Guest MonsterMunch Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I've been in Aus for almost 12 months on a 457... it's looking like work would be happy to sponsor me to stay and I've been reading that the "Decision Ready Checklist" ENS applications can be processed pretty quickly (ie a few weeks). But... I'm thinking about whether to head back before then - perhaps in May/June ish... Reason is two-fold really 1) We want to start a family soon, and 2) I'm looking for a new job and there are more opportunities for me in my field in London than in Sydney. Part of me thinks if I can stretch it out to next year and get residency it means we're not closing the door behind us (well for a few years anyway I guess), but that probably means waiting before trying for a baby and I'm getting v broody... Another part of me knows that the UK is home and where we want to bring up our children so what's the point? Our time in Australia was always on a grown-up working holiday (I asked work to transfer me here, we could get some sun whilst saving for a deposit and being totally selfish before it was time to settle down), but now I'm more keen on settling down than living 12000kms away from friends and family..... Don't get me wrong, we're having a nice time and I loved sitting in the Orbit Bar yesterday having a cocktail, but it's just not 'home'. Just wondering what you'd do in my situation!? Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theonetruechris Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 It's always good to have options that way it's your choice not someone elses Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharonp53 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I know so many people that come back after thinking "home was back there" many later find they made a mistake. But you may be right, and for you it may well be....but it may also be very wise to do what is needed to give yourself the options. The UK, like everywhere is changing, and not always for the better. Raising children is hard work and especially in a cold climate. There are many coming here to give their children a better future. I would suggest that a delay would give you the freedom to make decisions without the emotional influences on you right now. Obviously the choice is yours and I really wish you well. Sharon I've been in Aus for almost 12 months on a 457... it's looking like work would be happy to sponsor me to stay and I've been reading that the "Decision Ready Checklist" ENS applications can be processed pretty quickly (ie a few weeks). But... I'm thinking about whether to head back before then - perhaps in May/June ish... Reason is two-fold really 1) We want to start a family soon, and 2) I'm looking for a new job and there are more opportunities for me in my field in London than in Sydney. Part of me thinks if I can stretch it out to next year and get residency it means we're not closing the door behind us (well for a few years anyway I guess), but that probably means waiting before trying for a baby and I'm getting v broody... Another part of me knows that the UK is home and where we want to bring up our children so what's the point? Our time in Australia was always on a grown-up working holiday (I asked work to transfer me here, we could get some sun whilst saving for a deposit and being totally selfish before it was time to settle down), but now I'm more keen on settling down than living 12000kms away from friends and family..... Don't get me wrong, we're having a nice time and I loved sitting in the Orbit Bar yesterday having a cocktail, but it's just not 'home'. Just wondering what you'd do in my situation!? Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hoot Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 it can be hard raising children in the heat too. Often its too hard to go outside where we are Sometimes getting pregnant may take a few months or even a year or more. Could you wait and see how long it takes (incase it does take a bit of time), then head home when you are pregnant? hope everything goes well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MonsterMunch Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Thanks all. The situation is slightly complicated by the fact that I'm desperate to leave my job... I contacted a recruitment agency in London to find out what the market there is like and they sent me 3 job specs within 20 mins, all for £10k higher than I was on this time last year when I was still there. Moving back sooner rather than later would mean getting settled before buying a house and getting a mortgage before a baby arrives, so we wouldn't start TTC until then anyway.... I know a year isn't that long and that it could well be a good idea to leave the door open for a return, but getting pregnant here would mean my career prospects would be frozen until I go back after the baby is born, moving to the UK with a baby, the choice of crap maternity benefits in Aus or no maternity benefits in the UK... I can't make up my mind whether any of that really matters or whether I'm worrying about the "what ifs" too much. We also have a really good group of friends back home and we're very close to our parents, so that is a big pull - specially when considering children. ARGH - really confuzzled at the mo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hoot Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 sounds like you definately want to go home, so follow your heart. I agree with you that its a big pull when considering children. I have been here 7 years and was never homesick until I had my daughter (shes now 14 months old). good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest north west Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Live in the past, repeat & come last. Live for tomorrow, a bottomless borrow. Live for today, come what may... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharonp53 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Sounds like you have your mind made up but you are just trying to convince yourself. If you find yourself restating the same thing then just do it. Silly not to and very much a waste of time and energy second-guessing. No one can give you advice when you already know what you want to do. Good luck with it all Thanks all. The situation is slightly complicated by the fact that I'm desperate to leave my job... I contacted a recruitment agency in London to find out what the market there is like and they sent me 3 job specs within 20 mins, all for £10k higher than I was on this time last year when I was still there. Moving back sooner rather than later would mean getting settled before buying a house and getting a mortgage before a baby arrives, so we wouldn't start TTC until then anyway.... I know a year isn't that long and that it could well be a good idea to leave the door open for a return, but getting pregnant here would mean my career prospects would be frozen until I go back after the baby is born, moving to the UK with a baby, the choice of crap maternity benefits in Aus or no maternity benefits in the UK... I can't make up my mind whether any of that really matters or whether I'm worrying about the "what ifs" too much. We also have a really good group of friends back home and we're very close to our parents, so that is a big pull - specially when considering children. ARGH - really confuzzled at the mo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MonsterMunch Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Been talking to OH tonight and he is keen to stay and see out our original plan of 2 years... I feel bad for changing the goal posts but I fear we may end up in a bit of a stalemate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pumpkin Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I think you know what you want. You want to go home. There is nothing wrong with that and you don't need to justify it to anyone. The complication is you made a pact with your OH, we did too and I would probably do my best to stick it out if he wanted to because that is what we said we would do. Any reason you cannot get pregnant in Sydney? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MonsterMunch Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 We could get pregnant here, but it then means I'm tied into my job, rubbish maternity benefits and no family interaction/assistance... We might be able to afford for me to have 6 months off, yet I'd need to go back to current job where I'm unhappy. Plus I'm not sure what happens to my 457 visa if I'm not working full time or paid under the required threshold.... If we went back to the UK before the baby was born, we'd get stuck in rented accommodation because OH is self-employed and we'd need my (full-time) salary before even being considered for a mortgage... But I would've resigned to go back... it kind of feels like 'baby', 'Aus' and 'new job' are 3 big clashing cogs and it would only be possible to get 2 working at the same time.. Thanks for your replies though, it helps to express this even if it is with a load of strangers who can't give me the answers and probably don't really care that much (in the nicest possible way of course!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hoot Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Someone wrote a comment about living in the past... you wouldn't be living in the past. Just re-evaluating your life and realising what is important to you (having your baby and being surrounded by friends and family). Nothing wrong with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 When you prioritize, what would it be? My guess for your top two would be good job and baby (in whatever order). Sounds like you there are better opportunities for you in UK and consequently for your baby too. If it were me I would go in a heartbeat because I know just how easy it is to get stuck somewhere that you dont really want to be so I admit to prejudice. If you want to go and can get a job which is an opportunity not to be missed, then what is stopping you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MonsterMunch Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 When you prioritize, what would it be? My guess for your top two would be good job and baby (in whatever order). Job and Baby deffo out of those three, but OH trumps them all..... then what is stopping you? OH is 'stopping' me... He's enjoying it out here, and whilst he confesses to feeling in limbo too, he's happy to keep doing our own thing for a while and doesn't feel the desperate urgency to start a family right now and I know he is broody, but also happy to wait... He know me and knows that I get impatient and restless and wanting to move on to the 'next thing' and given that it's only really been this week that I've felt like this, I understand his reluctance to give me a clear answer... He did however, suggest weekly chats (Thursday Grown Up Talks he called them) to check in on how we're both doing with all this. I've been angling at a compromise in that perhaps June-ish might be a good time (we're not tied in to our lease then, it's UK summer/Aussie winter, his latest run of work might've ended, all our visitors would've been and gone) and that means we would've pretty much done 3/4 of our 2 years... I could bear to stay in my job that long plus it's when my bonus is paid and then could start TTC in Sept ish. Man, that's another 8 months, I could've nearly had a sprog by then! But it would give us time to get home and get sorted, perhaps get a mortgage and buy a house before the baby is born... *sigh* oh well I guess I'll see how these chats re potential job goes next week - that could change everything I suppose... I hate feeling all over the place - everything's just going round and round in my head and I know I'll just obsess over the endless possibilities for ages now... Saying that - OH's parents arrive for 3 weeks next week, that might, um, sway me against going home!