Should we stay or should we go?

[Quoll]

Burnett, I am not certain but I would think that you might be able to get a UK passport because you were born there and nothing can take that away from you. Certainly Aus/UK dual citizenship is possible, and I have two passports as do many of us I am sure.

 

I have a friend who thought she had "lost" her citizenship because she hadnt renewed her passport in 20 years and all she had to do was just apply for a new one with her personal details and she now has a shiny new EU passport.

 

June - Australia can sometimes FEEL like Alcatraz believe me. I can so relate to Burnett's story, it could well be me if anything happens to the DH. However the Alcatraz bit comes because unless you are quite well heeled and of independent means you dont have access to a UK pension because you havent paid in enough. Also, most of the time the Aus $ doesnt travel well to UK - it does at the moment though which has been great for the holiday I have had. I would happily move back to the village I began my life in or even the village that my parents now live in. Or, for that matter any number of villages that I have been through and checked out on any of my trips. I certainly would not be going back to Bradford or Birmingham or anything like that although there are parts of London I would be happy with.

 

Ah well, my idyll is over, just killing time before taking some final family photos and getting on the bus to Heathrow. I have managed not to cry - yet but by the time I get to Heathrow my heart will have been wrenched

[THE DUNSCOMBE FAMILY]

hi, if you dont like Melbourne, try somewhere else, dont just give up, im finding it hard to settle here in Melbourne, but dont want to just give up and go back to uk , its fallin down the pan everyone tells me, TRY some where different first you may just find its a better way of life, ive felt so ill since i arrived in Dec and thought easy to just go back, but we worked so hard to get here, we have to give it a fair go first, good luck with wot ever you choose to do

[Guest LondonGal]

Wow Burnett you make Australia seem like Alcatraz!!! I’m glad the little old lady returned to do what was right for her, although, I suspect she returned to a village like Saffron Walden – If she had to move to somewhere like where I live, god help her!

 

It is possible to feel trapped in Australia, especially when you have built a good life here.

 

One thing my emigration journey has taught me is that you don't have to move half way around the world if you don't like where you live. There are hundreds of nice places to live in the UK

 

hi, if you dont like Melbourne, try somewhere else, dont just give up, im finding it hard to settle here in Melbourne, but dont want to just give up and go back to uk , its fallin down the pan everyone tells me, TRY some where different first you may just find its a better way of life, ive felt so ill since i arrived in Dec and thought easy to just go back, but we worked so hard to get here, we have to give it a fair go first, good luck with wot ever you choose to do

 

The UK is no more falling down the pan than any other civilised country in the world.

 

That works for some but if someone if truly homesick or feels like they do not belong, that doesn't normally change by moving to another area. Not to mention the cost financially and emotionally of uprooting the family again.

[Guest Susie]

Again, I agree with you Londongal.

 

We are pretty unsettled in Perth and the thought of moving my kids to new schools, new state, trying to find a suburb we like and find jobs etc is mindboggling. I really could not do that to myself or them again. And what if that didn't feel right either.

 

For us, it is here or back to some familiarity at least as well as family and friends, in Scotland.

[Guest lottiep]

Mmmm....The Dunscombe Family......I don't know if living here for 5 years and trying really hard and many options to make it feel more 'home' should be considered as 'giving up'!!!

I understand that many people consider that 'the UK is falling down the pan'.....and I know it's not fabulous all the time......but it also has soooooo much going for it. The people, the humour, the countryside, the ability to have an opinion, that people aren't so concerned with 'the size of your block and what kind of 4 wheel drive you have', Europe/States near us, being part of a bigger picture, architecture, the weather....yes, the weather, men treating women like equals!!....Things to do......God I'm so bored here!!

Here is a comparison between the UK and Oz and highlights the differences for me ....a ridiculous comparisson, but a comparison none the less......I love UK Masterchef with John Torode and The Veg Man.....classy programme, all about the food, the contestants are humble and the judges fair and often amusing. I was really looking forward to the Aussie version which started this week.....OH.....MY.......God.......what was that???? Brash, cheap, not about the food, loud contestants and hideous, show off, judges....the only decent-ish one was Matt Preston.....anyway that kind of sums up the differnces to me about Oz and the UK!!!

