back three weeks and feeling a little lost

[mrsindecision]

Just looking for some kind words I think as everything is good being back here - the weather has been good, family and friends have been great. But like when I moved to Oz I am feeling a little lost from time to time. I have no real routine and feel a little needy of my friends who have been used to living their lives without me for the last three years and have things planned and holidays. When I hear that my mum or friends are going away anywhere for a few days I panic.

 

The kids I think are feeling the same - old friends have moved on and they are having to start again which makes me feel sad. I am keeping busy and getting us out and about but absolutely hate this feeling of being rootless.

 

have others felt the same and how did you handle it - any advice to help keep me positive. I am not thinking life in Oz was better at all - but we did have a routine.

[caramac]

I think sometimes people underestimate how hard it can be coming home. We returned from Perth after 4 years and I found it really tough to start with, but it does get better.

 

Just keep phoning friends. As you said, their lives have moved on and everyone is busy, but they may just need a reminder that you're back! I think that the ones who have never moved think you'll pick up just where you left off and don't realise how alien everything feels. That's what I found the most difficult.

 

It's particularly tough at the moment because it's summer and everyone's out and about making the most of it. Once the kids start back at school and autumn's here you will have a routine again and so will they. It makes a difference how long you've been away too. We've been back six months from a year in Sydney and we have all just slotted back into our old lives this time (except my oh who is still in Aus working!).

Just give it a bit of time - it will get better, honestly

[Guest valleylass]

Hi MrsI

 

In answer to your question about feeling rootless, yes I did I hadn't been away for as long as you. I also felt quite strung out emotionally so everything felt odd.

 

How did we handle it ? I suppose we focused on the practical things such as getting jobs, a rental, the children settled back into school. We also made sure that we didn't push ourselves too hard and tried to ensure we had time to chat about the situation we found ourselves in. Easy to forget that at this time of year most people go away for the hols and under normal circumstances you probably would be - hence not being 'left behind'.

As you point out routines are an antidote to rootlessness, have you got a plan for summer? Perhaps you could sort one out if you don't.

 

Don't know if this is of any use but good luck with your new life :biggrin:

 

valleylass

[mrsindecision]

Hi MrsI

 

In answer to your question about feeling rootless, yes I did I hadn't been away for as long as you. I also felt quite strung out emotionally so everything felt odd.

 

How did we handle it ? I suppose we focused on the practical things such as getting jobs, a rental, the children settled back into school. We also made sure that we didn't push ourselves too hard and tried to ensure we had time to chat about the situation we found ourselves in. Easy to forget that at this time of year most people go away for the hols and under normal circumstances you probably would be - hence not being 'left behind'.

As you point out routines are an antidote to rootlessness, have you got a plan for summer? Perhaps you could sort one out if you don't.

 

Don't know if this is of any use but good luck with your new life :biggrin:

 

valleylass

 

Yes a great help and the same to caramac - I knew there must be people out there who have been through the same. My eldest is still in Oz and I miss him terribly - also realise what he brought to the family always someone for middle son to chat to - have a beer with etc. Middle one made great friends in Oz but has been gone since he was 15 - now nearly 19 everyone here has their own friends and seem a bit nervous about re-engaging - he is fine as he is going to uni in Sept - so we just have to get through next 6 weeks. We haven't really got a plan for the summer so think you're right would be good to have one and maybe take the time to go and visit our friends all around the country.

 

It's amazing how much it is like the lost feeling I had when I went to Oz I remember being almost hysterical about finding and making friends. OH and I are feeling quite knocked for 6 about what we have put ourselves through - perhaps that is hitting home. Fortunately finding people generally very kind and helpful. Just waiting for the day when I return to being comfortable in my own space. Feels like it's been a long time since I felt that.

 

Perhaps we should have meet ups for those who have returned as most people just dont get it.

 

Thanks for support - much appreciated right now.

[caramac]

A couple of us in Norwich are going to meet up sometime soon - bit of a long way for you to come though!

