Heartless mothers destroying families!

[Guest guest36187]

Well said LKC: "A decision with consequences" -

[Guest Dylan1]

I don’t think it is right to turn others threads into a debate of the rights or wrongs of taking children away from 1 parent so i’ll start one of my own.

 

We have 2 threads running at the minute, 1 by a father looking for advice on how to keep his children in the UK and the other by a mother looking to take her children away from their father. While the father is getting loads of support the mother is being attacked, why is that so?

The father could be a right arse and just looking at ways to get back at his ex, but nobody has said that or asked any questions in that direction, we are just happy to offer positive support (the way it should be) But the mother..... how dare she want to start a new life!!!!

 

Anyone with children going to Australia are taking them away from family, friends and their not being questioned or attacked, but somehow taking them away from a father WOW you can’t do that. Not interested in how good or bad the father is, it’s morally wrong!

 

I can only talk for myself but we looked at it from all angles, are we doing the right thing? We spoke to our son about it, we tried to talk to Tracy’s ex and he wasn’t interested, it wasn’t as straight forward as stuff him lets go just to piss off Tracy’s ex. So when it come to asking questions on PIO, things like “what about the father” weren’t helpful, we had already thought about that.

How many people have really thought about the impact the move will have on their children and family members? I bet people that have and are trying to take their children away from their other parent have thought long and hard about it.

 

IMHO if you have no support or real advice to offer then don’t say anything, because you’re not helping!

 

Taking children away from another partner is a very stressful thing to do, it’s a long process that’s very costly and I know myself we had loads of questions about the processes involved and not to many people would offer advice in the open because of the grief they would get off other members so it was all done via PM.

 

 

 

I Wasn't going to respond to this thread as it seems to be delibrately inflamative, but i will try to do so in a calm and collected manner without resorting to :arghh: I'm going to respond to each person individually.

 

First off, Geoffrey I'm sorry that my thread has obviously brought back some bad memories that i can plainly see still bother you, and i do wish you and your family well. I also thank you for the advice that you have kindly given me.

 

As to the reasons to why the people on this forum have been so quick to offer their kind words i can only guess. It's maybe because i took the time to explain my situation as honestly as i could, and that through my words they could asssertain that I am not " A right arse that is just looking at ways to get back at my ex." Your are correct when you say that nobody has said that or asked questions in that direction, but feel free to if you want. I wont mind as this is after all a forum where people can offer their opinions aswell as their advice.

[tracy123]

 

 

I Wasn't going to respond to this thread as it seems to be delibrately inflamative, but i will try to do so in a calm and collected manner without resorting to :arghh: I'm going to respond to each person individually.

 

.

 

I am not having a go at you Dylan, you have the right to ask as many questions as you need and I hope PIO can help you, my point is (and I'm sorry to use your thread as part of my point) that while people don't know your ex's side and her reasons at no point have they asked your motives, they except your view, where as a mother wanting to take her children away, some people can't except that and start questioning why? It's not up to us to question why, that is for the judge.

 

 

First off, Geoffrey I'm sorry that my thread has obviously brought back some bad memories that i can plainly see still bother you, and i do wish you and your family well. I also thank you for the advice that you have kindly given me.

 

 

 

Your thread has not upset me, you have every right as a dad to want to keep your kids as close to you as you can :notworthy:. What bothers me isn't your thread, (it's great to see so many people support you, I tried to offer some advice myself.) is the way people can't offer the same support to the mother on the other thread.

 

As to the reasons to why the people on this forum have been so quick to offer their kind words i can only guess. It's maybe because i took the time to explain my situation as honestly as i could, and that through my words they could asssertain that I am not " A right arse that is just looking at ways to get back at my ex." Your are correct when you say that nobody has said that or asked questions in that direction, but feel free to if you want. I wont mind as this is after all a forum where people can offer their opinions aswell as their advice

 

It's not up to people to attack or question your motives, they are yours and yours alone.