 

PS: Also, any country that thinks Sam Newman is funny..........

[Guest proud2beaussie]

Also, any country that thinks Sam Newman is funny..........

Is no different to a country that thinks Jo Brand is funny,and as for your other comments,bit of a generalisation don't you think?

BTW John Torode is Australian.

And I like any version of masterchef,think the aussie version is great.

[Guest lottiep]

Yes, they were generalisations but also my opinions and also not 100% serious......I don't know if you read in one of my sentences the words 'ridiculous comparison'? We only have a few words to get our point across and it would be very dull if we explained everything in minute, boring detail......I was just trying to get the general gist of my feelings across to everyone and most of the others seemed to have 'got it' and have given great feedback that has been really helpful.

 

Also aware that John Torode is Australian.......BUT LIVES IN LONDON!!!!! Mmmmm...I wonder why...? (And no, that's not serious, please don't feel the need to reply...no really, please don't.....)

 

Thanks to the other posts though....it is always helpful to realise that I am not on my own and that other people really understand how some of us feel. Thankyou.

[Guest proud2beaussie]

Well I'm terribly sorry if my opinion doesn't fall into your classification of "great feedback" but IMHO a generalisation is a generalisation no matter how you dress it up.

As for the comments being your own opinion well ok,but I never denied you the right to your opinion did I? the comments I posted are mine,sorry if you don't agree with them.

[Siblin!]

Mmmm....The Dunscombe Family......I don't know if living here for 5 years and trying really hard and many options to make it feel more 'home' should be considered as 'giving up'!!!

I understand that many people consider that 'the UK is falling down the pan'.....and I know it's not fabulous all the time......but it also has soooooo much going for it. The people, the humour, the countryside, the ability to have an opinion, that people aren't so concerned with 'the size of your block and what kind of 4 wheel drive you have', Europe/States near us, being part of a bigger picture, architecture, the weather....yes, the weather, men treating women like equals!!....Things to do......God I'm so bored here!!

Here is a comparison between the UK and Oz and highlights the differences for me ....a ridiculous comparisson, but a comparison none the less......I love UK Masterchef with John Torode and The Veg Man.....classy programme, all about the food, the contestants are humble and the judges fair and often amusing. I was really looking forward to the Aussie version which started this week.....OH.....MY.......God.......what was that???? Brash, cheap, not about the food, loud contestants and hideous, show off, judges....the only decent-ish one was Matt Preston.....anyway that kind of sums up the differnces to me about Oz and the UK!!!

 

PS: Also, any country that thinks Sam Newman is funny..........

 

Your post tickled me , it is exactly how i find ozzie TV , i mean com'on , i used to love Deal or No deal , then when i watched the ozzie version , OMG .........understating ............' they just don't get it in Australia'.....

 

I don't think i will ever be ' at home' here , i miss my environment , but th efact is my children deserve the very best i can offer them and Australia gives them just that .

If i had enough money to live in a pretty village , send them to private school and give them the quality of life in England they can benefit from in Oz i'd be back x

[Rudi]

Your post tickled me , it is exactly how i find ozzie TV , i mean com'on , i used to love Deal or No deal , then when i watched the ozzie version , OMG .........understating ............' they just don't get it in Australia'.....

 

I don't think i will ever be ' at home' here , i miss my environment , but th efact is my children deserve the very best i can offer them and Australia gives them just that .

If i had enough money to live in a pretty village , send them to private school and give them the quality of life in England they can benefit from in Oz i'd be back x

Is the UK version different then?!!! My kids love Deal or no deal!!

Rudi

[Guest lottiep]

Hi Siblin,

 

Know where you are coming from......it is a hard decision, isn't it? But we have decided to move back to the UK......we lived in a nice-ish area before and they have some really good state schools (and some really bad state schools!) so when my daughter is old enough she will go there.

 

'Understatement' is exactly the right word for what does not happen on TV here! Thank God for the proper news programmes like Today Tonight.......mmmmm.......!!!!

