elm86 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Thanks both for your help... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Thanks both for your help... It's hard and I wish you luck. It is best to arm yourself with the facts and the law at the very beginning, so you know what you have to face and what your options may be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Thanks both for your help... I don't feel that I've really been of any help to you at all and I'm sorry that it hasn't been more positive news. Did you not want to return to the UK before the baby was born? Is this something that has only happened since she was born? Do you think you might have PND, which could be making you feel homesick, if all was well before she was born? Sorry, I don't mean to be nosey or impertinent, just wondering really how this has come up now but not pre-birth. Perhaps your partner would agree to you taking the baby for a holiday in the UK? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elm86 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 No ive found out my partners been gambling thousands of dollars dragging us down. He initially wouldnt agree for me to even get a passport just to go for a holiday but now hes agreed and im gonna head home 4 a few weeks once it arrives Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 No ive found out my partners been gambling thousands of dollars dragging us down. He initially wouldnt agree for me to even get a passport just to go for a holiday but now hes agreed and im gonna head home 4 a few weeks once it arrives I am so sorry to hear this @elm86 you will find on this thread there are numerous mums who are in exactly the same situation. One lady I know made the move over with her husband and young son, didn't know he was having an affair with a woman in Australia already once he got the children here the mother was trapped and couldn't return with her children. She had no family, friends or money. The law is terrible and it needs looking in to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elm86 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Its just fu**ed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Its just fu**ed It is but you will get a lot of support from the members on here. :hug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 No ive found out my partners been gambling thousands of dollars dragging us down. He initially wouldnt agree for me to even get a passport just to go for a holiday but now hes agreed and im gonna head home 4 a few weeks once it arrives I'm so sorry to hear this @elm86 what an awful thing to have happened. Has he agreed to get help? I don't know what part of Aus you are in, but I'm coming over to Perth soon and if there's anything I can do on a practical level, please let me know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Be careful Elm - he may give permission for you to go on holiday but if you stay he could have you hauled back to Australia - it's a nasty pickle unfortunately! Get good legal advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Elm, the laws are there for a reason. I know you are feeling bitter but the child is both of yours, not yours alone. I'm sure you would want the protection of the law if your husband moved overseas with the baby. Wouldn't you ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Roberto Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Sounds bad all round. This thread has stressed me out and I am not even effected. Good luck to all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Even if baby has british passport? If the child is born in Aus irrespective of any passport the child is Australian and subject to Australian Family Court Law.This is the link to the family court in aus, if you put relocation in the search field you will be able to see many cases of people trying to relocate. Bottom line though is if a child is born in Aus and one person wants to return to the UK or anywhere else (or even move interstate in Aus) they need the approval of the other partner to take the children. http://www.familycourt.gov.au/wps/wcm/connect/FCOA/home Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Not necessarily Tina. A child born in Australia is not always an Australia citizen. It depends on the status of the parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Sounds bad all round. This thread has stressed me out and I am not even effected. Good luck to all Yep ! Try living with it ! Our family member is now stuck in the same suburb for the next 12 years ! Unless she walks away and leaves the kids behind. This basically allows angry exs the ability supported by the family court to control the ex partners life until the youngest child turns 18. There is no requirement in family law that requires either parents to be reasonable and work out something that still allows visitation but allows either partner to move on with there life. Add to that the new changes to parenting payments and Centre Link requiring people to "get a job" even when there are no jobs locally and the person cant move to get a job, or be close to family who can help care for kids while the parent works (unless they leave the kids behind with the ex) It is a very very bad situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 No it isn't. Children belong to both parents. They are not the woman's property. The child should be with both parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 No it isn't.Children belong to both parents. They are not the woman's property. The child should be with both parents. Yes they should be. But they don't "belong" to either parent. They are people in their own right and they deserve a decent lifestyle. Re-read @Tina2's post. She raises important points PC. If the custodial parent is living somewhere where there are no jobs, they can't move to find jobs without the permission of the absent parent. How does this enable those children to have a quality of life. And let us not forget that not all absent parents want their children living with them. So to say give custody to the absent parent and move is not always an option. Some absent parents are just a-holes and space-wasters. Some absent parents want the children there, ready and waiting whenever they want to pick them up and play with them, which could be once a year. Sadly there is no one size fits all and the Law doesn't allow for different sizes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 But the point is that women