MichelleNeil&Mia Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 We just had a positive skills assesment through over a week ago, which is great news, but i am constantly finding my emotions and feelings are all over the place. I have read that this is normal, but how do i know whether its just aprehension about moving or something deep inside telling me its not the right thing to do??? Okay so we probably have a good 9/10 months before were gonna go, if we do, but its not that long is it?? The main things i m worried about, and if anyone can help or comment on any of them, please do, because i am going out of my mind on a daily basis!! Firstly... Friends, yes i will make new ones and so will OH and daughter, but i KNOW my friends here, i know who i can trust, call at 2am if i need to, just pop round with no notice and above all, just know me and know when i need them... how do you cope having to start all over again making new friends??? Secondly..Spiders, :eek:now okay i might be being a bit stupid here but i am absolutely petrified!! i have seen the pictures of huntsmen spiders and i just want to cry, i KNOOOOOOW they cant hurt me, but i cannot bare the thought of coming across one in my home. I really need to know how likely it is that we will encounter these beasties and redbacks, whitetails etc realisticly, if i can expect to find maybe one a year then i can probably cope, if its one a week, im not interested!! Also, my sister is in NZ, along with an aunt and uncle we have, i am kind of verging on wanting to try there instead, my head is so confused!!!!!! I think i am just having major doubts and this is natural, OH just reckons we should go and see how it works out... i'd really like to hear from anyone whos there already and went through this or had similar doubts, how are you now and was it really the right thing to do??? Oh, and by the way, its Perth were planning on heading to!! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lancashire Lass Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Hi.....I understand how you feel. We have odd days where we suddenly panic and think "What the hell are we doing" but then we go back to the reasons that made us decide to go which is to have a big adventure while we are still reasonably young, put the foundations down for our kids to build their lives in a fantastic place and lastly to hopefully enjoy a more laid back life centred around the family. I will be leaving my 20 year old daughter behind and I can't even think about it right now. It's too emotional, so when the thought of saying goodbye pops in my head I push it out straight away as it's too difficult to think about. I'm dreading having to face it. Having said that, she totally understands our reasons for going and we have her backing. As for the spiders, I have never been to Australia but our friends emigrated to Perth 6 months ago and haven't seen a huntsman spider yet. They saw a redback in the garden a couple of months ago and squished it! You're on the emotional rollercoaster, be brave and keep remembering back to what it was that lead to your decision to emigrate. Mandy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pingpongpom2 Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Hi to you:smile:..what you're feeling is something you will hear from people on this site time and time again..it's a huge move for anyone, particularly if you have a family..as my name suggests i am a ping pong pom and have been for over 40 years, and even for me this last time of moving back home to Perth has been just as scary and overwhelming..only time will tell if this is right for you personally and if you are prepared to give it a go..i think if you are realistic and keep a very open mind as to what to expect this goes a long way..i personally think Perth is a beaut city with friendly, welcoming people and in time you would make friends anew again..it will all just take time and it's if your prepared to give it that..yes there are crawlies, but honestly it's not something you think about everyday..we've been back nearly five months..seen a couple of redbacks and whitetails..no huntsmen as of yet!!..when you make a move like this there is a loss of familiar people and places..i read somewhere the other day 'if you want to go on new adventures you have to lose sight of the shore for a while'..i think that is absolutely right, but eventually in time your new surroundings start to become familiar again..i wish you all the best and hope you can settle with everything very soon..as scary as it is, it can also be very exciting and an awesome experience..it doesn't always work, but you wont know till you try..take care.. Tess:cute: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Perth Princess Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I'm going to be absolutely slated for this but I'm going to give you my honest opinion. All your fears are real. Your new friends will not replace your old ones, not even near for a long time. You will miss them like mad and it will hurt. It's the worst bit of emigrating. Spiders I hate, but really you don't see them often enough for it to be a factor in your settling or not. I had loads of fears about emigrating and to be honest many of them have come true. It's a huge, and I mean HUGE thing to do. If you have a good life in the UK then think hard. if you are