[Guest funkymonkey]

Well I'm terribly sorry if my opinion doesn't fall into your classification of "great feedback" but IMHO a generalisation is a generalisation no matter how you dress it up.

As for the comments being your own opinion well ok,but I never denied you the right to your opinion did I? the comments I posted are mine,sorry if you don't agree with them.

 

Gosh, your a stroppy so and so...have read a lot of your posts and thought the same....BIG chip on those shoulders??

[Guest marriedtoanaussie]

Dear OP

Please dont beat yourself up about bringing your daughter up in the dreadful UK. I have raised 3 children over there and had a ball, I just thought we could have an even better life togetherin OZ so I had to try it.....Watch out for media propoganda. I think the UK media is really rough on the UK and I do wonder about the constant Uk bashing media in OZ now I am here reading papers/news etc..

If you and OH want to return, fair play. You will not harm your daughter in any way, esp if you have family in UK

[Guest NicolaRoss]

Hi Just seen your post and it struck a chord with me because I am going through a similar thing at the moment. I have only been here since August, and I am thinking we have made a big mistake moving here. I am married to an aussie too, and we have a 3 year old son together. Since me and my husband got together about 6 years ago we have lived in the uk and oz. We lived in brisbane for 7 months immediately before we got married and I absolutely loved it. But that was before we had my little boy. We had to go back to the UK as my working holiday visa ran out. We only intended going to UK for 2 years then come back to brisbane but we ended up staying 5 years becasue of having our boy. My husband was always dead set on coming back, and we had pretty much 5 years of people in UK saying 'what, you are married to an aussie, what on earth are you doing here'. And in the end, I think you start to think they are right and feel stupid for living in the UK. But as soon as we got back to Brisbane I knew we had made a terrible mistake. I had a good life in the UK, yes weather wasn't great and house was small, but so what? You need more than good weather and a big house to make you happy! I felt isolated and lonely, and like I had outgrown that part of my life now. We ended up moving to Bathurst in NSW, small country town, its not the place for me, but at least we have family here (it is my husbands home town.) We are talking about going back to UK in April, and I will be embarassed for not having stuck it out long but if you aren't happy, what's the point, lifes too short. And if other people in UK think its so great here, maybe they should come over, as most of them have't even visited. Do what makes you happy I say. As for your daughter, she will be happy wherever she has people around her that she loves, and who love her. They couldn't care less about the big house and garden really. (sorry this post is so rambling and long!)

[pez2008]

hi, if you dont like Melbourne, try somewhere else, dont just give up, im finding it hard to settle here in Melbourne, but dont want to just give up and go back to uk , its fallin down the pan everyone tells me, TRY some where different first you may just find its a better way of life, ive felt so ill since i arrived in Dec and thought easy to just go back, but we worked so hard to get here, we have to give it a fair go first, good luck with wot ever you choose to do

 

If you dont like Melbourne try some where like Highton, Grovedale,Belmont the outskirts of Geelong. Its a great place to live, been in Highton 3 months now and love it.

[Quoll]

Hi Just seen your post and it struck a chord with me because I am going through a similar thing at the moment. I have only been here since August, and I am thinking we have made a big mistake moving here. I am married to an aussie too, and we have a 3 year old son together. Since me and my husband got together about 6 years ago we have lived in the uk and oz. We lived in brisbane for 7 months immediately before we got married and I absolutely loved it. But that was before we had my little boy. We had to go back to the UK as my working holiday visa ran out. We only intended going to UK for 2 years then come back to brisbane but we ended up staying 5 years becasue of having our boy. My husband was always dead set on coming back, and we had pretty much 5 years of people in UK saying 'what, you are married to an aussie, what on earth are you doing here'. And in the end, I think you start to think they are right and feel stupid for living in the UK. But as soon as we got back to Brisbane I knew we had made a terrible mistake. I had a good life in the UK, yes weather wasn't great and house was small, but so what? You need more than good weather and a big house to make you happy! I felt isolated and lonely, and like I had outgrown that part of my life now. We ended up moving to Bathurst in NSW, small country town, its not the place for me, but at least we have family here (it is my husbands home town.) We are talking about going back to UK in April, and I will be embarassed for not having stuck it out long but if you aren't happy, what's the point, lifes too short. And if other people in UK think its so great here, maybe they should come over, as most of them have't even visited. Do what makes you happy I say. As for your daughter, she will be happy wherever she has people around her that she loves, and who love her. They couldn't care less about the big house and garden really. (sorry this post is so rambling and long!)

