Quoll Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Sounds like it's nothing to do with the baby and all about whay you want. Kids don't miss what they don't have. Think back to when you were young, did you really see lots of your aunts and uncles and grandparents? Most don't and kids make friends wherever they are. Moving is always about what the parents want - how often do you see the "better future/lifestyle for the kids" trotted out when people want to move in the opposite direction? I think a lot of kids do enjoy growing up amongst extended family and that also provides potential support for young families - in most cases, far easier than doing it in isolation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 I have been wondering if it would be better for family to see baby whilst he is changing and developing so much then maybe move back to oz later on in life... But then on the other hand that gets family attached then taking him away from them. I'm sure the family is already attached and if you asked them, they would say not to worry about that aspect! The good thing would be that he would get to know his family. I see it from another angle: I lived in Australia for 30 years while my sisters were all having babies. I'm their auntie but none of them really feels an attachment to me, because i wasn't part of their family growing up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 I'm sure the family is already attached and if you asked them, they would say not to worry about that aspect! The good thing would be that he would get to know his family. I see it from another angle: I lived in Australia for 30 years while my sisters were all having babies. I'm their auntie but none of them really feels an attachment to me, because i wasn't part of their family growing up. You don't have to live on the other side of the world for that to happen, just have to have a sister in law who doesn't like you, and not prepared to bother with any contact, however hard we tried. Lots of us managed to bring up families with no family back up, I don't want to upset anyone, but I seriously don't understand this need to live near your mother, we moved almost every 2 years for years when our 3 children were small, I reckon my husband was away for half the time they were growing up, the same for loads of our friends, due to my husbands job, and we just got on with bringing our children up without this dependence on family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 You don't have to live on the other side of the world for that to happen, just have to have a sister in law who doesn't like you, and not prepared to bother with any contact, however hard we tried. Lots of us managed to bring up families with no family back up, I don't want to upset anyone, but I seriously don't understand this need to live near your mother, we moved almost every 2 years for years when our 3 children were small, I reckon my husband was away for half the time they were growing up, the same for loads of our friends, due to my husbands job, and we just got on with bringing our children up without this dependence on family. I have brought up my children (and am still doing that) on the other side of the world - away from my Mother and Father. However, I can only wish that I had been back in the UK and near them, as they have both passed (at a young age) away since I have been here. I totally understand the need to be close to a parent, I only wish that I had had that especially as I am a single parent. I am not a fan of the judging on here right now. Everybody is different and the need for family grows when there are children.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 I have brought up my children (and am still doing that) on the other side of the world - away from my Mother and Father. However, I can only wish that I had been back in the UK and near them, as they have both passed (at a young age) away since I have been here. I totally understand the need to be close to a parent, I only wish that I had had that especially as I am a single parent. I am not a fan of the judging on here right now. Everybody is different and the need for family grows when there are children.. Believe me Sammy I'm not judging, merely commenting that lots of us have had to cope without living near family. my mother was a single parent in the 1950's with absolutely no family support, so I grew up knowing that you can survive without family, not ideal, but that's life, just in case you thought I didn't understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northwind Posted April 13, 2016 Author Share Posted April 13, 2016 You don't have to live on the other side of the world for that to happen, just have to have a sister in law who doesn't like you, and not prepared to bother with any contact, however hard we tried. Lots of us managed to bring up families with no family back up, I don't want to upset anyone, but I seriously don't understand this need to live near your mother, we moved almost every 2 years for years when our 3 children were small, I reckon my husband was away for half the time they were growing up, the same for loads of our friends, due to my husbands job, and we just got on with bringing our children up without this dependence on family. It isn't about a need to live near my mother. I have managed it all on my own so far.. As much as I would have loved to have my mother at the labour and watch my child grow, I chose to be here. I am the child's mother and I won't and don't depend on other family members.. It is actually a lot more about others than myself.. After seeing the joy that he brought his grandparents (who are only getting older) their years are limited now and it makes me sad that they are missing out on beautiful memories with their grandchild. I also grew grew up loving the fact that I had lots of family around me and over time friends have come and gone but family is always there, it would be kind of sad if my child grew to not be close to any other family members, I think they will have an important input on his life. Those memories with grandparents and other family are special and always remembered.. And now I am here kind of answering my own question I guess! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 It isn't about a need to live near my mother. I have managed it all on my own so far.. As much as I would have loved to have my mother at the labour and watch my child grow, I chose to be here. I am the child's mother and I won't and don't depend on other family members..It is actually a lot more about others than myself.. After seeing the joy that he brought his grandparents (who are only getting older) their years are limited now and it makes me sad that they are missing out on beautiful memories with their grandchild. I also grew grew up loving the fact that I had lots of family around me and over time friends have come and gone but family is always there, it would be kind of sad if my child grew to not be close to any other family members, I think they will have an important input on his life. Those memories with grandparents and other family are special and always remembered.. And now I am here kind of answering my own question I guess! In case any one thinks I was personalising my reply, I wasn't. Over the years one of the main reasons posters want to return to UK is after having children they miss family especially their mother, I was trying to point out that there are other scenarios that you have to bring up children without family near. We are retired in our 70's and our only 2 grandchildren age 6 and 8 are in UK, and I accept that, so I am missing out, guess my time is limited ! but again that's life, I don't beat myself up about it, or expect my son to move here nor us there. We go to UK most years, enjoy our time with them, Skype regularly and we all accept that this is the way it is. I know Skype doesn't suit everyone, but it sure beats a tel. call. Or letter, but we do send postcards and funny cards, so different memories have to be made. Out 2 just take it as the norm, they chat away to us show us all sorts of things, and take it in their stride. It might sound sad or even a bit strange to some, but it beats my life when I lived in Germany as a child there was no contact ever with my grandfather in UK, it just wasn't viable. The world has changed people are more global, but communication is thankfully heaps better and it's easier to keep in touch, even if it means talking to each other via a screen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 Believe me Sammy I'm not judging, merely commenting that lots of us have had to cope without living near family.my mother was a single parent in the 1950's with absolutely no family support, so I grew up knowing that you can survive without family, not ideal, but that's life, just in case you thought I didn't understand. It's all ok. I am just going through one of my sad moments right now. I can't change the past, but it still hurts that I was stuck here and could do nothing and that I never got to say goodbye. People need to think more seriously about what emigration really means. I was young and to be honest thought of it as just another adventure. Ultimately, Australia has been good to me, but sacrifice has been involved on all levels. Oh well, I hope the OP finds the right path, but it is not an easy one when children are involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted April 13, 2016 Share Posted April 13, 2016 It's all ok. I am just going through one of my sad moments right now. I can't change the past, but it still hurts that I was stuck here and could do nothing and that I never got to say goodbye. People need to think more seriously about what emigration really means. I was young and to be honest thought of it as just another adventure. Ultimately, Australia has been good to me, but sacrifice has been involved on all levels. Oh well, I hope the OP finds the right path, but it is not an easy one when children are involved. I had actually gone back to UK on a trip when my mother died, had arranged to go to see her a couple of days after I got there. Had had a good chat on the phone, no inkling she was ill, and she died totally unexpectedly the next night. So in some ways that was almost worse, because I would have gone straight there had I known, I was so close but too late. So there are no easy answers, life can be tough, you make decisions and have to accept the consequences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Banana707 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Hi. Just wondered what you decided to do?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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