unhappy then that is a different story. I've been in Perth for 4 months and feel I am on the verge of clinical depression. As I say I am expecting to get completely slated for this as nobody likes to hear the bad stuff, and maybe I am being unfair as my situation is not typical as I have had an unusual amount of bad news from the UK since I've been here (family members). Also I should point out that my husband and kids seem to love it here. I don't hate Australia, I think it's a great place, but its a long, long way from home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Perth Princess Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I'm writing another post because I feel guily about the last one. I should have also told you that perth is very beautiful with a fantastic climate and there is a great quality of life here. Probably what we write in response to your post won't make any difference anyway, you have to make your own mind up. Just because I am struggling to adapt to the change doesn't mean that you will. There are loads of happy poms out here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jana Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 My cousin leaves for OZ in about 6 months and her fears are exactly the same as yours. I would put you in touch with her but she doesn't even feel ready to join this forum because it would make it seem too real. Her Husband is dealing with all the formalities,she just signs things! and blocks it out. Her reasons for leaving are due to OH job. She is perfectly happy here and already talks about returning. I think it must be different for the people who are truley unhappy in their home situation and feel emigration is the answer for them. In a lot of cases that must be true, as so many people love it and stay. The people who do go and want to return and I believe there are a lot of them too,I would say perhaps they were really in need of a good long holiday and should have considered the place they intended to emigrate for that holiday if only to see how it felt. I do not know if my cousin will last or not and at this stage my concerns are that she may not go at all. Perhaps if you try and save enough to have a holiday in OZ and pretend that was your final move,you would know how it was going to really feel. I know that is what I would do. When I holiday abroad,I always say to myself,I love, love, love, this place but could I make it my home. For me the answer is always no and until such times I say yes then home is where I remain!:spinny: Good luck and all the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jane99 Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Am feeling all those things too! Scared, excited, anxious and I am doing it alone with my 11 year old son. The way I see it though, is I may regret if I dont give it a try. My good friends will keep in touch by phone and internet. And at worst I can come home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawny Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 By the sounds of it, It seems perfectly normal to feel this way, My o/h also passed his practical a couple of weeks ago. Up until then it was still a dream mixed with all the excitement, Now its a real as our agent has just lodged our visa application, So now its a case of omg are we really doing the right thing, up rooting the kids and leaving it all behind to go to the unknown.. You know what! Yes we are, its what we have been waiting for for the last 3 years, so we would be stupid to have come this far just to let cold feet stop us, That is besides the amount of money its cost to get this far, And with the thanks of everyone on pio for all their help and kindness and advise they have given us along the way, Im sure the excitement will return as the months go by, So chin up hun.. we will all be fine xx:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest littlesarah Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Hi Guys Perth Princess - you don't have to apologise for expressing your opinion; I truly hope things get better for you. It is a real rollercoaster. I'm generally quite happy with my life here, but feel that I will have a better quality of life in Aus, and I know that my profession is better organised over there. I don't think new friends will ever replace your old friends, you'll just collect a few more! Just always remember why you're going! Good luck Sarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 I would imagine that cold feet is a perfectly normal response if you have any length of time to consider what you are doing. I believe that to do this emigration thing successfully you have to be rather "selfish" and I dont mean that in the nasty sense of the word, more like self contained, self sufficient and, to a degree, impervious to the feelings of people around you. Settling in a new country takes time and a huge amount of effort - you really do have to get out there and do stuff, get a job, volunteer, do courses or whatever takes your fancy because people will not flock to you. You will have to deal with the guilt trips imposed by those you leave behind and you will suffer when those you leave behind have special events - birthdays, engagements, marriages, anniversaries and even deaths because for the most part you wont be able to nip over to share them. You might be lucky and develop