[Guest Dylan1]

What we all have to remember is that we DON'T know the ins and outs of each situation, so to come on here and jump down a parents throat because she wants to take the child away is totally wrong.

 

I feel that if your going to post on a public forum about an issue that is so emotional you should attempt to give the ins and outs of the situation.....I feel that i did that from my side without going into to much personal detail.......I could tell you the nitty gritty, but i promise you that it will not make anyone look at my ex in anymore of a positive light, in fact the opposite would be true.

 

The other thread that Geoff speaks of by Lisaifould initially read like this.

 

" I'm hoping to write a letter to my children's dad showing him the costs involved to make sure he is prepared to pay out and hopefully give me permission himself."

 

 

Lisa then explained a bit more about her circumstances and i have no reason to have much sympathy for a dad who is as remiss as the one she described.

 

Lisa i wish you and your kids all the best.

[tracy123]

^^pretty much this^^

 

Too complex a situation to say X is right.

 

And this is a forum where discussion on a subject is asked for. Some of the replies may not echo your point of view but they are someone's opinion so just because you think it offers nothing it doesn't always mean so. I've not seen the other thread but no one can know if either of the parties mentioned is a good loving father/good mother or otherwise but people can only comment on the situation as described.

 

So in my case unless there was a evidence of the father being uninterested in the child and only blocking it out of spite then I would say it is wrong to remove the child from the country and hope the courts would side with him.

 

Why should we have to slander the father to prove that we think what we are doing is right?

PIO is not a court room where we need to prove anything, PIO is a place where we come to ask questions in relation to moving to Australia (In general)

I could write pages and pages of all the things Jake's Dad did to him, but why should I? To prove to someone I'll never meet that we are right in wanting to take him away? :wacko:

 

The simple fact is people want to ask questions on costs, timelines and what's involved, not get into the rights or wrongs of what they are doing!

[tracy123]

I had a friend who brought her child from another relationship here to Aus with her new partner. Her ex gave permission although he did not want to do - he thought it would be a better life for his daughter and that a court battle over her wasn't fair to her. They maintain contact, but now his daughter questions why he didn't 'love her enough' to want to make her stay? Sometimes when each parent tries to do the right thing it can still cause a heap of grief.

 

If he did fight and win the child could of then said, why did you stop me from going?

 

Bloody kids!!! They know how to press the right buttons LOL

[Guest Dylan1]

I have never been in this situation, but as someone outside looking in, as it were, all I can see is that there is no right or wrong, just a decision with consequences. The only people who truly know what goes on inside a family/relationship are the people in it, so I am not sure that this is the place for making judgements, more somewhere that people should be able to ask for help or support.

 

What I would like to say, though, is that you have to remember that we all take our children away from someone when we move over here. Again, not a wrong or right, just a decision that is made and consequences to live with.

 

These are liberal sentiments LKC,much to be admired.

 

I'm going to take the liberty of assuming that those beautiful girls in your profile pic are yours ? I'm also going to assume that you are a good parent like me and that also like me you have done everything since the moment they were born to protect, love and look after them. That you have made personal sacrifices both small and large to help them be happy.That you sit up with them at night when they are sick and that you have dryed their tears when they are sad.That you bath them and dress them and keep them warm and fed and buy them things that they want. I'm gonna assume that you would do anything to keep them from harms way.

 

Now just imagine for a second that someone is going to take those girls 10000 miles away from you, not for a day or a week or a month but for good !

 

I ask, would you be quite so liberal then ?

[LKC]

These are liberal sentiments LKC,much to be admired.

 

I'm going to take the liberty of assuming that those beautiful girls in your profile pic are yours ? I'm also going to assume that you are a good parent like me and that also like me you have done everything since the moment they were born to protect, love and look after them. That you have made personal sacrifices both small and large to help them be happy.That you sit up with them at night when they are sick and that you have dryed their tears when they are sad.That you bath them and dress them and keep them warm and fed and buy them things that they want. I'm gonna assume that you would do anything to keep them from harms way.

