Want to go home!

[Parley]

Just before we left the UK 4 yrs ago, our baby was very sick and was in hospital for a week. All the wheels for moving here were in motion, but OH asked me if I still wanted to go. I told him I didn't but I would as I didn't want to regret not going.

 

You are in a difficult position. I think as humans if we have come somewhere, not wanting to in the first place, it will be difficult as our heart will not be in it.

I don't really know what the answer is.

You either need to have a total change of heart and decide you will enjoy your life in Aus and not keep looking back. Or agree with your OH to go back.

[harrisj67]

Hi Niaja. It must be said that we are all considering your side of the story...this is afterall your thread. We must, however, try to consider the other side. Things do look rather good this side of the hemisphere for your family. Your idea of returning and not cutting ties with Australia sound a great compromise. One thing that makes one feel even more a part of this great nation is citizenship. I don't recall you having this and I am under the impression you will meet the requirements. This may be enough to persuade you OH to help lay a ghost by returning to the UK. If it's meant to be that you live in the UK, you'll know.

 

Good to see you're talking...you're halfway there!!

[Petals]

Not sure I agree with the guy Burnett, my oh Scots everyone in his family scots back to as far as the paperwork goes and he loves Australia and does not want to live in Scotland.

 

Me East Anglia is my thing down to Sheerness, Surrey London and my family have records back to the 15th century and I am pure English too and I do not feel like living there when I return for a holiday, love Australia.

 

I do like the fact that we know where we come from and who we are and we are not a mixed variety but that is as far as it goes :laugh:

[Guest funkymonkey]

Thank you for all your replies and advice.

 

OH and I have been discussing going back lots since my post.

He says that we gave the UK a chance before and it was horrible and that's why we left. I argued that we hadn't really given it much of a go and that people do have quality lives there too.

 

Just before we left the UK 4 yrs ago, our baby was very sick and was in hospital for a week. All the wheels for moving here were in motion, but OH asked me if I still wanted to go. I told him I didn't but I would as I didn't want to regret not going. I agreed to give 4yrs (as our previous visa was 4yrs) and if I wanted to go back after that then we could. (all sounds way too simple!!) Anyway I reminded him of this today.

 

All of his pros for here are financial, his salary, our house our car Oh and the beach. Which is all fantastic and I can't argue with any of that.

But I can't change the way I feel either and it only gets worse. I just feel so isolated and far away. (which I am really)

He made a comment about me being wrong to feel this way. I just said its not wrong to feel something different to you.

I have suggested a trial UK stay maybe for a year. Also not tomorrow maybe next yr or the year after. But as long as it is a possibility I feel much happier.

Keep our house and put our furniture in storage and just go to try life there again. I don't think that's too unreasonable. Then hopefully we will know for sure where we want to be.

People move about the whole world all the time. It will be good for our children to experience life there. See snow etc and experience what we did as kids and most importantly have family nearby.

 

This is so similar to us, my hubbie finally gave in and said we would go to the UK, we had a really bad Christmas, lonely, boring and depressing..we both felt it. His reasons for staying here are the same, job,car,house,money. I too have not been happy here, day to day i can cope but when i think i won't be able to leave the feeling is just awful, trapped and stuck and all my own stupid fault for coming here in the first place.

 

So...we have sold our house, booked our exchange rate and we are renting here for 6 months before we go, we could and probably should have gone straight away but i seem to be only able to deal with the move in small stages. Anyway, we hope to save some more money and hubbie is going to ask for leave without pay, basically to limit the risk, just in case we don't settle or can't get jobs. Selling the house though made me feel free and i feel ok about renting, i guess its because i know we can leave if we want and we're not tied here.

 

Anyway, i understand exactly how you feel, you can't help if you feel like this and if like me you have tried and tried and it just isn't happening and isn't right then it probably never will be...4 years is a long time, i have been here 6 in January..its a long time to be unhappy.

 

I hope your hubbie sees that for the health of the family you probably should at least try life back in the UK.

 

Sorry to ramble

All the best.

[mrsindecision]

Burnett, your posts make very interesting reading - and I certainly connect with the sense of being uprooted and my roots not taking in Australian soil.

 

Also I think there must be a different energy in the southern hemisphere to the northern. We are being asked to adapt to completely opposite seasons, light, water etc. and the energy doesn't resonate with our own. We do adapt to an extent but now I have returned home - while there are things that are stlll odd, my connection with nature is incredibly relaxed. It is strange I walked along the thames the other day and felt so calm and connected in a way that I just couldn't feel on the beach in Aus I always felt like a visitor. I used to watch locals emerged in the waves perfectly comfortable with the surf when I would be scared of the power of the surf and had no history with it. I used to watch the fishing boats and jetskis and think it looked exciting and grreat fun for others but not for me. By the river I loved watching the boats of all shapes and sizes and the dighy sailers and thought I could join in any of it. Am even going to take up rowing!

