We finally made it (well, some of us)

[Tappers2oz]

Hi all,

 

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a longer time. Almost a year in fact. 
Many of you followed our journey, and after a lot of setbacks, we are here! When I say ‘we’, I mean me and my 2 girls. 
My relationship with my now ex, was rocky for a number of years. And after 15 years of waiting for him to get the visa, I went and got it myself. Then 6 days after I got the visa, he decided he didn’t want to go (so I left him behind and now we are in the throws of divorce). 
After all that delay, our son turned 18 just after we got the visa, and as his father was now staying behind in the UK, my son stayed too (he also has a UK gf).

Life here is OK, the girls have settled beautifully, it wasn’t easy but wasn’t massively hard finding a rental and I have just signed to stay here for another year which makes life easier. 
I am casual (as it pays more) and as I get no child maintenance, I am working 45ish hrs a week with no break as I need the money. I’m desperately trying to find a job that pays as much as my casual role, but with the benefits of A/L and sick pay! 
Life here isn’t easy, and it’s going to get harder when we apply for PR (as I’ve now got to go to court for permission to stay as the kids dad won’t be moving over even though it was his idea and he is on the visa ). 
We’ve all had a birthday here now, and I’ve had my first Aussie Mother’s Day  just Christmas to go. Still hoping Son will come over for an ‘extended holiday’ at some point (I made sure he validated his visa) so he’s got that option. He would love it here, if he just opened his mind. 5ish years of saying he didn’t want to go, means he now won’t ‘backtrack’ and admits he actually wants to come.

Anyway, that’s a very brief rundown of the last 10 months! 

[Toots]

Lovely to hear from you @Tappers2oz 

[InnerVoice]

1 hour ago, Tappers2oz said:

Hi all,

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a longer time. Almost a year in fact. 
Many of you followed our journey, and after a lot of setbacks, we are here! When I say ‘we’, I mean me and my 2 girls. 
My relationship with my now ex, was rocky for a number of years. And after 15 years of waiting for him to get the visa, I went and got it myself. Then 6 days after I got the visa, he decided he didn’t want to go (so I left him behind and now we are in the throws of divorce). 
After all that delay, our son turned 18 just after we got the visa, and as his father was now staying behind in the UK, my son stayed too (he also has a UK gf).

Life here is OK, the girls have settled beautifully, it wasn’t easy but wasn’t massively hard finding a rental and I have just signed to stay here for another year which makes life easier. 
I am casual (as it pays more) and as I get no child maintenance, I am working 45ish hrs a week with no break as I need the money. I’m desperately trying to find a job that pays as much as my casual role, but with the benefits of A/L and sick pay! 
Life here isn’t easy, and it’s going to get harder when we apply for PR (as I’ve now got to go to court for permission to stay as the kids dad won’t be moving over even though it was his idea and he is on the visa ). 
We’ve all had a birthday here now, and I’ve had my first Aussie Mother’s Day  just Christmas to go. Still hoping Son will come over for an ‘extended holiday’ at some point (I made sure he validated his visa) so he’s got that option. He would love it here, if he just opened his mind. 5ish years of saying he didn’t want to go, means he now won’t ‘backtrack’ and admits he actually wants to come.

Anyway, that’s a very brief rundown of the last 10 months! 

Thank you for sharing your story and the nice photos. It's great you're all settling in okay.

Sorry that the move has resulted in the end of your marriage, but the way you've described it sounds as though the decision to migrate was the catalyst rather than the cause. Your story is similar to a lot of new migrants in that they are finding the cost of living here a bit of a struggle, particularly in regards to housing. At least in nursing you have a good profession behind you, which I believe is much better paid over here than in the UK. Good luck with finding a suitable permanent position.

Apologies if this comes across as a bit nosey, but I'm surprised that your husband agreed to you moving with the girls. In most situations where only one person in the relationship wants to migrate (or in some cases return to the UK), the children are required by law to stay in their country of habitual residence. You mentioned you're currently going through divorce, so I assume you don't have sole custody yet? Just an observation based on what you've said, and in no way meant to be judgemental.

Wishing you all the best for your first Christmas down under! 

[Tulip1]

18 hours ago, InnerVoice said:

Thank you for sharing your story and the nice photos. It's great you're all settling in okay.

Sorry that the move has resulted in the end of your marriage, but the way you've described it sounds as though the decision to migrate was the catalyst rather than the cause. Your story is similar to a lot of new migrants in that they are finding the cost of living here a bit of a struggle, particularly in regards to housing. At least in nursing you have a good profession behind you, which I believe is much better paid over here than in the UK. Good luck with finding a suitable permanent position.

Apologies if this comes across as a bit nosey, but I'm surprised that your husband agreed to you moving with the girls. In most situations where only one person in the relationship wants to migrate (or in some cases return to the UK), the children are required by law to stay in their country of habitual residence. You mentioned you're currently going through divorce, so I assume you don't have sole custody yet? Just an observation based on what you've said, and in no way meant to be judgemental.

Wishing you all the best for your first Christmas down under! 

It’s a good question.  I assume the dad hasn’t agreed to it which is why the OP has to go to court to get permission as that wouldn’t be needed if the absent parent consented.  Even if the divorce had happened, there’s no such thing as custody in the UK anymore.  Courts can state who the kids reside with but both parents are seen as equal.  

[InnerVoice]

1 hour ago, Tulip1 said:

It’s a good question.  I assume the dad hasn’t agreed to it which is why the OP has to go to court to get permission as that wouldn’t be needed if the absent parent consented.  Even if the divorce had happened, there’s no such thing as custody in the UK anymore.  Courts can state who the kids reside with but both parents are seen as equal.  

I wasn't aware of that as it's something that (fortunately) I've never had to deal with, but I know these things can get very complicated. So in terms of obtaining permission, where does the jurisdiction lie? Is it with the court in Australia, the UK, or both?

[Tulip1]

15 minutes ago, InnerVoice said:

I wasn't aware of that as it's something that (fortunately) I've never had to deal with, but I know these things can get very complicated. So in terms of obtaining permission, where does the jurisdiction lie? Is it with the court in Australia, the UK, or both?

I’m no expert and have never been through this either but from things I’ve read on here over the years I believe if the other parent gives permission (has to be official, someone can’t just says they were ok with it) then that’s the end of it and Australia home affairs will issue the visas.  If the ‘peaceful’ permission isn’t given then it’s a drawn out process through UK courts.  I think the children's wishes are also considered subject to their age.  I don’t think Australian courts get involved as the people concerned are not Australian and are habitually resident in the UK.

[Tappers2oz]

To answer the ‘custody’ questions, yes he did agree for me to take them (otherwise I wouldn’t have been allowed to leave the country). I have no ‘official’ court order, but do have 2 signed permission forms (one being the form I would have used to apply to the courts).
I now suspect that the only reason he said yes, was because he didn’t think I could cope/live without him and that I would go crawling back with my tail between my legs. Because after 6 months or so, his solicitor basically said they would look at forcing the kids back ‘even if it’s not in their best interest’ (yes he really wrote that). 

The ex is also on the visa, and tells the girls he wants to move out here too so . 
 

I’m managing to support myself and the kids literally on my own. No ‘help’ from the ex and no assistance from the Aus government. There is no way I would be able to do that on a UK nurses wage. Better wages was a main factor for moving. 
 

 

[excitedbutterrified]

I'm glad its working out for you - even if it resulted in the end of your marriage.   I'm kind of in the opposite situation, I'd love to move down under (its a major -probably unhealthy- obsession of mine) but my wife isn't over keen - so in order to remain married (and its a good marriage!) we are staying put in the UK  (we did move to Melbourne for a few years which we both loved but she wanted to move back to be closer to family).

[steveshe]

On 18/12/2023 at 20:08, Tappers2oz said:

To answer the ‘custody’ questions, yes he did agree for me to take them (otherwise I wouldn’t have been allowed to leave the country). I have no ‘official’ court order, but do have 2 signed permission forms (one being the form I would have used to apply to the courts).
I now suspect that the only reason he said yes, was because he didn’t think I could cope/live without him and that I would go crawling back with my tail between my legs. Because after 6 months or so, his solicitor basically said they would look at forcing the kids back ‘even if it’s not in their best interest’ (yes he really wrote that). 

The ex is also on the visa, and tells the girls he wants to move out here too so . 
 

I’m managing to support myself and the kids literally on my own. No ‘help’ from the ex and no assistance from the Aus government. There is no way I would be able to do that on a UK nurses wage. Better wages was a main factor for moving. 
 

 

Good on you for doing it . The Australian government will not help you as i had to be a PR for 12 months before any help so on a temp visa  im sure it is made aware you will not be eligible for any help . I moved over with my 13 year old and her blood father had to go to a lawyer and have a letter witnessed to say he gave permission for her to live here . Also here they can go after child support from the father in the UK . Went all through it with the courts in Oxford . And it was here that said i had to do it . I have never claimed anything here from Centrelink for my daughter as not allowed and i wasnt also allowed to work either . Things might be different now but im sure the 12 months being a PR still stands . Best of luck for your future . 

[Nemesis]

4 hours ago, steveshe said:

Good on you for doing it . The Australian government will not help you as i had to be a PR for 12 months before any help so on a temp visa  im sure it is made aware you will not be eligible for any help . I moved over with my 13 year old and her blood father had to go to a lawyer and have a letter witnessed to say he gave permission for her to live here . Also here they can go after child support from the father in the UK . Went all through it with the courts in Oxford . And it was here that said i had to do it . I have never claimed anything here from Centrelink for my daughter as not allowed and i wasnt also allowed to work either . Things might be different now but im sure the 12 months being a PR still stands . Best of luck for your future . 

For many benefits its 2 or even 4 years now. Welfare assistance isn't quite as supportive as in the UK, even if you are really on your uppers. Much greater expectation of family supporting you, and if you have no family there, then the see that as your problem.

[Rossmoyne]

Welcome to Oz Tappers2oz!!    Not sure where you are living, but the photos look wonderful and I hope you and your girls are making full use of that beach at every opportunity.

I too made the journey on my own in 1991 with 2 small children (5 and 8), and with no financial support from their father at all.   Long story and very different circumstances from yours, but I was coming to my parents and brother, as I had lived here in my teens (10 Pound Pom Family), so I had family support to help me along the way.   It was a financial struggle for many years and I never qualified for Centrelink help at all, so I always worked to support us.     But I never regretted the move at all, and neither have my children (now in their 40's).  They kept a relationship with their father and he came to Oz to see them every 18months until they left fulltime education.   Then it was down to them and they had to visit UK to see him.   They loved him as he was their Dad, but were very aware what he was and why we lived in Australia and he didn't.    I might say here that I did suggest at the beginning that he come with us so we remained a family of sorts, but he declined.

The legal system regarding Custody, is very different now and I can give you no advice about that.  Just know that children see and take on board more than you realise, and they will make up their own minds about where they want to be.

There is such a shortage of Registered Nurses in Australia that I have no doubt you will be appointed to a permanent position soon.   Keep strong and keep us updated on how you and your family are going..... Wishing you all the Best!     Rossy

 

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