing my own thing. Also spent a lot of time with my brother (older by 4 years) and next door neighbour (older by 3) so I figure my parents knew I had some older heads around me

 

When I think back to when I was a kid and the times I enjoyed the most and, I think, learnt the most, it was off in the woods climbing trees, making dens and traps, down by the river making rope swings over it, mucking about in the "pits" (old clunch pits where we'd slide down the slopes on bin bags after rain), stuff like that. Very little of it was organised or where adults were present (in fact I'm sure any adults would have stopped much of it), it was just mucking about. We learnt how to make things, how to work as a team, how groups work (politics, dealmaking, call it what you will) and were active. Pretty sure I was well under 11 for all of that

 

I can understand the desire to be protective - but you have to let go sometime, so when do you think you'll be OK with letting the kids play out of your sight? It's got to happen sometime. 5 too young? For sure. But 12 or 13 has to be too old

 

Sorry, what's clunch pit? Lol!:biggrin:

[pintpot]

Sorry, what's clunch pit? Lol!:biggrin:

 

Old chalk/clunch (hard chalk) quarries:

 

 

When wet it's slippery as anything - sliding down the paths and chalk scars on bags (or occasionally without, my mum loved getting ground in wet chalk out of trouser seats) was ace fun

:biggrin:

[Guest guest66832]

On returning inside to her coffee she looked at us and hissed "thanks for your help"

So I got up, marched over to where she was sitting and in front of about 30 people I told her exactly what I thought of her.

She absolutely sh!t herself and maybe next time she may look after her daughter properly.

 

Love it! If you had gone over to help and that little girl had fallen and injured yourself then you would have been up to your neck in the brown stuff!

 

Good for you for going over and telling her exactly what you thought of her.

[blobby1000]

Great responses! I have really enjoyed reading them....

 

So do we think neglectful parenting is worse in the UK or Australia (this clearly was neglectful because she recognised her kid needed support but felt someone else ought to do it....ie it was not about giving her more freedom to learn and make her own mistakes because when it all went wrong the Mum wanted someone to step in and save the day while she drank coffee and chatted)

 

I agree we need to give our kids freedom and not worry all the time...but if we take this approach it is us that need to take responsibility when it goes wrong...not the family that chooses to sit near the tree with their own kids!!!!

[Guest Ptp113]

I was sat in a cafe today with my wife and two children next to the cafe's playground which has a tree in it. When we arrived there were about 20 young kids running round the playground and about 10 in the tree. They were taking it in turns to break the branches off by climbing along and getting themselves into a muddle, clinging on and jumping onto a table to get down.

 

There was not one parent in sight. They were all inside the cafe drinking coffees presumably and having a nice little rest.

 

We were the only family sitting outside and we do this because we think it is a good idea to watch our children.

 

One girl aged about 7 performed a daring maneouvre in the tree and ending up hanging off it by her hands about 3 feet from the ground when she started shouting for her Mummy. Her Mummy was nowhere to be seen. The little girls friend offered to help, and in fairness she was never in a any serious danger, but the girl shouted "no I want my Mummy"

 

Eventually Mummy arrived and helped the girl down. On returning inside to her coffee she looked at us and hissed "thanks for your help"

 

Well, to be honest I have had quite enough of gobby Australians. I have been biting my tongue for months. And if there is one thing i cannot stand it is inattentive lazy parents.

 

So I got up, marched over to where she was sitting and in front of about 30 people I told her exactly what I thought of her.

 

She absolutely sh!t herself and maybe next time she may look after her daughter properly.

How did you ascertain they were Not 'gobby pommies' or gobby yanks etc etc?