thechurchfamily Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 Hi. We've been in Melbourne (Balwyn) for almost a month now and I really need help for my wife who is struggling to settle. We are here on a 457 for 4 years and did all of our homework before coming out. We travelled out here twice and spent ages checking out where to live. We have 4 kids - eldest daughters are 17 and 15, son of 11 and youngest daughter is 7. They are in good schools and have all settled really well making friends quickly. I have started work which is going ok but my wife - who was really positive about the move - is getting upset every day worrying if we have done the right thing. We are renting a lovely house with a pool in a nice leafy suburb so it's not that. It doesn't help that it has been so cold and wet here since we arrived (I know it's winter!) or that we all went down with flu last week. Also our furniture and most of our belongings don't arrive for a few more weeks which makes living harder. We were prepared for the kids getting upset and being miserable but that really hasn't happened, but my wife's reaction has really thrown me and I'm quite worried it's going to turn into something more serious. She is taking the kids to school and talking to some other mums but just hasn't clicked with anyone. Is this normal for new arrivals? Any advice gratefully received and if anybody is close by we'd love to meet up. We are both in our late 30s - not that that matters! Help! J Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pau1evs Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 :hug: big hugs to your wife the weather is not great at mo and after all the stress of moving she is probley think what have i done !!! we have all been there x just be there for her x you have settled in a job and focused she is thinking what next !!! i wasnt even sure where you are based ! are you to far out x does she have a car or even drive !!! good luck guys xx but maybe she needs to be the one to rant ! lol carole x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scousers Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 Yes, i beleive this is totally normal, its not easy though, but it will get better. Best wishes to you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cob Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 Out of her comfort zone and panicky - a horrible feeling. It's not easy to gel with strangers, however hard you try. But she must keep trying - especially at the school - when my kids were little and I had just moved away I launched myself into helping out in the school canteen and lessons. I bet there is a fellow pom there who will tune into the accent. Sometimes just a little bit of sun helps - and there is little of that at the moment. Or if she can get on this forum maybe there will be someone in the same situation in your vicinity that she can have a coffee with. She just needs to start a thread. If that doesn't work I will drive over to the rescue, even if you are 60 mins away! Cath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 Sorry to hear this, however when you all leave the house she is probably alone for the rest of the day. Has she a car? Also finding ones way around and everything being so unfamiliar will not be helping. I find primary schools is where contact with other Mums takes off as by high school most mums are working and not that involved anymore. At primary there is more hanging around chatting, help with reading all those things where you come in contact. In my view if someone can visit her and take her out and about she will find her feet so hopefully someone with some time who lives in the area will pop by. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 Dont panic, she will probably be OK. She does need to get herself out and doing stuff - if she cant get a job (most likely) then suggest that she does some volunteering to get to know a wider group of people. Also think about something to do with fitness - joining a gym, walking group etc. Think about her usual interests - are there groups she could connect with? At the end of the day you cant MAKE her feel better about being here, nor can you make friends for her or push her into friendships she doesnt feel comfortable with, she has to do that all by herself. I see that you have a 4 year temporary visa anyway but maybe you need to reassure her that if she really doesnt like it here (and there is no shame in that, many people dont) then you will cut it down to 6 months or a year (looking at the age of your kids, you may want to make it shorter so as not to totally screw up their education) if she still hasnt settled - negotiate a time frame so that she doesnt think that this is "it" for the rest of her life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jo Thornton Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 Hi J Welcome to Melbourne! We have been here for 9 months now and live down the road from you in Box Hill North. We have a daughter 14 and a son 12. I understand how she feels - I think we all go through those feelings -once the kids have gone to school and hubby gone to work.....how to spend the day? The primary school is probably the best place to meet people - thats were I met my closest friend here . I can meet up with your wife during the week for coffee/lunch if she would like to? Stay positive, things will get better, and tell her to think of the barbies and fun in the pool which arent too far away now. Jo x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northernpommy Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 Hey, Wish you were over at Point Cook. There is a big Ex pat community and everyone really helps each other out. We all feel quite homesick (all newbies to Melbourne) at times, but are getting ourselves through it with support. I guess that only Ex Pats "get it" if that makes sense - so you get naturally drawn to them.! Hope things settle down soon. elaine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thechurchfamily Posted August 26, 2010 Author Share Posted August 26, 2010 I am the homesick wife. ...and Thank you for all your support and kind words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Hi J Please tell you wife this is completely normal, we bring over quite a few families each year and everyone of them goes through the same thing, usually it starts about a month after you have landed and can go on for up to 6 months, the first few weeks when you arrive you are so busy finding a rental, getting all the paperwork, medicare, banks etc sorted that you don't have time for those emotions to set in, then all of a sudden, the hubby goes off to work the kids are off to school and you start to dwell on things and really miss the familiarity of home in the UK. Please tell your wife to contact me and we can get her out and about during the day with other people in the same situation, but please remember to tell her she is not alone. Hugs Kate:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest itskaren Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Hi. We've been in Melbourne (Balwyn) for almost a month now and I really need help for my wife who is struggling to settle. We are here on a 457 for 4 years and did all of our homework before coming out. We travelled out here twice and spent ages checking out where to live. We have 4 kids - eldest daughters are 17 and 15, son of 11 and youngest daughter is 7. They are in good schools and have all settled really well making friends quickly. I have started work which is going ok but my wife - who was really positive about the move - is getting upset every day worrying if we have done the right thing. We are renting a lovely house with a pool in a nice leafy suburb so it's not that. It doesn't help that it has been so cold and wet here since we arrived (I know it's winter!) or that we all went down with flu last week. Also our furniture and most of our belongings don't arrive for a few more weeks which makes living harder. We were prepared for the kids getting upset and being miserable but that really hasn't happened, but my wife's reaction has really thrown me and I'm quite worried it's going to turn into something more serious. She is taking the kids to school and talking to some other mums but just hasn't clicked with anyone. Is this normal for new arrivals? Any advice gratefully received and if anybody is close by we'd love to meet up. We are both in our late 30s - not that that matters! Help! J I am close by and a good friend of mine lives in Balwyn (we met through poms in oz). My husband and I have been here for 2.5 years I know the feeling very well. Feel free to pm me and maybe we can all meet for coffee? Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northernpommy Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Hey, Just a thought, why dont we organise a Friday lunch meet.!!! Grab either a coffee/cake or some lunch. Either in centre of Melbourne or Carlton ???? It might make you feel easier if you meet others in same position? What do you think? Elaine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sykestykes Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Hi Churchfamily First, I'd like to say that I think you're a lovely, considerate husband for putting this post on to seek help and advice for your wife who is so down. Everything your wife is experiencing is normal at this stage of the emigration process. My own experience was that everyone else in the family except me had somewhere to be every weekday, a purpose to achieve (work and school) and they all had someone to talk to during the day. I had gone from working in a responsible job and being surrounded by people I knew (and who knew me) to having nothing to do and no one to talk to all day. I forced myself out of the house, I became a volunteer foster carer for unwanted animal shelter dogs awaiting adoption. I talked to people just so I'd had a conversation that day and explored my new surroundings so they didn't daunt me any more (having got lost and needing to disturb the old ladies having a bowls match to ask for directions lol). My advice would be to hang in there and allow herself time to adjust - a month is not long at all and so not to be hard on herself if she feels out of sorts for a good while yet. But with settled children and an obviously supportive husband like you, she's already half way there. Very best of luck to you all Sue xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jo Thornton Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Elaine......friday lunch sounds good....please let me know Jo x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northernpommy Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Hi, How about next Friday? Would that suit? Elaine.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jo Thornton Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Hi elaine for me next friday in the city would be good....what about anyone else? Jo x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cob Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 Hi Jo I do fancy a trip to the city and what better reason than to do coffee lunch with fellow poms. I'll try and persuade Caroline too Please come Mrs Church - you ( or your OH) started this off! Cathx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jo Thornton Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 Hi Jo I do fancy a trip to the city and what better reason than to do coffee lunch with fellow poms. I'll try and persuade Caroline too Please come Mrs Church - you ( or your OH) started this off! Cathx Hi Cath Look forward to seeing you again Jo x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Caroline Norman Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 Hi Yes I'm up for Friday as well, looking forward to it! Caroline x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northernpommy Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 Ok, Where shall we meet up then???? Somewhere central !?? What time... About 12.30? Elaine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jo Thornton Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 Ok, Where shall we meet up then???? Somewhere central !?? What time... About 12.30? Elaine 12.30 is great. sorry not very up on places to eat in the city - but will go anywhere! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cob Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 seem to be plenty of nice places around - the arcades/lanes between little collins and flinders lane? depends where you get off thetrain or park the car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thechurchfamily Posted August 28, 2010 Author Share Posted August 28, 2010 It sounds good to me will someone PM the details. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thechurchfamily Posted August 28, 2010 Author Share Posted August 28, 2010 Well as the 'Homesick Wife' (as she will now forever be known!) has got herself talking on Poms in Oz and now has a lunch date, I suppose I have to bow out of this conversation. Thank you so much for all your kind words and wise advice. I'm sure there will be other low points in the future but we feel so much better knowing that others have felt the same. If I didn't have to work on Friday I'd be gatecrashing the lunch to meet you all! Have fun and thanks again. J Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rae848 Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 seem to be plenty of nice places around - the arcades/lanes between little collins and flinders lane? depends where you get off thetrain or park the car. Hi Jsut wondered if you'd mind someone else joining in, ie me. I'm in Mornington but often come into the City & a trip in on Friday would be good. I keep managing not to be around when there are get togethers in the Mornington area so have only so far managed to meet up with others once since I came to Melbourne just over 5 months ago & am going a bit stir crazy still trying to settle here. (I came over as a last remaining relative so have family here but am stuck living with the parents at the moment until I can get a permanent job & find my own place hopefully nearer the city. I've just finished a 3 month job & am back to job hunting & only having the parents for company & conversation now apart from when I see my brother & his kids which is only occasionally) Regards Rachel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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