friendships where you can call at 2am - must say that I have a couple here in Aus and I have been here almost 30 years compare that with far more that I have in UK that I would have no hesitation about calling at that time! I have noticed that friendships here are more transient, possibly because they arent formed at that time when we are developing as adults rather that they are more dependent upon having your kids, being in a job, belonging to an interest group etc. and people move on from those situations and often the friendships dont move with them. I have difficulties with the "better life for the kids" as being the reason to pack up a perfectly good life somewhere. It is actually more of an adult itch which needs to be scratched by a bit of adventure I reckon. The opportunities for kids in UK is at least on a par with anything offered here - millions of UK kids grow up to be happy and successful in their lives every day. I dont think Aussie kids are necessarily disadvantaged but neither are they advantaged and by the time most of them get to the end of school they cant wait to escape to other parts of the world where there is more "buzz" going on. Similarly the "better quality of life" - what will that actually look like? Bigger house - possibly, hotter weather - definitely but what else? For me "quality of life" involves the people in it and if you are isolated in a strange land with none of your heritage around you then that is not a good quality of life but a rather superficial existence. If your aim is for a bit of adventure then you will be fine, dont burn any bridges and have an open mind about whether this is where you want to grow old so you can judge if this is the right place to continue to be. Also, expect your kids to do to you what you have done to your parents and be their own people in their own place which may or may not be Australia at the end of the day. :hug::hug: PS spiders - nah dont panic, you'll be fine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rodly Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Perth Princess I understand completely how you feel. I don't think you should apologies for expressing how you feel. I found the first 6months very hard, I felt very foriegn. I found the whole experience of settling into a new country very sureal and found the homesickness over whelming. We also had family bereavements back in the UK, which also added to the guilt. Having said all that I did return home after 4 years and then missed loads about Sydney and the good friends I had made there. We decided to come back in 2007 and I do not regret it. I also left my then 19year old in Scotland and have missed her loads, but I know she is very happy there and is considering coming out here in a few years. I think you have to give it time, as it will definately get better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krissyazz Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Hun, Im feeling the same. We are just waiting for my visa to come through and im terrified! I too am thinking about family and friends and spiders, you just have to keep on reminding yourself of why you want to go to Oz in the first place, You will miss your family and friends but i keep thinking they are only a phone call away, if they are true friends they will understand why you have to go, as for family..............am still trying to explain that one!!! A word of advice :idea:my sis lives in victoria and has her house sprayed every three months or so with some spider repellent, she says its about £70 and she hasnt had any encounters with the crawly variety as yet and has been there 16 months- this spray is top of my list! Hope this helps, its only natural cos its such a huge change Take care Kris:wink: xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LKC Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 We just got to Australia on the 18th Feb and I have to say that I was feeling very similar to you. I lost count of the number of times I decided that we weren't coming. My poor hubby was off work for about 6 weeks before we came and was permanently having his ear bent by me trying to decide whether this was the right thing to do. In the UK, I would only have to see a smallish spider and I would be pale, clammy, thumping heart, shaking etc, so for me the spiders were a real issue. I couldn't decide if it was right to upend the children (aged 2 1/2 and 1 year) and move them to the other side of the world. However, we (obviously!) decided that we would give it a go. We had a nice life in the UK, but hubby had been offered an opportunity here so we decided that we would rather try it and go back with no regrets if we didn't like it, than not even give it a chance. We have never lived close to family anyway, so we are speaking to them as frequently as we did in the UK. Friends I do miss (one of my best friends had a baby on Friday which made me cry because I miss her), but I suppose true friends stay friends wherever they are in the world, and the others you make along the way anyway. It is really early days for us and I have had a couple of wobbles (I cried because I miss Tesco's of all things the other day!), and we ended up at A&E in an ambulance with our youngest last week because she was burning with a fever that I couldn't control which made me think "What have we done" becuase we don't yet