gilliantay Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 way they get to see you after you move?Just a thought to stir the pot on this glorious winters day of sunshine.Pimms anyone? Have actually been thinking of this myself - or should I say I have been aware of this from day 1. Our respective families have no wish to visit us in Australia - for the price of their flight down under they can have 2,3 or 4 holidays in Spain, Turkey, Greece etc, etc, It is not that they do not want to see us but they find it hard to justify why they should work solidly for a year to make the journey only to have to go through all the goodbyes again when they have to leave..........which is quite comical as that is what we find ourselves doing.......work non stop for a year, book all our annual leave together then fly up to the top of the world to see everyone. Gill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest famousfive Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 Happy Lass,I must agree with you,I am very lucky to have such a nice person in the family.He has always been one to see the needs of others and do what he can to help out.At the time he only stayed 3 days as he could not get much time off work,with such a long journey this made it even more amazing that he was willing to go to such effort for his little sister.It sure as hell made my day[as did getting married to my hubbie of course]. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conniebygaslight Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 Playing devils advocate here as to be honest my family in the uk (sister- only sibling- and mother) have completely cut us off with no reason since we left. but....If and when we choose to emigrate to the other side of the world then surely it should be up to us to go back and see family there. It shouldn't be up to them to work all year to save up to come and see us as really it was our choice and not theirs. Holidays are a wonderful thing that most people save and look forward to and I wouldn't expect any family members to spend their hard earned cash to visit us. I do think a lot of people that are left behind do get angry though and that is why people cut ties which is crazy and a great shame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Lass Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 Playing devils advocate here as to be honest my family in the uk (sister- only sibling- and mother) have completely cut us off with no reason since we left. but....If and when we choose to emigrate to the other side of the world then surely it should be up to us to go back and see family there. It shouldn't be up to them to work all year to save up to come and see us as really it was our choice and not theirs. Holidays are a wonderful thing that most people save and look forward to and I wouldn't expect any family members to spend their hard earned cash to visit us. I do think a lot of people that are left behind do get angry though and that is why people cut ties which is crazy and a great shame. I'm sorry to hear about your Mum and sister, Connie. I hope things change for the better for you. It is not your duty to do all the visiting just because you have moved any more than it is theirs to visit you. How many of us would welcome and make a place in our homes for our family to stay if they took the trouble to fly out here to visit us? Assuming it's family you're on good terms with that is. :smile: In short, it's not as if they have to worry about paying for their accommodation once they arrive and they can always make plans to do things on their own steam if they want to so why worry that they are wasting money on visiting you? If the shoe was on the other foot and it was someone else in my family who had moved to the other side of the world (or anywhere else) I would be happy to go and see them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conniebygaslight Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 I'm sorry to hear about your Mum and sister, Connie. I hope things change for the better for you. It is not your duty to do all the visiting just because you have moved any more than it is theirs to visit you. How many of us would welcome and make a place in our homes for our family to stay if they took the trouble to fly out here to visit us? Assuming it's family you're on good terms with that is. :smile: In short, it's not as if they have to worry about paying for their accommodation once they arrive and they can always make plans to do things on their own steam if they want to so why worry that they are wasting money on visiting you? If the shoe was on the other foot and it was someone else in my family who had moved to the other side of the world (or anywhere else) I would be happy to go and see them. I fully understand what you are saying HL and thanks for the kind words, I just try to see all sides I guess. My husband left Australia over 20 years ago and we have been coming here to visit his family as often as is possible - in the end we moved here....shouldn't have (his family are great but our quality of life here is dreadful). It's a funny old world..... Outta here next week:jiggy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nelly6010 Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 If and when we choose to emigrate to the other side of the world then surely it should be up to us to go back and see family there. It shouldn't be up to them to work all year to save up to come and see us as really it was our choice and not theirs. I have to agree - I have six siblings, three of whom have three + children. It was my choice to move here and therefore, as far as I am concerned, it is primarily up to me to ensure we keep in touch by making annual visits. My parent are old now, and my father cannot make the trip, but I have been lucky in that I have had four sibling come out to visit in the five year we have been here. And annual trips home are no hardship as far as I am concerned - rounds of visiting friends and family, visiting beautiful villages and towns, the museums and theatre. Not to mention the London Dolls House Festival (ok I am a bit sad..) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest roma 1 Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 Hi Gail, Oz is a long way away and for some ( that would have been me) it is a good thing but for some the pull of england and family is too much for them and i understand that...what i can't understand is when people who have close family ie parents ,up sticks and move there.. i have no parents and can not even in a million yrs understand why you get these i am missing my family posts....what did you expect???? I can't see cousin Ethel.. well you should have thought about that when you went to live the other side of the world !!!!!!!!! Rant over.. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrcatania Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 I work in travel and used to go here there and everywhere when in the UK, away every 3 months I was. I though I could still do the same out here... Pacific islands...Ohhh! Asia being closer..Ahhh!, NZ.. Mmmm!...... truth is I have been here 13 months and have never left these shores. flights are just too damn expensive, I mean Jetstar are advertising Thailand for $400 ( that be one way) $800 return???? That's a joke of the highest order. I can get to Bangkok from london for GBP450 round trip on a full service carrier FFS. Great I thought, Sydney is just over an hour from Melbourne...hang on, there is no train to the airport and cabs charge $50 each way ... Jesus wept, Forget it. The tube would get me to heathrow in half an hour for 2 quid.... and from there, the world.... cheaply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 I work in travel and used to go here there and everywhere when in the UK, away every 3 months I was. I though I could still do the same out here... Pacific islands...Ohhh! Asia being closer..Ahhh!, NZ.. Mmmm!...... truth is I have been here 13 months and have never left these shores. flights are just too damn expensive, I mean Jetstar are advertising Thailand for $400 ( that be one way) $800 return???? That's a joke of the highest order. I can get to Bangkok from london for GBP450 round trip on a full service carrier FFS. Great I thought, Sydney is just over an hour from Melbourne...hang on, there is no train to the airport and cabs charge $50 each way ... Jesus wept, Forget it. The tube would get me to heathrow in half an hour for 2 quid.... and from there, the world.... cheaply. New Zealand always have some specials... even as low as $99 one way... Pacific Blue.... $414 return Online Booking I have had some excellent deals out of Perth, this is the bonus of living in Perth, Melbourne is further away, but of course it much depends on your availability for the specials doesnt it. Many of our Tasmanian friends take "the specials" over to the Gold Coast for next to nothing. :wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harrisj67 Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 No one can deny that it is certainly a hell of a way away. In our years here people have visited, particularly in the first few years, but the visits are becoming fewer. It's a long way and we're the ones who decided to leave after all. People have there own lives and although Australia is a great place to holiday, there are plenty of great places closer, where they too do not have to take 4 weeks annual leave. When people visit, we tend to take leave to take them places, which means we possibly don't see as much of Australia as we'd like; people come to see us and like to stay with us, thus keeping down the costs a tad. Not complaining, just a fact. There are some beautiful places around Victoria and I'm only too happy to ferry people here, there and everywhere. I didn't mind the distance a few years ago. One thought was that some family would come eventually to live here; how could they not want to live here after all?? How silly! :smile: I think since having our children, the distance has been more apparent. I think both my wife and I have mellowed and we're more appreciative of what the UK has to offer...closeness to family. What makes the distant more obvious these days is the time difference. One has to always consider the time of day when calling home; if you miss that slot, then people are getting on with their lives, and you miss that contact. I suppose this is how it becomes when you're ready to return. :smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
basil Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 It IS a long way, to a certain extent you have to manage expectations of your friends and family and even yourself before you leave I think. We're not close to our families particularly, seeing them only once or twice a year in the UK and always it's us making the effort to visit/call on them. Someone mentioned being 'cut off' and it feels to us that happened the moment we left our home towns to an extent. Yet when we moved to asia we got the 'we'll never see you again' guilt trip. We made one expensive holiday home and tbh neither family could even be bothered to take a few days off work to spend time with us and as others have said it's barely a holiday staying in someone elses house and holidaying somewhere you lived for 30+ years! Asides that our families visited us once each while we lived in asia for 3 years. We were surprised they made the trip tbh, I imagine as they stayed with us it kept the holiday cost down, plus they visited somewhere new. In 3 years they never telephoned us once though, despite being sent calling cards and being bought a webcam. We have already