 

It must have been hard to leave your son in Aus. If my oh can't get a job back here I might have to leave my eldest daughter here at boarding school and take the other two back to Melbourne. I really don't want to and I'm not at all sure how I'd cope with it. What a lot you're having to deal with at the moment!

 

Good luck!

[mrsindecision]

A couple of us in Norwich are going to meet up sometime soon - bit of a long way for you to come though!

 

It must have been hard to leave your son in Aus. If my oh can't get a job back here I might have to leave my eldest daughter here at boarding school and take the other two back to Melbourne. I really don't want to and I'm not at all sure how I'd cope with it. What a lot you're having to deal with at the moment!

 

Good luck!

 

Let me know when you are meeting as Norwich is on my visiting list as have a good friend there.

 

Eldest is completing an honours year at uni and living in family home so enjoying himself - he's nearly 21 so it was time for him to be independent - but coping with empty nesting at a distance is hard.

 

What does your husband do - how is the job situation looking for him? Would be hard to leave your daughter, but understand they do need consistency for their education. My daughter went into her new school this week and thought the people were great but the school itself is a hole. Had us in fits imitating the chav language - will be working hard with her to stop her joining in that too much. I am told this is now the norm in state schools here - even very good ones. Fortunately what they do in the classroom seems to be good.

 

How have you managed with OH away must be equally hard for you.

:hug:

[Petals]

I guess its always difficult as family and friends get on with their lives without us and although they are happy to see us they have moved on and sometimes there is no room for us in their lives. Happy to see us at family stuff etc.

 

What you have to decide is where you want to live and then start making a new life. I know that when I lived in UK after being here in Aus it was very hard at first, however if we had stayed there it would have worked out.

 

A guy my oh worked with returned to the UK after having a successful holiday back there and he said that friends and family were ok for a little while, then they go on with their lives and they were left. You see family and friends do not feel they have to assist as we are returning to our home and supposed to know all about it.

 

This guy moved back to Aus and now he cannot get his wife to even go to the UK for a holiday. :laugh:

[mrsindecision]

I guess its always difficult as family and friends get on with their lives without us and although they are happy to see us they have moved on and sometimes there is no room for us in their lives. Happy to see us at family stuff etc.

 

What you have to decide is where you want to live and then start making a new life. I know that when I lived in UK after being here in Aus it was very hard at first, however if we had stayed there it would have worked out.

 

A guy my oh worked with returned to the UK after having a successful holiday back there and he said that friends and family were ok for a little while, then they go on with their lives and they were left. You see family and friends do not feel they have to assist as we are returning to our home and supposed to know all about it.

 

This guy moved back to Aus and now he cannot get his wife to even go to the UK for a holiday. :laugh:

 

thanks - my friends here are very close to us so not likely they will drop us - same with family - but realise they have their own lives and we didn't live in their pockets before we went so don't really expect to now - just right now feel very needy and could easily follow them around being a complete pain. Not contemplating moving back - that's not the issue at the moment just how to get through this first 6 months without becoming a stalker.

:wacko:

[caramac]

Ok. Will let you know!

 

Oh is a psychiatrist - you'd think there would be a need for them (!), but he's quite senior now and understandably after spending years getting to the level he's at now, he doesn't want to come back to just any old job. It's a long story, but he's got a great job in Melbourne and it's unlikely that there'll be anything similar here in the near future, but sometimes miracles happen......

Mostly we've coped better than I'd thought we would with him being away although exam time was tricky - gcse chemistry is waaayy beyond me!! That and when anything 'technical' goes wrong - thank goodness for more able friends!

I'm glad your daughter likes the people at her new school - that's a good start and I'm sure she'll find like minded friends and avoid the rest! I'm sure that's why I'm quite happy here - the girls have settled back into school so well. One of the main reasons for coming back is that they were so miserable at school in Sydney, which was a real shame when they'd always loved school before.

 

At least life isn't boring!:yes:

[Bod]

Some of those who return then Ping Pong I think just have their noses put out because they exspect to be the centre of attention just because they emmgrated to Aus.

It's no big deal to all and sundry. they could not give a monkey.

 

 

It's tough coming home. Its a big deal to us but not a big deal to friends and family>. Sure they are happy to have you back, but they have their lifes to live.