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Job and Baby deffo out of those three, but OH trumps them all. OH is 'stopping' me... He's enjoying it out here, and whilst he confesses to feeling in limbo too, he's happy to keep doing our own thing for a while and doesn't feel the desperate urgency to start a family right now and I know he is broody, but also happy to wait... He know me and knows that I get impatient and restless and wanting to move on to the 'next thing' and given that it's only really been this week that I've felt like this, I understand his reluctance to give me a clear answer... He did however, suggest weekly chats (Thursday Grown Up Talks he called them) to check in on how we're both doing with all this. I've been angling at a compromise in that perhaps June-ish might be a good time (we're not tied in to our lease then, it's UK summer/Aussie winter, his latest run of work might've ended, all our visitors would've been and gone) and that means we would've pretty much done 3/4 of our 2 years... I could bear to stay in my job that long plus it's when my bonus is paid and then could start TTC in Sept ish. Man, that's another 8 months, I could've nearly had a sprog by then! But it would give us time to get home and get sorted, perhaps get a mortgage and buy a house before the baby is born... *sigh* oh well I guess I'll see how these chats re potential job goes next week - that could change everything I suppose... I hate feeling all over the place - everything's just going round and round in my head and I know I'll just obsess over the endless possibilities for ages now... Saying that - OH's parents arrive for 3 weeks next week, that might, um, sway me against going home!!! Ah, the OH, say no more. However, you need to put your case forcefully otherwise he may continue to stop you for the next 20 years because it will be too easy to just drift along (learned that one from experience and wearing the t shirt as I write!). Work on the job front so you have something concrete to wave under his nose! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MonsterMunch Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Ah, the OH, say no more. However, you need to put your case forcefully otherwise he may continue to stop you for the next 20 years because it will be too easy to just drift along (learned that one from experience and wearing the t shirt as I write!). Work on the job front so you have something concrete to wave under his nose! Good luck! Well, given that it's early days in my "change of heart" I think I owe it to him to really think it through first... And I'm not totally sure I've done that yet... It could just be a phase of homesickness, PMT and boredom at work. I understand that he doesn't want to spend the next 6 months thinking about going home when he's ok here in Sydney. We always said until we needed to make a decision we wouldn't, so I can see that he thinks I'm now forcing us to make a decision when in reality we don't need to. And whatever we decide should be right for us both - I don't want him to resent me for going home too soon, and I don't want to resent him for making me stay... Patience isn't my strong point, but I guess I'm going to have to try! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockDr Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 applying for ENS with an employer you are desperate to leave sounds like a recipe for disaster. I don't see the point in paying lots of money to apply for a visa you're not going to use. If you were going for citizenship that would be different as you could come back anytime. with a PR visa you'd have to be coming back within 5 yrs. I would say, save your money, go home, and if/when you decide you want to come back out, that's when to apply for a visa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MonsterMunch Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Hi all, I wondered if you might be interested in an update... I'm just as confused, and perhaps even more stressed than when I originally wrote this post... because... I'm pregnant. So I was pretty homesick during the first couple of months of the year but then for reasons I can't fathom out, got over it and decided to just embrace being in Australia whilst it lasted and enjoy being selfish before kids come along. Work-wise, I'd finally made contact with a prospective employer but hadn't heard back for weeeeeeeeks, so had decided to (again) just embrace my current job and get on with it. Then - the prospective employer calls on the Monday to say that they are still interested, I pop in to have another chat and they say they'll get back to me asap with an offer. On the Friday I find out I'm pregnant. Sod's law really. I'm expecting the job offer this week and I'm freaking out about what to do about it. If I take it, it means staying here to have the baby (no idea what maternity pay/leave I'll be entitled to as I would've been there for a measly 6 months). It also means we'd need to commit to Australia in general for longer seeing as I'd presumably go back to the job after mat leave. In terms of childcare, I imagine sproglet would need to go to daycare 5 days a week (which I don't love the idea of it). If I went home, I can keep my current job and take 13 months of paid maternity leave, possibly return 3 days a week and have friends and family close by to help out. But, I dislike my boss, haven't got any prospects and effectively stunt my career by staying. OH seems to have more work here in Oz too and we definitely earn more. So I feel all in a tizz as what is the right thing to do... 1. Go home. Be close to friends and family and have more mat leave. Turn down fab job opportunity, risk OH not getting work, earn less. 2. Stay in Oz. Be far from friends and family, have less mat leave. Take fab job offer, OH still able to get lots of work, earn lots of $$. ARGH. I don't want to move home and regret it... I'd love to be close to the parentals, but they also drive me up the wall. What the frick do we do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metoo Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Firstly, big congratulations on the news of your baby. Personally I would stay put until you at least get residency, however, please be aware that if you grew to really hate Oz and your partner refused to come back with you, you would need fathers consent to bring baby back home. If he should refuse then you may find you are stuck there for a very long time. Have a look at the sticky on N G & C Best of luck Metoo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