been very clear that when we move to Aus we would like to see them and hope they'll holiday but that we will not be planning to return to holiday in the UK. We would be more than happy to meet them half way in asia and contribute to their flights, where at least we will feel on holiday too and may get to spend quality time with them. As they age then we'll make the extra leg to Europe if we can afford to, but still very much wanting a holiday for our $ not their spare room with them off at work. Admittedly we have an odd relationship with family, but I do think there has to be a little give and take. Sadly, we have always also pre-discussed which funerals we would return home for and it would be siblings and parents only TBH we have so little to do with family now that it won't be a shock for either side.....although the arrival of grandchildren might skew things I sense (though not their first so maybe not!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harrisj67 Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 ... I do feel for you because your trip to the UK sounded like hard work when it should have been a holiday!... Going back to the UK is wonderful, but it is not so much a holiday as a chance to see rellies and old friends. There is an expectation that your time is not your own and many feel pulled pillar to post. Nevertheless, it is great to see family and old friends...a chance to catch up. I would love to just rent a cottage in a beautiful part of England and say "Hey guys come and visit!!"...no doubt there would be some resistance. Not an issue returning home "for good" 2011. Not complaining...this is just a fact of life and it was us who left. :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackboots Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 For me , YES ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
landv Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 It IS a long way, to a certain extent you have to manage expectations of your friends and family and even yourself before you leave I think. We're not close to our families particularly, seeing them only once or twice a year in the UK and always it's us making the effort to visit/call on them. Someone mentioned being 'cut off' and it feels to us that happened the moment we left our home towns to an extent. Yet when we moved to asia we got the 'we'll never see you again' guilt trip. We made one expensive holiday home and tbh neither family could even be bothered to take a few days off work to spend time with us and as others have said it's barely a holiday staying in someone elses house and holidaying somewhere you lived for 30+ years! Asides that our families visited us once each while we lived in asia for 3 years. We were surprised they made the trip tbh, I imagine as they stayed with us it kept the holiday cost down, plus they visited somewhere new. In 3 years they never telephoned us once though, despite being sent calling cards and being bought a webcam. We have already been very clear that when we move to Aus we would like to see them and hope they'll holiday but that we will not be planning to return to holiday in the UK. We would be more than happy to meet them half way in asia and contribute to their flights, where at least we will feel on holiday too and may get to spend quality time with them. As they age then we'll make the extra leg to Europe if we can afford to, but still very much wanting a holiday for our $ not their spare room with them off at work. Admittedly we have an odd relationship with family, but I do think there has to be a little give and take. Sadly, we have always also pre-discussed which funerals we would return home for and it would be siblings and parents only TBH we have so little to do with family now that it won't be a shock for either side.....although the arrival of grandchildren might skew things I sense (though not their first so maybe not!) My in-laws are exactly the same, they have never once called us since being here, they bought a laptop just for the reason of being able to Skype, never once initiated to get in touch through Skype, they only send an occasional e-mail, that's it. Why do you think is like that though? I know we are the ones who left, but it only takes a little effort. Their grandchild (our baby) is due in a couple of weeks, and I am hoping they will come around and make more effort to keep in touch, but I very much doubt it and it greatly saddens me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
basil Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 Why do you think is like that though? I know we are the ones who left, but it only takes a little effort. Their grandchild (our baby) is due in a couple of weeks, and I am hoping they will come around and make more effort to keep in touch, but I very much doubt it and it greatly saddens me. I just don't know, but it saddens me too. I'd love to have a closer relationship with family, both our parents do have closer relationships with our siblings (who have children) who do still live close by. My parents moved away in their youth (and returned) so they know how it is to be away and from childhood memories my grandparents visited and called plenty. My parents wouldn't even get an anwerphone so I could let them know I'd called. It was very frustrating to keep trying for days on end and then when I'd get through hear 'we haven't heard from you for ages'. I ended up mainly sending emails and asking when might be a good time to catch them to speak. I hope as much for your babies sake as yours that things improve. I know we will get the guilt trip about living overseas wither their grandchildren when the time comes, but in all honesty I doubt it would make much difference where we lived. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 If I could be a bit of a devil's advocate here. Have you thought that perhaps the way that people protect themselves is by not communicating? If you are constantly on the phone/Skype then it reinforces the fact that they are missing out on the precious years of their grandkids. They dont get the cuddles, go to the grandparents day, take them out in their strollers, watch them in the school play, see them open Christmas and birthday presents like other grandparents do - they may see them on the other end of a webcam if they are lucky. Working out just when is a good time to call can be very tricky for older people - will you be out, will you be busy, will the kids be in bed etc etc. I can quite see how, for some people, they dont want the constant reminder of what they are missing. To others that may seem extraordinarily selfish but it wasnt their choice to be deprived and they may need to cope with it the best way they know how - dont berate them, just put yourself in their shoes and think how you might feel. Personally I dont communicate much with my folks - we never used to bother except for important dates but now it gets to be about once a fortnight. I am lucky if I get a text from my son once a month but that is OK, I dont expect them to be constantly in touch - just when we need to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ibsen Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 I don't "feel" that Australia is far away .... Australia IS far away :biglaugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 I understand what you are saying Quoll, I do agree to a certain extent. I can see how people get peed off when they continually try to talk to family back home though. My experience is with my step kids. When we left they were 17. We offered to set them up with lap tops before we left so they would be able to keep in constant touch with their Dad. They jumped at the idea and said yes. Great we thought! In over 5 years I can count on one hand the emails we have had! We sent them a text (well three) 3 weeks ago asking them to give their Dad a day when he could call them. My OH doesnt care what time it is, he`ll get up at 3am if that is the only time they are home and near a phone! 2 kids 0 responses! You can only do so much I guess. On the opposite side of the coin, my MIL has zero money, doesnt work (physically cant and would be retired now anyway) and saves 10quid a week to pay for phone calls here and to put towards a fare! She has been out here three times. The kids.......Nope! No effort made at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
landv Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 If I could be a bit of a devil's advocate here. Have you thought that perhaps the way that people protect themselves is by not communicating? If you are constantly on the phone/Skype then it reinforces the fact that they are missing out on the precious years of their grandkids. They dont get the cuddles, go to the grandparents day, take them out in their strollers, watch them in the school play, see them open Christmas and birthday presents like other grandparents do - they may see them on the other end of a webcam if they are lucky. Working out just when is a good time to call can be very tricky for older people - will you be out, will you be busy, will the kids be in bed etc etc. I can quite see how, for some people, they dont want the constant reminder of what they are missing. To others that may seem extraordinarily selfish but it wasnt their choice to be deprived and they may need to cope with it the best way they know how - dont berate them, just put yourself in their shoes and think how you might feel. Personally I dont communicate much with my folks - we never used to bother except for important dates but now it gets to be about once a fortnight. I am lucky if I get a text from my son once a month but that is OK, I dont expect them to be constantly in touch - just when we need to be. I can see your point, however I think it depends on the personality as well, my parents could not be more different to my in-laws. As I mentioned before, my in-laws never initiate any communication, whereas with my parents we always email, phone or text whenever we can or Skype occasionally. They are coming to visit us later this year-which would be their second trip to Oz this year- to visit our new arrival and to spend time with us. And they are really a get up & go kind of people unlike my in-laws who are like a "stagnant pond" and would never get out of their little comfort zone. TBH, even if we lived in the UK, I still very much doubt that they would make an effort, they never did when we lived there, having said that we were "just a couple" without any children, not sure how it would have changed the situation if I was pregnant in the UK and not here and having their grandchild in the Uk and not here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
basil Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 Quoll, I take your point but in our case we don't yet have children so it generally seems our family just aren't interested in us. My first home I owned was 15minutes drive away, they visited 4 times in 3 years, despite many invitations, they never even popped in or called if they were in the area. Even now we're back in the UK, on the same time zone they rarely initiate calls, even on special occasions. Christmas day is a good example, I called my parents in the morning but they had already left for my sisters. Called my sisters and they had not yet arrived, my sister said she'd get them to call me. Boxing day afternoon and they finally called back to wish us a Happy Christmas :frown: I sometimes wonder if it'll turn out to be almost a blessing when we move to Aus as at least we won't be missing family too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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