 

I've been there done it, I knew there would be no fireworks or welcome home banners, no partys. It's just the norm.

 

I don't see my friends us much no more, but they are thier. I've been back 2 year now and it has been a strugle, but life is far easier than it could have every been in Australia.

 

Give it time, get your feet back on the ground and relise life is life, no big shakes it's just the norm. Once you get your feet routed down you'll be fine if you give it a chance.

 

 

Good luck X

 

John

[mrsindecision]

Ok. Will let you know!

 

Oh is a psychiatrist - you'd think there would be a need for them (!), but he's quite senior now and understandably after spending years getting to the level he's at now, he doesn't want to come back to just any old job. It's a long story, but he's got a great job in Melbourne and it's unlikely that there'll be anything similar here in the near future, but sometimes miracles happen......

Mostly we've coped better than I'd thought we would with him being away although exam time was tricky - gcse chemistry is waaayy beyond me!! That and when anything 'technical' goes wrong - thank goodness for more able friends!

I'm glad your daughter likes the people at her new school - that's a good start and I'm sure she'll find like minded friends and avoid the rest! I'm sure that's why I'm quite happy here - the girls have settled back into school so well. One of the main reasons for coming back is that they were so miserable at school in Sydney, which was a real shame when they'd always loved school before.

 

At least life isn't boring!:yes:

 

understand completely - you do reach a point where you don't want to go backwards. My OH is an advanced level paramedic and has returned to his old role and despite looking like he has been hit by a brick is actually enjoying the work whereas in Oz he was totally bored and de-motivated. I have a job interview this week which is a level below what i would normally do but the money is good and I am at the point where I think it could be good to have an easier ride for a while - the other half of me thinks it could also be a career disaster. Not sure - just want to be around for my daughter and make sure son gets settled into uni ok. I have been a career mum for 8 years might be time to just be a working mum for a change.

 

Where in Sydney were you - did your girls go to private school. My daughter was like a fish out of water for two and half years and then started to settle in the last 6 months (typical).

 

we don't have our furniture around us either or our dog so I guess it's no wonder we feel strange - in 6 months should have sold our house, perhaps have bought somewhere here , have or dog and at least have our son home for Christmas. Just don't want to end up continually living in limbo and never feeling settled.

[caramac]

understand completely - you do reach a point where you don't want to go backwards. My OH is an advanced level paramedic and has returned to his old role and despite looking like he has been hit by a brick is actually enjoying the work whereas in Oz he was totally bored and de-motivated. I have a job interview this week which is a level below what i would normally do but the money is good and I am at the point where I think it could be good to have an easier ride for a while - the other half of me thinks it could also be a career disaster. Not sure - just want to be around for my daughter and make sure son gets settled into uni ok. I have been a career mum for 8 years might be time to just be a working mum for a change.

 

Where in Sydney were you - did your girls go to private school. My daughter was like a fish out of water for two and half years and then started to settle in the last 6 months (typical).

 

we don't have our furniture around us either or our dog so I guess it's no wonder we feel strange - in 6 months should have sold our house, perhaps have bought somewhere here , have or dog and at least have our son home for Christmas. Just don't want to end up continually living in limbo and never feeling settled.

 

 

 

I bet you'll feel more settled when you have your things back, and the dog, and maybe your son for Christmas...... living in limbo isn't much fun. We're renting a friends house which is furnished (in a very bachelor kind of way!) because all our stuff is in Melbourne. It's ok, but I want my things back!

 

We were on the North Shore and the girls were at a private school, but it was very different from the one they're at here!

 

What was different for your OH there? Did he not have as much responsibility? Not using his skills?

 

Good luck with your interview. Even if it is a level below, at least you'll be back in there and it'll give you time to settle in again and not have to think too hard!

[Quoll]

:hug: If you put it into the context of grief and the lack of structure that comes with grieving over something that has put a hole in your life, what you are feeling is perfectly rational and quite normal. Hard to see the logic when you feel like you are flailing in the wind but it will all be about establishing those routines and keeping yourselves busy - you know what they say about new migrants to Australia, get out there and do things with people, keep busy, etc etc. It's just the same in reverse really. Add to that the fact you are missing one child on the other side of the world - took me a couple of months to get used to that to be honest.

 

Catch up with you in October though, if you like - in fact I could do Norwich in October and we could have a big coffee gathering!

[mrsindecision]

:hug: If you put it into the context of grief and the lack of structure that comes with grieving over something that has put a hole in your life, what you are feeling is perfectly rational and quite normal. Hard to see the logic when you feel like you are flailing in the wind but it will all be about establishing those routines and keeping yourselves busy - you know what they say about new migrants to Australia, get out there and do things with people, keep busy, etc etc. It's just the same in reverse really. Add to that the fact you are missing one child on the other side of the world - took me a couple of months to get used to that to be honest.

 

Catch up with you in October though, if you like - in fact I could do Norwich in October and we could have a big coffee gathering!

 

Thanks Quoll the voice of reason one more time :hug: thank you - Norwich in October sounds perfect.

 

x

[Bod]

:hug: If you put it into the context of grief and the lack of structure that comes with grieving over something that has put a hole in your life, what you are feeling is perfectly rational and quite normal. Hard to see the logic when you feel like you are flailing in the wind but it will all be about establishing those routines and keeping yourselves busy - you know what they say about new migrants to Australia, get out there and do things with people, keep busy, etc etc. It's just the same in reverse really. Add to that the fact you are missing one child on the other side of the world - took me a couple of months to get used to that to be honest.

 

Catch up with you in October though, if you like - in fact I could do Norwich in October and we could have a big coffee gathering!

 

 

 

October? I reckon I could do that, are men allowed?

[caramac]

October? I reckon I could do that, are men allowed?

 

 

'Norwich in October sounds perfect.'

 

 

'I could do Norwich in October and we could have a big coffee gathering!'

 

 

 

Didn't know Norwich would be popular.... this could be big! Shall I start looking at venues???:laugh:

[Conniebygaslight]

Thinking about you mrsI and I will ty to pm you this week

[Quoll]

'Norwich in October sounds perfect.'

 

 

'I could do Norwich in October and we could have a big coffee gathering!'

 

 

 

Didn't know Norwich would be popular.... this could be big! Shall I start looking at venues???:laugh:

 

Absolutley! Arrive 16 October so any time between then and 25 November (except 2 - 5 Nov) would be fine with me. Will be based in Cambridge so either a quick train ride (which appeals) or try and find the park and ride (failed miserably last time and ended up in Gt Yarmouth:biglaugh:)

[Guest valleylass]

Norwich in October - sounds like a plan. If it's during half term count me in.

 

valleylass

[Conniebygaslight]

I'm so,so lucky there are 2 friends of mine moving back to the same village as me within a few months so we will be able to support each other. We are on the phone to each other a lot over here. One has been in Sydney for over 5 years and the other Melbourne for nearly 2.

 

It really helps having someone in the same boat as no one can possible understand how you feel. Good luck with your Norwich meet us-sounds fabulous but a little far for me x

[caramac]

We'll need a village hall at this rate - anyone got an urn.......??:wink:

 

Half term sounds good and would fit in with Quoll (definitely the train!!). I'll start having a think.... and roma1 can help....please Gail....??

[Guest roma 1]

Hello,

I have just found this thread and spoken to Caramac and i am sure a nice quiet place can be found here in Norwich.. we are not moving to Australia now but it would be lovely to meet you all and Norwich is a beautiful city to live in and explore if you have the time...

Gail xx

[Guest roma 1]

Hi Caramac,

I posted just after you lol

I would love to help and half term sounds good.

I will call you tomorrow,

Gail xx

[LojaChica]

Hello,

I have just found this thread and spoken to Caramac and i am sure a nice quiet place can be found here in Norwich.. we are not moving to Australia now but it would be lovely to meet you all and Norwich is a beautiful city to live in and explore if you have the time...

Gail xx

 

WISH I could be there................:smile:

[Quoll]

So when is half term?