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Lynne shenfine

Impossible decision

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5 hours ago, Hayley Gee said:

I really feel your pain. My partner and I moved to QLD five years ago for a two year adventure with a 4 and 6 year old. I was always very clear this was a short term thing and I had no intention of staying in Aus. After three years I told my partner I wanted to returned to the UK and he refused and has made me feel like I am a terrible, selfish person for wanting to leave.

@Hayley Gee, I'm so sorry to hear that.   In the past, I've been given a hard time because I've warned people against agreeing to move to Australia just to please a partner.  Your experience makes me determined NOT to shut up, because people find themselves in your situation far too often.   I'm sure your partner didn't deliberately mislead you when he said it would only be temporary - but the fact is, once you've made the move and they get settled in in their "dream",  it can be almost impossible to get them to move back.   Even harder with children.

You are not a terrible, selfish person.  You could have refused to move in the first place.  You compromised and moved to make him happy - now it's his turn.   Your children will not hate you. 

Right now, it's even easier than usual to find a counsellor to talk to, either in person or on the phone, because there are special arrangements during Covid.  Book an appointment.  You'll be surprised how much better you feel, just having someone impartial to unload on.    Once you've had a few sessions and built up your confidence, consider suggesting some joint sessions with your partner.  If nothing else, the fact that you're so unhappy you've needed a counsellor might give him a wake-up call.  

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Posted (edited)
14 hours ago, BacktoDemocracy said:

I wonder whether getting some facts at your finger tips would help you to decide whether your decision is going to be factually based or on feelings alone and how much you are going to let feelings dictate things.

 

....and that's what it all comes down to.  

Some people (not me) feel a deep, persistent ache of loss when separated from their homeland and/or their family.   I find it sad when such people are made to feel foolish or lesser for wanting to move home for mere " emotional reasons".   Their reasons are no less real for being emotional.  Resisting those emotions can seriously threaten their mental wellbeing, sometimes to the point of self-harm.   What good is a better job or a nice pool if you're miserable every day of your life?

 

Edited by Marisawright
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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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25 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

....and that's what it all comes down to.  

Some people (not me) feel a deep, persistent ache of loss when separated from their homeland and/or their family.   I find it sad when such people are made to feel foolish or lesser for wanting to move home for mere " emotional reasons".   Their reasons are no less real for being emotional.  Resisting those emotions can seriously threaten their mental wellbeing, sometimes to the point of self-harm.   What good is a better job or a nice pool if you're miserable every day of your life?

 

This - absolutely!!!

Even the most rational person can experience really weird feelings that defy logic, and with the best will in the world, can't do anything about.  I know for my part, I am marginally less emotionally attached because my dad is no longer there and I dont have responsibility for him (nor the concept of duty that I should be caring for him). I still have a son and grandson there but that's not the same. I also now, for the first time in my life, no longer have a home in my home town and that has been a bit of a Duh! moment for me.  Aside from the duty/care/concern rationale there are loads of quite ephemeral things that I find uncomfortable here - the colours arent my colours and I have yet to find an Aussie with my sense of humour.  Odd, irrational things, but they gang up on you!

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I'd say - don't make any major decisions just yet. I have been back 5 years. It has been fantastic - for family, my child knowing people, history, schools, culture, holidays, friends, humour etc, but it's pretty tough times here right now. The UK, like everywhere, has major issues caused by inequality and a ruthless, austerity focused Government. Things don't work here, not that well, and that was before Covid. It's very doable if you're wealthy (you sound ok) but it is a country of divide and issues. Covid has really magnified the issues. There is a very oppressive feel to most things right now, and a lot of resentment building up. 

That being said, I'd probably still rather be here than Australia, where I always felt like an outsider and the Adelaide summers nearly killed me. I wouldn't leave my ageing parents either, or remove my child from the culture she now knows, but I have given serious thought to the future. Perhaps not directly now, but once we're finished with school here. I love the UK, I really do, but there are problems. 

In the tiny hypothetical that I'd have to return to Oz, it would never be Adelaide - i feel your pain there :) 

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Hi guys, first time post for me. Not sure if I’m looking for advise, reassurance or maybe just suggestions. I’m a 51 year old single female with no children. I emigrated to Australia 27 years ago with my ex-husband who is Australian, & made the decision to stay when my marriage broke up. I’ve been happy here in Australia until maybe the last 3/4 years when I’ve increasingly started to miss my family in the UK. I do travel over every couple of years but it’s becoming more & more difficult to leave each time. Especially to leave Mam who’s about to turn 80. I’m so confused about what I want & where I want to live, though if it were as easy as to just pack a case & go, I think I would move back tomorrow. It absolutely terrifies me though thinking that if I do move back, I’ll be a 51 year old woman having to start from scratch again with basically nothing. I’m not rich by any means, but I’ve got a decent job in Oz, my own apartment (rented) etc. I feel so overwhelmed at how I’d go about selling everything I own to make the move, also overwhelmed about actually knowing if it’s the right thing for me or not. I’m a permanent resident in Oz, not a citizen, so I realise that if I do decide to move back to the UK, it will probably be a ‘for the rest of my life’ decision.

As I said guys, I realise only I can make the decision, I’m just so confused about what’s the right one and maybe just venting to people who would understand.

Thanks for reading & any comments would be welcomed.

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13 minutes ago, Caru51 said:

Hi guys, first time post for me. Not sure if I’m looking for advise, reassurance or maybe just suggestions. I’m a 51 year old single female with no children. I emigrated to Australia 27 years ago with my ex-husband who is Australian, & made the decision to stay when my marriage broke up. I’ve been happy here in Australia until maybe the last 3/4 years when I’ve increasingly started to miss my family in the UK. I do travel over every couple of years but it’s becoming more & more difficult to leave each time. Especially to leave Mam who’s about to turn 80. I’m so confused about what I want & where I want to live, though if it were as easy as to just pack a case & go, I think I would move back tomorrow. It absolutely terrifies me though thinking that if I do move back, I’ll be a 51 year old woman having to start from scratch again with basically nothing. I’m not rich by any means, but I’ve got a decent job in Oz, my own apartment (rented) etc. I feel so overwhelmed at how I’d go about selling everything I own to make the move, also overwhelmed about actually knowing if it’s the right thing for me or not. I’m a permanent resident in Oz, not a citizen, so I realise that if I do decide to move back to the UK, it will probably be a ‘for the rest of my life’ decision.

As I said guys, I realise only I can make the decision, I’m just so confused about what’s the right one and maybe just venting to people who would understand.

Thanks for reading & any comments would be welcomed.

You've come to the right place @Marisawright and @Quoll have made the move (and back), but are a font of knowledge with regard to the things that probably won't cross your mind to sort out.  I'm a little older than you and though circumstances are different I can tell you I'd be a bit overwhelmed if I had to start all over again and move back - so I appreciate what a huge decision you must be facing.  Is it worth applying for citizenship?  If your mum passed away for example do you think that you'd want to be there on your own (sorry don't know if you have other family) - sometimes giving yourself options (even if you don't use them) can take some of the stress away.

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36 minutes ago, Caru51 said:

Hi guys, first time post for me. Not sure if I’m looking for advise, reassurance or maybe just suggestions. I’m a 51 year old single female with no children. I emigrated to Australia 27 years ago with my ex-husband who is Australian, & made the decision to stay when my marriage broke up. I’ve been happy here in Australia until maybe the last 3/4 years when I’ve increasingly started to miss my family in the UK. I do travel over every couple of years but it’s becoming more & more difficult to leave each time. Especially to leave Mam who’s about to turn 80. I’m so confused about what I want & where I want to live, though if it were as easy as to just pack a case & go, I think I would move back tomorrow. It absolutely terrifies me though thinking that if I do move back, I’ll be a 51 year old woman having to start from scratch again with basically nothing. I’m not rich by any means, but I’ve got a decent job in Oz, my own apartment (rented) etc. I feel so overwhelmed at how I’d go about selling everything I own to make the move, also overwhelmed about actually knowing if it’s the right thing for me or not. I’m a permanent resident in Oz, not a citizen, so I realise that if I do decide to move back to the UK, it will probably be a ‘for the rest of my life’ decision.

As I said guys, I realise only I can make the decision, I’m just so confused about what’s the right one and maybe just venting to people who would understand.

Thanks for reading & any comments would be welcomed.

First, there's nothing to stop you becoming a citizen. Get that ball rolling now.  If you're not willing to become a citizen for some reason, that alone tells you something - you don't feel Australian enough to think of it as your home.  

If you don't want to grow old here and you don't want to be laid to rest in Australian soil, you're running out of time to make the move. You need to get back soon, so you can re-establish your life, start building a British pension fund, etc..  It's either that, or stay until retirement age (which might well be 70 by the time you retire) so you can collect the Aussie pension and your super and take them with you tax-free. 

 

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Posted (edited)
34 minutes ago, ali said:

You've come to the right place @Marisawright and @Quoll have made the move (and back),.

Before people look at my journey and think, "well, it didn't work out for her",  I should clarify that I never had a moment's homesickness nor any yearning to move back to the UK, ever.  I moved back to the UK in 2015 for one logical reason - my husband loves European travel and wanted to spend his retirement doing as much of it as possible.   If he'd been able to speak a second language (or been willing to learn...), we'd have settled in Europe somewhere. However, he was worried about making friends where he didn't speak the language and I'm a UK citizen, so England it was.  

So maybe it wasn't surprising that I didn't settle in England and sorely missed my Australian life. Like I said, moving countries to please a partner rarely works!   Luckily he agreed (reluctantly) to return to Oz, having realised that our finances wouldn't allow much European jaunting anyway.

Edited by Marisawright
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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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10 hours ago, Caru51 said:

Hi guys, first time post for me. Not sure if I’m looking for advise, reassurance or maybe just suggestions. I’m a 51 year old single female with no children. I emigrated to Australia 27 years ago with my ex-husband who is Australian, & made the decision to stay when my marriage broke up. I’ve been happy here in Australia until maybe the last 3/4 years when I’ve increasingly started to miss my family in the UK. I do travel over every couple of years but it’s becoming more & more difficult to leave each time. Especially to leave Mam who’s about to turn 80. I’m so confused about what I want & where I want to live, though if it were as easy as to just pack a case & go, I think I would move back tomorrow. It absolutely terrifies me though thinking that if I do move back, I’ll be a 51 year old woman having to start from scratch again with basically nothing. I’m not rich by any means, but I’ve got a decent job in Oz, my own apartment (rented) etc. I feel so overwhelmed at how I’d go about selling everything I own to make the move, also overwhelmed about actually knowing if it’s the right thing for me or not. I’m a permanent resident in Oz, not a citizen, so I realise that if I do decide to move back to the UK, it will probably be a ‘for the rest of my life’ decision.

As I said guys, I realise only I can make the decision, I’m just so confused about what’s the right one and maybe just venting to people who would understand.

Thanks for reading & any comments would be welcomed.

Sadly, I don’t think there is a one size fits all solution to situations like you find yourself in! You could start to be pragmatic though - get your citizenship then you’ve got your bases covered!   While you are waiting for that start rationalising your  “stuff” So that if an opportunity not to be missed comes along, you won’t miss it!  
 

I’d say you’re probably on the cusp of being too old - but I think you can still do it - but if you don’t do it now then you’re probably not going to do it at all or at least until you’ve stopped working and by then the pull of an elderly parent is probably not going to be there. If you go in the next couple of years you have a chance to get reestablished before you retire. My observation was that Britain wasn’t nearly so ageist as Australia and even though we weren’t  looking for work, my husband and I both got offered jobs! 
 

Like Marisa, we came back but it wasn’t because it didn’t work for us - it did, as far as I was concerned it worked brilliantly. It assuaged my guilt because we cared for my parents, I was happy all the time, lost weight, got fitter and generally had a great time but staying there when dad needed to go into care was a non starter and, pragmatically, we had left it too late, financially it stacked up being better back in Australia. 
 

What would I have done at your age and single? I have no idea but I’d like to think I would have up sticks and gone. Even back then (20 years ago) I always said that if anything happened to my Aussie husband I would be on the next plane home. Of course, back then I had two kids at Uni so I don’t know if the stars would have aligned for me or not. 
 

So, small steps to prepare - get citizenship, start to declutter, look for jobs in U.K. you would kill to get and start applying so that when we are free to travel the world again, if you feel like it you can go!   Good luck with your decision making, whichever way you jump.

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Posted (edited)
11 hours ago, Caru51 said:

Hi guys, first time post for me. Not sure if I’m looking for advise, reassurance or maybe just suggestions. I’m a 51 year old single female with no children. I emigrated to Australia 27 years ago with my ex-husband who is Australian, & made the decision to stay when my marriage broke up. I’ve been happy here in Australia until maybe the last 3/4 years when I’ve increasingly started to miss my family in the UK. I do travel over every couple of years but it’s becoming more & more difficult to leave each time. Especially to leave Mam who’s about to turn 80. I’m so confused about what I want & where I want to live, though if it were as easy as to just pack a case & go, I think I would move back tomorrow. It absolutely terrifies me though thinking that if I do move back, I’ll be a 51 year old woman having to start from scratch again with basically nothing. I’m not rich by any means, but I’ve got a decent job in Oz, my own apartment (rented) etc. I feel so overwhelmed at how I’d go about selling everything I own to make the move, also overwhelmed about actually knowing if it’s the right thing for me or not. I’m a permanent resident in Oz, not a citizen, so I realise that if I do decide to move back to the UK, it will probably be a ‘for the rest of my life’ decision.

As I said guys, I realise only I can make the decision, I’m just so confused about what’s the right one and maybe just venting to people who would understand.

Thanks for reading & any comments would be welcomed.

If you think it’s what you really want, go for it. Just like people moving from the U.K. to  Australia, you need to make sure you have a descent start up fund. You’ll need perhaps 6/12 months rent for a place, based on many landlords may want it upfront if you don’t have a job at the time of securing the place. You will need to allow for many months of living expenses whilst searching for a job, especially in current times. If that’s all doable then definitely get your citizenship first, just in case. For many, starting up somewhere new at your age would be scary but for others, exciting. There are thousands of parents moving to Australia every year on parent visas, most a lot older than you and they make a new life for themselves.   If you’re prepared to embrace new, step out of your comfort zone and join clubs/met new people then it could be a very exciting adventure and start to a happy new life.  Best of luck.

Edited by Tulip1
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On 13/07/2020 at 19:36, Caru51 said:

Hi guys, first time post for me. Not sure if I’m looking for advise, reassurance or maybe just suggestions. I’m a 51 year old single female with no children. I emigrated to Australia 27 years ago with my ex-husband who is Australian, & made the decision to stay when my marriage broke up. I’ve been happy here in Australia until maybe the last 3/4 years when I’ve increasingly started to miss my family in the UK. I do travel over every couple of years but it’s becoming more & more difficult to leave each time. Especially to leave Mam who’s about to turn 80. I’m so confused about what I want & where I want to live, though if it were as easy as to just pack a case & go, I think I would move back tomorrow. It absolutely terrifies me though thinking that if I do move back, I’ll be a 51 year old woman having to start from scratch again with basically nothing. I’m not rich by any means, but I’ve got a decent job in Oz, my own apartment (rented) etc. I feel so overwhelmed at how I’d go about selling everything I own to make the move, also overwhelmed about actually knowing if it’s the right thing for me or not. I’m a permanent resident in Oz, not a citizen, so I realise that if I do decide to move back to the UK, it will probably be a ‘for the rest of my life’ decision.

As I said guys, I realise only I can make the decision, I’m just so confused about what’s the right one and maybe just venting to people who would understand.

Thanks for reading & any comments would be welcomed.

You echo what is deeply within my heart. I'm not sure if can offer much advice, but hopefully make you feel like you are not alone.

I'm 39 and it's coming up to 13 years since I left the UK. I currently live outside of Melbourne, but lived in Sydney for 4 years too. I've had a few 'wobbles' over the last 4 years  about moving back, but always talked myself out of it. Setting up and 'starting' again felt like such a huge hurdle, and on paper Australia has so much to offer. So I stayed. I'm now in a relationship and on paper you could say I was settled... but I feel anything but. As my parents get older, the tug home gets stronger. Is it England? Is it my family? I honestly do not know. But the call to find out grows and grows....

Over the years it's been excruciating to say goodbye at the airport, almost to the point where I could have turned around and not got on the plane! My parents are both in their early 70s and I have an older sister (married with a 3 years old niece). As the years go on, I keep asking myself what has to happen for me to finally decided to go back? 

It's such a hard decision to make. But I feel at some stage I will need to just move back and find out.... or I'll always wonder. I also know I could never forgive myself for not spending time with my parents in person before it is too late (as morbid as that sounds).

I have both passports, but I completely feel for you, not being able to go and come back if it doesnt work out.

Friends tell me I should spend a chunk of time ( 6 months) back to see what I think before moving, but this comes with it's own challenges. For now, I am planning a holiday for a 1 month as soon as I can to explore how I feel about it.

Sometimes I wish someone would just tell me what to do! haha! It is so incredibly confusing. 

I'm not sure what the 'answer' is, but I hope you reach a decision that feels right. Thanks for sharing your story, it's comforting in a strange way to know I'm not the only one who struggles to make the decision, and constantly sits on the fence, never really settling. I'm tired of not putting down roots, and I just know deep down there is only one way to find out! 

 

 

 

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Posted (edited)

@LittleLadyJayne, ask yourself one question.   Are you looking forward to growing old in Australia?  Will you be happy to be laid to rest in Australian soil?  

If those questions fill you with dread, then don't hesitate.  Go home as soon as possible.  Do NOT fool yourself into thinking, "I've got it too good here, I can always go home when I retire".  It won't happen.  By the time you reach retirement - if you live that long - you'll have too many roots in Australia.  All your finances and your pension will be in Australia and you'll lose a lot by moving overseas, so unless you're rich, you won't be able to afford it. We've seen many examples of that on these forums.

You really need to move before you're 50 to have a chance to rebuild your life in the UK.  So the most you can afford to delay is 10 years and that's only ten years when you'll get more tied into Australia, making it even harder for you to escape. Be brave.

I'm sure others will jump on to tell you how awful life in Britain is now.  Ask yourself if you care. This is not about financial success, this is about feeling happy and being with the people you love in a place where you feel you belong.  For some people, it's worth giving up an easy life to achieve that.

Edited by Marisawright
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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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@Marisawright That really is a powerful question!!! My immediate gut response is no. I hadn't expected to have such an immediate and strong response!

Thank you for your insights and advice. This really speaks home to me, especially 'be brave'. I moved over when I was 26 knowing no-one and having never set a foot here... and I've had an amazing adventure in Australia. I have some incredible friends here, and it would be incredibly hard to leave. But, when it comes back to where I would want to grow old, it would be in England. I miss the countryside, I miss the English pubs and the quirks that only the English have. Australia is amazing, but I've been unable to feel settled, and it's really starting to impact my life here as I approach my 40's.

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it.

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4 minutes ago, LittleLadyJayne said:

@Marisawright That really is a powerful question!!! My immediate gut response is no. I hadn't expected to have such an immediate and strong response!

That's why it's such an important question.  Human beings are much better at dealing with the short-term than the long-term.   Faced with the enormity of starting again, the natural temptation is to put it off.    My job pays well, I'll stay just 2 more years...2 more years...5 more years...and before you know it, time has flown and it's too late.

I'm not speaking from experience, because I'm very happy in Australia.  However, there are some people who have a deep connection to their homeland and they will never be truly happy abroad, even if they have the most fantastic life on paper.  You sound like one of those, so don't let material comforts blind you to what you truly need.  I wouldn't put it off, either.  You don't want to be moving home in ten years time and thinking, "If I'd done this at 40, I would've been able to spend time with my parents - now it's too late".  

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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@Marisawright Very true! I also feel it's an itch I've wanted to scratch for years, and I've kept putting off the decision... exactly as you outline in your reply. I'd rather know sooner than later if the UK feels like a place where I want to settle, and not regret time just trying to make a decision. 

I know I'll only 'know' by going back and giving it a go. In the short term I'll plan a month holiday when I can leave Australia and go back with a mindset of 'this could be my home if I choose it to be". I think that's a good step to plan towards. 

Thank you again. It sounds like you have seen this question many times!!

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Posted (edited)
24 minutes ago, LittleLadyJayne said:

@Marisawright Very true! I also feel it's an itch I've wanted to scratch for years, and I've kept putting off the decision... exactly as you outline in your reply. I'd rather know sooner than later if the UK feels like a place where I want to settle, and not regret time just trying to make a decision. 

I know I'll only 'know' by going back and giving it a go. In the short term I'll plan a month holiday when I can leave Australia and go back with a mindset of 'this could be my home if I choose it to be". I think that's a good step to plan towards. 

Thank you again. It sounds like you have seen this question many times!!

Why spend money on a holiday when you've just told me that deep down, Australia is not where you want to spend the rest of your life?   If you're worried about settling down again in the UK, those extra few thousand dollars could be very welcome.

Also consider that you're putting it off again.  Holidays probably won't be allowed until July next year at the earliest.  So you're saying, "I'll go for a month in a year's time and then think about it".   

Whereas if you decided tomorrow that you wanted to move permanently, you could be on the plane before Christmas. 

Also consider that if, God forbid, one of your parents took ill in the next year or so, you would not be able to get back to see them.  Whereas if you want to leave permanently now, you would be allowed to go.

  Playing devil's advocate here.

Edited by Marisawright
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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Posted (edited)

@Marisawright I don't think I've ever had someone call me out on this!

My immediate response is so much fear holding me back when I look at in so black and white. Where would I live, what will I do for work to get me started, the paperwork, tax, etc.... all excuses and all solvable... But sticking my head in the sand and not dealing with them is just going to drag this out for years.....

You're right on the mark with your comments. I can see how easy it is to not make the decision and keep doing the holiday back and suffering permanent home sickness! 

Food for thought!!! I need to get to the root of my fears I think and start clearing the way 🙂 

 

 

Edited by LittleLadyJayne
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Posted (edited)
14 minutes ago, LittleLadyJayne said:

Food for thought!!! I need to get to the root of my fears I think and start clearing the way 🙂 

Indeed, and I'm sorry I've been so pushy!   

I do think the covid situation changes things.   It might be more difficult to start again in the UK right now, with the economy taking a hit. On the other hand, consider what I said about your family, if, God forbid, one of them took ill now.   When my parents died (several years apart), I didn't make it back in time to see either of them - even though I was on a flight within hours of getting The Call. You would have to apply for a special exemption to fly, which I believe takes about 4 weeks to come through - and it might not be approved. And that's likely to be in force for another year or so.  I know it sounds dramatic, but if you want to counter your "head in the sand"instinct, you need to face the worst case scenarios too.

Edited by Marisawright

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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@Marisawright I think I needed to be pushed a bit, and see how I'm been putting off making a decision! 🙂 

Yes, I think it's definitely changed things. At the moment Australia isn't on the quarantine list for the UK, but I cant imagine my family would want to take the risk and see me when I land given the current situation in Melbourne. Lots to keep an eye on in the UK and see how the restrictions change. Same for Melbourne too. 

I have an online business, and so all of this gives me a goal to start ramping up, so by the time I can go back I'll have an income that supports me. 

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. I've had some friends that made it back in time in spend time with their folks, and others who couldnt be there. 

Thank you again, you've really helped me and also made me get realistic with making a plan. Scary. But I have an amazing family and friends and I know I'll have help when I take the leap back! Eek! 🙂 

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Marisa beat me to it - I was out walking but noted your first query and would have said exactly what Marisa has said, oh so eloquently.

Another question, of course, would be - what about your relationship?  Is this the person you want to grow old beside, maybe have a family with?  Would they/could they go with you and how would that be for you?  If it isnt the relationship you would walk over hot coals to perpetuate then maybe it'll be quite short anyway.

I am the age of your parents and can come at this from a couple of directions - first, as a parent I would not expect either of my kids to be there for me in my dotage and I would be appalled if either of them changed what was working for them because they felt the need to look after me - must say my parents were the same, they never expected that I would make changes in my life for them.  HOWEVER - my parents are the generation of your grandparents and when they really began to falter, being an only child, I could not leave them to their own devices in UK and my DH (bless him, he never wanted to live in England, ever again!) and I basically didn't return from our holiday in 2011.  We cared for mum until she died in 2017 then this time last year my dad decided that he would be better off in a care home - and he was, he needed 24/7 care and after nearly 3 years that was taking its toll on us in our 70s.  So, we left him in his care home in March and he died 4 weeks ago - funeral last week and I couldnt be there.  If I had had a sibling in UK I have no idea whether I would have thought differently or not but I did what I had to do.   I loved being back in UK, it made me whole again despite caring for a couple of nonagenarians. It was the colours, the variety, the history, the sense of humour, the friendliness of the people, the whole shebang really, oh and being there for my parents and my elderly childless aunt and uncle (aunt died at Christmas).

Secondly, as one who had always thought we would do the 6 months here 6 months there thing at some point in our lives, just like my parents had done, I went way past the point of no return.  I always knew that although I had a house in Australia it wasnt home but we went with the best opportunity at the time every time there was a decision point, the DH had a good career, I had a good career, the pensions were building, the kids were in school, not to be moved, the kids were in Uni, one kid had our grandkids - the stars never aligned.  Then one kid went back to UK for a holiday (it runs in the family) and hasnt come back yet nor is likely to ever move back. 

I'd say, you are the age of my kids, the world is still very much your oyster, if Australia doesnt float your boat, put on your big girl panties and go to where you feel you belong!  Do it for you not for your parents. But do it now, dont wait like muppets like me did, grab your chances while you are young.  If it works, you win and if it doesnt work you can always use your other passport and return.

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Thank you. Having read many comments over the past few weeks, I am determined to trust my heart and get back to England for six months, spend time with my elderly parents and decide whether I want to live there or Australia. It’ll be a big upheaval for my kids and partner and he won’t like me for it but I haven’t liked having to stay in aus feeling homesick and trapped for the past two years. If I leave it any longer, I’ll be stuffed. Full steam ahead to try and sort an exemption to fly. This Covid business makes it a bad time but the world is in Covid, so there is risk everywhere. I don’t  think it’s too great. I’ll rise to this challenge and recommend everyone who has felt Homesick like this do the same - go home and work out from there where your heart needs to be. Then live contented...hopefully!

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3 hours ago, Hayley Gee said:

Thank you. Having read many comments over the past few weeks, I am determined to trust my heart and get back to England for six months, spend time with my elderly parents and decide whether I want to live there or Australia. It’ll be a big upheaval for my kids and partner and he won’t like me for it but I haven’t liked having to stay in aus feeling homesick and trapped for the past two years. If I leave it any longer, I’ll be stuffed. Full steam ahead to try and sort an exemption to fly. This Covid business makes it a bad time but the world is in Covid, so there is risk everywhere. I don’t  think it’s too great. I’ll rise to this challenge and recommend everyone who has felt Homesick like this do the same - go home and work out from there where your heart needs to be. Then live contented...hopefully!

Go Hayley Gee! 
Good luck and keep us updated. 
I made the move in mid 2018 and not regretted it. Have some days where I question my decision but just rose tints rather than reality! Soon passes.

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13 hours ago, LittleLadyJayne said:

@Marisawright I think I needed to be pushed a bit, and see how I'm been putting off making a decision! 🙂 

Yes, I think it's definitely changed things. At the moment Australia isn't on the quarantine list for the UK, but I cant imagine my family would want to take the risk and see me when I land given the current situation in Melbourne. Lots to keep an eye on in the UK and see how the restrictions change. Same for Melbourne too. 

I have an online business, and so all of this gives me a goal to start ramping up, so by the time I can go back I'll have an income that supports me. 

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. I've had some friends that made it back in time in spend time with their folks, and others who couldnt be there. 

Thank you again, you've really helped me and also made me get realistic with making a plan. Scary. But I have an amazing family and friends and I know I'll have help when I take the leap back! Eek! 🙂 

I can’t imagine your family would be too concerned about the risk of seeing you given the current situation in Melbourne. The U.K. Covid deaths have pretty much hit 50 thousand so statistically they’d be more concerned about seeing you if you lived 10 miles down the road from them. 

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19 hours ago, LittleLadyJayne said:

 

Yes, I think it's definitely changed things. At the moment Australia isn't on the quarantine list for the UK, but I cant imagine my family would want to take the risk and see me when I land given the current situation in Melbourne.

Well, if you were flying to the UK right now, it would be because of a life-and-death situation in your family, so I think they'd be willing to risk it.  As I'm sure you know, you're trapped in Australia currenlty, not allowed to leave the country without a special exemption.


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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14 hours ago, Hayley Gee said:

I’ll rise to this challenge and recommend everyone who has felt Homesick like this do the same - go home and work out from there where your heart needs to be. Then live contented...hopefully!

Such great words, and ones I take onboard. You're right, with following our hearts. Sometimes we need to be somewhere to know if it's where we want to be (if that makes sense!). Best of luck and let us know how it all goes.

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