 

Good luck with your move to UK - you are so lucky to have an Aussie DH who will agree to go with you, so many of them dont!

 

I wouldnt worry about the embarrassment - people often tell me how lucky I am to live in Australia when I go home and so I tell them just what it is like for me and they end up sort of gobsmacked and often have never thought of the downside just because they are hooked on WDU and H&A. I am sure you and your kids will have a fantastic life - full and varied! There are millions of UK kids growing up happy, healthy well educated and functional members of society because their parents care about them!

[Guest guest22466]

Good luck with your move to UK - you are so lucky to have an Aussie DH who will agree to go with you, so many of them dont!

 

I wouldnt worry about the embarrassment - people often tell me how lucky I am to live in Australia when I go home and so I tell them just what it is like for me and they end up sort of gobsmacked and often have never thought of the downside just because they are hooked on WDU and H&A. I am sure you and your kids will have a fantastic life - full and varied! There are millions of UK kids growing up happy, healthy well educated and functional members of society because their parents care about them!

 

 

Your not wrong there Quoll. well posted

[Dons]

I've read many of Quoll's posts both here an in another forum, and I relate very much.

 

Like Quoll, I've been in Australia many years. For most of them, I told myself I'd be back in UK by this age .. then by that age .. on and on. Now though, it's looking as if I'll die here. I'm trying to reconcile myself to that and ask myself why should it matter.

 

Speaking of 'going home' and what 'home' means, etc. has reminded me of a tv programme I watched last year. It's stayed in my mind .. very touching. And brave.

 

It concerned an elderly woman. All her large family live here in Australia and externally, she said, she'd made sure to always appear settled, happy, contented.

 

Then, when in her late 70s or possibly early 80s, she upped and returned to the UK ... alone.

 

When the tv crew caught up with her, she was living alone in a little English village. Her health wasn't great, but she was up and about and they filmed her at the churchyard.

 

When asked why she'd returned to England on her own, she said she wanted to die and be buried at home. Simple as that. She pointed to the headstones in the graveyard and said these were her family .. her ancestors. She hadn't seen her parents and extended family since migrating to Australia many decades before. But they were here, in this graveyard. And she intended to be buried amongst them when her time came. I was in tears by this point.

 

The tv crew asked about her family in Australia .. her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, daughters and sons in law, friends, etc. She replied that of course she missed them. But, she said .. they all had their lives ahead of them. She'd done her best for them. They were all successful and happy. She'd done her time in Australia and made a good job of it. Had pushed aside her often crippling sense of homesickness and thrown herself fully into Aussie, family and community life .. had been a good Aussie and ensured that no-one knew how she felt inside.

 

She wasn't complaining or trying to be a hero. Her family had had a good life, she said and they loved Australia, as she did.

 

Now though, she said .. it was her time. She'd given herself permission to make herself happy by returning to the UK .. to fulfill her deepest needs. And she had needed to be back home for a long time .. a long time. So she'd done it. Had popped herself on a plane. And she wouldn't be leaving the UK again. She was back for good and peaceful now, knowing she'd be buried at home, where she belonged and had privately felt she belonged ever since leaving UK.

 

So there she was, walking with a bit of difficulty, but still had lipstick on and her hair nicely done. She was visiting the churchyard as she did often. It gave her immense pleasure to know she was back .. that she'd done it at last. She felt peaceful. Her time was near and she was happy she'd made it back to UK in time instead of putting it off.

 

What a woman, huh ? Don't know how she arranged to get back. I was under the impression it wasn't possible .. that the UK wouldn't allow you back if you were ill and elderly. But she gave me hope, thank God for her. I stupidly relinquished my UK citizenship many years ago, as necessity, in order to get a passport urgently concerning work. It would have taken forever, I was told, to get a dual-passport, but could get an Australian one quickly, after taking Australian citizenship.

