aconcannon Posted November 22, 2016 Author Share Posted November 22, 2016 Hi, there. I am a newbie but understand your feelings. Perhaps you are even wondering if, once back in the UK, you may feel you don't want to come back to Aust because of the pull on your feelings of seeing your parents again and the fact that you have settled here and are enjoying it. However, this is exactly the reason you must reverse that feeling and simply enjoy being there with your parents, seeing your old friends again, and just enjoying your homeland. We never know what is around the next corner, do we? So look forward to your trip, enjoy every moment, and then when the time comes to return, tearfully say goodbye, invite them to come and stay with you, if that is possible, and enjoy returning to your new life. The worst that can happen is that your parents perhaps might need your assistance in the future. If so, you would drop everything and go back as I had to do when my father became ill. We all face these things on occasion and it's just about being flexible enough to react to the occasion. So have a lovely trip and enjoy every moment! What a lovely message, thank you for that! I think you're right & I am worried being back home will pull on my heartstrings, I'll see my parents looking older & my grandmother (who I'm probably going to have to say goodbye to) so leaving again & going through all of those goodbyes definitely won't be easy! I will however make the most of every minute I'm there & will continue to persuade my parents to make the journey over here! Thanks for your kind words Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 I felt like this before we went back this year, didn't really want to go either and wasn't getting excited about it (our 2nd trip back, been here 5 years) When we did go, we had a super time. Really really good fun with everyone we stayed with. In the main it was really positive and reinforcing as well, in respect of our friends and younger family - some genuine plans made for others to come out here (it helps that some are getting to the point where their kids are independent and don't really want to go on holiday with them, so it means a 2 week break rather than a family schlep across the world). It was a bit sad with both sets of parents, because the unspoken elephant in the room is that with them in their 80s, time is running out. But that's the price everyone pays in migration I'm paying off the bills from the trip now though, and feel less happy about it again ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 10 years here, settled, happy, kids growing up and no interest what so ever in moving back, but i do sometimes still refer to the UK as home, i guess some habits are hard to give up. Cal x I was once a fairly 'norm' thing to describe UK as home. Even those living here for ages and in cases those whom had never been. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Of course its home to ex pats, Home to me is south africa and always will be, you are just Brits living in a different country for now, can you imagine an aussie referring to anything but australia as "home" if he lived abroad, sorry I just dont get it. Yes, I can actually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Why shouldn't he be allowed to post ? I don't agree with a lot of what he posts but see no reason why he shouldn't be able to. I assume you think the same about me as well lol. Sign of the times, I'm afraid. Ban what they don't agree with, as far easier than attempting to justify a particular stance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 We went back for our first trips in june just gone, went for 6 weeks after being here 3 years. We all loved it, even the kids who were only 1 & 3 when we left. My eldest said (6 at the time of the holiday) we didnt do the same thing twice on holiday, there was so much to do! They loved the late summers evenings, sleep overs at nanny and grandads, camping in the garden with cousins....all things they should really be doing as the norm...but hey, im working towards that! It didnt do me any favours though in terms of settling here, everyone said to me "once you go home and see the uk you will know why you left" quite the opposite infact, it made me wonder why we ever left, everything we could ever want or need is there, curiosity I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest241083 Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 ..........when we emigrated 20+ years ago my OH went back to the uk every other year ..........and his parents came every year over Christmas for 3 months..... .........but he never........and still doesn't want to return to live..... ...........my middle son who only ever lived in the uk for 2 years 3to 4 years old.... ...........wants to live in the uk and has been back several times..... ..............visiting lots of different places........something he wants to achieve by 30! .............he has no particular ties to the place......grandparents long gone.... ...............but loves it..... ..............I know many return for family........but I think you have to feel.....a homeness.... .............sometimes I envy those with a true feeling of home..... ...............but it must be hard when your in a place you don't have those feeling for..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 ..........when we emigrated 20+ years ago my OH went back to the uk every other year..........and his parents came every year over Christmas for 3 months..... .........but he never........and still doesn't want to return to live..... ...........my middle son who only ever lived in the uk for 2 years 3to 4 years old.... ...........wants to live in the uk and has been back several times..... ..............visiting lots of different places........something he wants to achieve by 30! .............he has no particular ties to the place......grandparents long gone.... ...............but loves it..... ..............I know many return for family........but I think you have to feel.....a homeness.... .............sometimes I envy those with a true feeling of home..... ...............but it must be hard when your in a place you don't have those feeling for..... I also went back every two years when Mum was alive. Don't feel the same pull to go back anymore. One son is now in Ireland and has done a fair bit of travelling in the UK and Europe. He would like to try Canada next. Second son has done the Europe backpacking thing but is happy here in Australia. Has a good job and a girlfriend so is settled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 There is no one answer about how anyone will feel about a visit (home!?), or how you will or won't settle in a new country. We were expats for 10 years, before retiring here, all our 3 grown up children were back by then in UK, we came to Oz on our own. No 1 son will never leave UK, OK it's his wife who would never contemplate it. The next 2 never settled back in the UK, both have followed us to Oz, made their lives here with no intention of ever going back. We have spent lots of time visiting UK over the last 23 years, our only grandchildren are there, we have a great time, spend between 2/3 months there most years, but can't wait to come home. Some posters will tell you they can't stand Australia, have likened it to being in jail, miss everything about UK, others like me would will prefer to never live in UK again. None of us is right or wrong, but I have never been rude about UK, whereas posters who are or were. unhappy here are more vocal. I'm sure you will have a great time, and be welcomed back by everyone, but remember most will make a great effort to see you, but how much did you see everyone before. Have a great holiday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 It's interesting talking about the first trip home because it was probably that first trip my parents made that planted the seed for me, I was only around 11 but it made me look at things differently. We are all different of course, some go to Australia and never look back while others can never settle, we are all different. I admit I was the same. If my parents hadn't come back for a year in 76 I would probably be in Australia now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Hi, there. I am a newbie but understand your feelings. Perhaps you are even wondering if, once back in the UK, you may feel you don't want to come back to Aust because of the pull on your feelings of seeing your parents again and the fact that you have settled here and are enjoying it. However, this is exactly the reason you must reverse that feeling and simply enjoy being there with your parents, seeing your old friends again, and just enjoying your homeland. We never know what is around the next corner, do we? So look forward to your trip, enjoy every moment, and then when the time comes to return, tearfully say goodbye, invite them to come and stay with you, if that is possible, and enjoy returning to your new life. The worst that can happen is that your parents perhaps might need your assistance in the future. If so, you would drop everything and go back as I had to do when my father became ill. We all face these things on occasion and it's just about being flexible enough to react to the occasion. So have a lovely trip and enjoy every moment! I have to say that is pretty much how I do my regular trips back to Perth. I enjoy them immensely, but it's not somewhere I want to live ATM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Sign of the times, I'm afraid. Ban what they don't agree with, as far easier than attempting to justify a particular stance. to be fair I think they did it to stop some of the dogfighting that was going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 I was once a fairly 'norm' thing to describe UK as home. Even those living here for ages and in cases those whom had never been.we have referred to both countries as home. We even went through a stage when my wife referred to Australia as home, and I referred to the UK as home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 to be fair I think they did it to stop some of the dogfighting that was going on. Dogfights will erupt. Just requires a bucker of cold water. Ban's should be a tool to rid dissent. Certain language can be but heated discussion never. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 we have referred to both countries as home. We even went through a stage when my wife referred to Australia as home, and I referred to the UK as home. I've referred to five countries as home to date and still feel connected with all. Two other countries, probably less time, never mastered the language, nor even close, not. Just places where I passed time, neither negative nor positive. Although I've felt at home in a few countries, it has been only one at a time. England is not home at the moment. Australia will not be home when/if I relocate. But I will remain connected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 we have referred to both countries as home. We even went through a stage when my wife referred to Australia as home, and I referred to the UK as home. I suspect it goes back to colonial times. Long service leave to return ' home' and the like. Folk living out in colonial Africa, India, Malaya would naturally consider UK home. I expect the time it took to establish a considered civilized standard of living in Australia, it would have been considered akin to. Traditions take time to dissolve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 We went back for our first trips in june just gone, went for 6 weeks after being here 3 years. We all loved it, even the kids who were only 1 & 3 when we left. My eldest said (6 at the time of the holiday) we didnt do the same thing twice on holiday, there was so much to do! They loved the late summers evenings, sleep overs at nanny and grandads, camping in the garden with cousins....all things they should really be doing as the norm...but hey, im working towards that! It didnt do me any favours though in terms of settling here, everyone said to me "once you go home and see the uk you will know why you left" quite the opposite infact, it made me wonder why we ever left, everything we could ever want or need is there, curiosity I guess. Same as me wattsy ....australia was very very good to me ....but,if its in you ,its in you . To succeed in oz ,you have to be focussed and self centred . Its just not me . Those that are made that way ,their time for reflection comes later on . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peach Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Why shouldn't he be allowed to post ? I don't agree with a lot of what he posts but see no reason why he shouldn't be able to. I assume you think the same about me as well lol. The fact that you've received lifetime bans at two forums, yet still have such a strong desire to make more posts under your new identity in 18 months than I have in seven years should tell you something... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Same as me wattsy ....australia was very very good to me ....but,if its in you ,its in you .To succeed in oz ,you have to be focussed and self centred . Its just not me . Those that are made that way ,their time for reflection comes later on . Australia has treated us well, both got good jobs, kids in good school, weve built a house...but after all this it still doesnt do it for me, not made me settle or feel any attachment to the country. Ive tried it and will have been here 4 years next year but still feel like I did the day we stepped off the plane. Nothing ventured, nothing gained though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 The fact that you've received lifetime bans at two forums, yet still have such a strong desire to make more posts under your new identity in 18 months than I have in seven years should tell you something... More question would be how are you privy to that. If true poor form to bring it up, as much as it is to personally vilify other posters, due to an apparent inability to debate the topic. About the only thing it tell me is another poster is more apt than you in contributing. How strange to bother pointing out the number of posts of another poster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BacktoDemocracy Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 (edited) The fact that you've received lifetime bans at two forums, yet still have such a strong desire to make more posts under your new identity in 18 months than I have in seven years should tell you something... I'm not quite sure of the relevance of that information, I think quite a few of us post a lot, in my case because I have time on my hands, but what does worry me is that there are posters who have a very one dimensional view of certain aspects of life and country and present those as facts rather than their opinions and views and use those as a way of dominating threads. In a sense that is not a problem but on a site where people are trying to make quite difficult decisions I feel it is a problem and I do wonder whether the mods are going to have to do a bit of fact checking on some of the claims that people are making on threads, very irritating for people and smacks of censorship but as I say people are looking for real information not fantasies. Another factor which I feel and would welcome others views on, is whether the number of posters is dwindling down. Edited November 24, 2016 by BacktoDemocracy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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