expect to be able to take a child overseas with them as though it is just theirs to take. It isn't and the law thankfully recognizes this. As I said, just imagine what the mother would do if the father wanted to take the child overseas. They would not stand for it and neither should the father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 But the point is that women expect to be able to take a child overseas with them as though it is just theirs to take.It isn't and the law thankfully recognizes this. As I said, just imagine what the mother would do if the father wanted to take the child overseas. They would not stand for it and neither should the father. PC I have seen so many times when it's been the father and not the mother. Too often nowadays, the children are used as weapon as too many parents have the same mindset as you "those children belong to me". No, they don't belong to anyone. Or even worse when you hear a parent say "those children need to be with me because it's better for them". No, what's best for the children is 2 parents who can agree and don't put their kids through an emotional wringer. Problem is, IRL, the pain and angst that arises because of a relationship breakdown means that too often the parents involved forget that once, even if it was just for a brief moment, they loved each other. They planned a life together. If parents could remember those moments, and put the hurt and bitterness to one side, Family solicitors would go out of business. Instead the pain and hurt remains and it's the children who suffer. Over and over and over again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 so if father gives verbal consent then changes his mind maipulating the situation what rights do mothers have NONE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Absolutely the best outcome is for the child to have a relationship with both parents, which means they should remain close geographically at least if the marriage has broken down. I think we agree that for one parent to take the child away is not in the child's best interests. The only exception would be if the child is in some physical danger from one of the parents which thankfully is very rare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 As I have said many times the only people who know the true situation in both homes is the child/children yet they have "no rights" to express there opinion. Well the law says "they can have a say, the law says any dicision must be in the childrens best interest" I can tell you that is not what is happening in the family court these days. There are judges who have been seen at "mens rights" BBQ's who give single mothers hell. Do you know that one mother simply didnt have enough money for fuel to take her kids on access and a judge locked her up for 3 days for breaking court orders ? I have never said the kids should be with the mother or the father , I am simply saying the way the court is now it allows vindictive ex partners to continue to control the other partners life. There needs to be a middle ground, for example a signed agreement where either can move say 2 or 3 hours IF that means they can get a job or get help with the kids PROVIDING something fair is worked out for visitation. In many many cases the mums have given up there career to care for the children while the father has kept his job so he is happy to stay in that location, the mother on the other hand has to start again. As MTT said it is the kids who suffer and will grow up to hate the life that was forced upon them. 2 homes, 2 sets of rules, not able to decide what they would like to do on weekend because it is someones "turn" to have them. Sure access can work well if BOTH parents are willing to work at it but not is one is hell bent on getting revenge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Absolutely the best outcome is for the child to have a relationship with both parents, which means they should remain close geographically at least if the marriage has broken down.I think we agree that for one parent to take the child away is not in the child's best interests. The only exception would be if the child is in some physical danger from one of the parents which thankfully is very rare. What about emotional danger ? Handed around like a piece of furniture, having to witness constant verbal alltications as sport or school events where one parent uses stand over tactics against the other. Please dont judge until you have walked in anothers shoes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Tina. It is up to the parents to be mature. The reality for many children is being handed over between parents. Sadly many marriages do end in divorce these days. If both the parents are from the same country then it is perfectly normal for the children to spend time at the homes of both parents. I think your analogy of handed over like a piece of furniture is ridiculous as it is quite normal for many children these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Tina. It is up to the parents to be mature.The reality for many children is being handed over between parents. Sadly many marriages do end in divorce these days. If both the parents are from the same country then it is perfectly normal for the children to spend time at the homes of both parents. I think your analogy of handed over like a piece of furniture is ridiculous as it is quite normal for many children these days. Just because something is normal doesn't mean it's right. I know of one girl at school with my daughters and she lives with one parent one week and the other parent the next. The poor thing doesn't know whether she's coming or going and can't do afterschool clubs and the like because the flaming parents can't agree because it knocks out either one or other's schedule. Now, she's been doing this since she 2 and I'm sorry but I agree with Tina. This poor girl is like a handbag, passed around from pillar to post. You have to "book" her coming to tea 2 weeks in advance because you can't invite her next week as she's needs next week's parent to agree so if you speak to this week's parent, you have to arrange it for the weeks that this week's parent has her. Bloody ridiculous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I know of a couple who do the same thing and it works fantastically for them. So what is your solution ? That the mother should have 100% and the father 0% ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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