 

Now just imagine for a second that someone is going to take those girls 10000 miles away from you, not for a day or a week or a month but for good !

 

I ask, would you be quite so liberal then ?

 

Erm, yes they are my children and no way would I allow anyone to take my children away from me.

 

I'm not exactly sure what you are getting on your high horse about. If you actually read my post, I was trying to convey the message that we perhaps aren't here on PIO to judge anyone (mums or dads), but that instead we should just be here to help, give advice and support people where we can. I can only make assumptions about what has gone on in your relationship from what you have said in your posts (just as you have made assuptions about me), and know nothing of the other side of the story (for there always is one), and therefore it wouldn't be right of me to judge you, or your childs mother, or anyone else in the same or similar situation for that matter.

 

There is nothing liberal about it. Think of me as Switzerland, neutral and neither on one side nor the other. It isn't my place to judge anyone, and in my opinion (which I am allowed to have), it isn't the place of anyone who doesn't know the full story to judge either. It is an internet forum, full of helpful people who have had many life experiences, not a court.

[Guest Dylan1]

................each case of course is different .....................but the primary concern is for the child involved..................often parents have to make decisions that are not going to please all members of the family..................extended or not........................fathers or mothers sometimes take jobs that take them away from their children for large parts of their life......................this is done usually in the view of improving the overall quality of the family.s life.....................if the part of the family that has the care of the child can offer a better quality of life to the child by emigrating..............as a parent ................the one not involved should [imo]make the ultimate parental sacrifice..................anything for the good of my child...................those that really still care can and should still be a part of the childs life ....................albeit from a distance.............................

 

I keep hearing about this " better quality of life ." What does that mean ? It cant surely just mean good weather and a beach. ? Does it mean a big house or a Porsche ?

 

When i was younger i did alot of traveling. There isn't many places that i havn't been and that includes Sydney and as lovely as it is, i prefer London, which is by happy coincidence where i live, and where my family and friends live, and where i want my children to grow up.

 

You may feel different, and i truly hope that you are as happy where you are as I am, but dont take it as a given that everyone shares your opinion of what constitutes a better quality of life. They dont.

 

As for what effects my childrens quality of life, thats a different question altogether.

 

I think an eight year old and a four year old should be surrounded by the people that love them, people that they are familiar with, people that they have known their entire lives.

 

The people i speak of are on both sides of the family, their little cousins who they see all the time and have endless amounts of fun with, their Aunts and Uncles who treat them like their own, both of their Nans and their grandad who they adore, both mine and my ex's friends and their kids who they have grown up with.The places that they know and love.

 

They should stay in the fantastic school where they are happy and where they have lots of pals.

 

The most important thing is to stay with the two people that love them more than anyone, their Mum and Dad.

 

As difficult as the last year has been on them, they have at the moment all of the above, and therefore a great quality of life.

 

Does my ex feel that my childrens quality of life depends on something different ? I dont think she does. Did she wake up one morning and think "I'm going to emigrate to Sydney for the good of Gab and Barney because their quality of life is so poor and will be so much better in Australia away from everything and everybody that they know and love to go somewhere they know nobody." Everyone including her and her own Mother and sisters knows that that simply isn't true.

 

The truth is, THEY WANT TO GO, or maybe just him and she loves him so much that she is willing to go along with it and put MY BOYS, MY BOYS happiness at risk for him.

 

I would not put my kids well being at risk for anybody or anything........ever !

 

So no, I dont think i will make.......... "the ultimate sacrifice and be a part of my kids life albeit from a distance "................. It's her new partner that is gonna have to make the sacrifice............ That's right.................. ONE PERSON'S SACRIFICE, his............... against so many other peoples, and most importantly my childrens who's sacrifice would be the degree of their DAY TO DAY relationship with me their father.