[landv]

Burnett, your posts make very interesting reading - and I certainly connect with the sense of being uprooted and my roots not taking in Australian soil.

 

Also I think there must be a different energy in the southern hemisphere to the northern. We are being asked to adapt to completely opposite seasons, light, water etc. and the energy doesn't resonate with our own. We do adapt to an extent but now I have returned home - while there are things that are stlll odd, my connection with nature is incredibly relaxed. It is strange I walked along the thames the other day and felt so calm and connected in a way that I just couldn't feel on the beach in Aus I always felt like a visitor. I used to watch locals emerged in the waves perfectly comfortable with the surf when I would be scared of the power of the surf and had no history with it. I used to watch the fishing boats and jetskis and think it looked exciting and grreat fun for others but not for me. By the river I loved watching the boats of all shapes and sizes and the dighy sailers and thought I could join in any of it. Am even going to take up rowing!

 

 

What you just said is so interesting and true and so freaky, because, only today, I said to my husband as we were sitting on a bench down the beach looking out to the ocean, as much as it is beautiful, I just don't feel the same as when I looked out to the ocean in our favorite spot in Cornwall. I don't feel the same connection and "dreamy" state when looking at the ocean here.

I used to do a lot of surfing in the UK, down in Croyde in Devon and Sennen Cove in Cornwall, and I haven't done any surfing here since we've been here, because suddenly I am scared of the waves!! How silly is that!

[Guest Guest37175]

Wonderfully well written Burnett. Thanks.

[bunbury61]

What you just said is so interesting and true and so freaky, because, only today, I said to my husband as we were sitting on a bench down the beach looking out to the ocean, as much as it is beautiful, I just don't feel the same as when I looked out to the ocean in our favorite spot in Cornwall. I don't feel the same connection and "dreamy" state when looking at the ocean here.

I used to do a lot of surfing in the UK, down in Croyde in Devon and Sennen Cove in Cornwall, and I haven't done any surfing here since we've been here, because suddenly I am scared of the waves!! How silly is that!

 

 

Croyde Bay .....my favourite place on the planet

[Guest JulieW]

Thank you Burnett for putting into words what I've been feeling.

 

I got back from a month in the UK and France 2 weeks ago and feel even more disconnected from all things Australian. Like you, Connie, even more than friends and family, I just miss England itself, especially the light, the countryside and the buildings. I don't think I can bear the ugliness of the built environment here much longer. This feeling of not being connected here gets stronger as time goes by.

 

Part of the reason for going to England was to assess how we all felt about going back. We talked to friends, looked at schools and generally spent time imagining being back. My Aussie husband, who lived in England for 17 years before we came here 5 years ago, has agreed that we can go back next year 'to see how we get on', if that's what I want. Of course it is, but then I become responsible for uprooting the family, as you say, Burnett. One child is happy to go back, the other not as happy but not totally against it either. We need to have a proper talk about the whole thing, when we've all had time to process our feelings from the trip.

[Conniebygaslight]

Thank you Burnett for putting into words what I've been feeling.

 

I got back from a month in the UK and France 2 weeks ago and feel even more disconnected from all things Australian. Like you, Connie, even more than friends and family, I just miss England itself, especially the light, the countryside and the buildings. I don't think I can bear the ugliness of the built environment here much longer. This feeling of not being connected here gets stronger as time goes by.

 

Part of the reason for going to England was to assess how we all felt about going back. We talked to friends, looked at schools and generally spent time imagining being back. My Aussie husband, who lived in England for 17 years before we came here 5 years ago, has agreed that we can go back next year 'to see how we get on', if that's what I want. Of course it is, but then I become responsible for uprooting the family, as you say, Burnett. One child is happy to go back, the other not as happy but not totally against it either. We need to have a proper talk about the whole thing, when we've all had time to process our feelings from the trip.

 

Hi Julie, I've been wondering if you were back yet and how you went on. My Aussie husband can't wait to get back to the Uk (3 weeks to go) as he was there for 20 years.

 

I feel completely responsible for uprooting the family from the UK and now feel terrible for doing the same thing from their Aussie family here but we all want to go (although the little one's wouldn't mind) we daren't leave it any longer in case the children become too settled. The disconnection that you talk about is huge for me.

 

PM me if you like to chat

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