 

On my way back from the citizenship ceremony, I revealed to the cab driver that I'd just been made an Aussie citizen. And he told me to get out of the cab ! He was a Pommy .. a nice man. The last words he yelled at me as he pulled away were, ' You'll regret what you've just done for the rest of your life'. Then left me standing on the side of the road. It's haunted me ever since. And of course, I've always intended to re-apply for UK citizenship, or at least dual UK-Aussie citizenship or whatever it is .. but always put it off due to this and that.

 

Now though, with age upon me, I must pull my finger out and see if I can still obtain dual citizenship, regardless of cost and complications, in light of things I've read suggesting the UK may not be interested in regaining any of its old citizens. Because I want the option of returning to UK to die, morbid though that probably sounds. I at least want the option. Whether or not I'm as brave as the woman in the tv documentary, only time will tell, because the love of our children often exceeds even our love of what we consider to be our 'home'.

 

But when I remember that old lady standing in her village churchyard near her ancestors' graves, I can imagine the peace she felt, the sense of 'rightness' about what she'd done, regardless of personal cost. I'd give the world sometimes, just to be able to sit under a tree in my humble childhood village, just to touch the grass and stones and 'feel at home' after so long in Australia which .. nice as it is .. has never really felt like home to me in all the decades I've lived here. Maybe some of us just don't transplant as well as others, even though we seem perfectly adjusted on the outside.

 

I saw that too, I agree what a woman! And Quolls story is soooo sad, I really feel for you. Very interesting thread.

[bunbury61]

Hi,

 

Just need help clarifying things in my mind.... head and heart are having a battle!

 

Story so far: Came to Melbourne 5 years ago with my Aussie husband and in that time have had a daughter, renovated house, started business etc and everything is.........fine. I just find I haven't settled here.....I always feel slightly off kilter, slightly removed.....I guess it's just not my land.

 

I know the UK is cold, dark, having a bad recession, with small houses, violence etc......but I really miss it. We have been home 3 times and when we land at grimy, grey, Heathrow...... peace.

 

But, while I may find Australia not for me, I know I'm in the minority.....and I understand that. On paper it has everything. The question is, although I know in my heart of hearts I want to go home (and hubbie is happy too as well), is it the best thing to do for my daughter? Should I stick it out here? Is the UK really that bad? It gets such a bad rap here, but I find people much, much friendlier and not as superficial as in Oz. I miss being myself but for my little girl I would do anything and if she will have a better life here then we will stay. Did anyone leave OZ because they didn't like it and then realise the UK was worse? Or better??

 

Thanks for your help....sorry it was so long!

 

It all depends where you move back to.

If its inner city of any maor conurbation ,then it can be very grim ....and we are all aware of the many other problems.

But there are some people in UK,who have a fantastic quality of life.

Scenery,proximity to fantasic holiday destinations , a bucketful of things to do.

Did i have a better quality of life in oz .....the weather , the house ,the ocean, the freedom ?- maybe

But i have a "fuller" life here .....family ....travel ...the football...the pub ...decent house...decent car...its not falling apart here you know :biglaugh:

Just got back from Birmingham v Man utd ....my daughter got to see a premiership night game , in - 6 weather , and she can say she has seen Wayne rooney etc ( shrek)

[lismith25]

We live in a picture perfect itsy Airlie Beach in Queensland and have for 5 years. It is a haven for boat-lovers and fishermen.....Guess what we do neither.

 

The majority of the time its too stinking hot or raining in the wet season. You can only swim in the sea in the winter because of jellyfish and you cant go near the rivers because of crocs. There is one shopping centre which only has big w and woolworths But on paper its perfect.

 

Believe me I want the cold, the dark winter nights, tescos and shopping centres.......do it.....do it.:biglaugh:

 

My kids will both me aussies but I am blessed to be here with scouser.

 

Lis

[Guest treesea]

It is possible to feel trapped in Australia, especially when you have built a good life here.