[Parley]

Dylan,

You have expressed your feelings very well. Well Done.

If you can express these sentiments in court I think you have an excellent chance of convincing the court that your children should remain in the UK. You write very well and I think/hope you will succeed.

 

I think it is a challenge for Lisa and other mum's who have no other family in Australia to convince a judge it is in the child's best interests to be uprooted from family and moved away.

Moving to Australia won't guarantee a child a better future by any means. There is a lot more that is important as you have so eloquently expressed.

[Guest Dylan1]

Erm, yes they are my children and no way would I allow anyone to take my children away from me.

 

I'm not exactly sure what you are getting on your high horse about. If you actually read my post, I was trying to convey the message that we perhaps aren't here on PIO to judge anyone (mums or dads), but that instead we should just be here to help, give advice and support people where we can. I can only make assumptions about what has gone on in your relationship from what you have said in your posts (just as you have made assuptions about me), and know nothing of the other side of the story (for there always is one), and therefore it wouldn't be right of me to judge you, or your childs mother, or anyone else in the same or similar situation for that matter.

 

There is nothing liberal about it. Think of me as Switzerland, neutral and neither on one side nor the other. It isn't my place to judge anyone, and in my opinion (which I am allowed to have), it isn't the place of anyone who doesn't know the full story to judge either. It is an internet forum, full of helpful people who have had many life experiences, not a court.

 

Erm KLC, I'm not getting on my high horse. The point I'm trying to make is that there is no point sitting on the fence ( like Switzerland as you say) when people are asking for your views advice and opinions. This is surely what a forum like this is for. I posted here to gather peoples thoughts and i welcome and thank them even if they go against what i feel, as long as i can dispute someone's opinions. If it was just for answers you would be left with a one or two response threads. If you have a view express it, if someone doesn't want to hear opinons that differ from their own why ask something on a public thread ?

 

Geoffrey's contention with his original post is , answer somebodys question, but dont disagree with them because your judgeing if you do.This isn't true, your answering the question from your point of view and as long as your not rude or abusive that is what a forum is for.

 

Telling someone that they are getting on their high horse is a touch rude, but thats o.k i can take it.

 

What i was trying to do was put you in my position to enable you to form an opinion and not be neutral like switzerland as that does nothing for nobody.

[LKC]

Erm KLC, I'm not getting on my high horse. The point I'm trying to make is that there is no point sitting on the fence ( like Switzerland as you say) when people are asking for your views advice and opinions. This is surely what a forum like this is for. I posted here to gather peoples thoughts and i welcome and thank them even if they go against what i feel, as long as i can dispute someone's views. If it was just for answers you would be left with a one or two response threads. If you have a view express it, if someone doesn't want to hear opinons that differ from their own why ask something on a public thread ?

 

Geoffrey's contention with his original post is , answer somebodys question, but dont disagree with them because your judgeing if you do.This isn't true, your answering the question from your point of view and as long as your not abusive that is what a forum is for.

 

But there is a point to 'sititng on the fence'. It is entirely possible to give advice and help without making any sort of judgement about someone and their situation. It isn't my place (or anyone elses for that matter, in my opinion of course) to tell you that you are right or wrong, that your ex partner is right or wrong, or that anyone else in the same/similar situation is right/wrong. These situations are most often shades of grey, and it is not up to strangers on a forum to know the full ins and outs of what has gone on in a relationship. We know what you have told us about your relationship and circumstances, but we do not know the whole story.

 

If you were to ask me 'Do you agree with capital punishment', I could give a carefully considered answer based on finding out information for and against. In that situation I am able to give an opinion. There is information to base it on. However, I do not have the full information for your situation. So, it would be unfair of me to judge it. What I could do, is offer advice on whom to speak to, or which PIO member may be able to help you. But then you already know that you need to speak to a solicitor and have done so.