landv Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 I've been in Aus for almost 12 months on a 457... it's looking like work would be happy to sponsor me to stay and I've been reading that the "Decision Ready Checklist" ENS applications can be processed pretty quickly (ie a few weeks). But... I'm thinking about whether to head back before then - perhaps in May/June ish... Reason is two-fold really 1) We want to start a family soon, and 2) I'm looking for a new job and there are more opportunities for me in my field in London than in Sydney. Part of me thinks if I can stretch it out to next year and get residency it means we're not closing the door behind us (well for a few years anyway I guess), but that probably means waiting before trying for a baby and I'm getting v broody... Another part of me knows that the UK is home and where we want to bring up our children so what's the point? Our time in Australia was always on a grown-up working holiday (I asked work to transfer me here, we could get some sun whilst saving for a deposit and being totally selfish before it was time to settle down), but now I'm more keen on settling down than living 12000kms away from friends and family..... Don't get me wrong, we're having a nice time and I loved sitting in the Orbit Bar yesterday having a cocktail, but it's just not 'home'. Just wondering what you'd do in my situation!? Thanks! I think you kind of answered your own question and you really want to go home......... I had a baby 7 months ago, ever since all I can think of is going home. Only you can decide, but it is not easy without family here, and I greatly miss having our family involved in my daugthers' life. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Congratulations on the impending bub! It does make life considerably more difficult for you. Although employers arent allowed to discriminate against women because of pregnancy you might find that a prospective employer is less than enthused to find that he only has you for a short while before you head off on mat leave - so I would be a tad anxious about the longevity of your new job. Secondly, I think you would be very wise to read the thread on here about what happens when a child is born in Aus and one parent doesnt want the child to leave even if the other parent decides that the future is rosier where the support network is. A lot of women have been trapped that way. Is it possible to mark time with your career in the security of a job while you have kids and then maybe consider Australia down the track if you decide that you do want to settle here. Having kids without a support network is hard work to be honest - of course you can do it but be prepared for the sense of isolation and need to be super self sufficient. Good luck with your decision and all the best with the bub! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exile Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Raising children is hard work and especially in a cold climate. There are many coming here to give their children a better future. Hmm, it hasnt been a problem for millions and millions of children who have been raised there, myself and others on this board included. The cold in the UK is IMO a lesser issue than than the threat of skin cancer and extreme sunburn if you dont ensure your child is covered in sunblock and wearing a hat everytime they step outdoors. People often say children have a better way of life here. I'm genuinely curious as to why being in Australia give your kid a better future? No doubt beaches will be cited, yes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chris955 Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 This belief that coming here in some way gives you and your family a better future is bizarre, how does that work exactly ? More's the point why are so many Aussie kids living below the poverty line ( just like the UK and elsewhere before someone jumps in) if this country is so much better ? Also it is harder bringing up kids in a cold climate ?? It's right up there with 'we will have more family time in Australia' Mmm, 24 hours in a day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharonp53 Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 I don't site beaches. I speak from experience. I raised my children in both places and found that once I really settled (and it took a good three years of determined effort, not constantly looking back) it was easier to raise children in what IMO was a more healthy enviromnment. But everyone has their own feelings and should do what suits them, which if one sentence was not isoltaed from my whole reply, was what I said first time around. There are no right or wrongs, only what suits the individual and their family. I just think that in a forum such as this you cannot get a balanced view as most reading it are also wanting to go back. So, that said I wish everyone that wants to go back well, and those that want to stay the same. Be happy and whatever you choose be aware there will always be bad days and there will always be good days. Sharon Hmm, it hasnt been a problem for millions and millions of children who have been raised there, myself and others on this board included.The cold in the UK is IMO a lesser issue than than the threat of skin cancer and extreme sunburn if you dont ensure your child is covered in sunblock and wearing a hat everytime they step outdoors. People often say children have a better way of life here. I'm genuinely curious as to why being in Australia give your kid a better future? No doubt beaches will be cited, yes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 That "better life for the kids" thing is such a furphy! It's different for sure but definitely not necessarily better or easier. Both are first world countries with first world country problems and whilst Aussie kids may well have more time on a beach and get a better crop of melanoma they miss out on history and other cultures. And if they are first generation migrant kids then they grow up effectively isolated until the next generation comes along. With its very high levels of adolescent mental health disorders and world topping youth suicide rates, I really dont think Australia has that much to boast of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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