know how things work, but as time goes on, those things will become easier. So far, seeing the childrens faces when we go somewhere like the beach or the playground has far outweighed any worries that I have for myself. There are things that I don't like, but I think that I can get used to them. A huntsman ran up the wall beside me while I was eating breakfast the other day, but it was fine and we dealt with it. To be honest, it was less scary because it was big, not more scary! I even helped hubby put it in a pot so that he could put it in the garden - very unlike me! It is just part of life here and whilst I will jump if I see one again, I know that we dealt with it once, we'll deal with it again. So, what you are feeling is normal. If you try and ask yourself what you will regret more, giving Australia a chance and going back if you don't like it, or never giving it a chance in the first place, I think you will find the answer you are looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 I'm going to be absolutely slated for this but I'm going to give you my honest opinion. All your fears are real. Your new friends will not replace your old ones, not even near for a long time. You will miss them like mad and it will hurt. It's the worst bit of emigrating. Spiders I hate, but really you don't see them often enough for it to be a factor in your settling or not. I had loads of fears about emigrating and to be honest many of them have come true. It's a huge, and I mean HUGE thing to do. If you have a good life in the UK then think hard. if you are unhappy then that is a different story. I've been in Perth for 4 months and feel I am on the verge of clinical depression. As I say I am expecting to get completely slated for this as nobody likes to hear the bad stuff, and maybe I am being unfair as my situation is not typical as I have had an unusual amount of bad news from the UK since I've been here (family members). Also I should point out that my husband and kids seem to love it here. I don't hate Australia, I think it's a great place, but its a long, long way from home. I think you have made some very valid points. I don't believe you'll be slated because you've put them across in a very honest way and your post has in no way meant to antagonise anyone. I agree with the 'friends' bit, it's very difficult to 'replace' what you had in the UK .... obviously with time and investment that will come, but sometimes you find it hard to make the 'effort' and wish is was all so much easier. Migrating is a giant unheavel, as someone pointed out you're living in a foreign country, you've not moved down the road or to another town where you know there's going to be an Argos, Boots and M&S ... it takes time to find your feet. To the OP It's right to have doubts, worries and excitement (not very nice to feel them all at the same time though), but it shows you're going into the move with your eyes wide open and prepared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docboat Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 To the OP - if you were not having doubts, you would not be thinking straight. When you do arrive, make sure you have adjusted your mindset. You will not be in a different part of the UK, and you will find a lot of different things, ways of doing things, styles of life. If you decide you want to open up to the new, and accepting the wonderful opportunities that are here, then you will do well. If you remain fixed on the continuity of TV programs and the nearness of family, then you will be worse off. Do not come if you are not prepared to open up your mind to the new - you will just make yourself depressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest littlesarah Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Hello I've been giving this subject some thought, and it occurs to me that in some ways there are similarities between going to live in Australia and moving from my hometown to Norfolk. Obviously, there's a huge difference between 200 miles & 12 000 miles; but I still had to make a new life for myself. I came here alone, and didn't know a single person in the whole county. I was assigned hospital accommodation, which consisted of a tiny room with access to an ill-equipped kitchen and no living area to speak of - it was pretty grim! But I made a conscious decision not to drive 'home' every weekend, and after a couple of weeks found a room to let with a work colleague. I met a few people a work, but I really wanted to make a whole network of friends, so I joined a local orchestra, and a social group, and made some really good friends. Yes, our lives have changed as the years have gone by (it's now 10 years since I arrived) - some of us have settled down with partners, some have moved away, some have had children; but we are still friends.:cool: I think it's easier if, like me, you've moved away from the town where you grew up. I don't see my family all that often, so in some ways it's less of a wrench. I agree with Quoll (I think it was) about the need to be a bit self-serving - I justify it as needing to live my own life. Doesn't stop me feeling a bit guilty though... Welcome to the ups & downs of the emigration rollercoaster!! :hug: Good luck, everyone! Sarah x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MichelleNeil&Mia Posted March 2, 2009 Author Share Posted March 2, 2009 