 

What a forum is for, is for asking for help and advice, and that can be given impartially.

[Guest Guest16631]

..........................i do not know you or your ex personally ..........................and so do not know why she feels the need to emigrate...........................you have assumed.................better life means material things .......and also presumed what i believe is quality of life.......family is very important to me but unfortunatly not a part of my life ...........a choice i had to make...........i have only posted my opinion ......and what i know...............often the tension and agression between ex partners......................makes distance the only solution for calmness in the lives of children........a thought worth remembering...........if we could see the future many on here would not be returning to the uk or indeed even emigrating..................some would ......................life as i have said before is governed by reactiond to situations.......................good luck to you if you truly feel that they are better off with you............i can only share my experience although a little different..........................................i have only seen the results of a child taken by orthorities...............as the mother was deemed unfit due to her ethnic background.......she could offer family tradition and love...................but on offer was financial security and in the opinion of the courts a better future................[sadly today when a rift occurs finance does play a part]..............placed with strangers.......................i would of rather seen them go to a family member.......... they did have a better quality of life .....................and no i do not mean just materialistically.........away from the arguments and tension created by a third party...............with i am sure their intentions were good if misdirected.......................they are well balanced individuals and happy.............................their mum is now part of their lives and they all have a healthy relationship.................with no recriminations on either side..........although it tore the family to bits at the time there was nothing that could be done a decision was made.......................these are merely my experiences...............each person and case is different...... you say they have it all to make their lives happy now.............i sincerly hope you win your case.......................you can only live your life your ex is in charge of hers....................and your childrens future is the responsibility of you both.............................it is her that needs to be convinced of the repercussions [percieved by you]of moving so far away......................most parents always have the childs welfare at heart.................you had two children with her and know her better than most..........so while you offer family and stability make sure the life you have in mind is in all ways a better option than the one your partner has in mind.....................i do feel for you but cannot know your pain................i do wish you well.......................whatever the outcome your reaction to it will shape the rest of your life....................................good luck.tink xx

[Guest Dylan1]

But there is a point to 'sititng on the fence'. It is entirely possible to give advice and help without making any sort of judgement about someone and their situation. It isn't my place (or anyone elses for that matter, in my opinion of course) to tell you that you are right or wrong, that your ex partner is right or wrong, or that anyone else in the same/similar situation is right/wrong. These situations are most often shades of grey, and it is not up to strangers on a forum to know the full ins and outs of what has gone on in a relationship. We know what you have told us about your relationship and circumstances, but we do not know the whole story.

 

If you were to ask me 'Do you agree with capital punishment', I could give a carefully considered answer based on finding out information for and against. In that situation I am able to give an opinion. There is information to base it on. However, I do not have the full information for your situation. So, it would be unfair of me to judge it. What I could do, is offer advice on whom to speak to, or which PIO member may be able to help you. But then you already know that you need to speak to a solicitor and have done so.

 

What a forum is for, is for asking for help and advice, and that can be given impartially.

 

 

This is good, we are having a healthy debate about what constitutes a healthy debate.

 

You are not sitting on the fench, you are respectfully stating an opinion that differs from mine.

 

Dont worry mods, I do not feel as if she is judging me, and there is no need to delete any of her post.

[LKC]

This is good, we are having a healthy debate about what constitutes a healthy debate.

 

You are not sitting on the fench, you are respectfully stating an opinion that differs from mine.

 

Dont worry mods, I do not feel as if she is judging me, and there is no need to delete any of her post.

 

This is exactly my point. It is possible to state an opinion if it is something that you can have an opinion on. I know nothing about your situation other than what you have written, and therefore it is not possible to have an opinion, nor make a judgement, because I do not know the full ins and outs of your situation. What I can do, however, is give advice based on my own experience.

 

Think of it this way. Someone wants to go and live in Perth. Now I have heard that Perth is the most boring city in Australia. There is nothing to do, no nightlife, the shopping is bad and it is thousands of kilometers away from the next nearest city. Should I tell that person that Perth is the most boring city in Australia, that there is nothing to do, no nightlife and that the shopping is bad? No, of course not! I have never been there. I can, with certainty, tell that person that it is thousands of kilometers away from the other major cities in Australia, because that is a fact and I know it. I could also tell that person that Perth is the most boring city in Australia etc, etc, had I been there and found it to be the case.

 

The thing is, I don't want to have an opinion or judge you on your situation, or that of anyone else including the lady on the other thread, because it isn't my place to do so. Had your situation been something that I had had experience of, then I could have given advice, but I won't judge anyone badly or favourably.

 

By the way Perth people, I wasn't picking on Perth. I could have mentioned any city anywhere in the world, it is just that Perth is nice and far away from everywhere else and thus demonstrated my point. I would like to visit Perth :wubclub:.

[Guest lisaifould]

well, i thought i should maybe post as i'm the mother that wants to take my boys to Oz, i confess that from first reading my post i would be open to attack, but from ppl who didn't know me or my boys and the background, i found it really hurtful. i only wanted ppls advice on the court process, i didn't want to go into detail as it could be seen as me trying to paint a bad picture of my ex. when questioned i tried to explain without trying to seem again that i was painting this picture, only i know what my ex is like and the affect he has on my boys. but oz has never been about just taking them away from him, but offering the best i can for my children, not just good weather and beaches.

i have been questioned by my childs head teacher and even social services as to why i let my boys see their dad after what i went through, i never held that against him as a parent and have actually tried my hardest for him to see them, solicitors even. but i'm afraid he uses them, once he refused to see them for 10 weeks because he didn't want me going out, and i am the parent that has to explain to my children that their dad does love them and that they have done nothing wrong. when they are ill he brings them back, when he is angry and scares them he brings them home, he pays no maintenance yet asks why they aren't in designer clothes.

my every wakng thought and actions are about how it would affect my boys, i have thought years about this move and if in anyway i thought that what relationship the boys do have with their dad would be damaged then i would not do it, but when he has even told me to say the word and he would stop seeing them, and to him i am the money grabbing b***h who buys my children because i ask for maintenance and pay into a trust fund account and spend my overtime on a holiday for us.

maybe after explain now, ppl wont be to quick to judge,

 

thank you geoff and joanne, yr non-judgemental support has meaned alot to me

[steen1976]

Why should we have to slander the father to prove that we think what we are doing is right?

PIO is not a court room where we need to prove anything, PIO is a place where we come to ask questions in relation to moving to Australia (In general)

I could write pages and pages of all the things Jake's Dad did to him, but why should I? To prove to someone I'll never meet that we are right in wanting to take him away? :wacko:

 

The simple fact is people want to ask questions on costs, timelines and what's involved, not get into the rights or wrongs of what they are doing!

 

You don't have to. But you would be an idiot to think you will not get opinions posted when asking about an emotive subject.

 

It's hardly "How much do bananas cost in Knob Creek?" is it?

[starlight7]

Look there are always two sides to situations like this- people were going on a small amount of information and drawing (wrong) conclusions. You can't really blame them, though- there are plenty of nasty females out there who would spirit their kids away as a pay back to the father. Glad you are not one of them and good luck to you.

[Guest jmahood]

I don’t think it is right to turn others threads into a debate of the rights or wrongs of taking children away from 1 parent so i’ll start one of my own.

We have 2 threads running at the minute, 1 by a father looking for advice on how to keep his children in the UK and the other by a mother looking to take her children away from their father. While the father is getting loads of support the mother is being attacked, why is that so?

The father could be a right arse and just looking at ways to get back at his ex, but nobody has said that or asked any questions in that direction, we are just happy to offer positive support (the way it should be) But the mother..... how dare she want to start a new life!!!!

Anyone with children going to Australia are taking them away from family, friends and their not being questioned or attacked, but somehow taking them away from a father WOW you can’t do that. Not interested in how good or bad the father is, it’s morally wrong!

I can only talk for myself but we looked at it from all angles, are we doing the right thing? We spoke to our son about it, we tried to talk to Tracy’s ex and he wasn’t interested, it wasn’t as straight forward as stuff him lets go just to piss off Tracy’s ex. So when it come to asking questions on PIO, things like “what about the father” weren’t helpful, we had already thought about that.

How many people have really thought about the impact the move will have on their children and family members? I bet people that have and are trying to take their children away from their other parent have thought long and hard about it.

IMHO if you have no support or real advice to offer then don’t say anything, because you’re not helping!

Taking children away from another partner is a very stressful thing to do, it’s a long process that’s very costly and I know myself we had loads of questions about the processes involved and not to many people would offer advice in the open because of the grief they would get off other members so it was all done via PM.

 

Tracey I don't agree with what you have said about the father being hailed in a positive light and the mother being made to look bad. That said, what the Mother asked in her question was essentially "I want to take my children from their father who owes me maintenance money through the CSA and I want him to meet the costs for me to do this". The Father on the other hand in essence wrote "I am heartbroken at the prospect of my children being moved to the other side of the world where I won't be able to continue my relationship with them, I am devastated."

 

It's not a case of how dare she want to start a new life, she is free to do so, but not just because her ex doesn't make regular maintenance payments. If she had put something along the lines of "my ex is abusive and me and my children live in fear and I am looking to move to Australia" I bet every response would have been in her favour and likely positive.

 

How many people use their children as a weapon against their ex partners? More then those who consider the impact of removing children from a relationship with the absent parent. Sometimes it's right to move your children, sometimes it is not.

 

People who do not agree with your way of thinking, just because you have done it, doesn't mean they are wrong or being judgmental. It's not right to just blanket people by saying if you can't say anything positive then don't comment ... A balanced view can be gained from people's experience or advice from all sides which may be more helpful then you think even what you consider is a negative comment.

[Guest lisaifould]

Tracey I don't agree with what you have said about the father being hailed in a positive light and the mother being made to look bad. That said, what the Mother asked in her question was essentially "I want to take my children from their father who owes me maintenance money through the CSA and I want him to meet the costs for me to do this". The Father on the other hand in essence wrote "I am heartbroken at the prospect of my children being moved to the other side of the world where I won't be able to continue my relationship with them, I am devastated."

 

It's not a case of how dare she want to start a new life, she is free to do so, but not just because her ex doesn't make regular maintenance payments. If she had put something along the lines of "my ex is abusive and me and my children live in fear and I am looking to move to Australia" I bet every response would have been in her favour and likely positive.

 

How many people use their children as a weapon against their ex partners? More then those who consider the impact of removing children from a relationship with the absent parent. Sometimes it's right to move your children, sometimes it is not.

 

People who do not agree with your way of thinking, just because you have done it, doesn't mean they are wrong or being judgmental. It's not right to just blanket people by saying if you can't say anything positive then don't comment ... A balanced view can be gained from people's experience or advice from all sides which may be more helpful then you think even what you consider is a negative comment.

 

 

i never said this!! i stated a FACT! he doesn't pay any maintenance, he was abusive but only to me, this was a man i loved from a teenager, a man i wanted to marry, my reasons for moving are not because of his abusive nature but now it does seem to be affecting my boys. does a father have to start beating his children for a mother to want to offer her children more??

[Guest jmahood]

Hi all, I wondered if anyone could let me know some of their court costs for getting permission to take my 2 young boys to oz? Or if there is any sites I can look at? I'm hoping to write a letter to my children's dad showing him the costs involved to make sure he is prepared to pay out Is this not your original post? You then went on to say he owes you maintenance anyway. It may be true that your ex is abusive but your initial post didn't say that so are we all to assume that he was abusive because he fails to make regular maintenance payments?

 

If you want to move to Australia then do so, but your initial post was cold and implied that you were looking to gather information on costs solely to present to your ex and used the issue of back maintenance as a justifiable excuse.

 

Sorry if you have been upset by comments made by either myself or other bloggers, but it is an emotive subject and not everyone is going to tell you what you want to hear.

 

I wish you all the best

[Guest lisaifould]

Hi all, I wondered if anyone could let me know some of their court costs for getting permission to take my 2 young boys to oz? Or if there is any sites I can look at? I'm hoping to write a letter to my children's dad showing him the costs involved to make sure he is prepared to pay out Is this not your original post? You then went on to say he owes you maintenance anyway. It may be true that your ex is abusive but your initial post didn't say that so are we all to assume that he was abusive because he fails to make regular maintenance payments?

 

If you want to move to Australia then do so, but your initial post was cold and implied that you were looking to gather information on costs solely to present to your ex and used the issue of back maintenance as a justifiable excuse.

 

Sorry if you have been upset by comments made by either myself or other bloggers, but it is an emotive subject and not everyone is going to tell you what you want to hear.

 

I wish you all the best

 

i know what my ex is like and it will come down to money to him, that is the reason for asking for costs

[Guest Dylan1]

..........................i do not know you or your ex personally ..........................and so do not know why she feels the need to emigrate...........................you have assumed.................better life means material things .......and also presumed what i believe is quality of life.......family is very important to me but unfortunatly not a part of my life ...........a choice i had to make...........i have only posted my opinion ......and what i know...............often the tension and agression between ex partners......................makes distance the only solution for calmness in the lives of children........a thought worth remembering...........if we could see the future many on here would not be returning to the uk or indeed even emigrating..................some would ......................life as i have said before is governed by reactiond to situations.......................good luck to you if you truly feel that they are better off with you............i can only share my experience although a little different..........................................i have only seen the results of a child taken by orthorities...............as the mother was deemed unfit due to her ethnic background.......she could offer family tradition and love...................but on offer was financial security and in the opinion of the courts a better future................[sadly today when a rift occurs finance does play a part]..............placed with strangers.......................i would of rather seen them go to a family member.......... they did have a better quality of life .....................and no i do not mean just materialistically.........away from the arguments and tension created by a third party...............with i am sure their intentions were good if misdirected.......................they are well balanced individuals and happy.............................their mum is now part of their lives and they all have a healthy relationship.................with no recriminations on either side..........although it tore the family to bits at the time there was nothing that could be done a decision was made.......................these are merely my experiences...............each person and case is different...... you say they have it all to make their lives happy now.............i sincerly hope you win your case.......................you can only live your life your ex is in charge of hers....................and your childrens future is the responsibility of you both.............................it is her that needs to be convinced of the repercussions [percieved by you]of moving so far away......................most parents always have the childs welfare at heart.................you had two children with her and know her better than most..........so while you offer family and stability make sure the life you have in mind is in all ways a better option than the one your partner has in mind.....................i do feel for you but cannot know your pain................i do wish you well.......................whatever the outcome your reaction to it will shape the rest of your life....................................good luck.tink xx

 

Thank you for your reply and your good wishes tink, you state that i assume.........better life means material things .......

 

I would have thought that by my post and by telling you what i think constitutes quality of life for my kids you would have come to the opposite conclusion.....

[tracy123]

You don't have to. But you would be an idiot to think you will not get opinions posted when asking about an emotive subject.

 

It's hardly "How much do bananas cost in Knob Creek?" is it?

 

 

Would you not be an idiot to post remarks on a situation that you know nothing about? :skeptical:

[pablo]

Havnt commented on this thread because i have no knowledge of this situation or experience of it myself,dont know whose right or wrong,but an internet forum isnt the place for all this *** for tat arguing,"especially" because theres kids involved.