karlom Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 I haven't been on PIO since August when the wheels of my australian dream started to come off...but the pull of Australia is so strong, i find myself back here! Having visited Oz in 1996 for a year, i have dreamt of migrating there since. Finally last year I had a great migration agent who sucessfully got me my wife and daughter permanent residenancy. We went last June to Sydney to validate visas and now the clock is ticking! My wife was always at best luke warm about the idea although she admits that it was a great place and far nicer than she thought. We arrived back in Ireland in July and the word Australia hasn't been mentioned since! If I did mention it, the subject is quickly changed. So now I am back in Ireland, it is pouring rain (as usual) headding into the usual grey winter and Australia seems further away than it ever was. What do I do? I do not want to old old here, I love Australia. I know for a fact my 4 year old daughter would have a far better lifestyle in Oz than here, but there seems to be no talking to herself. I was better off when i did not have a visa, it seems worse now, knowing i have one and cannot go! thanks for listening Karl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markntracey Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 I haven't been on PIO since August when the wheels of my australian dream started to come off...but the pull of Australia is so strong, i find myself back here! Having visited Oz in 1996 for a year, i have dreamt of migrating there since. Finally last year I had a great migration agent who sucessfully got me my wife and daughter permanent residenancy. We went last June to Sydney to validate visas and now the clock is ticking! My wife was always at best luke warm about the idea although she admits that it was a great place and far nicer than she thought. We arrived back in Ireland in July and the word Australia hasn't been mentioned since! If I did mention it, the subject is quickly changed. So now I am back in Ireland, it is pouring rain (as usual) headding into the usual grey winter and Australia seems further away than it ever was. What do I do? I do not want to old old here, I love Australia. I know for a fact my 4 year old daughter would have a far better lifestyle in Oz than here, but there seems to be no talking to herself. I was better off when i did not have a visa, it seems worse now, knowing i have one and cannot go! thanks for listening Karl You poor thing, how frustrating. If truth be known i have always said i would never move to Australia, but after 21 years together i've decided to give it a go. What's made it easier for me is renting the house out and we have an agreement that we will definitley stay for a year and then make the decision whether to stay or come home. Maybe if you talk to your wife and come to some similar agreement she might come round. Now is a good time while your daughter is at such a good age. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AustrAnglian Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Hi Karl, We came to a compromise - we go to Australia and she can treat it like any other expat posting until we obtain the passports. After that if my spouse fancies being somewhere else then it's my turn to compromise and give that a go for a similar period, knowing we can return when we hopefully prove to her satisfaction that the grass isn't greener somewhere else. Given what's happened at DIAC since you got your visas it's only going to get harder and harder to get into Australia. All the best! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cazmayo Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Hi Karl, Can you get to the heart of why your wife is resistant? Is she very close to her family? Did she not like Sydney? Why not organise a night out, and while the atmosphere is light, ask what her feelings are about moving to Oz. Just listen without telling her how great oz is. Im with you on wanting to live in Oz, lived there from 96-99 and loved every min. Luckily hubby wants to go back too! Though we have had our moments. It seemed I was doing all the work, preparing his work history evidence, writing his CV, he seems disinterested. After a heart to heart, it was just him worrying about money and how we would finance it, not that he didnt want to go. We are also in cold and damp Ireland, and wishing we were in Oz:( Cheers Cazmayo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen1602 Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Hi, I think I know how your wife feels. My husband went to work in Sydney last January, supposedly for 10 wks. Whilst being there we spoke on skype daily and made the decision to apply for Visas and go with my youngest daughter who is 15 for a few years. Since then he has been back for a couple of weeks and I have been there twice. Two weeks ago the visas were granted and I now feel I don't have a choice whether we go. My husband is loving his job in Sydney and has made some friends. We are supposed to be going before Christmas and all I can think of is that I am leaving my friends and my 3 older children (whom have been around whilst he has been there) and will only have my husband and daughter there. I think the longer we have been apart the more I am doubtful about going. I think if I had been able to go in the beginning and not have all the worry here I would feel more positive about going. I think the only way for me to look at is, is that I am going on an extended holiday and if I don't like it I can always come back ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TheArmChairDetective Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Hi Karl, We came to a compromise - we go to Australia and she can treat it like any other expat posting until we obtain the passports. After that if my spouse fancies being somewhere else then it's my turn to compromise and give that a go for a similar period, knowing we can return when we hopefully prove to her satisfaction that the grass isn't greener somewhere else. Given what's happened at DIAC since you got your visas it's only going to get harder and harder to get into Australia. All the best! Fantastic post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SusieOR Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 You really need to speak to your wife... & as another poster said... dont be telling her how she should be feeling, listen to how she is feeling... It is also a great idea to come to a compromise!!! 1 year out there is not such a big thing to agree to... for a start... & once she gets out there she may get to feel settled & love it & not want to come back to Ireland at all... The thing with it is... you have to also make sure you dont just ignore the issue if you do get out to Oz... & also prepare yourself for if she does want to come back after a year. You have to do what is right for both of you but you have to talk to each other... Good Luck Susie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pablo Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Just wanted to say.........great responses! i was wavering on oz,but now we know whats in the offing in the UK the next yrs,im off asap,thankfully were both commited to giving it a go. I wish you all the best OP,whatever happens Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TheArmChairDetective Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Just wanted to say.........great responses! i was wavering on oz,but now we know whats in the offing in the UK the next yrs,im off asap,thankfully were both commited to giving it a go.I wish you all the best OP,whatever happens err so are you off to the uk or are you off to Oz. !! an come to think of it, don't you live in a liverpool scarf hung up in some lighthouse in Adelaide? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrobbersdog Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Just wanted to agree that these are great responses to what must be for you a huge dilemma. I think that no matter how much you want this that you will always have a little doubt in your mind as you enter the unknown, nobody wants to make the wrong decision. I think it's important to let your oh feel that they have not been pushed into anything and that every detail has been thought out and managed. I really hope that you can give it a go with no regrets for at least 12 months. Good luck and I hope all your dreams come true for all of your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 You probably do need to sit down and ask for a decision and then be prepared to live with it if she says no. There is no value in forcing someone to go, even for a year (lots of guarantees of return have been broken on this forum alone), just put it down to experience and thank your lucky stars that you have a wife you want to grow old with. The country is irrelevant really, it's the people in it that matter. BTW no guarantee of a better life or lifestyle - different, for sure, but better? not necessarily - bringing up a child in isolation from extended family can be a real negative and that persists for a generation or two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fleabo Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 I What do I do? Karl - concentrate on your relationship - it is more important than where you live it.:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pablo Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 err so are you off to the uk or are you off to Oz. !! an come to think of it, don't you live in a liverpool scarf hung up in some lighthouse in Adelaide? To oz,"was wavering on oz,but now we know blah blah..........":wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 Also one other thing that has been discussed many a time on here, If you both go.....Your wife doesnt like it, you stay , she comes back......there are complicaitons involved there as you have a child. Lots of what if scenarios. Your first thing................As many have said............talk to your wife. Why doesnt she want to go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daffod1lly Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 Must be such a difficult decision ... The only thing I would add, is that during the period between leaving the UK and setting up here, the stress levels are pretty scary! I think the OH and I argued more during this time than the rest of our whole time together! Luckily we were together in our decision to make this move - I can only imagine how awful this stressful time would be if one person wasn't totally committed. Just think carefully :yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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