 

We had a good life in Australia, better jobs and housing than we have here, and yet I felt trapped. It was the sense of looking into the future and seeing more of the same, just stretching into the decades. It did my head in.

 

One thing my emigration journey has taught me is that you don't have to move half way around the world if you don't like where you live. There are hundreds of nice places to live in the UK.

 

 

True, and they are all very different. So if you have been away for a while and are flexible about where you want to live, I recommend having a very good look around before settling. We intended to live in London, ended up first in Cambridge and then Manchester before settling on Edinburgh. It was an expensive process, realising I couldn't live away from the sea or the inner city, not to mention finding a city in Britain where you could see the sea from the windows.

[Emmylou23]

It all depends where you move back to.

If its inner city of any maor conurbation ,then it can be very grim ....and we are all aware of the many other problems.

But there are some people in UK,who have a fantastic quality of life.

Scenery,proximity to fantasic holiday destinations , a bucketful of things to do.

Did i have a better quality of life in oz .....the weather , the house ,the ocean, the freedom ?- maybe

But i have a "fuller" life here .....family ....travel ...the football...the pub ...decent house...decent car...its not falling apart here you know :biglaugh:

Just got back from Birmingham v Man utd ....my daughter got to see a premiership night game , in - 6 weather , and she can say she has seen Wayne rooney etc ( shrek)

 

Just watching that game on Fox - hope you were supporting the Blues!!!!!

 

I agree...if you value having the big house and living the dream forever then stay in Oz, but if you want a life that has more variety then the UK is best (we're hoping to get back this year after 2 years of boredom). And of course there is the football!!!

 

Follow your heart, life's too short if you're not happy.

 

Good luck with your decision.

[bunbury61]

Just watching that game on Fox - hope you were supporting the Blues!!!!!

 

I agree...if you value having the big house and living the dream forever then stay in Oz, but if you want a life that has more variety then the UK is best (we're hoping to get back this year after 2 years of boredom). And of course there is the football!!!

 

Follow your heart, life's too short if you're not happy.

 

Good luck with your decision.

 

Emmylou , of course i was supporting the Blues - iam a Brummie - not a plastic Man utd supporter.

The Blues are battling so hard ,a team built on a shoestring .

We havent lost since Gold and Sullivan buggered off.

The new owners have given Alec Mc leish $80 million to spend in the transfer window, optimism is coming back .

Bitter weather predicted for today - hasnt materialised YET ! - a lot of slush though

[Guest Julz]

I've only been in Australia 3 months, my husband and 3 children moved to Darwin in October and I already know that I don't want to grow old here or die in this country. My heart and home is in Scotland and I have every intention of returning there after my husbands 3 year contract, there is absolutely nothing that could make me stay.

 

Like many of you I miss the cold, snow, decent shopping, decent TV, long summer nights, dark winter nights, I don't want to get stung by a jellyfish or half eaten by a croc while walking the beach, I want my kids to enjoy playing in the garden without the worry of snakes or spiders and skin damage, I want to drink in British pubs and eat good pub grub and I want a life without bloody ants and humidity.

 

To all those who have doubts about going back, just do it, it will not be a decision you will regret.

[gemjay]

Hi all great site for discussing the real issues involved in the great migration downunder. This is my first post so i will begin. Me and my partner have lived in Australia for 6 years now, we have lived in Brisbane and various parts of Melbourne as well as on the Penninsular in Mount Martha, We have been back to the Uk for holidays twice and loved it both times. We have no Children and no Family in Australia and have hit a point were it is now obvious that Australia has become a very different place to what it was 6 years ago it is now Expensive for Food, Utilities, Cars, Health care, Education, Taxes and Stamp Duty and House Prices which are in for a significant correction given the levels of Debt average joe blogs is holding in my opinion. Making plans to return home to Lancashire in april after spending at least 2 years living in limbo trying to settle in a country which is very inward looking and isolated in a way which is not going to change. I could go on and on about positives and negatives for both Australia and the Uk but bottom line and always will be is its WHERE YOUR HEARTS AT otherwise limbo is something you have to learn to deal with as the years roll on not easy at all .:biggrin: