Tulip1 Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 It's only going to get harder in the uk? Maybe so but it's pretty damn hard in Perth right now. I hope you're confident you can get a job as there's not many there right now. Assume if you take the kids then you'll have lots of childcare to pay for too and if you don't take them then you will have many thousands of pounds each year to pay for flights, not to mention you've said you will support them from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicF Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 Have you looked in to what visas the kids would need? You may be able to get citizenship by descent but they would not so they would need visas. Probably child visas, but I can't remember the number. You would need permission from the mother to take the children that are yours and permission from the mother and father to take the children that are not yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robfromdublin Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 This is nuts. I totally appreciate that you feel more at home in Australia. Those are your feelings and that is fair enough. You are also thinking carefully about the impact this may have on the kids and willing to get professional help if needed. Plus you seem to have a good relationship with mum. All that is great. But don't pretend this is for the children, or that they will have a better life or better options in Australia. They won't. It's just another 1st world, English-speaking country. The same level of opportunity exists in the UK (maybe you could argue Brexit will change that but it's just speculation). What makes you think that Australia will offer anything different to the UK? A gut feel? A sense that things are better over here? There is nothing you can objectively say that makes Australia a clearly better option. Even if you could make the case that they will have slightly better education and opportunity for employment, you're taking a HUGE risk with their emotional wellbeing. A happy kid in an OK school will do much better than a sad kid in a brilliant school. If there is something that you think is limiting your kids opportunities, I can pretty much guarantee it's not down to the UK itself. It might be down to living in a dodgy area or struggling with finances, but surely that can be solved by moving down the road or trying to increase family income through other means? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diane Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Are you legally separated or divorced from the mother? I am thinking maybe once you get your citizenship by descent, you could look at getting a spouse visa for her and your children, then all move over here 'together'. I know you are not officially 'together' but is there any way of being a 'couple' (even as friends) until you all have the right to live here if you wish? Would she want to live in Australia? Obviously it would mean leaving any sort of support network she has in the UK, or any new partner she has, but I am just thinking for the children it is surely better if both their parents are in the same country. Your relationship with the mother may have ended, but your relationship with the children has not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Is it just me, or does anyone else think its impossible for a 5 and 4 year old to make a rational decision of their own on which country or parent to live with?? Even the older two... This is just an odd post. I mentioned this in a first post. I understand it's good to involve kids and make them feel like they can contribute to a conversation, but it's a huge weight to place on small shoulders. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Hmm. Hard decision, very hard. I might be shouted down however I do think it's a little unfair to put the decision on the shoulders of such wee ones. I personally couldn't leave a child behind (unless that child was over 18 or even then perhaps firmly established in a few ways). Everyone is different however I can appreciate. Wish you the best with whatever decision you make. Too right ,putting that responsibility on young shoulders . Personally ,I couldn't leave my dog behind ,never mind my children ...bonkers and selfish ....DONT GET ME STARTED Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Too right ,putting that responsibility on young shoulders .Personally ,I couldn't leave my dog behind ,never mind my children ...bonkers and selfish ....DONT GET ME STARTED Its this ME,ME,ME ME ...money ,self ..ME ME ,that really pisses me off ...never mind the collateral damage left behind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Sorry but this all makes me sick and those poor kids sound like some sort of bizarre pawns. They are not old enough to make big decisions like that and it really worries me that the poster thinks they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Are you legally separated or divorced from the mother? I am thinking maybe once you get your citizenship by descent, you could look at getting a spouse visa for her and your children, then all move over here 'together'. I know you are not officially 'together' but is there any way of being a 'couple' (even as friends) until you all have the right to live here if you wish? Would she want to live in Australia? Obviously it would mean leaving any sort of support network she has in the UK, or any new partner she has, but I am just thinking for the children it is surely better if both their parents are in the same country. Your relationship with the mother may have ended, but your relationship with the children has not. It wont be good for anyone if they get deported for Visa fraud! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 The whole scenario sounds quite strange to me. Most of all the mother who would let her children go like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest241083 Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 ..........and maybe ...just maybe.... ..........if the OP ever comes back on..... ..........from those who have pointed out the pitfalls .....without censure.... ..........he will realise just what his idea entails...! ..........because it was just an idea....... ...........a dream.....a thought....... ...........but let's not just stamp on it......let's assume his intentions are just selfish.... ...........that he can't see past his own happiness..... ............if he thought that .......he would of just done it....! ............not asked for others thoughts on this idea....... ............we don't know all the details.......not enough IMO to pass judgement....! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
srh82 Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Sorry are you moving to Australia to pursue a love interest (which you implied had finished in an earlier post?) or a job opportunity? Or neither? Or both? This move does sound mostly about you from what you have said. It's possible that you are not putting all the facts on the table but think carefully before you take the kids from their mother. I would be trying to get the mother over as well as others have said. Oh and for what it's worth, Australia is a few years behind the UK when it comes to LGBT issues....just bear that in mind as well. And yes I am gay here with my long term partner and we have the same view on that. My point: Australia is another developed country. In some ways better and in some ways not so compared to the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 As others have said children of that age should not be making the decision about what is best for them, that's what parents are for. Our 5 year old was damned sure he didn't want to go to Australia but I don't think anyone would have suggested we should have listened. It may be an old-fashioned and unpopular idea but I think children fair best in a family with two parents together that love them & each other (same sex or opposite sex or other, not suggesting that makes a difference). I am realistic though and that doesn't always work out, it is far better for children to be with two parents who are happy apart than living in a home with conflict but it is then imperative to work towards harmoniously co-parenting and it seems you have achieved that which is wonderful. To split the family up (& you are still a family) by even just moving yourself to Australia is wrong in my opinion - your children need you and their mum in their daily lives. It sounds like maybe you are not in a great place emotionally and are clutching at straws, actually you need stability right now whilst you mourn the loss of the relationship. I would also say, without knowing the complexities of the situation, to imagine an exes family would have any kind of on-going relationship with children from a previous relationship seems rather delusional to me and you certainly couldn't rely on them. Single parenting is bloody difficult and far, far harder than co-parenting - it's not fair on your children to choose to put you or their mum in that position. I think you probably know all this otherwise you wouldn't have asked the question - maybe you were hoping a bunch of strangers would give you 'permission' to be selfish? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemesis Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 When I was four I wanted to move to Australia. I asked my parents if we could go - based on a picture I saw of people having lunch on the beach at Christmas. Wow, balanced decision that was. Thats what your kids will look at when making their decisions. Hey Dad we can see koalas every day and live in an 8 bedroom house with ponies and a pool. Yeah right......... OP, you will have to work. Hard. Supporting children in Oz is expensive. Childcare costs are crippling. You say you currently have 50/50 custody - presumably if something comes up then mum just takes over for you. imagine life without that. Something comes up and there is no-one else. Its all your problem. What on earth is their mum going to do - how can she even think of letting all her kids move toan unnown country with one parent to care for them, and she can only see them a couple of weeks a year? As for visas - you could sponsor your own kids for child visas, but unless you have lawful custody or adopted the other two then you may be on a loser there. As for the throw away 'giving them a better life' line...............what makes you so sure its better? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 You say you currently have 50/50 custody - presumably if something comes up then mum just takes over for you. imagine life without that. Something comes up and there is no-one else. Its all your problem. This! Someone mentioned LGBT attitudes were backwards in Australia and I can't really comment on that but gender equality is definitely backwards, a male taking a day off to look after a sick child is still way more frowned upon than a female in most environments - it does depend a lot on what you do & government employers tend to be better but my OH & I both worked for the same government employer and if our son was sick we were both equally entitled to carers leave but if me husband opted to take it his manager would ask 'can't J (me) work from home' whereas my manager would tell me to take the time off, enquire after my sons health etc. Obviously different managers are different but our experience and my observations of others suggest it was a gender bias & this was a good employer with diversity policies! In the end my OH became a SAHD because two working parents without friends and family support was just too hard (think about school holidays!) and although he was on decent money it felt like we were paying most of it out in childcare anyway and having a whole heap of stress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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