Just want to say a BIG THANKYOU!! to everyone that has posted a reply. I feel much more positive today and am raring to go. I dare say i will have more down times and they will hopefully be followed by up times again... but as someone mentioned, it wouldnt be normal if i wasnt feeling like that. I'm grateful that i have found this forum and realise that were not alone, and im not going crazy, that this is how it is for most people!! Its 5 weeks till we come out to perth on our reccie, and i'm quite excited about it. We would love to arrange meet ups with anyone while we are there, jus to chat about "the move" and life in Perth!! I feel that meeting people who have already been through it would be a great help and of course...we'd also love to make some new friends!!!! Thanks again and Love to all xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jane99 Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Just want to say a BIG THANKYOU!! to everyone that has posted a reply.I feel much more positive today and am raring to go. I dare say i will have more down times and they will hopefully be followed by up times again... but as someone mentioned, it wouldnt be normal if i wasnt feeling like that. I'm grateful that i have found this forum and realise that were not alone, and im not going crazy, that this is how it is for most people!! Its 5 weeks till we come out to perth on our reccie, and i'm quite excited about it. We would love to arrange meet ups with anyone while we are there, jus to chat about "the move" and life in Perth!! I feel that meeting people who have already been through it would be a great help and of course...we'd also love to make some new friends!!!! Thanks again and Love to all xxx Good Luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Hello I think it's easier if, like me, you've moved away from the town where you grew up. I don't see my family all that often, so in some ways it's less of a wrench. I agree with Quoll (I think it was) about the need to be a bit self-serving - I justify it as needing to live my own life. Doesn't stop me feeling a bit guilty though... Welcome to the ups & downs of the emigration rollercoaster!! :hug: Good luck, everyone! Sarah x I wondered the same thing, I moved from Oldham to Preston in 1990 as my the b/f now hubby lived there. I'd lived in Oldham all my life, trained as a nurse and worked at the same hospital for 8 years ... people knew me, i'd go out in town and would meet up with someone I knew (we tended to do the same pub crawls). Although Preston wasn't a million miles away, I hated it, I hated living in the nurses home in Whittingham Hospital, I hated the the town 'cos I didn't know anyone or where anything was and at that point I didn't drive. I found I went 'home' as much as i could, but started not to belong there either, people talked about things I was no longer involved with etc. I made a pact with myself to give it ago, I started to make friends and an effort, we bought a house and got married. I ended up being in preston for 17 years. I have thought that perhaps we've settled because I'd had the experience of really feeling out on a limb before ... who knows, but I do find it amusing that my hubby who felt he would 'never move out of Preston' is now at the other side of the world. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest littlesarah Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 I'm really glad that I'd grown out of my hometown by the time I left! It made it pretty easy to move away, & I have to admit that I worry a bit sometimes that I won't fit in like I did when I moved here. But thinking about it, I put in quite a bit of effort to meet new people - I'm that sort of person though I think. I really like meeting new people and finding out what makes them tick! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest music Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Your blog really touched a nerve with me! Moving to the other side of the world is fraught with dilemmas, emotional wrenching and a sense of setting your life in stone! Of course you need to do your research, especially if like me you have never been to OZ! Find out as much as you can about the area you hope to move to, I have been checking out government sites re economic growth, population and demographics as well as job sites and realestate and of course schools for my kids, (Jay 9, Em 14). Pick the brains of any aussies you might come across. You will always have your friends, you just have to change the way you conduct those relationships - skype shrinks the world! My OH is in Kuwait at the moment and we skype (with webcam) daily, my mum and my best friend live in the USA so skype and cheapest calls works well and my brother is in NZ and we keep in touch with the occassional text. Kids will be fine - they make friends where ever they are, just select good schools. We have been working towards this for almost three years and last christmas I had a complete change of heart, but the desperate economic, social and environmental situation here soon had me back on track for a new life in the sun. Spiders are spiders, don't poke them and you will be fine! And life is NOT set in stone, if you dont like it change it. Good luck with a better life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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